Abangane Bakho Abashadikazi Babizwa Ukuthi Iyayeka: Manje Yini?

-Delile

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Ngonyaka odlule, iqembu labangane baka-Abbe Wright lalibonakala liphelele. Lo mfana oneminyaka engu-28 ubudala waseBrooklyn wayezihlalela kakhulu nabangane bakhe abakhulu besikole samabanga aphakeme, uSarah noBrittany, namasoka abo, uPeter noPatrick, ngokulandelana - kwakuyisihlanu esihle. Kodwa ekupheleni konyaka, uBrithtany noPatrick bahlukana-futhi kwavela i-mayhem.

"Kwakunzima," kukhumbula u-Abbe, ochaza ukuthi ukuhlukana okwenzekile kwenzeka ezigabeni ezimbili. "U-Brittany wayelindele ukuthi mina no-Sarah sizoba nekhodi yamantombazane futhi singamboni u-Patrick. Kodwa sisondelene ngempela no-Patrick, kusobala, ngakho-ke sazizwa sivaleleke. U-Brittany wabe eseqala ukucela ukuthi amanqamuzana olwazi mayelana nempilo yakhe yothando ahlelwe phansi. Kwagcina ngokuthi, 'Ungamtsheli uPatrick ukuthi ngigcwalisa isikhala.' Sonke lesi simo besikhathaza futhi sicindezela kakhulu, ”kusho u-Abbe.

Ochwepheshe bathi ukubhekana nokuguquguquka kweqembu ngemva kokuhlukana komngane kuyisimo senhlalo esikhulayo ngenxa yesiko lanamuhla lokuhlangana. "Okwenzekayo ukuthi abantu abaningi bayazibandakanya emaqenjini amakhulu futhi bayathandana eqenjini ngoba ukuqomisana kuyinto engatheni manje," kuchaza uCarlin Flora, isazi sobungani nomlobi we I-Friendfluence: Izindlela Ezimangazayo Abangane Bethu Abasenza Ngayo Lokho Esiyikho. Lapha, izimo ezivame kakhulu zokuhlukana komngani-nokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nazo.

Isimo #1: Uzwa Ingcindezi Yokuthatha Izinhlangothi

Akudingeki ukuthi ulwe impi yokugcinwa kwabangane ukuze usekele izinhlangothi zombili-konke okumele ukwenze ukuxhumana. Okusemqoka ukuthi uthembeke futhi uhlonipheke, futhi unganyonyobeli ngasese. "Kungenzeka ukuthi, ngokwemvelo ungadonsela kwelinye iqembu kancane kancane kunelinye, futhi lokho kulungile. Kodwa noma yini oyenzayo, qiniseka ukusho okuthile kubo bobabili abangane abanjengo, 'Ngiyaqonda ukuthi kungaba nzima kuwe uma ngisahlala noMark ngezikhathi ezithile. Kodwa nami nginobudlelwano obuhle naye futhi ngifuna ukukugcina-ngiyethemba uyabona ukuthi lokhu akususi ukwesekwa kwami ​​kuwe, "kweluleka u-Andrea Bonior, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo nomlobi Ukulungiswa Kobungani. Umngani wakho angahle aphatheke kabi ekuqaleni ("Angikholwa ukuthi usalenga ne-ex yami!"), Kepha ekugcineni, leyo mizwa isuselwe ebuhlungwini bokudilika okuxakile-futhi umuntu wakho uzobona ukuthi uma evela umhubhe wokuhlukana.

Isimo # 2: Ufuna Ukuzihlukanisa Negativity

Imvamisa, phakathi kwezinxushunxushu zokwehlukana, zombili izinhlangothi zizokhuluma ngomunye. Kakhulu. Futhi lokhu kungadala indawo enesimo, um, evuthisiwe. Eqinisweni, i-vibe enobuthi ingaba namandla kangangokuba ingakubangela ukuthi ufune ukugijima ngaphansi kwegquma futhi ucashe kunokuba uxhase ama-buds akho. Yilokho okwenzeka ku-Alison, oneminyaka engu-33 ubudala waseManhattan. “Enhliziyweni yami, ngangifuna ukuba khona kuzo zombili, kodwa kwakushubile kangangokuthi ngangifuna nje ukubhoboza ngingahlangani nhlobo,” uyavuma. Iseluleko esihle kakhulu? Ungabagwemi abangane bakho-bakudinga kakhulu kunakuqala. Kunalokho, hlala ungathathi hlangothi ngokunikela ngokulalela kuphela. "Ithi, ‘Ngilapha ngenxa yakho, futhi ngithola ukuthi kuyasiza ukuphumela obala. Kodwa ngicabanga ukuthi kuzosiza kakhulu uma ngilalela nje,’” kweluleka uBonior. Kungenzeka ukuthi bazojabula ngokukusebenzisa njengebhodi elizwakalayo. Ngale ndlela, ngeke ububeke engcupheni ubungani bakho nomuntu-futhi kuzoba lula ukubulondoloza bobabili ubudlelwano ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Isimo # 3: Ubungani Bakho Nazo Zombili Izinhlaka Bazizwa Bungakhululekile

Lapho abangane bakho abasondelene behlukana, uzozithola ubhekene nemiphumela emibi ongayilindele, njengayo yonke into ye-imeyili yeqembu. Okwake kwaba "ukuthumela" okusheshayo nokulula manje osekuphenduke kube: "Ngifaka ubani ohlwini?" Noma wazi ukuthi babhekene nobuhlungu obukhulu, ingxenye yakho ingase ibacasule ngokuqeda inkathi yabo bonke, kusho uFlora. Kodwa ukuthi izinto ngeke zifane akusho ukuthi ngeke zilunge. Ukubheja kwakho okuhle ukukunika isikhathi; babambe iqhaza emisebenzini yeqembu baze babe nesikhathi sokululama futhi banqume ukuthi bazokusingatha kanjani ukusetha okusha. "Ukusungula okujwayelekile okusha akwenzeki ngokuphazima kweso. Abangane bakho bangase bazizwe bedangele kakhulu noma becindezelekile ukuba bangahlanganyela nabanye—ngisho bebodwa—ngezindlela ababezenza ngayo ngaphambili,” kuchaza uBonior. Yiba nesineke, futhi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uzothola ukuthi yini abayidingayo kuwe. Endabeni ka-Abbe, uBrittany usanda kuqala ukuthandana nomfana omusha, futhi ubelokhu emletha emaqenjini e-hangs-ngisho noPatrick lapho. "Nakanjani kusesexakile kancane, kodwa wonke umuntu uzama ukuvuthwa. Ngijabule kakhulu ukuthi singaphinda sihlanganyele futhi. Izinto ngeke ziphinde zifane nakuzo, kodwa lokho kuyimpilo, futhi lokhu sikwenza kube okusha umsebenzi onamandla,” kusho yena.

Amagama abangane baka-Abbe ashintshiwe ngezizathu zobumfihlo.

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