Ukungatholi Imithelela Kubudlelwano. Nansi Indlela Yokubhekana

-Delile

• Ukungazali kanye nobudlelwano bothando
• Ukungazali kanye nobungane
• Ukungazali kanye nabazali bakho
• Ukungabi nenzalo nezingane ezindala
• Ungabugcina kanjani ubudlelwano bakho ngenkathi ubhekene nokungazali
• Nquma ukuthi ubani ongamethemba futhi wabelane ngolwazi lwakho
• Sokucaba ukuxhumana okusha
• Cela ukwesekwa okudingayo
• Yazi izimbangela zakho
• Yenza indawo yothando nobumnandi
• Thola ukwesekwa

Ukungabi nenzalo kungaba ngumgwaqo onesizungu, kepha awudingi ukuhamba wedwa.

Akunakuphikwa iqiniso lokuthi ukungabatholi abantwana kungaba nomthelela omkhulu empilweni yakho engokwengqondo nengokomzimba.

Amahomoni, ukudumazeka, izinaliti kanye nokuhlolwa konke kunomthelela enhlalakahleni yakho. Ayikho indlela yokuchaza ubuhlungu obukhulu obuhambisana nokuzama - nokwehluleka - ukwakha impilo entsha nomndeni omusha ngenqwaba yenjabulo yakho.

Kepha okungakhulunywa kakhulu ngakho ukuthi umthelela wokuzala ungaba nawo kanjani ku- zamanje ubudlelwane empilweni yakho.

kusikisela ukuthi ukungabatholi abantwana kuvame ukuba yisizungu esikhulu, iqiniso elenziwa libe libi ngokwedlulele kakhulu okubangelwa ubudlelwano bakho obukhona. Ihlazo, ukuphoxeka, nokucwaswa konke kunemiphumela. Ubunzima bezezimali, ukuntuleka kokuxhumana, kanye namasu okubhekana nokuphikisana aphikisanayo konke kungafinyelela ekuqhekekeni okukhulu phakathi kwakho nabathandekayo empilweni yakho.

Vele, ulwazi lwakho lungahluka ngokuya ngezimo zakho ezihlukile. Noma kunjalo, kunezindikimba ezimbalwa ezivamile zamaqhawe okuchuma ezikhuluma ngazo ezenza umgwaqo osunesizungu uzizwe uyinyumba ngokwengeziwe.

Ukungazali kanye nobudlelwano bothando

Akukho okubulala umuzwa wokwenza uthando ongcono kunesimiso sanyanga zonke sezocansi esinesikhathi. Ngemuva kwalokho, ukuphoxeka okudabukisayo nokwazi ukuthi kuzodingeka uphinde ukwenze futhi emavikini ambalwa nje ambalwa kunezela ekucindezelekeni.

Akumangalisi ukuthi omunye kusuka ku-2004 wathola ukuthi amadoda emibhangqwaneni engenanzalo ayethanda ukunganeliseki kangako ekamelweni. Lokhu kungenzeka kungenxa yengcindezi yengqondo okufanele yenziwe njalo ngenyanga. Ucwaningo olufanayo luye lwathola nokuthi abesifazane bavame ukubika ukwaneliseka okuncane ngemishado yabo. Emibhangqwaneni yabantu bobulili obufanayo, noma ngabe ucansi kungeyona indlela yokukhulelwa, ingcindezi evela kwinqubo yokusiza yobuchwepheshe bokuzala (i-ART) iyodwa ingadala izinkinga ngokusondelana.

Futhi, imizwa eminingi emibi iphonswa kozakwethu. Ezinye izinkinga ezimpilweni zethu zingabiwa phakathi kwabangane abakhulu ukuhleba-izinhlekelele, izingxoxo ezipholile zamanzi, nezikhathi zomndeni zokuveza umoya. Kepha imibhangqwana eminingi ikhetha ukugcina imishikashika yabo yokungazali iyimfihlo. Umphumela uba ingcindezi enkulu kumuntu oyedwa yokuxhaswa.

Emibhangqwaneni eminingi, abantu babhekana nokudumazeka nokudabuka ngezindlela ezihlukile. Ungagcina uzondile lapho umlingani wakho ekusola ngokuthi "wenza ngokweqile" noma "uyinhlekelele."

Khonamanjalo ungazizwa sengathi umlingani wakho "akanandaba ngokwanele." Noma, ungaba nomlingani ophendula ukudabuka kwakho ngokuzama "ukulungisa" okungaguquguquki. Mhlawumbe okufunayo ngempela ukuthi bahlale nawe ekudabukeni kwakho futhi baqonde.

