Iyithinta Kanjani Imidiya Yezokuxhumana Yomuntu Ekuthinteni Impilo Yakho Yengqondo Nesithombe Sakho

-Delile

• Imizimba yosaziwayo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana iba nomthelela endleleni owubona ngayo umzimba wakho.
• Ngisho nokuphawula okubonayo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana zosaziwayo kungakuthinta.
• Nalu usizo lokuthi ungayisebenzisa kanjani imithombo yezokuxhumana yosaziwayo ngenkathi ugcina ukuzethemba kwakho.
• Buyekeza kwe-

Imithombo yezokuxhumana isiyindawo ekhulayo ngokugqamile yesimo somzimba eminyakeni embalwa edlule, futhi osaziwayo babe nomthelela omkhulu kulokhu kushintsha — kokuhle noma okubi. (Okuhlobene: Zimbi Kangakanani I-Facebook, i-Twitter, ne-Instagram Yezempilo Yengqondo?)

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, osaziwayo abaningi bathumela izithombe zabo ze-Photoshopped ne-Facetuned ezibonisa izinga lobuhle elingelona iqiniso.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, osaziwayo abaningi basebenzisa imithombo yezokuxhumana njengengxenyekazi yokwabelana ngemizabalazo yabo yomzimba njengendlela yokuxhumana nabalandeli babo nokuzilwelangokumelene la mazinga angenangqondo. Icala, u-Lady Gaga uvikele "amanoni akhe esiswini" ku-Instagram. UChrissy Teigen uchaze ukuthi akalahlekanga sonke "isisindo sengane" yakhe - futhi mhlawumbe ngeke azame. UDemi Lovato ubize intatheli ngokuthi iphakamise ukuthi isisindo sakhe siyinto ethanda izindaba kakhulu ngaye.

Futhi, osaziwayo abadume ngokungathembeki ekutheni bakufinyelela kanjani ukwakheka kwabo—ahem, uKim Kardashian kanye netiye "lesisu esiyisicaba"—babizwa kanjalookunye celebs ngokuhlekisa kwabo okukhulu.UThe Indawo EnhleU-Jameela Jamil ukwenze umgomo wakhe ukumemezela izincomo zokudla kosaziwayo. Ngoba noma ngabe kuphephile ukucabanga ukuthi uKim K unebutho labaqeqeshi bomuntu siqu, abapheki, odokotela bokudla, nodokotela abahlinzayo bamaplastiki abamsizayo ukuthi abheke izindlela azenzayo, kungaba lula ukukhohlwa ukuthi uma umuntu onezimfanelo ezibonakalayo umphakathi ubabaza uthi ithole indlela esheshayo, elula ongayibhekanjengabo nje.

Sekukonke, izinto ziba ngcono phambili kosaziwayo-kwezokuxhumana. Noma kunjalo, ukuwudla kungaba nomthelela endleleni owubona ngayo umzimba wakho, indlela obheka ngayo imizimba yabanye abantu, nalokho okuthola kukhanga ngokuvamile. Lokho akusho ukuthi kufanele uyeke ukulandela ama-celebs ngokuphelele, kepha ukuhloma ngolwazi lokuthi isiko losaziwayo kwezokuxhumana lingakuthinta kanjani-ngokuqaphela nangokuqonda-kubalulekile. (Okuhlobene: Ukuthi Ukujabhisa Omunye Umuntu Ekugcineni Kwangifundisa Ukuthini Ukuyeka Ukwahlulela Imizimba Yabesifazane)

Imizimba yosaziwayo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana iba nomthelela endleleni owubona ngayo umzimba wakho.

