Amathiphu ayi-9 Wokutakula Ngokuhlukunyezwa KweNarcissistic

-Delile

• Vuma futhi wamukele ukuhlukunyezwa
• Setha imingcele yakho bese uyisho ngokucacile
• Lungiselela imizwa eyinkimbinkimbi
• Funa ubuwena
• Zijwayeze ukuzwela
• Qonda ukuthi imizwa yakho ingahlala isikhathi eside
• Zinakekele
• Khuluma nabanye
• Thola ukwesekwa kochwepheshe

Uma usanda kubuqeda ubudlelwano obunobuthi nomuntu onezici zobudlabha, kungenzeka ukuthi ubhekene nokulimala okuningi nokudideka.

Noma wazi, ekujuleni kwenhliziyo, ukuthi bekungafanele ubekwe icala, ukukholwa ukuthi le nto kaningi kuyenye indaba ngokuphelele.

Ukuzibuza ukuthi yini obungayenza ngokuhlukile ukuvimbela ukuhlukunyezwa noma ukusiza othandekayo wakho ukuba abhekane nezinkinga zabo kunganezela ekuxakaneni kwakho kwemizwa.

Ubudlelwano obunobuthi futhi buhlanganyela ngokufana nokulutha, kuchaza u-Ellen Biros, owelapha eSuwanee, eGeorgia, ogxile ekusizeni abantu ukuthi balulame ebudlelwaneni obuhlukumezayo.

“Ubudlelwano buyadakwa. Kukhona ukuqiniswa okufika ngezikhathi ezithile, futhi kunehlazo elikhulu nokuzizwa unecala ngobudlelwano, ”kusho uBiros.

Lezi zinto zingaqala ukusebenza njengoba uzama ukululama.

Uyazi ubudlelwano bebungebuhle. Uyazi ukuthi bakuphathe kabi. Kodwa namanje awukwazi ukuzamazamisa izinkumbulo zakho zendlela owawuzizwa ngayo ekuqaleni nezikhathi ezimnandi owawunazo.

Lezi zinkumbulo zingaholela ekubeni ufune inkampani yabo futhi uzizwe sengathi ungenza noma yini ukuze uthole uthando nemvume yabo futhi.

Ukuhlukumeza kuvame ukuhlukumeza kakhulu, futhi inqubo yokwelashwa ingathatha isikhashana.

Uma uzizwa ulahlekile, amathiphu angezansi angakusiza ukuthi uthathe izinyathelo zakho zokuqala endleleni yokululama.

Vuma futhi wamukele ukuhlukunyezwa

Ukwazi ukuthi wake wahlukunyezwa, kungaba ngumlingani othandana naye, ilungu lomndeni, noma umngani, kuyisinyathelo sokuqala esibalulekile sokululama.

Ekuqaleni kwenqubo yokuphulukisa, ungaba nobunzima bokubeka eceleni izaba kanye nezaba ezingaba khona zokuziphatha komunye umuntu.

Eqinisweni, ungazizwa uzimisele ngokuphelele ukusola wena, inqobo nje uma kusho ukuthi akudingeki uvume umuntu omthandayo ekulimaza ngamabomu.

Lokhu kujwayelekile futhi kuyaqondakala ngokuphelele.

Ukwenqaba kungakuvikela, ngandlela thile. Uthando oluqinile lwezothando noma lomndeni lusibekela iqiniso kubantu abaningi.

Kunzima futhi ukwamukela ukuthi abanye abantu kubonakala nje ukuthi abanendaba lapho bezwisa abanye ubuhlungu.

Kepha ukuphika okwenzekile kukuvimbela ekubhekaneni nakho nasekuphulukisweni kukho. Kungakusetha futhi ukuthi uzwe ubuhlungu obuningi ngokuzayo.

Uma wazi ukuthi othandekayo wakho ubhekane nokukhathazeka okungokomzwelo okwakhe, ungahle uzwelane nalezi zinkinga futhi ufune ukubanika ithuba lesibili.

Uzwelo alusoze lwenza iphutha, kepha izingqinamba zempilo yengqondo azikuthetheleli ukuhlukunyezwa. Ungahlala ubakhuthaza ukuthi bafune ukwesekwa - ngenkathi udala isikhala esanele sokuzigcina uphephile.

"Zihlomise ngemfundo mayelana nokuziphatha kobudlwangudlwangu," kuncoma uBiros.

