Ungakhuluma Kanjani Ngokuzibulala Nabantu Obathandayo

-Delile

• Akuwona wonke amagama angabuyiselwa emuva kalula - noma ngesikhathi
• Ungalokothi uchaze ukuzibulala ngokuthi
  
• Awukwazi ukuthembisa noma ngubani ukuthi kuzoba ngcono
• Esikhundleni sokuphinda okushiwo omunye umuntu, qala uzibuze
  
• Vumela isifiso sokuba yindawo ephephile yabathandekayo bakho siqondise amazwi akho
• Izibalo zezempilo yengqondo
  
• Isikhumbuzi: Ukugula kwengqondo akuwona amandla amakhulu

Ungaba kanjani ukuxhumana kothile emhlabeni.

Uma wena noma umuntu omaziyo ecabanga ukuzibulala, usizo lukhona. Finyelela ku-National Suicide Prevention Lifeline ku-800-273-8255.

Uma kukhulunywa ngezimo ezinzima, wazi kanjani ukuthi uzothini ngaphandle kokulimaza noma ngubani? Iningi labantu lifunda ngokuphinda imishwana abone abanye beyisebenzisa. Lokho esikubona ezindabeni, okusakazeka kabanzi ezigidini, kungabonakala kulungile ukusebenzisa nsuku zonke.

Kepha ngezinkinga ezifana nokushaya noma ukuzibulala, kungathumela umlayezo kubangani bethu ukuthi asibona abalingani babo.

“Kungani ngangingelona uhlobo lomuntu, noma kungani ngangingabonwa njengohlobo lomuntu, laba besifazane ababezizwa bekhululekile ukuthulula isifuba sabo kubo? Lokhu ngikubona njengokuhluleka kwami. ”

Ngenkathi u-Anthony Bourdain esho lokhu, kwakumayelana ne- # MeToo nabesifazane abasempilweni yakhe: Kungani bengazizwa bethembekile kuye? Ukuthatha kwakhe kwakukhulu. Akazange akhombe ngeminwe abesifazane noma uhlelo.

Esikhundleni salokho, wabona ukuthi isinqumo sabo sokuthula sasichaza kakhulu isimilo sakhe. Noma, ikakhulukazi, uphawu lokuthi indlela abekade eziphatha ngayo ikhombise abesifazane ukuthi akaphephile noma akethembekile.

Sengicabange kakhulu ngokuhlolwa kwakhe selokhu akusho futhi selokhu waphasa. Kungenze ngacabanga kabanzi ngokuthi amagama ayizibuko kanjani, aveza kanjani izindinganiso zesipika nokuthi ngingathululela isifuba sami kubani.

Abaningi, kufaka phakathi abazali bami nabangane engibazi iminyaka eyishumi nangaphezulu, abalwenzi uhlu.

“Yini engiyenzile [engiyenzile], ngizibonakalise kanjani ngendlela yokuthi ngingazinikeli ukuzethemba, noma kungani bengingelona uhlobo lwabantu abantu abazombona njengozakwabo wemvelo lapha? Ngakho-ke ngaqala ukubheka lokho. ” - U-Anthony Bourdain

Lapho izinto ziba mnyama kimi, ngeke ngikhumbule uhleko abaluletha. Kunanela kuphela umbono wabo ngokuzibulala: "Lokho kungubugovu kakhulu" noma "Uma uyisilima ngokwanele ukuqala ukuthatha leyomithi [iBig Pharma], ngizoyeka ukuba ngumngani wakho." Imemori iyadlala njalo uma bengena ngokuthi "Kwenzenjani, unjani wena?"

Kwesinye isikhathi ngiqamba amanga, kwesinye isikhathi ngikhuluma iqiniso elingaphelele, kepha ngingalikhulumi iqiniso eliphelele. Isikhathi esiningi, angiphenduli kuze kuphele isipelingi sokudangala.

