Kungani Ukuhlambalaza Umzimba Kuyinkinga Enkulu Kangaka (nokuthi Ongakwenza Ukukumisa)

-Delile

• Umthelela Wangempela Wokujabha Umzimba
• Kungani Abantu Bekwenza
• Cha, Awuyikhathaleli "Impilo" Yakhe
• Okumele Kushintshwe
• Buyekeza kwe-

Noma ukunyakaza komzimba kanye nokuzithanda sekuthole ukudonseka okumangalisayo, kusekhona kakhulu umsebenzi okufanele wenziwe-ngisho nasemphakathini wethu. Nakuba sibona amazwana amahle, asekelayo ekubhaleni kwethu ezingosini zokuxhumana kunokungalungile, okuyihlazo, ngisho nesenzakalo esisodwa sokuhlazisa umzimba siningi kakhulu. Futhi masicacise, kunokuningi. Sibona imibono ethi abesifazane esibafaka engosini yethu nasezinkundleni zokuxhumana bafaneleke kakhulu, bakhulu kakhulu, bancane kakhulu, usho lokho.

Futhi iyama manje.

Umumo iyindawo ephephile yabesifazane bazo zonke izimo, ubukhulu, imibala, namazinga ekhono. Sekuyiminyaka, sisebenza kanzima ukukhuthaza abesifazane ukuthi bamukele imizimba yabo futhi baziqhenye ngokuthi bangobani. Futhi ngenkathi sonke simayelana nalolo thando lwangaphakathi (hlola i- # LoveMyShape ukuthola okuningi ngalokho), ukubonwa kwethu kusikhombisa ukuthi sidinga ukugqugquzela ukuthatha leyo migomo efanayo yokwamukelwa, uthando nokubekezelelana nokuyisebenzisa. ngaphandle, futhi. Ukuhumusha: Ngenkathi kufanele amaphesenti ayi-100 aqhubeke nokusebenza ukuthanda umzimba wakho, kubaluleke ngokulinganayo ukungabi yisicefe kulabo ababukeka behlukile kunawe. Leyo ngxenye yokugcina ibalulekile, ngakho-ke funda futhi uma udinga: Akusekho ukubhuqa ngeminye imizimba yabesifazane.

Manje, siyazi ukuthi ucabangani: Mina ?! Angikaze. Into ukuthi, awudingi ukuba yi-troll ehlala egumbini elingaphansi ukuze uphawule kabi ngomzimba womunye umuntu. Sibona imibono eningi ebonakala ngathi "ayinacala" ngaso sonke isikhathi. Izinto ezinjengokuthi, "Ngikhathazekile nje ngempilo yakhe" noma "Ngifisa sengathi angayigqoki leyo." Nakhu ukuthi kungani lokho kuseyinkinga:

Umthelela Wangempela Wokujabha Umzimba

"Ngihlazekile emzimbeni ezinkundleni zokuxhumana nasebusweni," kusho uJacqueline Adan, ummeli wokulunga komzimba owehlise amakhilogremu angama-350. "Ngikhonjwe futhi ngihlekwa, futhi ngibuzwa ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuthi yini engalungile ngomzimba wami; kungani kubukeka 'kubi futhi kubi kakhulu.' Ngitshelwa ukuthi ngiyivale ngoba iyanyanyisa futhi akekho ofuna ukuyibona."

Amazwana mayelana nenselelo yethu yakamuva yengalo yengalo kuvidiyo ye-Facebook kaKira Stokes, umqeqeshi osaziwayo nomqambi we-The Stoked Method, akwenza kwacaca ukuthi ochwepheshe bokufaneleka batshelwa ukuthi kukhona okungalungile emizimbeni yabo, futhi-ukuthi abenzi izinto "ngendlela efanele" indlela noma ukuzinakekela "kahle." Yini ongayiboni kuvidiyo noma kumazwana abekiwe? UStokes akalindele ukuthi abanye babukeke noma bafaneleke njengaye—ube namandla futhi ehambisana nokufaneleka impilo yakhe yonke, futhi uyazi ukuthi wonke umuntu usohambweni lwakhe siqu. "Ngivame ukusebenzisa i-hashtag #doyou kokuthunyelwe kwami ​​kwezenhlalo, ngoba angisho ukuthi lokhu kumele kube nguwe noma udinga ukubukeka njengami. Ngithi yenza okukusebenzelayo."