Ukufunda ukukhomba amaqhinga avame ukusetshenziswa ngabantu abane-narcissism kungenza kube lula ukwamukela ulwazi lwakho.

Setha imingcele yakho bese uyisho ngokucacile

Ochwepheshe bezokwelapha kanye nochwepheshe bokuthola ukuhlukunyezwa bavame ukuncoma ukuthi unqamule konke ukuxhumana nomlingani wakho wangaphambili ngemuva kokuqeda ubuhlobo, lapho kungenzeka khona.

Ukungayi koxhumana naye akuyona nje umngcele wabo. Futhi kungumngcele wakho, ongawuthola unzima ngokwedlulele ekuqaleni.

Kuvamile ukuzizwa ulingeka ukufinyelela noma ukuphendula izingcingo nemiyalezo, ikakhulukazi uma bexolisa ngobuqotho futhi bethembisa ukushintsha.

Ukuvimba izinombolo zabo, ikheli le-imeyili, nama-akhawunti wezokuxhumana kungakusiza ugweme ukuvumela lesi silingo.

Khumbula ukuthi basengazama ukuxhumana nawe ngeminye imizila, ngakho-ke kungasiza ukuba nohlelo lokuthi uzobhekana kanjani nalokhu.

Kodwa ukungahambisani naye akunakwenzeka kuzo zonke izimo. Mhlawumbe unezingane nabo, noma bayilungu lomndeni oyobabona ngezikhathi ezithile emibuthanweni.

Uma kunjalo, cabanga ngalokho okudingayo nokudingayo: “Ngifanele ukuphathwa ngenhlonipho.”

Bese ukuguqula lokho kube umngcele: "Ngizimisele ukuba nengxoxo nawe, kodwa uma umemeza, uthuka, noma ungibiza ngamagama, ngizohamba ngokushesha."

Ukuze uzenzele isikhala nebanga elibalulekile, futhi cabanga ngemingcele yomuntu siqu, efana nale:

• ukungabelani ngemininingwane yomuntu (isinyathelo esiyinhloko ekuzanyazanyisweni okumpunga)
• kukhawulela ukuxhumana kupulatifomu eyodwa, njengekheli le-imeyili ongalisebenziseli okunye

Lungiselela imizwa eyinkimbinkimbi

Ukuhlukana okuningi kubandakanya imizwa ebuhlungu, kufaka phakathi:

• usizi nokulahlekelwa
• ukushaqeka
• intukuthelo
• ukudabuka noma imizwa yokudangala

Ngemuva kokuqeda ubudlelwano obukhonjiswa ukuhlukunyezwa ngokweqile, ungakuthola lokhu kanye nezinye izinhlobo zokucindezeleka ngokomzwelo, uBiros uyachaza.

Lokhu kufaka:

• ukukhathazeka
• uvalo
• ukuphambana
• amahloni

Ukuhlukumezeka kobudlelwano obunobuthi nakho kungakushiya unezimpawu zesifo sokucindezeleka kwangemva kokuhlukumezeka (PTSD).

Abantu abanobuthi bangadala ubuhlungu obukhulu. Kepha futhi banekhono lokukwenza ukholelwe eqinisweni labo.

Ngakho-ke ngenkathi kungenzeka ukuthi uthole amanxeba ajulile angokomzwelo, ungahle ungabaze izenzo zakho.

Uthando lwakho ngabo lungakwenza ukuthi uqiniseke ukuthi kube yiphutha lakho ukuthi bakusebenzise futhi bakuphathe kabi.

Ukuqeda ubuhlobo bomndeni obunobuthi nakho kungadala imizwa yecala noma yokungathembeki.

Lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho okuvamile ngokomzwelo. Ukusebenza ngabo kuphela akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi, noma kunjalo, ikakhulukazi uma uzizwa udidekile ngamaqhinga okukhohlisa.

Umelaphi anganikeza ukusekelwa njengoba uqala ukuzula kule mizwa eyinkimbinkimbi.