Amagama anencazelo engaphezu kwencazelo yawo. Ziqukethe umlando, futhi ngokusetshenziswa okuphindaphindiwe ezimpilweni zethu zansuku zonke, ziba yizinkontileka zenhlalo, ezibonisa izindinganiso zethu nemithetho yangaphakathi esilindele ukuyiphila.

Akuhlukile kangako "kumthetho weweta": inkolelo yokuthi ubuntu buvezwa ngendlela umuntu aphatha ngayo abasebenzi noma abasebenzi benkonzo. Lo mthetho awuhlukile kangako uma kukhulunywa ngokuzibulala nokudangala.

Akuwona wonke amagama angabuyiselwa emuva kalula - noma ngesikhathi

Amanye amagama asuselwe ngokujulile ezinhlazweni ezingezinhle kangangokuba okuwukuphela kwendlela yokugwema incazelo yawo ukungawasebenzisi. Enye yezinguquko ezilula esingazenza ukugwema ukusebenzisa izichasiso. Ngaphandle kokunikeza amazwi enduduzo, asikho isizathu sokuba nombono ngokuzibulala kothile. Futhi asikho isizathu sokuyifaka emongweni noma ukuyichaza, ikakhulukazi njengesizinda sezindaba.

Njengoba isazi sokuzibulala uSamuel Wallace sabhala, “Konke ukuzibulala akunyanyeki futhi akunjalo; uyahlanya noma cha; ubugovu noma cha; okunengqondo noma cha; kufanele noma cha. ”

Ungalokothi uchaze ukuzibulala ngokuthi

• ubugovu
• isilima
• ubugwala noma ubuthakathaka
• ukukhetha
• isono (noma umuntu uya esihogweni)

Lokhu kusuka empikiswaneni yezemfundo yokuthi ukuzibulala kungumphumela, hhayi ukukhetha. Ngakho-ke, odokotela abaningi bokuzibulala bayavuma ukuthi ukuzibulala akusona isinqumo noma isenzo senkululeko yokuzikhethela.

INGABE UKUGULA KWENGQONDO KUSUSA INKULULEKO YAMAHHALA?

Ohlelweni lwesi-4 lweDiagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, ukugula ngengqondo kunengxenye ethile “yokulahlekelwa inkululeko.” Kuhlelo lwakamuva kakhulu, "ukulahleka kwenkululeko" kushintshelwe ekukhubazekeni, noma "ukukhubazeka endaweni eyodwa noma ngaphezulu yokusebenza." Lokhu kuthiwa kufaka nenqubo "yokulahlekelwa okukodwa noma ngaphezulu kwenkululeko." Encwadini yakhe yendatshana ethi "," uGerben Meynen uthi ingxenye yokuba nesifo sengqondo ukuthi ikhono lomuntu lokukhetha ezinye izindlela liyasuswa.

Enkulumweni yakhe ebucayi yeNew York Post, uBridget Phetasy wabhala ngokukhulela endaweni lapho kwakukhulunywa kakhulu ngokuzibulala. Uyabhala, "Ukuhlala nomuntu owasongela ukuzibulala wenze okungaphezu kwanoma yini okwenziwe kwabonakala kuyindlela yokuzikhethela."

Kulabo abacabanga ukuzibulala, kufanele sikuqonde ukuthi ukuzibulala kuthathwa njengokugcina futhi ukuphela kwendlela. Ngamanga alinganiswe. Kepha uma usebuhlungwini obuningi obungokomzwelo nobungokomzimba, uma buza ngemijikelezo futhi umjikelezo ngamunye uzizwa njengobubi kakhulu, ukukhululeka kuwo - noma ngabe kanjani - kubukeka njengokubaleka.

