Isayensi Ithi Abanye Abantu Bahloselwe Ukungashadi

-Delile

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Bukela amahlaya anele othando futhi ungaqiniseka ukuthi ngaphandle kokuthi uthola umlingani wakho womphefumulo noma, uma wehluleka lokho, noma yimuphi umuntu ophefumulayo onamandla obudlelwano, uzonqunyelwa impilo yesizungu esibuhlungu. Kodwa naphezu kokuthi u-Nicholas Sparks wenza ubudlelwano bubonakale bubukeka kanjani, abanye abantu bajabule kakhulu ngokungashadi, kusho ucwaningo olusha Isayensi Yezenhlalo Nezobuntu.

Ucwaningo lubheke ngaphezu kwabafundi abangama-4,000 basekolishi futhi lwathola ukuthi okunquma injabulo yomuntu bekungekhona isimo sabo sobudlelwano kepha izinhloso zabo ngobaubuhlobo. Amaqembu amabili abantu aqhamuka emininingwaneni: lawo anezinhloso eziphakeme-abantu abafisa ngokujulile ubudlelwane obusondelene bezothando-nalabo abanezinhloso eziphakeme zokugwema-abantu abafisa ngokujulile ukugwema izingxabano nedrama. (Ukugwema idrama akuhlali kunempilo kakhulu nokho. Nazi Izindlela Ezi-4 Zokubhekana Nezithiyo Zobudlelwane.)

Futhi ngenkathi iningi lethu kungenzeka lahlulela elinye lalawo maqembu lisuka kokubi ngokuthi "alilungile," ithimba labacwaningi lithole ukuthi noma ngabe uqondanisa noTaylor Swift noma wonke umuntu owake wathandana naye (uxolo, Taylor!), Akunjalo ' akunandaba inqobo nje uma uhlala ngokweqiniso kulokho wena bafuna ngempela.

Asikho isigaba esingcono kunesinye; zihluke nje," kusho umbhali oholayo u-Yuthika Girme, Ph.D., uprofesa wezengqondo eNyuvesi yase-Auckland eNew Zealand. Ukuba nemigomo ephakeme yokugwema kungase kukuvikele ezindlekweni ezivamile zokungashadi (okungukuthi isizungu) kodwa uzame. Kunzima kakhulu ukugwema izingxabano nakho kungaba kubi, uyachaza.Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukuba nemigomo esezingeni eliphezulu kungase kusho ukuthi unobudlelwano obungcono obusezingeni eliphezulu njengoba uzimisele ukubhekana ngqo nezingxabano, kodwa futhi kungasho ukuthi kungenzeka bhekana nodrama omningi empilweni yakho ngokujwayelekile (okungaba nengcindezi) futhi uthola ukuhlukana kube buhlungu kakhulu. (Yize bezohlala besizwisa ubuhlungu kakhulu kunaye - Uzobuyela Kulokho Kuphuke Inhliziyo Ngokushesha Kune-Ex Yakho. )

Lokhu, nokho, kungabangela izinkinga uma wena nomlingani wakho (noma ukuntuleka kwakho) ningahambelani. Uma ungadlalile ngokuqinile kodwa uthandana nomuntu obonakala efuna i-Oscar, noma uma ulangazelela ukwenza inkanyezi kwi-rom com yakho kodwa ungenayo indoda eholayo, kungadala isiphithiphithi esiningi .

Qala ngokwamukela ukuthi ungubani, u-Girme uthi-ukholelwa ngokuqinile ukuthi sonke sincike ohlangothini olulodwa ngokwemvelo futhi uyangabaza ukuthi othile angaziphoqa ukuba abe olunye uhlobo. Uma ukwazi ukubona ukuthi unokugwema okuphezulu noma ufinyelela imigomo, ungabheka ukuthi ungenza kanjani ukulungisa okuzohlonipha imizwa yabanye kuyilapho uvikela injabulo yakho siqu. (Isibonelo, lezi zinto ezi-6 okufanele ucele njalo ebuhlotsheni zizothuthukisa injabulo yakho kangangoba zikufanele ukulwa.)

"Abantu abambisene kakhulu ezinhlosweni zokugwema bangaqonda ukuthi izingxabano zobudlelwano azinakugwenywa nokuthi ukubhekana nezingxabano ezibalulekile kungathuthukisa izinga lobudlelwano," kusho uGirme. "Ngokufanayo, kubantu abangashadile abanezinhloso zokugwema okungashayi eceleni, kungakuhle ukuthi wazi ukuthi abantu abangashadile bangahola izimpilo ezijabulisayo nezanelisayo. Ukungashadi kusho ukuthi abantu bangazinaka bona, izinhloso zabo nezinhloso zabo, nobunye ubudlelwane obubalulekile njengobudlelwano umndeni nabangane."

Futhi uma ubheka ngaphezu kwengxenye yabantu baseMelika abangashadile, lo mbuzo wokuthi ungajabula kanjani ukuthi unenhliziyo yini kuphrofayela yakho ye-Facebook uyinto enkulu. Mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi sokuhlala phansi unqume ukuthi yini ekwenza ujabule kakhulu futhi unethezeke bese uhlala ngaleyo ndlela, ungaxolisi. Ngoba ukufanele ukuthola injabulo yangempela, hhayi ukuphela abanye abantu abacabanga ukuthi kungcono kuwe.

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