Ukuya Ocansini Ngemuva Komshado Kunjalo Ngendlela Owenza Ngayo - Futhi Ungakwenza Kube Kuhle

-Delile

• Ukushada ≠ ukwenza ucansi olubi
• Abantu abashadile empeleni bangaba nobulili obungcono… nokuningi kwakho
• Vele kunezizathu zokuthi inani locansi lingacwilisa
• Ukuya ocansini, kufanele ukubeke eqhulwini
• Kukhona ukwehla kwemvelo nokugeleza kwe-libido ngokuhamba kwesikhathi
• Uvumela impilo yakho yobulili bodwa iwele eceleni kwendlela
• Uma ungakwazi ukungena esimeni, cabanga ngokwenzekayo ngaphandle kwekamelo lokulala
• Indlela enhle yokwenza ucansi olumnandi? Khulumisanani
• Kwesinye isikhathi udinga ukuzibeka esimweni sengqondo
• Ungahle wakhe isifiso usuku lonke
• Ukufunda ulimi lothando lomunye nomunye kanye nesifiso solimi kungasiza
• Yeka ukuqhathanisa impilo yakho yezocansi neyeyabanye abantu
• Zama okuhlukile ukwenza izinongo phezulu
• Yenza u-Yebo, Cha, mhlawumbe uhlu
• Iya ephathini / iklabhu lezocansi noma indawo yokubhukuda ye-swinger
• Thenga ithoyizi locansi (noma ithoyizisndawonye
• Vula izithombe ezingcolile
• Iya eholidini!
• Okubalulekile

Sifaka imikhiqizo esicabanga ukuthi ilusizo kubafundi bethu. Uma uthenga ngezixhumanisi ezikuleli khasi, singathola ikhomishini encane. Nansi inqubo yethu.

Ukushada ≠ ukwenza ucansi olubi

Kuqala kuza uthando, bese kuza umshado, bese kuza… ucansi olubi?

Akunjalo ukuthi lesi siqubulo sihamba kanjani, kodwa yilokho yonke i-hoopla ezungeze ucansi lwangemva komshado ongathanda ukukukholelwa.

Izindaba ezinhle: Kunjalo impela. Hoopla! Fuss! Amanga!

"Izinkulungwane, amakhulu ezinkulungwane, izigidi zemibhangqwana eshadile inezimpilo ezijabulisayo, ezinempilo, nezanelisayo zocansi," kusho uJess O'Reilly, PhD, ophethe uhlelo @SexWithDrJess Podcast. Phew.

Abantu abashadile empeleni bangaba nobulili obungcono… nokuningi kwakho

Khetha umhlathi wakho phezulu emhlabathini! Kunengqondo uma ucabanga ngakho.

"Njengoba uthola ukwazi nokwethemba umlingani wakho, uvame ukukhululeka ngokwengeziwe ukuvula imizwa yakho, okuthandayo, nokuthi yini ocabanga ngayo," kusho u-O'Reilly. "Lokhu kungaholela ocansini oluthokozisayo nolwanelisayo."

Namanje ungaqiniseki? "Idatha ekhona lapho ikhombisa ukuthi abantu abashadile benza ucansi kaningi kunabantu abangashadile," uyanezela.

Ungakubukeli phansi ukuba lula kozakwethu mhlawumbe / ngezikhathi ezithile ozimisele / onentshisekelo eduze kwakho!

Vele kunezizathu zokuthi inani locansi lingacwilisa

Isinyathelo sokuqala sokuba nokuningi? Ukuqonda ukuthi kungani ungahle ube nokuncane!

Ukuya ocansini, kufanele ukubeke eqhulwini

Uma ukuya ocansini kubalulekile kuwe futhi umatasa, qagela ini? "Kufanele ubeke phambili," kusho u-O'Reilly. "Lokhu kungaba yinselelo enkulu ngemuva kokuba nezingane, kodwa kungenzeka uma wenza umzamo."

Ithiphu yakhe yokuyibeka kuqala? Kubeke kushejuli yakho njengoba nje ubungenza noma ikuphi okunye okubalulekile - noma ngabe lowo ngumhlangano webhizinisi, iklabhu yokubhuka, noma ukukha izingane ukuzijwayeza ibhola.

