Kungani Kudingeka Sikhulume Ngokwesaba Kwethu Ukufa

-Delile

• “Impilo yabuza uKufa,‘ Kungani abantu bengithanda kodwa bekuzonda? ’UKufa waphendula wathi,‘ Ngoba unamanga amahle futhi ngiyiqiniso elibuhlungu. ’” - Umbhali akaziwa
• Ake sikhulume ngokufa ngenxa yekhofi
• Uyini umlando wokufa, noma "indlovu egumbini"?
• Uyiletha kanjani ingxoxo yokufa ekhaya

Sifaka imikhiqizo esicabanga ukuthi ilusizo kubafundi bethu. Uma uthenga ngezixhumanisi ezikuleli khasi, singathola ikhomishini encane. Nansi inqubo yethu.

“Impilo yabuza uKufa,‘ Kungani abantu bengithanda kodwa bekuzonda? ’UKufa waphendula wathi,‘ Ngoba unamanga amahle futhi ngiyiqiniso elibuhlungu. ’” - Umbhali akaziwa

Abantu abaningi abathandi ukucabanga noma ukukhuluma ngokufa. Noma kungenakugwemeka ukuthi ngamunye wethu uzokufa, ukwesaba, ukukhathazeka, nokwesaba kusazungeze ukufa - ngisho negama lodwa. Sizama ukugwema ukucabanga ngakho. Kepha ngokwenza njalo, sithinta impilo yethu engokwengqondo nengokomzimba kabi kakhulu kunalokho esikwaziyo.

Kukhona ngisho negama lakho: ukukhathazeka ngokufa. Le nkulumo ichaza ukwesaba abantu ababa nakho lapho bazi ngokufa.

"Lo mbono," kusho uLisa Iverach, PhD, ongumcwaningi omkhulu eNyuvesi yaseSydney, "usekelwe ebufakazini bokuthi ukufa kuyisici esibalulekile ezinkingeni eziningi ezihlobene nokukhathazeka."

Ukukhathazeka ngokufa kungaba yinto ejwayelekile ngokuphelele. Ukwesaba okungaziwa nokuthi kwenzekani ngemuva kwalokho ukukhathazeka okusemthethweni. Kepha uma iqala ukuphazamisa indlela ophila ngayo impilo yakho, iba yinkinga. Futhi kubantu abangazitholi izindlela ezifanele zokubhekana nesimo, kungenzeka ukuthi konke lokho kukhathazeka kubangele ubuhlungu bengqondo nokucindezeleka.

U-Iverach ubeka izimo ezimbalwa lapho ukwesaba ukufa kunomthelela omubi empilweni enempilo. Ungahle ubone ezinye:

• Ukwehlukana kokukhathazeka kokukhathazeka ezinganeni kuvame ukufaka ukwesaba ngokweqile kokulahlekelwa abantu ababalulekile kubo, njengabazali babo, ngezingozi noma ngokufa.
• Abahloli abaphoqayo bahlola kaningi ukushintshwa kwamandla, izitofu namalokhi ngenhloso yokuvimbela ukulimala noma ukufa.
• Ama-washers wezandla eziphoqayo avame ukwesaba ukungenwa yizifo ezingamahlalakhona nezisongela impilo.
• Ukwesaba ukufa ngenxa yesifo senhliziyo imvamisa kuyimbangela yokuvakashelwa odokotela kaningi kulabo abanenkinga yokwethuka.
• Abantu abanezinkinga zesifo se-somatic bahlanganyela ezicelweni ezivamile zokuhlolwa kwezokwelapha nokuskena komzimba ukuze kutholwe ukugula okungathi sína noma okungapheli.
• Ama-phobias athile abandakanya ukwesaba ngokweqile ukuphakama, izicabucabu, izinyoka, negazi, konke okuhlobene nokufa.

“Ukufa akuyona into esikhuluma ngayo njalo. Mhlawumbe sonke sidinga ukukhululeka ngokwengeziwe ukuxoxa ngalesi sihloko esicishe senziwe. Akufanele kube yindlovu ekamelweni, ”kukhumbuza u-Iverach.