Noma ngabe uyazi noma cha, mhlawumbe uziqhathanisa nama-celebs owabona kwezenhlalo. “Kungokwemvelo—uma ngokuvamile kungenampilo—ukuba abantu baziqhathanise nabanye,” kusho uCarla Marie Manly, Ph.D., isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esiphathelene nokuzethemba nokubukeka komzimba, nombhaliInjabulo Yokwesaba. Lapho izithombe "eziphelele" zosaziwayo "abaphelele" zibekwe phezulu njengendinganiso "efanelekile", "labo abangakwazi ukufeza leli zinga elingenakwenzeka ngempela lokuphelela ngasese (noma kungenjalo-ngako-ngako) bazizwa behlazekile futhi benesici, "uyachaza. (Okuhlobene: Inombolo Yezithombe Ozishuthayo Ozithathayo Zingathinta Isithombe Somzimba Wakho)

Umthelela wokubuka izithombe zosaziwayo emzimbeni, ikakhulukazi kwabesifazane, ubhalwe kahle ocwaningweni. Kwesinye sezifundo ezidume kakhulu ngalesi sihloko, abacwaningi bakhombise izingane zesikole sabaqalayo izithombe zosaziwayo abancane noma amamodeli. Abafana babezincokolela ngokuthi yini okwakuzodingeka bayenze ukuze bafane nezithombe, kodwa amantombazane ayesho izinto ezinjengokuthi ‘Awuzodla’ noma ‘Kuzodingeka udle bese ulahla,’ kuchaza. UTaryn A. Myers, Ph.D., usihlalo womnyango wezengqondo eVirginia Wesleyan University kanye nomcwaningi womzimba.

Abaphenyi baze babheka nokuthi kwenzekani lapho uzama ukubukeka njengosaziwayo: Olunye ucwaningo lukhombise ukuthi amantombazane aneminyaka ephakathi nesikole athinteke kabi ngokwesimo somzimba nokuziphatha kokuziphatha ngokuziphathisa ama-selfies abo kunokumane abuke izithombe zemidiya zendabuko. Olunye ucwaningo lwabonisa ukuthi ukuthumela izithombe ozishuthe zona kwenza abesifazane bazizwe bekhathazekile ngokushesha.

Nokho omunye uthole ukuthi amantombazane aziqhathanisa nezithombe zosaziwayo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ahlobene nokungagculiseki okwenziwe ngomzimba kanye nokushayela ukuzaca. (Ngokuthakazelisayo, okufanayo bekungelona iqiniso kubafana.) "Ngakho-ke ngokujwayelekile, ukubuka noma ukuthumela izithombe kungasenza sizizwe sibi kakhulu ngemizimba yethu, futhi lo mphumela ungakhuliswa ngezithombe zosaziwayo," kusho uMyers.

Futhi nakuba wonke umuntu engathinteka ngezinga elithile, kukhona abathile okungenzeka ukuthi bathinteke kabi ngokuthunyelwe kosaziwayo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. "Imithombo yezokuxhumana inomthelela omkhulu kulabo abasengozini enkulu, ukuzethemba kwabo kuvela endleleni abanye ababona ngayo noma abaphendula ngayo kubo futhi abafuna 'ukwamukeleka," kusho u-Adrienne Ressler M.A., LMSW, uchwepheshe wezithombe zomzimba kanye nesekela likamongameli wezokuthuthukiswa kochwepheshe e-The Renfrew Center Foundation. "Namuhla, njengoba imibukiso engokoqobo ithandwa kangaka, umuntu angacabanga ukuthi, ngenhlanhla, noma ngubani angaba ngusaziwayo." (Sawubona, #BachelorNation.) Ngamanye amagama, uma noma ngubani engaba ngusaziwayo, kungazwakala sengathi wonke umuntukulindeleke ukufanelekela osaziwayo.

Ngisho nokuphawula okubonayo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana zosaziwayo kungakuthinta.