Ukusolwa nentukuthelo kungathinta kalula imibhangqwana elashwa ngokwelashwa. Uma ungowesifazane owenza ukwelashwa kokuzala okuhlaselayo ngenxa yokungabi nalutho kwabesilisa, ungazizwa unenzondo ngemuva kwawo wonke umjovo, ukudonsa igazi, noma ukuhlolwa kokukhulelwa okungekuhle. Noma, uma ukwelashwa kungumphumela wokuxilongwa kwakho, ungazizwa usolwa "ngokungasebenzi" komzimba wakho.

Kumibhangqwana yabobulili obufanayo, umbuzo wokuthi ngubani othwala umthwalo wokwelashwa, noma ngubani oklonyeliswa ngamava obuzali bomzali, nawo ungaba yingxabano.

Bese kuba khona ubunzima bezezimali. Ukwelashwa okufana ne-in vitro fertilization (IVF) kuvame ukubiza cishe ama- $ 15,000 noma ngaphezulu ngomjikelezo oyisisekelo ngemithi, ngokusho kwePlanned Parenthood. Futhi umjikelezo ngamunye we-ART unikeza kuphela ithuba lokuzalwa "okujwayelekile" kwabesifazane abangaphansi kweminyaka engama-35. Ukuzalwa "okujwayelekile" ukukhulelwa kwesikhathi esigcwele okuholela ekuzalweni okukodwa okuphilayo kwengane enesisindo esinempilo.

Izinga lempumelelo lingahluka kakhulu kuye ngeminyaka yomuntu okhulelwayo, ukuxilongwa kokungazali, ilebhu esetshenzisiwe, kanye nomtholampilo. Imibhangqwana ivame ukwenza kabusha izindlu zayo, ithathe imali mboleko, futhi izelule izace kakhulu ukukhokhela ukwelashwa.

Futhi, namanje, asikho isithembiso sokuthi uzobona ingane ekugcineni. Uma ukwelashwa kungasebenzi, ukulahleka kungaba okuphawuleka nakakhulu. Ucwaningo olulodwa lwango-2014 lwabesifazane abacishe babe ngama-48,000 lukhombisa ukuthi imibhangqwana engaphumeleli ekwelashweni kwabo kokuzala kunamathuba aphindwe kathathu okuqeda ubuhlobo babo.

Ukungazali kanye nobungane

Uma useminyakeni yakho yokuqala yokubeletha, mhlawumbe uzungezwe abanye enkathini efanayo yokuphila. Lokhu kusho ukuthi izifunzo ze-Facebook zigcwele izigaxa zezingane namabhaluni aluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka nophinki. Uma unenkinga yokungabi nenzalo, kuba sengathi wonke umuntu ombona esitolo noma epaki yezinja usunduza isitiloli noma unyakazisa iqhubu. Lokhu kuzikhohlisa kuba ngokoqobo lapho abangane bakho abakhulu beqala ukuhlanganyela izindaba zabo zokukhulelwa.

Ngenkathi ungahle uthande ukugeza i-BFF yakho ngezipho ezinjenge-onesies ezithandekayo futhi wamukele ukuhlonishwa okufana no “godparent” enganeni yabo, ungahle ungazizwa ukhululekile ukuzibona. Ungahle ungafuni nokukhuluma nabo ngomzamo wokulawula ukudumazeka kwakho. Uma bazi ngomzabalazo wokwenza izingane zakho womndeni, abangane bakho bangazama ukugwema ukukwenza uzizwe kabi ngokuziqhelelanisa nawe.

Okwamanje, uma ukwazi ukuthola amandla okubeka ukumamatheka ebusweni bakho lapho uthi "ngijabule kakhulu ngawe," impendulo yakho ingahle ibonakale ingathandeki noma ingeyamanga. Akumangalisi ukuthi esikhathini lapho udinga kakhulu abangane bakho, kusikisela ukuthi ukuzikhethela okuzimele kuvamile.

Uma uqhathaniswa nabangane bakho abangenabantwana, usesikhathini sokuphila esihluke kakhulu, esiyinkimbinkimbi. Ungahle ufune ngisho nokubavikela ukuze bangazi ngezinselelo ezingaletha ukuqala umndeni.

Ngenkathi abangani bakho kungenzeka ukuthi basaswayipha ngqo kuTinder futhi bathenga insizakalo yamabhodlela, ubambisa ikhondomu yakho yemithi yokuzala, futhi usetshenziswe ngokuphelele ngomjikelezo wakho wenyanga. Kodwa-ke iningi labantu elingakaze lizame ukukhulelwa lisacabanga ukuthi ukukhulelwa noma ukukhulelisa omunye umuntu kulula njengekhondomu ephukile noma iphilisi elilahlekile. Futhi kungenzeka, kubo!