Ake sikhulume ngokufa ngenxa yekhofi

Ukukhuluma ngokufa kungumsebenzi wempilo kaKaren Van Dyke. Ngaphezu kokuba ngumeluleki wokugcina wempilo osebenza nabadala emiphakathini esiziwe yokuphila nokunakekelwa kwememori, uVan Dyke wabamba iDeafe Cafe yokuqala yaseSan Diego ngo-2013. IDear Cafes isebenza njengendawo enobungane, yokwamukela, nehlala kahle kulabo abafuna bakhulume ngokusobala ngokufa. Amaningi asezindaweni zokudlela ezinhle noma ezindaweni zokudlela zangempela lapho abantu badla futhi baphuze ndawonye.

"Inhloso ye-Death Cafes ukwenza lula umthwalo wemfihlakalo yokuthi isipiliyoni sakho singaba yini noma singabi yini," kusho uVan Dyke. "Impela ngenza impilo ngokuhlukile manje, manje ngiyasho, futhi ngicacisa kakhulu ukuthi ngifuna ukubeka amandla ami kuphi, futhi lokho kuhlobana ngqo nokukwazi ukukhuluma ngokufa ngenkululeko."

Le nkulumo yokufa inempilo kakhulu kuneminye imikhuba nezenzo okungenzeka sizithathile ukugwema ukufa. Ukubuka ithelevishini, ukuphuza utshwala, ukubhema, nokuthenga… bekuzokwenzekani uma lokhu bekuyiziphazamiso nemikhuba esihlanganyela kuyo ukugwema ukucabanga ngokufa? Ngokusho kukaSheldon Solomon, uprofesa wesayensi yokusebenza kwengqondo eSkidmore College eSaratoga Springs, eNew York, ukusebenzisa lezi zimilo njengeziphazamiso akuwona umqondo ongaziwa.

“Ngenxa yokuthi ukufa kuyisihloko esingathandeki kubantu abaningi, ngokushesha sizama ukukukhipha ekhanda ngokwenza izinto ukuze siziphazamise,” kusho uSolomon. Ucwaningo lwakhe lukhombisa ukuthi ukwesaba ukufa kungabeka ukusabela, imikhuba nokuziphatha okubonakala kujwayelekile.

Ukuphikisana nalokhu kuziphatha, ukuba nendlela enempilo nombono wokufa kungaba yisiqalo.

I-Death Cafes ivele emhlabeni wonke. UJon Underwood noSue Barsky Reid basungula iDeath Cafes eLondon ngo-2011 ngenhloso yokwenza izingxoxo ngokufa zingasabisi ngokuzethula ezindaweni ezinobungani emphakathini. Ngo-2012, uLizzy Miles waletha i-Death Cafe yokuqala e-US eColumbus, e-Ohio.

Kuyacaca inani elandayo labantu lifuna ukukhuluma ngokungagunci ngokufa. Okunye abakudingayo isikhala esiphephile nesimemayo, esihlinzekwa yi-Death Cafes.

Uyini umlando wokufa, noma "indlovu egumbini"?

Mhlawumbe ukwesaba igama okunikeza amandla.

UCaroline Lloyd, owasungula iDeafe Cafe yokuqala eDublin, uthi ngefa lobuKhatholika e-Ireland, imikhuba eminingi yokufa igxile esontweni kanye namasiko alo akudala afana nemingcwabo nemikhosi yezenkolo. Umbono amanye amaKhatholika nawo akholelwa kuwo ukuthi ukwazi amagama amadimoni kwakuyindlela yokubaphuca amandla abo.

Kuthiwani uma, ezweni lanamuhla, besingasebenzisa leyo ndlela yokufa? Esikhundleni sokuthi izichasiso ezinjengokuthi “wawela,” zadlula, ”noma“ zaqhubeka ”futhi zaziqhelelanisa nokufa, kungani singakwamukeli lokho?

EMelika, sivakashela amathuna. "Kodwa akukhona lokho wonke umuntu akufunayo," kusho uVan Dyke. Abantu bafuna ukukhuluma ngokusobala - ngokwesaba ukufa, amava abo okugula kakhulu, ukubona ukufa kothandekayo, nezinye izihloko.

