Le mpendulo yeTinder Survivor's Tinder Response Ihambe Ngegciwane. Kepha Kuningi Endabeni Yakhe

-Delile

• Ngeshwa, uJared uthathe isinqumo sokungazinaki izifundo ezinikezwayo futhi esikhundleni salokho waphinde wakuphinda kabili.
• Wayeneminyaka engu-25 kuphela ngaleso sikhathi futhi, kuyaqondakala ukuthi akazange acabange ngokushesha ukuthi unomdlavuza.
• "Bese ngikwazile ukuzitshela, 'Sukuma ume uqonde - {textend} usenguye ngaphakathi.'”
• Ukuqomisana, futhi, ubheke phambili - {textend} kepha ngeke aphinde azithobe ebudlelwaneni.

“Uyazi ukuthini, Jared? Impendulo yombuzo wakho ithi cha. Anginayo ‘t * ts’ nhlobo. ”

Kuyaziwa ukuthi ukuphola online kungaveza isimilo esibi ngendlela ethusayo - {textend} abantu ebudlelwaneni abazenza abangashadile, abakhohlisi abafuna imali, ingadi yakho ehlukahlukene yezipoki.

NgoJulayi, uKrista Dunzy oneminyaka engu-26 owasinda kumdlavuza webele wabhekana nokungahlonishwa nokuphathwa kabi ngumuntu “ngomdlalo” ngamagama akhe okuqala.

Umfana ogama lakhe linguJared uthathe isinqumo sokuthi umugqa wakhe wokuvula oya kuDunzy uzoba, "Unamandla amakhulu?"

UDunzy, obene-mastectomy ephindwe kabili njengengxenye yokwelashwa kwakhe ngomdlavuza ngonyaka odlule, uthathe isinqumo sokungayidedeli ngaphandle kokuqondisa uJared futhi azame ukudala umzuzu ofundekayo.

“Uyazi, Jared?” ephendula. “Impendulo yombuzo wakho ithi cha. Anginabo nhlobo ‘ubisi’. ” Uveze umlando wakhe womdlavuza futhi wachaza nokwelashwa kwakhe - {textend} imizuliswano engu-16 yokwelashwa ngamakhemikhali nenkambo yemisebe ethatha inyanga yonke, ngaphezu kokuhlinzwa.

Via @KristaDunzy ku-Twitter.

"Njengamanje nginezicubu zesifuba esifubeni sami," esho, maqondana nokwakhiwa kabusha kwe-postmastectomy kwakhe, "okuzoshintshwa okufakelwe phansi komgwaqo. Ngabe unalo ulwazi lokuthi kwakunjani kimi ukufunda lowo myalezo ovela kuwe? ”

“Ngicela ucabange ngezinto ngaphambi kokuba uzisho,” emnxusa. "Ngiyethemba uma unendodakazi, ayitholi imiyalezo efana nalena."

Ngeshwa, uJared uthathe isinqumo sokungazinaki izifundo ezinikezwayo futhi esikhundleni salokho waphinde wakuphinda kabili.

Ubize uDunzy “njengesilima” no “msangano,” ethi akawufundanga umyalezo wakhe, emeluleka ngokuthi “ayeke ukuziphathisa okwabantu besifazane,” futhi wengeza ngokuthi, “Ngizenzela imithetho yami” - {textend} into, Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kusobala ukuthi wayengafuni ukuthi uDunzy amfune ilungelo lakhe lokwenza.

Ngalesi sikhathi, uDunzy wayesenele. Uthathe isithombe sokushintshana ngeposi lomphakathi ku-Facebook, ekhuthaza abanye ukuthi babelane ngalo futhi bakhe i-hashtag #dontdatejared.

Okuthunyelwe kwakhe kwaba negciwane futhi kwabelwana ngalo izikhathi ezingaphezu kuka-2000.

"Abanye abantu bathi kimi," I-Tinder. Ubulindeleni? '”Kukhumbula uDunzy. “Impendulo ithi, ngilindele isimilo esivamile. Akufanele ubuze noma ngubani lokho. Kufanele sonke siphathe abantu kangcono kunalokho. ”

Uyanezela ukuthi ukube uJared ubevule "ukubingelela" kwakhe kodwa wabe esehlehla ngemuva kwempendulo yakhe, naye ubezoluyekela lolu daba luphele.