Ibhulokhi lekhalenda akudingeki lifunde i- "Bang My Boo" (noma ikwazi ngokuphelele, uma lokho kuyinto yakho). Futhi ukushaya akubanga ngisho nephuzu!

Mane ubeke eceleni isikhathi sokuxhumana futhi ubone ukuthi yiziphi izinhlobo zokuthinta ezenzekayo, kusho u-O'Reilly.

Kukhona ukwehla kwemvelo nokugeleza kwe-libido ngokuhamba kwesikhathi

Lokho kuyiqiniso kubantu babo bonke ubulili nobulili.

"ILibido ithinteka yizinto ezinjengokubeletha, ukugula, ubuhlungu obungapheli, imishanguzo, ingcindezi, nokusetshenziswa kwezidakamizwa," kusho uHolly Richmond, PhD, udokotela wezocansi oqinisekisiwe kanye nodokotela wezengqondo we-somatic eK-Y.

Ukucwilisa esifisweni socansi akuyona inkomba yendawo yonke yokuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle ebudlelwaneni.

Uvumela impilo yakho yobulili bodwa iwele eceleni kwendlela

Ubuwazi ukuthi i-libido ithinteka ngokungabi nocansi, futhi?

Kungazwakala kuphikisana nakho, kepha uRichmond uthi, “lapho uya ocansini ngokwengeziwe, kulapho ulufuna khona kakhulu. Uma uthola okuncane, uyokufuna okuncane. ”

I-WYY yehlela kumahomoni.

"Uma uya ocansini, kukhona ukukhishwa kwama-endorphin ne-oxytocin okusibeka esimeni sokuya ocansini," esho. "Ukuba nobulili obuningi futhi kuvula indlela ye-neural ekufundisa ukulindela injabulo."

Lobobulili bungaba umsebenzi wabantu ababili noma umsebenzi womuntu oyedwa, usho kanjalo.

Ngaphezu kokusiza ukukufaka esimeni sokuya ocansini oluhlukanisiwe, ukushaya indlwabu kungakha ukuzethemba kwakho.

Kungakusiza nokuthi wazi ukuthi uthanda ukuthintwa kanjani ukuze ukwazi ukufundisa umlingani wakho kangcono ukuthi angakuthinta kanjani uma wenza ucansi.

Futhi, ukuxubha okukodwa kungasiza nasekunciphiseni amazinga akho okuxineka, okungakusiza ungene esimweni sengqondo. #Winqoba.

Uma ungakwazi ukungena esimeni, cabanga ngokwenzekayo ngaphandle kwekamelo lokulala

Isizathu silula: Okwenza ukuphuma ekamelweni lokulala kungathinta okwenzekayo (noma cha) ekamelweni.

"Uma uthwala intukuthelo ngoba wenza ngokungagodli umsebenzi wasendlini, ngeke ubheke le ntukuthelo emnyango wegumbi lokulala," kuchaza u-O'Reilly.

"Njengokungathi uthukuthele ngoba umlingani wakho ukhulume into ezokudicilela phansi phambi kwezingane, leyo ntukuthelo ngeke ize iphele ngokushesha lapho ungena embhedeni."

Leyo mizwa emibi futhi akunakwenzeka ukuthi ihumushele othandweni noma esifisweni esidingekayo ukuyithola.

Isixazululo siyizingxenye ezimbili.

Okokuqala, umlingani ohamba ngemikhumbi ongemuhle kudingeka abhekane nomlingani wakhe ngalokho abakuzwayo nokuthi kungani.

Ngemuva kwalokho, omunye umlingani kufanele aphendule ngendlela efanayo.

Uma wena nomlingani wakho ninobunzima bokuba nalezi zingxoxo, ungahle ubheke njengomelaphi wobudlelwano.

Indlela enhle yokwenza ucansi olumnandi? Khulumisanani

Ukuthi ucabanga ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho nisekhasini elilodwa mayelana nohlobo lwezocansi ofuna ukuba nalo nokuthi ufuna ukuba nalo kaningi kangakanani - noma wena yazi usemakhasini ahlukene - kufanele ukhulume ngakho!

"Ingxoxo ngalokho okulindelwe umlingani ngamunye mayelana nezocansi kubalulekile," kusho uRichmond.