Akukhona nje okuthunyelwe kosaziwayo kanye nezithombe ngokwazo ezingakuthinta. Ukubona osaziwayo benyathelwa noma bejabhile kumazwana ezinkundleni zokuxhumana kungase kukwenze ukwenze kwabanye—noma ngabe lokho kwenzeka nge-IRL noma ekhanda lakho. (Okuhlobene: Lezi Zici Zokuxhumana Zikwenza Kubelula Ukuvikela Amazwana Anenzondo Futhi Ukhuthaze Umusa)

Lokhu konke kungenxa yento ebizwa ngokuthi ithiyori yokufunda komphakathi, ochwepheshe bathi. “Sivame ukubukela abanye futhi sibone ukuthi iyini imiphumela yokuziphatha kwabo ngaphambi kokuba sikhethe ukuhlanganyela kulokho kuziphatha ngokwethu,” kuchaza uMyers. Ngakho-ke uma sibona abanye benza lawa mazwana amabi ngaphandle kwemiphumela (noma indumiso noma 'okuthandwayo'), khona-ke maningi amathuba okuthi sizibandakanye kulokho kuziphatha ngokwethu."

Manje, lokho akusho ukuthi wonke umuntu usebenza ngokunyathelana ngenxa yokuthi lokho kuziphatha kumodeliwe (noma kunjalokungenzeka kusho lokho kwabanye abantu). Ngokunokwenzeka, abantu baqala ukunyathela abanye—nabo ngokwabo—ngokwengqondo. Ucwaningo olusha olwenziwe eMcGill University luthole ukuthi lapho abesifazane bevezwa ezimeni zokuhlazeka kosaziwayo, bazizwa bekhuphuka ezimeni zengqondo ezihlobene nesisindo.

Abaphenyi basebenzise idatha yocwaningo oluku-inthanethi olwalutholakala kusuka ku-2004 kuya ku-2015, bekhomba imicimbi ehlukene engama-20 yokujabhisa ngamafutha eyenzeka kwabezindaba-njengaleso sikhathi uScott Disick onamahloni emzimbeni uKourtney Kardashian ngokungabuyeli esisindweni sakhe sangaphambi kokukhulelwa. (Ugh.) Khona-ke, balinganisa izinga lokuchema okucacile kwesisindo (noma ukusabela kwamathumbu abantu ekukhuluphaleni nasekuzaleni) emasontweni amabili ngaphambi namasonto amabili ngemva kwalezi zigameko zokuhlazisa umzimba. Abaphenyi baqaphela ukuphakama kwesimo sengqondo sabesifazane sokulwa namafutha ngemuva umcimbi ngamunye onciphisa isisindo, futhi lapho umcimbi "odume kabi", i-spike iphakama. Ngakho-ke, imvelo yabo yaguqulwa yancika ekunciphiseni isisindo. Yikes.

Cabanga ngakho: Wake wazisho wena, "Hawu, hawu, lokho akusiyona ingubo ethophayo" ngomunye umuntu? Noma "Ugh, le ngubo ingenza ngibukeke ngikhuluphele ngokuphelele. Akufanele ngigqoke lokhu" mayelanawena? Le micabango ayiveli ndawo, futhi noma ngabe uyigcina kuwe, ingaba nomthelela endleleni oziphatha ngayo nasendleleni ophatha futhi uphathe ngayo imizimba yabanye abantu. “Lapho sibhekene nokungabi nandaba nokuhlambalaza, ukujwayela kwayo kusenza sikujwayele, mhlawumbe singakuboni kwamukelekile, kodwa ngokuphindaphinda kwayo kuyancipha kithina,” kuchaza uRessler. (Related: Izindlela Eziyisi-6 Zokugcina Uyeke Ukukhononda Ngokuhle)

Ngakho ngokuzayo lapho uzithola ucabanga le micabango, zibuze: "Ngawuthathaphi lo mbono wokuthi ukuba nalolu hlobo lomzimba kubi? Ngafundaphi ukuthi izingubo zidinga ukulingana ngendlela ethile ukuze zithophaze?" Noma, "Kungani nginamathisela inani elingaka ekubukekeni komzimba?" Isikhathi sokuphila samanani wobuhle nenkambiso yokudla akukwazi ukufundwa ngokuphazima kweso, kepha ukubuza isimo se-quo kungakusiza usondele esifanekisweni somzimba esinempilo futhi ugweme ukufaka isandla esenzakalweni samasiko esisebenza kuphela ukudiliza abantu ngokungabukeki usaziwayo IRL.