“Bengifisa kanjani ukukhululeka; ngikhululekile emzimbeni wami, ubuhlungu bami, usizi lwami. Leyo meme eyisiphukuphuku yayihlebeza ama-nothings amnandi engxenyeni yobuchopho bami eyayingitshela ukuthi ukuphela kwekhambi lezinkinga zami - ngukufa. Hhayi okuwukuphela kwesixazululo - isisombululo esihle kakhulu. Kwakungamanga, kodwa ngaleso sikhathi, ngangikukholelwa. ” - UBridget Phetasy, weNew York Post

Awukwazi ukuthembisa noma ngubani ukuthi kuzoba ngcono

Ukuzibulala akubandlululi. Ukudangala akushayi umuntu kanye futhi kushiye lapho izimo noma izindawo ziguquka. Ukuheha kokuphunyuka ekufeni akushiyi nje ngoba othile eba yisicebi noma ezuza izinjongo zempilo yonke.

Uma ufuna ukutshela umuntu ukuthi kuba ngcono, cabanga ukuthi wenza isithembiso ongeke ukwazi ukusigcina. Ingabe uhlala engqondweni yabo? Uyalibona ikusasa futhi ususe izinhlungu zabo ngaphambi kokuba lifike?

Ubuhlungu obuzayo abulindeleki. Ngakho-ke lapho bezoba khona empilweni amasonto amabili, inyanga, noma iminyaka emithathu phansi komgwaqo. Ukutshela umuntu ukuthi uzobangcono kungamenza aqhathanise isiqephu esisodwa nesilandelayo. Lapho kungekho lutho oluthuthukisa isikhathi esengeziwe, kungaholela emicabangweni efana nokuthi, "Ayisoze yaba ngcono."

Kodwa noma abanye bengakholelwa ukuthi ukufa kukodwa akukungcono, imiyalezo abayidluliselayo, ikakhulukazi yosaziwayo, isho okwehlukile. Njengoba uPhetasy asho, ngemuva kokuphasa kukaRobin Williams, i-Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences yathumela umbhalo othi "Aladdin" othi, "Genie, ukhululekile."

Lokhu kuthumela imiyalezo exubile.

Ukufa njengenkululeko kungaba ukwaziNgokuya ngomongo nesethenjwa, "inkululeko" ingabonakala njenge -istist futhi ikhuthaza labo abaphila nokukhubazeka. Endabeni yesazi sefiziksi esidumile uStephen Hawking, abaningi babhale kuTwitter ukuthi ukhululekile emzimbeni wakhe. Lokhu kukhuthaza umbono wokuthi ukukhubazeka kungumzimba "obanjiwe".

Ngokwesimo sokuzibulala, kuqinisa umyalezo wokuthi akukho ukuphunyula ngaphandle kokufa. Uma uthenga kulolu limi futhi ulusebenzisa, kuyaqhubeka nomjikelezo wokuthi ukufa kuyisixazululo esihle kunazo zonke.

Ngisho noma ungayiqondi yonke imisindo ehambisana nolimi, kunemibuzo ongayibuza ukuze uzigcine uhlolile.

Esikhundleni sokuphinda okushiwo omunye umuntu, qala uzibuze

• Yimuphi umqondo "wokujwayelekile" engiwugcizelelayo?
• Ingabe kuzothinta ukuthi abangane bami beza kimi noma cha ukuze bathole usizo?
• Kungenza ngizizwe kanjani uma bengangethembi ukuthi ngizobasiza?

Vumela isifiso sokuba yindawo ephephile yabathandekayo bakho siqondise amazwi akho

Ukuzibulala kuyimbangela yesibili ehamba phambili yokufa kubantu abaneminyaka eyishumi kuya kwengu-34. Kukhule kakhulu kunangesikhathi sango-1999.