"Kufanele ukhulume ngokuthi kangaki ngosuku, ngesonto, noma ngenyanga lapho omunye wenu efuna ukuya ocansini," esho.

Uma kunokungafani kokuvama kocansi - futhi imibhangqwana eminingi kwesinye isikhathi ebudlelwaneni - kufanele:

1. Qhubeka ukhulume ngezocansi.
2. Beka phambili ezinye izinhlobo zokuthinta ngokocansi nokusondelana.
3. Hlola ezinye izinhlobo zokusondelana.
4. Cabanga ukubona owelapha ngocansi.

Ngaphandle kokuthi kukangaki, “kufanele futhi unqume ukuthi hlobo luni lobulili nokuthi ufuna ukudala imizwa enjani uma unalo,” kusho uRichmond.

Isibonelo, ingabe konke kumayelana nokuzijabulisa kanye ne-orgasm noma kungaphezulu ngokuxhumeka?

Ukuqonda lapho nimi khona nobabili kunganisiza niqhubekele endaweni yozwela kunokuzivikela, okwenza nikwazi ukudala izixazululo lapho nobabili nizizwa ninamandla futhi nifezekile, usho kanjalo.

Kwesinye isikhathi udinga ukuzibeka esimweni sengqondo

Iqiniso elijabulisayo: Kunezinhlobo ezimbili ezihlukene zokuvuka.

Kukhona uhlobo olukushaya u-whamm-o-bamm-o ngokuzumayo (okubizwa ngokuthi isifiso esizenzekelayo), nohlobo oluvelayo uma wena nomlingani wakho niqala ukuqabulana noma ukuthinta (okubizwa ngokuthi isifiso sokuphendula).

Ngenkathi isifiso esizenzekelayo kungenzeka kube yinto elungile ngenkathi wena neNombolo Yakho yokuqala niqala ukuthandana, “kwabaningi abashadile, kanye nabantu abebesebudlelwaneni isikhathi eside, kufanele wenze izinto ukukuvuselela futhi ukuthole esimweni sengqondo, ”kusho u-O'Reilly.

"Uma ulinda ukufuna ucansi ukuze ube nalo, ungalinda isikhathi eside," esho.

Ngokuqondile ukuthi wena (nozakwenu) nincika kanjani esifisweni esiphendulayo kuzokwehlela kokunivula nobabili.

Kungabukeka njengokuzisondeza kusofa oseduze komunye nomunye, ukucela noma ukunikelana inyawo, ubuso obumunca, ukugonana, noma ukushawa ndawonye.

Ungahle wakhe isifiso usuku lonke

Enye indlela yokuthola imood? Chitha usuku lonke ukuthola esimweni sengqondo. Njengoba u-O'Reilly esho, "Ukwakha isifiso kuqala ngaphambi kokuba kuvele izingubo."

Kusho ukuthini lokho empeleni, empeleni?

Ukuthumela imiyalezo ngocansi, ukulinganisa izingcingo zasemini, noma amanothi we-saucy ashiye lapho uzakwenu ezowathola khona.

Ukuvumela umlingani wakho akhethe izingubo zakho zangaphansi zosuku, ukugeza ndawonye (kodwa ungathinti!) Ekuseni, noma umane utshele umlingani wakho ngaphambi kokuthi uphume endlini, "Angikwazi ukulinda ukukuzwa ububula kulobubusuku."

Ungasebenzisa futhi i-tech egqokekayo yezocansi ukuze uzuze. I-We Vibe Moxie, isibonelo, isidlidlizi se-panty esingalawulwa uhlelo lokusebenza kufoni yomlingani wakho.

Yigqoke, utshele umlingani wakho, bese uyothenga ukudla. Kumnandi!

Ukufunda ulimi lothando lomunye nomunye kanye nesifiso solimi kungasiza

“Lokhu kungaba yizinto ezimbili ezihluke kakhulu - ngakho-ke kuye ngokuthi wazi izilimi zakho, bese uba nezingxoxo ezikhululekile nezithembekile ngazo, ”kusho uRichmond.

Umqondo wezilimi zothando, owasungulwa nguDkt. Gary Chapman, uthi indlela sonke esinikela noma esamukela ngayo uthando ingahlukaniswa ngezigaba eziyisihlanu eziyinhloko:

• izipho
• isikhathi sekhwalithi
• izenzo zomsebenzi
• amazwi okuvuma
• ukuthinta ngokomzimba

Wena nozakwenu ningafunda izilimi zothando zomunye nomunye ngokuthatha le mibuzo engu-5 yemizuzu engu-inthanethi.

