Indlela Emangazayo Yokucindezelwa Kobudlelwane Kwenza Ukhuluphele

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Uyazi ukuthi ukuhlukana kungathinta isisindo sakho-kungaba ngcono (isikhathi esithe xaxa sokuzivocavoca!) Noma okubi kakhulu (oh hai, Ben & Jerry's). Kepha bewazi ukuthi izindaba zobudlelwano zingadala ukuzuza kwesisindo noma ngabe usebudlelwaneni obuzinikele? (Funda ngezinye izindlela eziyinqaba umzimba wakho osabela ngayo ekucindezelekeni.)

Iminyaka emine, abacwaningi baseNyuvesi yaseMichigan balandele abantu abangaphezu kuka-2,000 abashadile abathandana nobulili obuhlukile ababendawonye isilinganiso seminyaka engu-34 futhi benza ukuba baqophe umjikelezo wokhalo lwabo, ikhwalithi yomshado engemihle, izinga lokucindezeleka, nokunye. Bathola ukuthi lapho le ndoda icindezelwa kakhulu ngesimo sobudlelwano bayo, isisindo sayo sobabili iyona futhi umkakhe wakhula-ama-intshi amane engeziwe okhalweni lwabo phakathi nesifundo. (Ngokuxakile, lapho abesifazane bebenakho abambalwa izikhalazo zobudlelwane, abayeni babevame ukukhuluphala. Abaphenyi bacabanga ukuthi lokhu kungenzeka ngoba kusho ukuthi owesifazane akanandaba.)

"Umshado unamathonya anamandla empilweni," kusho umbhali oholayo u-Kira Birditt, Ph.D., uprofesa ohlangene wocwaningo e-University of Michigan Institute for Social Research esitatimendeni sabezindaba. "Ukucindezeleka okutholwa ozakwethu, hhayi ukucindezeleka komuntu ngamunye, kwakuhlotshaniswa nokwanda kwesiyingi sokhalo. Lo mphumela wokucindezeleka wawunamandla nakakhulu ikakhulukazi ebuhlotsheni bomshado."

Futhi ungacabangi ukuthi uthando lwakho olusha luyokuvikela ngenxa yokuthi awukashadi iminyaka engamashumi amathathu. UBirditt uthi imiphumela yengcindezi yozakwethu iyefana nakwabashadikazi abasebasha, yize ebheka ukuthi ungahle ungazizwa imiphumela yezempilo njengabashadikazi asebekhulile. (Kepha uma usuzuzile leso sisindo, lawo mazinga anyukile amafutha omzimba angadala umjikelezo wokuzuza isisindo ononya.)

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yisiphi isizathu, nokho, umlayezo ucacile: Ingcindezi yobudlelwane ithinta bobabili abalingani, ngakho nobabili kudingeka nibambe iqhaza elibonakalayo ekulawuleni. “Kubalulekile ukuthi imibhangqwana ithole izindlela zokubhekana ndawonye isebenzisa amasu akhuthazayo okubhekana nawo njengokuvivinya umzimba ndawonye, ​​ukuba nezingxoxo ezolile, nokudala imigomo ehambisanayo,” usho kanje.

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