IDeafe Cafe eseDublin ibanjelwe endaweni yokucima ukoma, isitayela sase-Ireland, kepha akekho noyedwa odakayo lapho kwenzeka lezi zingxoxo ezisangulukisayo. Impela, bangaba nepenti noma itiye, kepha abantu enkantini - abancane nabadala, abesifazane nabesilisa, abasemaphandleni nabasemadolobheni - babucayi uma kukhulunywa ngokubhekana nokufa. “Bazijabulisa futhi. ILaugher iyingxenye yayo, ”kwengeza uLloyd, maduzane ozosingatha iDeath Cafe yakhe yesine enhlokodolobha yase-Ireland.

Kuyacaca ukuthi la makhofi enza umsebenzi omuhle.

"Kusenjalo kakhulu okufunwa umphakathi," kusho uVan Dyke. "Futhi, sengibe nokuthula okuncane ukuthi ukufa kuzokwenzeka ngemuva kokwenza lokhu isikhathi eside kangaka." Manje sekunabaphathi abangama-22 beDeath Cafe eSan Diego, bonke baqeqeshwa nguVan Dyke futhi neqembu labelana ngemikhuba emihle.

Uyiletha kanjani ingxoxo yokufa ekhaya

Ngenkathi i-Death Cafes iseseyintsha e-U.S., Amanye amasiko amaningi anezinkambiso zesikhathi eside, ezinhle eziseduze nokufa nokufa.

UMfu Terri Daniel, MA, CT, unesitifiketi se-Death, Dying, and Bereavement, i-ADEC. Ungumsunguli we-Death Awareness Institute kanye ne-Afterlife Conference. UDaniel unolwazi lokusebenzisa amasiko e-shamanic amasiko endabuko ukusiza ukuphulukisa abantu ngokuhambisa amandla okuhlukumezeka nokulahlekelwa emzimbeni womzimba. Ufunde amasiko okufa nakwamanye amasiko.

E-China, amalungu omndeni ahlanganisa ama-altare ezihlobo ezisanda kushona. Lokhu kungaqukatha izimbali, izithombe, amakhandlela, nokudla. Bashiya lawa ma-altare okungenani unyaka, kwesinye isikhathi kuze kube phakade, ngakho-ke imiphefumulo yalabo asebemukile inabo nsuku zonke. Ukufa akusikho ukucabanga ngemuva noma ukwesaba, kuyisikhumbuzo sansuku zonke.

UDaniel ubala isiko lamaSulumane njengesinye isibonelo: Uma umuntu ebona udwendwe lomngcwabo, kufanele alulandele ngezinyathelo ezingama-40 zokuma nokubona ukubaluleka kokufa. Ukhuluma nangendlela ubuHindu nobuBuddha njengezinkolo nokuya emasikweni okufundisa nokuqonda ngayo ukubaluleka kokufa nokulungiselela ukufa njengendlela yokukhanyiselwa, esikhundleni sokubheka ukufa ngokwesaba nokukhathazeka.

Ukushintsha izimo zengqondo ngokufa kufanele nakanjani. Uma ukuhlala izimpilo zethu ngokwesaba ukufa kuyithinta kabi impilo yethu, lapho-ke kufanele senze umzamo wokwamukela ukucabanga okuhle, okunempilo nokuziphatha esihlokweni. Ukuguqula ukulandisa ngokufa kusuka ekukhathazekeni kuye ekwamukelweni, kungaba nge-Death Cafes noma eminye imicikilisho, kuyisinyathelo sokuqala esihle sokuvula ingxoxo. Mhlawumbe ngemuva kwalokho, singakwamukela ngokusobala futhi sigubhe ukufa njengengxenye yomjikelezo wethu wokuphila komuntu.

UStephanie Schroeder uyiNew York City–Ususelwa kumbhali ozimele nombhali. Ummeli nesishoshovu sempilo yengqondo, uSchroeder ushicilele incwadi yakhe ethi, "Ukuwohloka Okuhle: Ucansi, Amanga Nokuzibulala," ngo-2012. Njengamanje uhlela ngokubambisana i-anthology ethi "HEADCASE: Ababhali be-LGBTQ nabaculi bezeMental Health and Wellness," okuzokwenza izoshicilelwa yi-Oxford University Press ngo-2018/2019. Ungamthola ku-Twitter ku @ Sthembile9.