I-Morit Summers, umqeqeshi womuntu siqu oqinisekisiwe kanye nomqeqeshi we-CrossFit, uhlangabezane nokuhlazeka."Abantu abenza imibono ngempilo yabanye abantu kwi-internet bahlala becabanga ukuthi ngoba umuntu unesisindo esingaphezu komuntu olandelayo, akunampilo," kusho uSummers. U-Summers uvame ukuthola ukuphawula okubuza ukufaneleka kwakhe nakuba engumqeqeshi oqeqeshiwe.

Kungani Abantu Bekwenza

"Kukhona uhla losayizi lwabesifazane umphakathi oluthathe njengolwamukelekayo, futhi noma yini engaphezulu noma engaphansi kwalolo hlu ivulekele ukuhlazeka komphakathi," kusho uKatie Willcox, oyisibonelo senhlangano yezempilo i-Healthy Is the New Skinny, kanye no-CEO we-Natural Model Management . "Bengijwayele ukuthengisa izingubo zokubhukuda bese ngithumela isithombe sami ngise swimsuit ebesithola imibono emihle kuphela. Bese, ngithumela enye yezinhlobo zethu ezivela kwa Natural Models osayizi abakhulu abayi-2 ngobukhulu nangobunzima kunami engikubo swimsuit efanayo, futhi yena Yonke into isuka kokuthi 'Akaphilile' kuya 'Ingabe ukukhuluphala kuyisikhumba esisha?' futhi 'Akufanele ayigqoke leyo.' "

Kukhona futhi okuthile okubizwa ngokuthi yi-attribution theory okufaka lapha. Kalula nje, abantu bathambekele ekusoleni abanye ngezinto abazibona zingaphezu kwamandla abo. "Uma kukhulunywa ngokuhlazeka komzimba, lokhu kusho ukuthi abantu bazama ukuthola ukuthi izimbangela zokungahambisani nomzimba zibhekene nalowo muntu noma into engekho ezandleni zakhe," kusho uSamantha Kwan, Ph.D., isazi sezenhlalo nomlobi we Ukumelana Okuhlanganisiwe: Ukuphonsela Inselelo Izimo, Ukwephula Imithetho. “Ngakho-ke uma owesifazane ebonakala ‘ekhuluphele’ ngenxa yokuthi akanamandla okudla ‘ngokufanelekile’ nokuzivocavoca njalo, uzohlolwa ukuthi ungcono kangakanani kunowesifazane obhekwa ‘njengokhuluphele’ ngenxa yesimo sezindlala.

Lokho kusho ukuthi inqubo yokucabanga yokuhlazisa umzimba umuntu okhuluphele ihamba into enjengale: Okokuqala, umkhohlisi ucabanga ukuthi: "Kulungile, lo muntu ukhuluphele futhi mhlawumbe yiphutha labo ngoba benza okuthile okungalungile." Bese-futhi lena yingxenye esetshenziswe kakhulu esikhundleni sokuhlala nje nalowomcabango nokunaka ibhizinisi labo, banquma "ukwenza" okuthile ngakho. Kungani? Ngoba iMelika iyabazonda abesifazane abakhuluphele. Ngabe uthatha isikhala esiningi futhi ungaxolisi ngakho? Umphakathi wonkana uthi ufanelwe ukwehliswa, ngoba abesifazane kufanele "babe nakho konke" ngenkathi bezenza bebancane futhi bengabonakali kahle ngangokunokwenzeka.

Ngamanye amagama, uma indlela umzimba wakho ongahambisani ubonakala ngayo "njengephutha lakho," khona-ke abantu babona ukuphawula okuyihlazo lomzimba njengendlela yokukubopha "unesibopho" sezenzo zakho. Futhi ngenkathi abesifazane ababhekwa "njengamanoni" ngokungangabazeki bathwala ubunzima bokuhlazeka komzimba, awukho umzimba wesifazane ongavikelekile ehlazweni, ngokufanele ngenxa yesizathu esifanayo. "Kungashiwo okufanayo ngokuhlazeka okuncanyana," kusho uKwan. "Nabo futhi bakhethe ukungaziphathi kahle, noma, ngokwesibonelo, i-anorexia nervosa ukugula okungathí sina futhi akugcini nje ngokukhetha ukungadli kahle. "