Funa ubuwena

Abantu abanezici zobudlova bavame ukulindela ukuthi abanye baziphathe ngezindlela ezithile. Babukela phansi ngonya noma bagxeke abantu ngokwehluleka ukuhlangabezana nalezi zindinganiso. Nakhu ukuthi kungabukeka kanjani:

• Owayekade exhumene naye uthe izinwele zakho zibukeka “zingenangqondo futhi zimbi,” ngakho uzishintshile.
• Umzali wakho wayehlala ekutshela ukuthi “uyisiwula” kangakanani “ngokuchitha isikhathi” emculweni, ngakho-ke uyeke ukudlala upiyano.
• Bangazama ukulawula isikhathi sakho futhi bakugweme ekuboneni abangane noma ekuhlanganyeleni emisebenzini wedwa.

Uma ushintshe ukubukeka kwakho nesitayela sakho noma ulahlekelwe izinto obukade uzazisa ngenxa yalokhu kukhwabanisa, ungahle uzizwe sengathi awusazazi kahle.

Ingxenye yokutakula ifaka ukuzijwayeza wena uqobo, noma ukuthola ukuthi yini oyithandayo, ukuthi ufuna ukusisebenzisa kanjani isikhathi sakho, nokuthi ufuna ukusisebenzisa nobani.

UBiros uncoma ukugwema ukuphola nokwakha ubudlelwano obusha phakathi nesikhathi sokululama.

Usalulama, phela. Ukuzihlola nokwakha ubuhlobo bakho nawe kungakwenza ube sengozini enkulu.

Zijwayeze ukuzwela

Lapho usuvumile ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho bebuhlukumeza, ungahle ube nokugxekwa okuningi ngokwakho.

Kepha khumbula, akekho umuntu ofanelwe ukuhlukunyezwa, futhi nokuziphatha kwabo kufanele hhayi iphutha lakho.

Esikhundleni sokuzibeka icala ngokuwela ekukhohliseni kwabo noma ngokuzigweba uzivumele ubavumele bakuphathe kabi isikhathi eside, zinikeze intethelelo esikhundleni salokho.

Awukwazi ukuguqula okwedlule, futhi awukwazi ukushintsha indlela yokuziphatha noma izenzo zabo. Unamandla ngaphezu kwakho kuphela.

Kepha ungawasebenzisa la mandla ukwenza ukhetho lokuhlonipha izidingo zakho, njengenhlonipho, injabulo nothando olunempilo.

Zincome ngokukhetha ukuqeda ubudlelwano, futhi uzikhuthaze ukuthi unamathele kuleso sinqumo.

Lapho uzizwa uzenyeza, zama ukuphinda imantra efana nokuthi “Nginamandla,” “Ngiyathandwa,” noma “Nginesibindi.”

Qonda ukuthi imizwa yakho ingahlala isikhathi eside

Uthando lungaba nzima, ngokwengxenye ngoba awukwazi ukulilawula ngempela.

Ngeke uhlale uyeka ukuthanda umuntu, ngisho nomuntu okuzwisa ubuhlungu.

Ngemuva kokuqeda ubudlelwano, ungaqhubeka ubambe izinkumbulo ezinhle futhi ufise sengathi ungaphinde uzithole lezo zinsuku futhi.

Kepha kubalulekile ukuthi wazi ukuthi awudingi ukuyeka ukuthanda umuntu ukuze uqale ukwelashwa. Ukulindela lokho kwenzeke kungavimba inqubo yokutakula.

Wena can qhubeka nokuthanda umuntu ngenkathi ubona ukuziphatha kwakhe kukwenza kungabi lula ngawe ukugcina ubuhlobo nabo ngokuphepha.

Kwesinye isikhathi, ukwamukela lolu lwazi kungaqaqa ukuxhumeka okungokomzwelo okusiza uzizwe ukwazi ukuzikhipha ebudlelwaneni.

Zinakekele

Imikhuba emihle yokuzinakekela ingenza umehluko omkhulu ekululameni kwakho. Ukuzinakekela kubandakanya ukuhlangabezana nezidingo zakho ezingokomzwelo nezingokomzimba.

Lokho kungafaka izinto ezifana:

• ukulala ngokwanele ngokwanele
• ukuphumula lapho usindwa noma ucindezelekile
• ukwenza isikhathi sokuzilibazisa neminye imisebenzi oyithandayo
• ukuxhumana nabathandekayo
• usebenzisa amakhono okubhekana nokuphatha imicabango ecindezelayo
• ukudla ukudla okulinganiselayo
• ukuhlala usebenza

Ingqondo nomzimba wakho kuyasizana, ngakho-ke ukunakekela izidingo ezingokwenyama kungakusiza uzizwe unamandla futhi uhlonyiselwe ukubhekana nokukhathazeka ngokomzwelo.