"Ngokweqiniso, bekungewona ngisho umugqa wakhe wokuvula owangenza ngafuna ukwenza lokhu," esho. “Kube izimpendulo zakhe kulokhu engimtshele khona. Ubengalahla yonke into ngemuva kokuphendula, kodwa wenqaba. ”

Ukuhlangana noDunzy ukuxoxa ngesikhathi sakhe ekukhanyeni kwegciwane, sathola owesifazane osemusha ohlakaniphile ngaphezu kweminyaka yakhe, ngokujula ukuthi lesi 'siqephu sikaJared' singasikhomba kuphela.

UDunzy ungowomdabu waseMelika - {textend} oyilungu le-Muscogee Creek Nation, e-Oklahoma. Usebenza ekomkhulu leTribe e-Okmulgee, e-Oklahoma, njengomuntu owamukela izivakashi ohlelweni lwalo lokuVimbela Udlame Lomndeni. Lolu hlelo lusiza abantu boMdabu nabangewona amaNdiya ezimweni zodlame lwasekhaya, ukuhlukunyezwa kwezingane, nokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi.

“Nami ngike ngabhekana nobudlova basekhaya nokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi,” kusho uDunzy, “ngakho ukusebenza lapha kubaluleke kakhulu kimi. Ngomsebenzi wami, ngifunde ukuthi abesifazane abangama-84.3% babhekana nodlame olubhekiswe kubo esikhathini sokuphila kwabo. . . leso yisimo okufanele sisishintshe ngokuphelele. ”

Yize evivinywa ukuthi akanalo ushintsho lwezakhi zofuzo ezandisa ingozi yomdlavuza webele, uDunzy unomlando womndeni wesifo. Umama wakhe welashwa ngomdlavuza webele eminyakeni eminingana edlule, kwathi umzala wakhe osondelene naye wabulawa yilesi sifo.

UDunzy uthi: “Ushone unyaka owodwa nangosuku olulodwa ngaphambi kokuba ngitholwe ukuthi ngitholakele.

Ukuxilongwa kukanina kukhuthaze uDunzy ukuba enze izinguquko ezibucayi empilweni yakhe. Ubehlala nomlingani unyaka nesigamu lapho umama wakhe ethola lezi zindaba, kepha ubudlelwano bebabuhlukumeza.

“Kwatholakala ukuthi umama wami utholile, futhi kungakapheli isonto elilodwa noma amabili ngase ngiphumile ekhaya,” kukhumbula uDunzy. “Ngabona ukuthi ngikweleta umama. Ngangidinga ukuzimela, njengoba ayengifundisile. ”

Ngokunikeza umlando womndeni wakhe, odokotela bakaDunzy bameluleke ukuba azihlole njalo amabele. Okunye kwalokhu kuholele ekutheni kutholakale umdlavuza ebeleni lakhe langakwesokudla.

"Ngangilele embhedeni ngobunye ubusuku futhi ngazizwa sengathi ngidinga ukwenza lokhu, ngidinga ukubheka," esho. "Ngisitholile isigaxa."

Wayeneminyaka engu-25 kuphela ngaleso sikhathi futhi, kuyaqondakala ukuthi akazange acabange ngokushesha ukuthi unomdlavuza.

Uthi: “Ngalinda amasonto ukuthi ngenze noma yini ngakho. “Bengizithethelela, ngazi ukuthi kungaba ezinye izinto. Kodwa-ke ngatshela umama, futhi wangitshela ngokucacile - u- {textend} wangiyala kakhulu - {textend} ukuthi angilinde ukuze kuhlolwe. ”

Lapho uDunzy esethumele amasondo, izinto zahamba ngokushesha: Kwakunezinsuku ezi-5 kuphela phakathi kokuqokwa kwakhe nodokotela wakhe mayelana nesigaxa nokuxilongwa kwakhe komdlavuza webele, ngoMashi 2018.

Ngemuva kwalokho, noma kunjalo, isikhathi sokulinda saqala lapho uDunzy nodokotela bakhe belandela imininingwane yokuxilongwa.