Futhi izingane ziqhubeka nokubhekana nezinkinga zempilo yengqondo:

Izibalo zezempilo yengqondo

• Izingane eziyizigidi eziyi-17.1 ezingaphansi kweminyaka engu-18 zinokugula kwengqondo okuxilongwayo
• Amaphesenti angama-60 entsha anengcindezi
• Ukushoda kwama-psychologists esikole angama-9,000 (kulinganiselwa)

Futhi lokhu kuzoqhubeka nokukhula, kakhulu ngaleli zinga, ngoba asikho isithembiso esingaba ngcono. Akunakushiwo ukuthi ukunakekelwa kwezempilo kuyaphi. Ukwelashwa akutholakali kakhulu futhi akutholakali kubantu abaningi baseMelika abayizigidi ezi-5.3. Ingaqhubeka ibe njalo uma sigcina ingxoxo imile.

Okwamanje, esingakwenza ukunciphisa umthwalo walabo esibathandayo uma sikwazi. Singashintsha indlela esikhuluma ngayo ngempilo yengqondo nalabo abathinteka yiyo. Noma singazi ukuthi othile uthinteke ngokuzibulala, singawakhumbula amagama esiwasebenzisayo.

Akudingeki uphile nokudangala ukuze ubonise umusa, futhi awudingi ukuthi uzizwe ulahlekelwe.

Ungahle ungadingi ngisho ukusho lutho. Ukuzimisela ukulalela izindaba nezinkinga zomunye nomunye kubalulekile ekuxhumaneni kwabantu.

“ILaugher akuyona imithi yethu. Izindaba ziyikhambi lethu. Ukuhleka kumane kuyizinyosi ezinandisa umuthi obabayo. ” - UHannah Gadsby, "Nanette"

Uzwelo esiluthwala ngabantu esingabazi luzothumela umyalezo omkhulu kubantu obathandayo, umuntu ongamazi ukuthi udonsa kanzima.

Isikhumbuzi: Ukugula kwengqondo akuwona amandla amakhulu

Ukukwazi ukuvuka nsuku zonke ngenkathi umhlaba ongaphakathi kwekhanda lakho uwa ngaphandle akuhlali kuzizwa njengamandla. Kungumzabalazo oba nzima ngokuhamba kwesikhathi njengoba umzimba uguga futhi sinamandla amancane okulawula impilo yethu.

Kwesinye isikhathi sikhathala kakhulu ukuzithwala, futhi sidinga ukwazi ukuthi kulungile. Akudingeki ukuba "sibe" ngamaphesenti ayi-100 esikhathi.

Kepha uma usaziwayo, noma othile ohlonishwayo, efa ngokuzibulala, kungaba nzima ngomuntu obhekene nengcindezi ukukukhumbula lokho. Kungenzeka bangabi namandla okulwa nokuzithemba kwangaphakathi namademoni.

Akuyona into abantu obathandayo okufanele bazenzele bodwa. Ukubona ukuthi badinga usizo akukona ngokweqile ukunakekelwa.

Njengoba usomahlaya wase-Australia uHannah Gadsby efake kangaka ngobungcweti ku-"Nanette" wakhe wakamuva weNetflix, "Uyazi ukuthi kungani sine-'Obhekilanga '? Akungoba uVincent van Gogh wahlushwa [ukugula ngengqondo]. Kungenxa yokuthi uVincent van Gogh wayenomfowabo owayemthanda. Ngabo bonke lobu buhlungu, wayene-tether, ukuxhumana emhlabeni. ”

Yiba ukuxhumana kothile nezwe.

Ngelinye ilanga othile ngeke athumele imiyalezo. KULUNGILE ukuvela emnyango wabo futhi ungene.

Ngaphandle kwalokho, sizolahlekelwa okuningi ngokuthula nangokuthula.

Uyemukelwa ku- “How to Be Human,” uchungechunge olukhuluma ngozwelo nokuthi ungabeka kanjani abantu phambili. Umehluko akufanele ube yizinduku, noma ngabe umphakathi usidonsele ibhokisi elinjani. Woza ufunde ngamandla wamazwi futhi ugubhe okwenzeka kubantu, noma ngabe baneminyaka emingaki, ubuzwe babo, ubulili babo, noma isimo abakuso. Masiphakamise abantu esikanye nabo ngenhlonipho.