Okokugcina, siqaphele ukuthi ukuzethemba kubonakala kusebenza njengesimemo sokuhlazeka komzimba. Thatha i-badass ngokuphelele u-Jessamyn Stanley. Sifake lesi sithombe ukukhombisa onamandla, ogxile, nomgqugquzeli wokuqina esimthandayo, kepha sibonile ukuphawula okumbalwa kukhononda ngokubukeka komzimba wakhe. Lokhu kwasenza sazibuza: Kuyini ngempela ngowesifazane omangalisayo, ozethembayo abantu abangenakukwazi ukuyiphatha? "Abesifazane kufanele benze futhi baziphathe ngendlela ethile," kusho uKwan. Ngakho-ke lapho owesifazane ezethemba ngokwengeziwe, amahlazo amaningi azizwa enesidingo sokumbuyisela endaweni yakhe, usho kanjalo. Ngokungabi nesizotha, ukuzithoba, futhi okubaluleke kakhulu amahloni yemizimba yabo, abesifazane abazethembayo yizinhloso eziyinhloko zokugxekwa.

Cha, Awuyikhathaleli "Impilo" Yakhe

Enye yezindikimba ezivame kakhulu esizibona kumazwana ahlambalaza umzimba, okuxakayo, ezempilo. Thatha isithombe esisanda kusiveza kusuka kuDana Falsetti, umbhali, uthisha weyoga nesishoshovu. Lapho sinquma ukuphinda sithumele isithombe sakhe (ngenhla), sabona owesifazane oqinile, owesabekayo ekhombisa amakhono akhe we-yoga amahle, futhi sasifuna ukuhlanganyela lokho nomphakathi wethu. Ngokudabukisayo, akubona bonke abantu ababekhona ekhasini elilodwa. Sibone imibono ehambisana nemigqa ethi "Ngiphila kahle ngemizimba emikhulu, kodwa ngikhathazekile ngempilo yakhe." Ngenkathi abanye abaphawuli abaningi beshesha ukuvikela uFalsetti, saphoxeka ukubona abantu belimala, ikakhulukazi egameni "lezempilo."

Okokuqala, kufakazelwe ngokwesayensi ukuthi ukuhlazisa umzimba akunjalo yenza abantu babe nempilo enhle. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ukwehlisa amafutha empeleni kwenza abantu babe maningi amathuba okuba bahlakulele imikhuba engemihle ngokuphathelene nokudla, futhi ucwaningo luye lwabonisa ukuthi akusizi abantu ukuba behlise isisindo.

Futhi ngempela-ubani ohlekisayo? Ingabe empeleni khathalela impilo yomuntu ongamazi ngokuphelele ukuthi kakhulu? Yiba ngokoqobo, ufuna ukusho okuthile ngoba uwena ngingakhululekile. Ukubheka abantu abajabule, abazethembayo, futhi abangahambelani nezinga lakho olifundile lokuthi yini enempilo noma enhle kukwenza uzizwe uxakile. Kungani? Ukungesabi ukuthatha indawo kwabesifazane kuhlanyisa abantu ngoba kuphambene nakho konke abakufundisiwe mayelana nokwamukelekile mayelana nokuziphatha nokubukeka. Phela uma wena awukwazi ukuzivumela ukhuluphele futhi ujabule, kungani omunye umuntu evunyelwe? I-Newsflash: Nawe futhi, ungajabula futhi unethezeke ngomzimba wakho kanye nakwezinye izinhlobo zemizimba uma uphonsela inselelo imibono yakho obukade uyicabanga mayelana nokuthi "unempilo" futhi "ujabulile" ubukeka kanjani.

Eqinisweni, isikhumba asilingani ngokuzenzakalelayo nempilo, futhi amafutha awalingani ngokuzenzakalelayo nokungaphilile. Olunye ucwaningo luze luphakamise ukuthi abesifazane abakhuluphele ngokweqile abavocavoca umzimba banempilo kunabesifazane abanesikhumba esiqinile abangakwenzi (yebo, kungenzeka ukuba bakhuluphale futhi balingane). Cabanga ngale ndlela: "Awukwazi ukungibuka futhi wazi lutho ngempilo yami," kusho uFalsetti. "Ungaqiniseka ukuthi othile ubhema, uphuza, unenkinga yokudla, ubhekene ne-MS, noma unomdlavuza ngokubabheka nje? Cha. Ngakho-ke asikwazi ukuthola impilo ngokuya ngalokho esikubonayo, noma ngabe Umuntu akaphilile, usafanelwe yinhlonipho yakho."