Kwabashadile bobulili obufanayo, ukuba nengane ngokwemvelo kuyinkimbinkimbi ngokwengeziwe. Kungaba namaqanda abanikeli noma isidoda, kanye nezwe eliyinkimbinkimbi lokuzimela okufanele ulihlole. Ungazithola ungaqiniseki ngokuthi uzokhuluma ngani nabangani ngoba umhlaba wakho wonke udliwe yimicabango abangakaze bacabange ngayo ngaphambili.

Ukungazali kanye nabazali bakho

Ngisho nakwabashadikazi abangenankinga yokungazali, umbuzo othi "Ngizomthola nini umzukulu?" iyacasula i-AF. Kepha lapho okufunayo ukwazi ukunika abazali bakho isithombe se-ultrasound esakhiwe njengesipho esimangazayo, lo mbuzo ongenacala uqala ukuhlaba ngempela.

Imibhangqwana eminingi ihlupheka phakathi nezinyanga zokungazali kanye nokwelashwa kwe-IVF ngaphandle kokutshela omunye umuntu ezimpilweni zayo. Abanye bangahle bangafuni ukukhathaza abazali babo, kanti abanye abafuni ukubadumaza ngaphambi kwesikhathi lapho ukukhulelwa kunganamathele.

Ukugwema izingxoxo ezingajabulisi - nezinhloso ezinhle- ungazizwa unesidingo sokuhoxa emndenini wakho. Ungahle uthande ukugwema ukuhlangana komndeni lapho amehlo acwebile ehlaziya ikhabethe lakho nezinketho zokuphuza, futhi amahlaya okwenza izingane aqinisekile ukundiza.

Kubantu abanabazali bendabuko kakhulu, noma imibhangqwana yobulili obufanayo imindeni yabo elwa nokuzazi kwabo, i-ART efana ne-IVF ingabonakala njengokuziphatha okungalungile. Lokhu kungeza olunye ungqimba lwengcindezi uma uhlupheka buthule.

Ukungabi nenzalo nezingane ezindala

Uma ubhekene nokungabi nenzalo kwesibili (ubunzima bokukhulelwa ngemuva kokuthola ingane), noma ngokusebenzisa izindlela zokwelapha zokuzala zengane noma ezimbili, kunengcindezi eyengeziwe yokunakekelwa kwengane phezu kokugaya ukungabatholi abantwana nsuku zonke. Phakathi kokuqeqeshwa kwamabhodwe, ukuqeqeshwa kokulala, kanye nesenzo esingami sokuphila kwengane encane, kunzima ukuthola isikhathi sokwengeza "ukuya ocansini" kushejuli yakho esivele igcwele (futhi ekhandlayo).

Ukuba khona ezinganeni ezindala kunzima uma uhlangabezana nokungazali. Ukuzama ukukhulelwa kungasho ukweqa esimisweni sasekuseni sengane yakho ngenkathi ungena kuma-ultrasound asekuqaleni noma ukudonswa kwegazi. Kusho nokuthi kungenzeka ukuthi ukhathele kakhulu ukunikeza ingane yakho isikhathi nokunakwa abakufisayo. Ubunzima bezezimali bungasho amaholide omndeni ambalwa noma imisebenzi embalwa yokugcina izingane zakho zijabule futhi zibandakanyekile.

Imvamisa, abancane bethu basebancane kakhulu ukuqonda ukuthi kukhona enye ingane esendleleni. Kunzima kubo ukuthi baqonde ukuthi kungani abazali babo belwa futhi becindezeleke kakhulu emoyeni ukucula "Baby Shark" okweshumi ngalolo suku.

Ukuba necala kwabazali kuyasinda ngosuku oluhle, kepha uma ubhekene nokukhetha ukunikeza ingane yakho ingane yakini ngokunganaki ukuyinaka njengamanje, kuba sengathi uyasha.

Ungabugcina kanjani ubudlelwano bakho ngenkathi ubhekene nokungazali

Ngenkathi uthola ukwelashwa kokuzala, umbuthano wakho wezenhlalo ungazizwa unyinyekile futhi umncane impela. Kungazwakala sengathi nguwe kuphela, umlingani wakho, nodokotela wakho ozula imigwaqo engaqinisekile engaphambili. Uma ubudlelwano empilweni yakho bunenkinga ngesikhathi obudinga kakhulu, nazi izeluleko zokubasiza ukuba ziqine.

Nquma ukuthi ubani ongamethemba futhi wabelane ngolwazi lwakho

Izinga lokunethezeka lawo wonke umuntu lihlukile uma kukhulunywa ngokwabelana ngohambo lwabo lokuzala. Uma uthola ukuthi ukuthula kwenza ubudlelwano bakho buzizwe bungahlangani, cabanga ukukhetha umuntu oyedwa noma ababili ongathembela kubo.

