Kungani Kufanele Ulahle Uthando Lapho Uqala Ukubona

-Delile

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Uthando ekuqaleni kokubona-isisekelo samaphupho amaningi kangaka entsha, amanoveli, izingoma ze-pop, nayo yonke i-rom-com ever. Kepha abacwaningi balapha ukuqhuma amabhamuza ethu angenathemba (ukububula, isayensi). Kuyavela, ezothando lwangempela nokuthola umuntu ohamba naye emphefumulweni akususelwa emizweni okokuqala lapho amehlo akho ekhiya, kepha esikhundleni sesikhathi sangempela abantu abasichitha ndawonye, ​​ngokusho kwesifundo esisha esivela e-University of Texas, e-Austin. (Ungayikhetha Inhlansi Ngobudlelwano Obuqinile?)

Abaphenyi baxoxisana nemibhangqwana engu-167 ebuhlotsheni obusukela ezinyangeni ezimbalwa kuya eminyakeni engama-53 (kahle kahle ukuthi ngubani okufanele ngabe sithatha izeluleko kuye!) Mayelana nokuthi bahlangana kanjani, baphuma isikhathi esingakanani, nokuthi babecabanga ukuthi umlingani wabo uthandeka kangakanani. Bese kuthi abantu abangabazi balinganise ukuheha komlingani ngamunye. Imibhangqwana eyayingabangane isikhathi eside kakhulu ngaphambi kokuba iqale ubuhlobo bothando yayivame "ukungafani" ekuthandeni okuhlosiwe ngokombono wabantu bangaphandle, okusho ukuthi abanye babecabanga ukuthi omunye wayekhanga kakhulu kunomunye. Lokhu kuyamangaza uma ucabangela ucwaningo lwangaphambilini lubonise ukuthi maningi amathuba okuthi sishade nomuntu ofana nathi kukho kokubili ukubukeka nokukhangayo. (Kuningi kakhulu kokuhehayo okuphikisanayo!) Kepha izinyoni zothando zesikhathi eside ngokwazo zilinganise ngokuthi zithandeka ngokulinganayo, okwenza abacwaningi bakholelwe ukuthi kwakuyisikhathi esingeziwe esasikhipha “ubuhle” babo, okungenani ezingqondweni zabo. Isiphetho sososayensi: Uma wazi othile isikhathi eside, kulapho ukhangwa khona nakakhulu.

Umqondo wokuthi uthando nokuheha kukhula ngesikhathi kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi kwabesifazane, kusho uWendy Walsh, Ph.D., isazi sobudlelwano esingahlangene nesifundo nombhali we I-30-Day Love Detox. "Ukuze umuntu wesifazane athandane ngokweqiniso, udinga ukubuyisa izingqimba abone ukuthi yini engaphansi."

UWalsh uthi iminyaka yakhe yocwaningo ngezobudlelwano imkhombisile ukuthi amadoda aqale abheke ubuhle kumuntu ashade naye, kulandele umusa, ukwethembeka, nobuhlakani kanti abesifazane babheka ukuzinza kwendoda kuqala, kulandele ubuhlakani, umusa, bese bebheka ekugcineni. "Yingakho kuwubulima uma abesilisa bethatha isithombe se-abs yabo bese beyifaka ezingosini zokuqomisana. Ngaphandle uma befuna ukuqonywa, akukhona lokho abesifazane abafuna ukwazi," usho kanje. "Ukuphela kwendlela abesifazane (nabesilisa) abangathola ngayo lezo zici ezibalulekile iwukuchitha isikhathi nalowo muntu." (Kepha uma usutholile lowo muntu, empeleni kukwenza ube nempilo enhle! Thola Ukuthi Ubudlelwano Bakho Buhlobene Kanjani Nempilo Yakho.)

Kodwa uma kuziwa ekutheni singakanani isikhathi sokunikeza ubudlelwano obusha, u-Walsh uthi kuncike kumbhangqwana kanye nesimo sabo esiyingqayizivele. Uveza ukuthi abanye abantu bangazana izinyanga, kepha sebephume kabili kuphela, kanti abanye kungenzeka ukuthi bahlangane emasontweni amabili edlule futhi bakhuluma amahora amaningi nsuku zonke ocingweni kusukela. Umthetho wakhe wesithupha? Ungathathi noma yiziphi izinqumo mayelana nekusasa lobudlelwano uze uhlangane nesizwe somlingani wakho ongase ube naye, okusho umndeni wakhe, abangani, kanye nozakwabo. Ngesikhathi umuntu ekwethula kubo bonke abantu ababalulekile empilweni yabo, kungenzeka ukuthi ubazi isikhathi eside ngokwanele ukuvumela umuzwa wangempela wokuheha ukuthi wenzeke hhayi inkanuko nje kuphela, uyachaza.

Kodwa-ke isikhathi yilokho iningi lethu elingenalo emphakathini wethu wokujaha-okuyikho okwenza izinsizakalo zokuphola njengeTinder kanye neLunch nje zikhange kakhulu (futhi kukhona nezinhlelo zokusebenza ezi-5 ezihlekisa kakhulu zocansi nazo ...). U-Walsh uthi isiko lethu lokuthandana kancane kodwa ukuxhuma okuningi kungaba yinkinga yangempela lapho ufuna umlingani womphefumulo. Lolu cwaningo lufakazela lokho kanye.

Ngakho-ke beka eshalofini wonke lawo ma-movie ka-Ryan Gosling-ukulahla uthando ekuqaleni kokuwabona kungase kube into engcono kakhulu ongayenza empilweni yakho yothando!

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