Okuhle, abanye osaziwayo bathatha isikhathi ukubiza ama-troll futhi babonise ukuthi, yize bedumile, ukuphawula kwabanye kusabathinta.

Ngemuva kokuthi abantu bethi ubukeka ekhuluphele emcimbini wokuhlomula ngomdlavuza, u-Pink waphendula ihlombe ngokuthumela isithombe-skrini sohlelo lokusebenza lwamanothi ku-Twitter: “Nakuba ngivuma ukuthi leyo ngubo ayizange ithwebule njengoba yayisenza ekhishini lami, ngizovuma futhi ukuthi ngazizwa ngimuhle kakhulu. Empeleni, ngizizwa ngimuhle. Ngakho-ke, bantu bami abahle nabakhathazekile, ngicela ningakhathazeki ngami. Angikhathazeki ngami. Futhi angikhathazeki ngani. Ngiyaphila ngokuphelele, ngijabule ngokuphelele, futhi nomzimba wami onempilo, othanda ukuzidela nohlanya unesikhathi esifanele sokungaphumuli. Ngiyabonga ngokukhathazeka kwakho. Uthando, ikhekhe lekhekhe. "

Nalu usizo lokuthi ungayisebenzisa kanjani imithombo yezokuxhumana yosaziwayo ngenkathi ugcina ukuzethemba kwakho.

Yize isimo senkundla yezokuxhumana osaziwayo siyashintsha, usemkhulu umsebenzi okufanele wenziwe. Omunye walowo msebenzi ukuwe, ukuze udle okuqukethwe kwenkundla yezokuxhumana kosaziwayo ngendlela evikela wena nesithombe sakho somzimba. (Okuhlobene: Kwenzeka Kanjani Le Blogger Ukubona Ukuthi Ukulondeka Komzimba Akulona Njalo Indlela Obukeka Ngayo)

Ulwazi lwemidiya lubalulekile. “Zazise ngendlela lezi zithombe zosaziwayo ezisetshenziswa ngayo ngisho nangemva kokuba osaziwayo benabaqeqeshi bomuntu siqu, abaculi bezimonyo, njll.,” kusikisela uMyers. "Futhi qaphela ukuthi okungenangqondo kangakanani ukuzama ukuhlangabezana nalokho okuhle njengomuntu ojwayelekile."

Gcina imithombo yezokuxhumana isendaweni yayo. "Uma kukhona okuthandayo ngosaziwayo, phawula ukuthi kuyini nemizwa onayo mayelana nakho — injabulo, isifiso, njll.," Kusho uManly. Qaphela ukuthi akudingekile ukuba wenze okuthile ngakho, ukuthenge, noma uzame ukuba 'yiyo'; ungamane uphawule ukuthi wazisa isici esithile sempilo yomunye umuntu."

Qeda umjikelezo onamahloni. "Yeka ukuzibiza ngamagama angezinhle," kweluleka u-Ressler. "Zibambe noma nini lapho uzithola uchaza ukuthi ungubani ngamagama ahlabayo noma agxekayo. Zitshele, 'Akumina lowo.'

Yenza i-cognitive dissonance isebenze. I-dissonance yokuqonda isho ukuhlangabezana nemicabango noma isimilo esingahambisani nezinkolelo zakho ezijwayelekile. “Kulokhu, kuzobe kusho izinto ozithandayo ngomzimba wakho kunezinto ozizondayo,” kuchaza uMyers. "Ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi luyasebenza ngempela njengendlela yokulwa nokungeneliseki komzimba jikelele, futhi incwadi ekhulayo iphakamisa ukuthi iyasiza nasezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Mina ngokwami ​​ngenza ucwaningo lapho nginabesifazane ababhala khona isitatimende esihle ngemizimba yabo noma ngokuthize. ngaphandle kokubukeka kwazo bese uyithumela ku-Instagram. Ngithola ukuthi noma yiluphi uhlobo lwesitatimende sokuqonda-dissonance luyasebenza ekukhuliseni ukuzethemba, ikakhulukazi ukuzethemba okuhlobene nokubukeka, kanye nokwenza ngcono imizwa. "

Buyekeza kwe-