Kungenzeka kube umuntu omaziyo naye onenkinga yokungabi nenzalo, umuntu onikeza izeluleko ezinhle, noma umuntu omaziyo akalahli futhi uyisilaleli esihle. Zama ukuvula umuntu oyedwa bese ubona ukuthi kunjani. Noma, uma ubumfihlo buyinto oyithandayo futhi ikulethela ukukhathazeka ukwabelana ngezindaba zakho, ukujoyina iqembu lokusekela elingaziwa kungasiza.

Sokucaba ukuxhumana okusha

Ngenkathi ukungabi nenzalo kungumuzwa onesizungu, iqiniso ukuthi awuwedwa. Umbhangqwana owodwa koyedwa kwabayisishiyagalombili ulwa nokungazali, kanti izindlela zokwelashwa kwabantu bobulili obufanayo ziyanda. Lokho kusho ukuthi abantu abaningi obaziyo bahlupheka buthule futhi.

Noma ngabe uxhuma nabanye ku-inthanethi, emtholampilo wakho, noma ngamanye amaqembu osizo lokuzala, ngale nqubo ungakha ubungane obusha nokuxhumana okuhlala njalo.

Cela ukwesekwa okudingayo

Noma ngabe uthathe isinqumo sokwabelana ngesipiliyoni sakho, noma usigcina phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho, vumela uhlelo lwakho lokusekela lwazi uhlobo lokuxhumana oludingayo. Ngeke bazi ukuthi uthanda ukungena njalo noma ukuthi kufanele bakulinde yini ukuthi ufinyelele kubo. Bazise ukuthi yikuphi okuhle kuwe.

Ngokunjalo nomlingani wakho, uma ufuna bahlale ekudabukeni kwakho nawe kunokuba bazame "ukulungisa" inkinga, batshele lokho. Noma uma udinga umuntu ozokukhulumela phansi bese ekunika umbono ongokoqobo, cela okudingayo. Isitayela sokuxhumana sawo wonke umuntu sihlukile. Asicubunguli usizi nokudabuka ngokufanayo.

Yazi izimbangela zakho

Uma ukuya eshaweni lezingane noma idili lokuzalwa labantwana kubuhlungu kakhulu kuwe, kulungile ukwenqaba.

Akusho ukuthi kufanele ukhiphe ngokuphelele kulobo budlelwano (ngaphandle uma ufuna, kunjalo). Nquma ukuthi yini okungcono kakhulu ngempilo yakho yengqondo. Thola ezinye izindlela zokuxhumana nabantu abangagxilile kangako enganeni noma ekukhulelweni.

Yenza indawo yothando nobumnandi

Ngenkathi ucansi lungaveza imizwa yokulindela, ukukhathazeka nokudumazeka, usengasondelana ngaphandle kwengcindezi yezocansi.

Zama ukuhlela ubusuku bosuku lwamasonto onke noma nje ugone ngobusuku bangoLwesibili obungahleliwe. Mhlawumbe nizothatha umdlalo ndawonye, ​​niye kobuka umdlalo wamahlaya, noma nibhake uphaya. Noma ukungabatholi abantwana kungazwakala njengefu elimnyama, akudingeki ukuthi kwebe ukukhanya kwelanga kusuka kuwo wonke umzuzu nsuku zonke.

Thola ukwesekwa

Imitholampilo eminingi yokuzala idlulisela abantu emibhangqwaneni noma ekwelashweni ngakunye ukubhekana nezinselelo ezihambisana nokungazali. Uma udonsa kanzima, noma wena nomlingani wakho nidinga ukuthola ikhasi elilodwa, akukho hlazo ekufuneni usizo.

Kukhona isaga saseTurkey esithi, "Awukho umgwaqo omude ngenkampani enhle." Ngenkathi ukungazali kungashintsha ubudlelwano obubalulekile empilweni yakho, kunethuba lokwenza lezi zinguquko zisebenze ngoba wena. Zama ukushintsha isipiliyoni sibe ngesokukhula komuntu siqu. Thola isigodi esihambisa okudingayo. Awuwedwa.

U-Abbey Sharp ungudokotela obhalisiwe wezokudla, i-TV nomsakazo, i-blogger yokudla, kanye nomsunguli we-Abbey's Kitchen Inc. Ungumbhali we-Mindful Glow Cookbook, incwadi yokupheka engeyona eyokudla eyenzelwe ukusiza ukukhuthaza abesifazane ukuthi bavuselele ubudlelwane babo nokudla. Usanda kwethula iqembu labazali likaFacebook elibizwa ngeMillennial Mom’s Guide to Mindful Meal Planning.