Leli yiphuzu elibaluleke kunazo zonke: "Angidingi ukuba nempilo ukuze ngihlonishwe," kusho uFalsetti. "Angidingi ukuba ngibe nempilo ukuze ngibuze ukuthi ngiphathwa njengomuntu, njengabantu abalinganayo. Bonke abantu bafanelwe ukuhlonishwa ukuthi ngabe baphile kahle noma cha, noma ngabe banenkinga yokudla noma cha, noma ngabe baphethwe yizifo ezithule noma cha. "

Okumele Kushintshwe

"Ukwehliswa umzimba kuzophela kuphela uma sibhekana nakho ngendlela ehlelekile," kusho uKwan. "Akukona nje ukushintsha kokuziphatha komuntu ngamunye, kodwa izinguquko ezinkulu, ezamasiko nezenhlalo." Phakathi kwezinto ezidinga ukwenzeka ukwehluka okukhulu ezithombeni zemidiya, kuzo zonke izigaba zamathoni esikhumba, ukuphakama, usayizi womzimba, izici zobuso, ukwakheka kwezinwele, nokuningi. "Sidinga 'okuvamile' okusha mayelana nemibono yethu yobuhle bamasiko. Okubaluleke nakakhulu, sidinga ukusebenzela ukulingana ngazo zonke izinhlobo lapho imizimba, ikakhulukazi imizimba yabesifazane, ingeyona into yokulawula futhi lapho abantu bezizwa bephephile ukuveza ubulili babo nobulili. identity,” kusho uKwan.

Ngasikhathi sinye, sikubona njengesibopho sethu ukuhlinzeka ngezinto ezizokwenziwa emphakathini wethu ukuze sonke sisebenzele ukuqeda ukuhlazeka komzimba. Sibuze ithimba lethu longoti abahlambalaza umzimba ukuthi yini engenziwa amalungu omphakathi wethu ukulwa nokuhlambalaza umzimba ngamunye. Nakhu abakushoyo.

Vikela izisulu. "Uma ubona umuntu ehlazeka, thatha imizuzwana emibili ukumthumelela uthando," kusho uWillcox. "Singabantu besifazane futhi uthando lungamandla ethu, ngakho ungesabi ukulisebenzisa."

Hlola ukuchema kwakho kwangaphakathi. Mhlawumbe ubungeke ushiye amazwana amabi ngomzimba womunye umuntu, kepha kwesinye isikhathi uzibamba ucabanga imicabango eqhubekisela phambili ukuhlazeka komzimba. Uma kwenzeka uzithola ucabanga okuthile okwahlulela ngomzimba womunye umuntu, imikhuba yokudla, ukuzivocavoca umzimba, noma yini enye-zihlole. "Indlela engcono kakhulu yokugcina izinqumo zakho zilungile iwukukhuthaza uzwela," kusho uRobi Ludwig, Psy.D. "Uma unomcabango wokwahlulela, ungakhetha ukuzibuza ukuthi lo mcabango uvelaphi."

Phatha ukuphawula kwakho njengokuthunyelwe kwakho. "Abantu bachitha isikhathi esiningi kakhulu behlunga izithombe zabo, nokho abanakho ukuhlunga ngokuphelele ekuphawuleni kwabo," kusho uStokes. Kuthiwani uma sonke sisebenzisa lolo hlobo lokunakekela lapho sishiya amazwana kokuthunyelwe kwabanye abantu? Ngaphambi kokuthi uthumele amazwana, yenza uhlu lwangaphakathi lokuhlola olushukumisayo, futhi kungenzeka ugweme ukusho noma yini engalimaza omunye umuntu.

Qhubeka wenze wena. Noma kunzima kanjani, uma kunguwe ophoxwa umzimba, ungavumeli abazondayo bakudicilele phansi. "Ngithola ukuthi ukuqhubeka nokuba nguwe nokuqhubeka nokuphila impilo yakho ngendlela oyithandayo kwenza umthelela omkhulu," kusho u-Adan. "Unesibindi, unamandla, umuhle, futhi indlela ozizwa ngayo iyona nto ebalulekile. Awusoze wakwazi ukujabulisa wonke umuntu, kungani ungavele wenze okukujabulisayo?"

Buyekeza kwe-