Uyakhumbula: “Okubi kakhulu bekungukuthi bengingazi ukuthi ngihlushwa yini neziguli. "Ngilinde isonto ngaphambi kokuzwa lokho."

Ngemuva kokuhlolwa nokuhlolwa okwengeziwe, odokotela bamtshela ukuthi umdlavuza wawukulesi sigaba sesi-2 futhi ulungele ama-estrogen receptors (“abhebhezelwa” yi-estrogen, okuzothinta izincomo zokwelashwa ezazizotholwa nguDunzy).

Lapho eseqale i-chemo, uDunzy wathola imicabango yakhe ihambela kakhulu kumzala wakhe amthandayo, impilo yakhe eyayinqunyelwe umdlavuza webele.

Uyakhumbula: “Ngangizizwa ngixhumene kakhulu naye, ngisondelene naye. “Ngacabanga ngalokho adlula kukho. Kwakuyisikhathi ngendlela ejulile kakhulu, nangokomoya. Izinto ezikha phezulu zanyamalala. Ngazibona ngisezingeni eliphansi, ngiphucwe okuningi - {textend} akukho nwele, azikho izinkophe noma amashiya.

"Bese ngikwazile ukuzitshela, 'Sukuma ume uqonde - {textend} usenguye ngaphakathi.'”

Njengoba kwenzeka njalo enkingeni yezempilo, obunye ubungani bukaDunzy baqiniswa lapho ebhekene nobunzima, kanti abanye bawa.

"Umdlavuza ungilethele ukucabanga okuningi," esho, "futhi umbono utholakala ngokuhlangenwe nakho. Abanye abantu babebakhulu kuzo zonke izinyathelo. Abanye bebengakwazi ukubhekana nakho. ”

Akunandaba ukuthi omunye umuntu uphendule kanjani, ubudlelwano bukaDunzy naye buqiniswe kakhulu yisipiliyoni sakhe. Uthi: “Ngizazi kangcono kunokuba abanye abantu bazazi noma nini.

Mayelana nekusasa, izinhloso zikaDunzy zenzelwe yena nomphakathi wakhe.

Uthathe ikhefu emfundweni yakhe ngemuva kokufunda esikoleni esiphakeme kodwa angathanda ukuqhubeka nakho. “Ngifuna ukubuyela esikoleni ngiqhubeke nokusebenza esizweni sami,” usho kanje. “Ngifuna ukusiza abanye besifazane. Ngifuna ukusebenzisa ulwazi lwami nozwela ukusiza abanye. ”

Ukuqomisana, futhi, ubheke phambili - {textend} kepha ngeke aphinde azithobe ebudlelwaneni.

Futhi ngoDunzy, lokho kusho ukuthi hhayi nje ukumelana nama "Jareds" omhlaba, kepha ukuqhamuka endaweni yokuzithanda, kungakhathalekile ukuthi abanye bamamukela kanjani.

Uthi: “Inhloso yami ukungabi nami ngokungaxolisi. “Ngezansi, ngingajabula ukushada nomuntu ongumngani wami omkhulu futhi onomndeni. Kodwa okokuqala ngifuna ukuzihlola ngokwengeziwe. ”

Lapho ukuhlukumezeka abhekane nakho kusongela ukumboza ikusasa lakhe nekusasa lakhe, uDunzy uzama ukuhlangana nabo ngqo.

Uthi: “Nginamahloni ngokuthandana, ngenxa yokuhlangenwe nakho kwami ​​kwangaphambilini. "Kodwa ngithola injabulo nobuhle kuyo yonke into, ngokwengxenye ngenxa yakho konke engikubonile."

Futhi ngemuva kwakho konke ukubekezelela kwakhe, ukuqina kwakhe kuyakhanya.

Uyanezela: “Ngiyazihlonipha, ngisho nalapho omunye umuntu engazihloniphi.”

UPamela Rafalow Grossman uhlala futhi ubhala eBrooklyn, eNew York. Umsebenzi wakhe ushicilelwe ku- "Village Voice," eSalon.com, "Ms." umagazini, iTime.com, i-Self.com, nezinye izitolo. Ungumuntu oneminyaka engu-11 owasinda umdlavuza webele futhi usebenza ezinhlanganweni zokukhuthaza iziguli.