Khuluma nabanye

Ukuvulela abangane abasekelayo namalungu omndeni kungakusiza ukuthi uzizwe ungasodwa lapho uphulukisa.

Abantu abakukhathalelayo banga:

• nikela uzwela
• qinisekisa ubuhlungu obuzwayo
• ukusiza ukukuphazamisa noma unikeze inkampani ngezinsuku ezinzima
• kukukhumbuze ukuthi ukuhlukunyezwa bekungelona iphutha lakho

Kepha abanye abantu empilweni yakho kungenzeka bangakunikeli ukusekelwa okuningi (noma okunye).

Amanye amalungu omndeni angathatha uhlangothi lomuntu ohlukumezayo. Abangane bobabili bangaxhasa owesilisa owayehlukumeza.

Lokhu kungadala ukudideka okuningi futhi kulimaze. Kaningi kuyasiza ukubeka imingcele ngesikhathi sakho nalaba bantu njengoba usebenzela ukuthola kabusha.

Isibonelo, ungabacela ukuthi bangasho umuntu oseduze kwakho, noma ukugweme ukuhlanganyela imibono yabo mayelana nalesi simo nawe.

Uma bengayihloniphi leyo mingcele, cabanga ukunciphisa isikhathi osichitha nabo.

Amaqembu okusekela nawo ahlinzeka ngethuba lokuqeda ukuthula kwakho mayelana nokuhlukunyezwa okwehlele.

Eqenjini lokusekela, ungabelana ngendaba yakho nabanye futhi abazama ukuphulukisa.

UBiros uncoma:

• INarcissist Abuse Support, iwebhusayithi enikezela ngolwazi nezinsizakusebenza mayelana nokuhlukunyezwa kwe-narcissistic
• amavidiyo womqeqeshi wempilo nomlobi uLisa A. Romano wama-YouTube mayelana nokululama kubudlelwano obunobuthi
• I-Queen Beeing, iqembu lokuvikela eliphephile, elizimele nelikhululekile labantu abalulama ekuhlukunyezweni okwenziwa yizinhlekelele
• Amaqembu e-Meetup abasindile be-narcissism

Thola ukwesekwa kochwepheshe

Ukukhuluma nodokotela ngamunye kungakusiza uthathe isinyathelo esibalulekile ekuthuthukiseni inhlalakahle engokomzwelo.

Uma ukuthole kunzima ukushiya umuntu ekuhlukumeza, noma usunemicabango yokumnika elinye ithuba, umelaphi angakusiza ukuthi ubone izizathu zale mizwa futhi wakhe uhlelo lokugwema ukukhetha okungasizi ngokuzayo.

Umelaphi futhi anganikeza ukuholwa nge:

• ukwakha amakhono amasha okubhekana nokubhekana nesimo
• ukutshela abantu ngokuhlukunyezwa
• ukulwa kunxusa ukuxhumana nomuntu okuhlukumezayo
• ukubhekana nokudangala, ukukhathazeka, noma ezinye izimpawu zempilo yengqondo
• ukunqoba imicabango yokuzibulala noma ukuzilimaza

UBiros uchaza ukuthi ukwelashwa kungakusiza futhi uqonde izinto ezingumgogodla ezingakwenza ube sengozini yokuthambekela kokuhlukunyezwa.

Ukufingqa, ukwelashwa kunikeza indawo ephephile lapho uchwepheshe oqeqeshiwe, onozwela angakusiza ukuthi uhlole futhi uqonde ukumosheka kwemizwelo onenkinga yokukhipha.

Wena can phola, yize kungenzeki ngokushesha. Umelaphi angakusiza uzizwe wesekelwa kakhulu njengoba uqala uhambo.

UCrystal Raypole wake wasebenza njengombhali nomhleli weGoodTherapy. Imikhakha yakhe enentshisekelo ifaka izilimi nezincwadi zase-Asia, ukuhunyushwa kwesiJapane, ukupheka, isayensi yemvelo, ukuzethemba ngocansi, nempilo yengqondo. Ngokukhethekile, uzibophezele ekusizeni ukunciphisa ukucwaswa okuzungeze izingqinamba zezempilo yengqondo.