Lokhu kuzokufundisa ukuthi ungenza kanjani umlingani wakho azizwe ethandwa futhi ethandwa, kusho uRichmond. Uma umlingani wakho ezwa ethandwa futhi eziswa, bazoba sethubeni lokuba semoyeni wokuzikhohlisa.

Ufuna futhi ukwazi "ulimi lwesifiso," iRichmond oluchaza ngokuthi, "indlela umlingani wakho athanda ukukhonjiswa ngayo ukuthi bayafisa."

Ngabe bayathanda ukugconwa? Bathumelele nge-imeyili ngaphambi kosuku lwasebusuku.

Ingabe ezothando ziyabenzela? Hlela usuku oluphelele ngamakhandlela, izimbali, ukugeza, namahora ambalwa abekelwe wena (ngaphandle kokuzibophezela kunoma ngubani omunye).

Ingabe bayathanda ukumangala? Shiya iphenti emapheshaneni abo ngenothi.

Ngabe bayathanda ukunconywa? Bancome!

Yeka ukuqhathanisa impilo yakho yezocansi neyeyabanye abantu

Uyazi ukuthi bathini: Ukuqhathanisa isela lentokozo. Lokho kuyasebenza nasekamelweni lokulala!

“Wena nomlingani wakho nidinga ukunquma ukuthi nifuna ukuba nocansi olunjani futhi luhlobo luni ngokuya ngokukusebenzela kakhulu, hhayi ngokuya ngalokho enicabanga ukuthi kufanele nikwenze,” kusho uRichmond.

Zama okuhlukile ukwenza izinongo phezulu

"Kungaba nokulahleka okungokwemvelo kwesithakazelo kwezocansi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi lapho ubumnandi nenjabulo kuphela," kusho u-O'Reilly.

Ungakhathazeki, kungenzeka ukubuyisa ukushisa.

Yenza u-Yebo, Cha, mhlawumbe uhlu

Uma ngabe uke waba nomlingani wakho isikhathi eside, ungacabanga ukuthi wazi konke mayelana nezintandokazi zabo zocansi. Kepha ungahle umangale okungenani into eyodwa noma ezimbili abafuna ukuzama!

Futhi yingakho nje wena nomlingani wakho kufanele nigcwalise u-Yebo, Cha, Mhlawumbe uhlu (ngokwesibonelo, lona noma lona).

Lokho kungabukeka sengathi ngamunye wenu ugcwalisa uhlu lwakhe, bese nihlangana ukuze nixoxe ngezinto eningathanda ukuzizama nobabili.

Noma, lokho kungasho ukwenza ubusuku bosuku ngokugcwalisa ndawonye.

Iya ephathini / iklabhu lezocansi noma indawo yokubhukuda ye-swinger

"Imibhangqwana yenza ingxenye enkulu yabantu abaya emicimbini yocansi," kusho uMelissa Vitale, umqondisi wezokuxhumana we-NSFW, ikilabhu elibamba imicimbi yezocansi kanye nemihlangano yokufundisana.

"Ukuhlola inkanuko nobulili esimeni sephathi yezocansi kungasiza i-duo ukwakha ukusondelana, ukwethembana, nezothando - noma ngabe ziletha umuntu wesibili, owesithathu, noma wesine, noma bavele balala nabo kuleso sikhala," esho.

Mhlawumbe uzobona kwenzeka okuthile nobabili nivulelwe futhi ninesifiso sokuzama lapho nifika ekhaya, uyanezela.

Thenga ithoyizi locansi (noma ithoyizisndawonye

Ngokufanelekile, uzofuna ukukwenza lokhu esitolo, lapho kunabafundisi bezocansi phansi abangaphendula noma yimaphi ama-Q aqhamukayo.

Ungazama ukuhlukanisa imizuzu engu-15, bese nibuya ndawonye ukuze nibone ukuthi yimiphi imikhiqizo yobumnandi eniyifakile ngamunye enqoleni.

Noma, ningahlangana esitolo ndawonye, ​​nishintshane ngokungeza ama-sexcessories enqoleni.

