Izizathu Ezingu-5 Okungafanele Uvumele Abangane Bakho Bakumise

-Delile

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Ngesinye isikhathi empilweni yakho, kungenzeka wake wacabanga ukuthi abangane bakho bazokusethela usuku noma wenze ukufanisa. Kubonakala kuwumqondo omuhle kangako-uma ungumngane wabo bobabili, kumele babe nokufana okuningi futhi mhlawumbe bazokushaya, akunjalo? Hhayi impela. Ucwaningo olusha oluvela eHarvard Business School luthole ukuthi ukwenza umentshisi kuletha injabulo kubalingisi kodwa hhayi kubantu abasethayo. [Thwebula leli qiniso!]

"Nakuba kubonakala sengathi abangani bakho bangaba abalingani bokugcina ngoba bakwazi kahle wena nezinto ozithandayo, iqiniso liwukuthi ukukumisa kungaholela ezimweni eziningi ezilimazayo," kusho uChristie Hartman, Ph.D. , isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kanye nesazi sokuqomisana e-Denver. Cabanga ngalezi zinto ezinhlanu bese ucabanga kabili ngaphambi kokuvumela abangane bakho badlale iCupid.

1. Kungadala Ukonakala Kubungani Bakho

Yisho umngane wakho ukuthi uyaxoxa nomngane wakhe uJohn. Muhle-waze, ngokungazelele, akunikeze amandla. Uphendukela kumngani wakho ukuze uthole ukwesekwa, kepha esikhundleni sokufika ezingeni lakho, uyanhlanhlatha athi uyaphuma kulokhu okushiya uvutha. "Lapho umngane wakho ekumisela, ngokuzenzekelayo uba umuntu ophakathi nendawo, okungadala ukungezwani okukhulu phakathi kwenu nobabili," kusho u-Hartman. "Ungagcina usumthwalisa umthwalo uma isimo singalungi, kanti empeleni umphumela wokugcina awulona iphutha lakhe." Futhi lowo mdlalo wokusola ungabucindezela kakhulu ubungane bakho.

Enye indlela isethaphu engalimaza ngayo i-BFF yakho uma ucabanga ukuthi umdlalo wakho uyi-dud ephelele futhi awukholwa ukuthi umcabango wokuthi ubenele ngokwanele ukuthi ungene ebuchosheni bakhe okwesikhashana. UHartman uthi: “Uma umngane wakho ekuhlalisa ngomuntu ongavumelani nezindinganiso zakho, ungase uphethe ngokuthi akacabangi ukuthi ungumuntu ongcono kunawe. Futhi ngisho noma lokho kuwukucabangela okungamanga ngasohlangothini lwakho, iqiniso lokuthi ucabanga ukuthi kungase kube yiqiniso lanele ukuvusa impi engadingekile futhi engase ibe yingozi.

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2. Uzizwa Ucindezelekile Ukuze Ungene Ebudlelwaneni

Ake sithi esikhundleni sokuthi uJohn akunike umoya, uyakhathala ngaye bese uyaphela. Kepha uzizwa unecala kakhulu ngokuqeda ngaye njengoba "esemndenini" uze uvumele izinto zidlalele isikhathi eside kunaleso ebekufanele. "Uma uvumela abangani bakho bakumiselele, ugcina ufaka engcupheni inkululeko yakho yokuphola ngoba uzizwa sengathi ubakweleta bona ukunika abangane babo amathuba amade kunaleyo ongayinika abanye," kuchaza uMarni Battista, umqeqeshi wokuphola nobudlelwano. e-Los Angeles nomsunguli we-Dating with Dignity. Ukuzizwa uboshiwe kungase kubangele ukuthi uphathe indoda okukhulunywa ngayo kabi ngenxa yokukhungatheka, u-Battista uyanezela, okungase kumlimaze kakhulu kunokuba ubunqamula ubuhlobo ngesikhathi esifanele.

3. Kufiphaza ukwahlulela kwakho

Ingcindezi efanayo "emndenini" ingaba nomthelela ophambene kuwe: Njengoba u-John ehlolwe ngaphambilini, kulula ukugxumela esiphethweni sokuthi uzomxosha ngokuzenzakalelayo. Ngaphambi kokuthi wazi, uphupha ngezinsuku eziphindwe kabili ezimangalisayo ozoqhubeka ngazo nomngani wakho nesoka lakhe - futhi mhlawumbe namagama omshado nawomntwana wakho. Yehlisa ijubane, ntombazane! "Inkinga ngokulindela okukhulu ukuthi bangakwenza kube nzima ukuthi uthathe izinto njengoba ziza, futhi kube nzima ukuthi ukwazi ukubona ukuthi nobabili aninakulingani kahle yini," kusho uHartman. Ngenxa yokuthi ufuna izinto zihambe kabi, ungase uzame ukuphoqa ukuxhumana okungekho. Noma okubi kakhulu, ungagcina uwa ngomqondo ngaye kunokuba umbone uqobo, ongaba ngumuntu ongakulungele. Noma ngabe yisiphi isimo, i-bummer ukuthi uma ukhuphuka okulindelwe, uzozizwa udumele kakhulu lapho kungasebenzi-noma ngabe ubengekho umdlalo omuhle kusukela ekuqaliseni. [Thwebula leli qiniso!]

4. Umngane Wakho Angaba Nezisusa Ezingajwayelekile

Kungenzeka ukuthi umngane wakho uzama ukukumisa ecabanga ngezintshisekelo zakho ezinhle kuphela. Nokho-ke mancane amathuba okuthi angase amnyathele uJohn futhi nganoma yisiphi isizathu akazizwa ekhululekile ukuya kuye ngokuqondile-ngakho unquma ukukumisa naye, ngaleyo ndlela uzoba nokuthile angakhuluma ngakho naye. "Ngikubona lokhu kakhulu kumakhasimende ami," kusho u-Battista. "Okwenzekayo ukuthi umngane uqala ukukhuluma kakhulu nalo mfana, ngakho uba umngane wakhe, ngaleyo ndlela edala umuzwa wokusondelana-mbumbulu." Futhi usale ungenabo ubuhlobo obuseduze obukufanele.

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5. Kunzima Ukubhekana Nokwehlukaniswa

Imvamisa uma uqeda izinto nomuntu, ungenza ishaneli yezokuxhumana ehlanzekile futhi ungamlandeli ku-Instagram nakuTwitter futhi umenze umngani kuFacebook. Kepha uma abangane bomfana nomngani wakho, usazombona ku-inthanethi futhi uqobo. "Ukuthandana nomngani womngane kwenza ukuhlukana kube nzima kakhulu ngoba uyaqhubeka nokuzwa izindaba ezincane ngaye emvinini, futhi angase avele ezithombeni ze-Facebook ngisho noma ungasebona abangani naye," kusho uBattista. Ngamanye amazwi, uhlezi ekhona, okwenza kube nzima ukuthi uye phambili.

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