URichmond uncoma ukushiya ithoyizi ofuna ukulisebenzisa ndawonye, ​​kanye nethoyizi eningalizama ngesikhathi ngasinye.

“Ngikhuthaza amakhasimende ami ukuthi athole i-vibrator ebasebenzela bodwa. Futhi-ke ukuletha egumbini lokulala nomlingani wabo - lokhu kuvame kakhulu ukuvula ithuba kumlingani. ”

Vula izithombe ezingcolile

Ngaphandle kwalokho okungenzeka ukuthi uke wakuzwa, i-porn empeleni ingaba lusizo ebudlelwaneni.

"Ngenye yezindlela imibhangqwana engangena ngayo ezweni lamaphupho ndawonye," kusho uRichmond. "Ngokubuzana ukuthi yini abafuna ukuyibuka, uthola izinkomba zokuthi yiziphi ezinye zezinguquko zabo ezingaba khona - mhlawumbe izinto abanamahloni kakhulu ukuzicela."

"Ngezithombe ezingcolile zobulili, kufanele ukhumbule ukuthi lokhu kwenzelwa ukuzijabulisa nje kuphela, hhayi imfundo," esho.

"Esikhundleni sokusebenzisa i-porn ukusetha okulindelekile mayelana nokuthi thina noma esisebenzisana nabo kufanele babukeke kanjani noma ukuthi kufanele senze kanjani, kumayelana nokwakha inganekwane kanye nendawo emnandi yokucwila ngokujule enjabulweni."

Uma ungazi ukuthi uzoqala kuphi, hlola amasayithi we-porn feminist afana neCrashPadSeries, iBellesa, neLust Cinema.

Iya eholidini!

Uyazi ukuthi bathini: Ucansi lweholide lungubulili obuhamba phambili.

Ngenkathi ochwepheshe bexwayisa ngokufaka ingcindezi eningi kuwe naku-boo yakho ukuze ugxeke njengonogwaja njalo lapho ubaleka, uRichmond uthi, "ucansi lweholide ngempela luyindlela enhle yokusetha kabusha impilo yezocansi noma yokuluvuselela kabusha."

Akuwona amashidi wehhotela noma insizakalo yegumbi eyenza ubulili beholide buhle kakhulu, noma kunjalo.

"Kumayelana neqiniso lokuthi usesimweni esivumela ukuthi ushiye umthwalo wakho wosuku nosuku, umzuzu nomzuzu ngemuva," kusho uRichmond. "Lokhu [kuvula] isikhala wena nomlingani wakho sokuhlakulela inkanuko, futhi nigxile emaphusheni nasebumnandini."

Kucace bha: Lokhu kusho hhayi ngibheka i-Slack, i-imeyili, noma ezinye izaziso, uma kungenzeka.

Eminye imikhiqizo yokuzijabulisa enobungani bokupakisha:

• ILe Wand Point Vibrator, enengidi yokuhamba
• I-Tether engavinjelwe, eyi-kink evunyelwe yi-TSA ne-BDSM
• 2 Ounce Sliquid Sassy, ​​ongayiletha lapho uqhubeka

Okubalulekile

Ungavumeli i-trope eyisicefe ukuthi ukufaka indandatho kuyo kuzokonakalisa impilo yakho yezocansi - wena nomlingani wakho nithatha isinqumo sokuthi ucansi olushadile lubukeka kanjani kuwe.

Kunezizathu eziningi - ukusondelana, ukwethembana, uthando, nokujwayela, ukubala ezimbalwa! - ukuthi ucansi olushadile empeleni lunganelisa ukwedlula ucansi olulodwa, nezindlela eziningi zokuvuselela impilo yakho yezocansi uma iqala ukuzizwa iswele kancane.

UGabrielle Kassel ungumbhali wezocansi nowezempilo waseNew York futhi ungumqeqeshi weCrossFit Level 1. Ube ngumuntu wasekuseni, uvivinye ama-vibrator angaphezu kwama-200, futhi wadliwa, wadakwa, futhi wahluzwa ngamalahle - konke egameni lobuntatheli. Ngesikhathi sakhe samahhala, angatholakala efunda izincwadi zokuzisiza namanoveli othando, ukucindezela ibhentshi, noma ukudansa kwepali. Mlandele ku-Instagram.