Kuyini Ngempela ‘Ukukopela Okuncane’?

-Delile

• Kwenzenjani?
• Ingabe lokhu kuyinto entsha?
• Ingabe ukukopela okuncane kufana nokukopela ngokomzwelo?
• Yini ebalwa njengokukhohlisa okuncane?
• Ngabe kuvame ukubukeka kanjani uma kusenziwa?
• Kuthiwani uma kunguwe okwenzayo, futhi awuzange uqaphele?
• Kuthiwani uma ungeyena, kodwa umlingani wakho?
• Ubeka kanjani imingcele kuyo?
• Uhambisa kanjani ngokudlule?
• Okubalulekile

Kwenzenjani?

Impela, kulula ukukhomba ukukopela uma kukhona ukukhotha / ukuphulula / ukuthinta kwezitho zobulili.

Kepha kuthiwani ngezinto ezicashile - njengokucwayiza iso, ukuswayipha uhlelo lokusebenza ngaphansi kwetafula, noma ukuthinta idolo?

Kukhona igama lalezo zinto ezidlala ngothando umugqa (omncane kakhulu) phakathi kobuqotho nokungathembeki: ukukopela okuncane.

“Ukukopela ngezinto ezincane kubhekisele ezenzweni ezincane ezi cishe ukukopela, ”kusho uTammy Shaklee, isazi sezobudlelwano se-LGBTQ nomsunguli weH4M Matchmaking.

Okubalwa njengokukopela kuhlukile kubo bonke ubudlelwano, ngakho-ke okufanela ukuthi ukukopela okuncane kungahluka, nakho.

Njengomthetho ojwayelekile, ukukopela okuncane kunanoma yini etholakala ngokweqile ngokomzwelo, ngokomzimba, noma ngokocansi kunalokho okubhekwa njenge-kosher ebudlelwaneni bakho.

Uthi: “Umthambeka oshelelayo. “Noma yini leyo kungenzeka kuholele ekukhohliseni okugcwele esikhathini esizayo. ”

Ingabe lokhu kuyinto entsha?

Cha! Ngenxa yokuthanda kwethu okusha ngokuqamba izitayela nezinhlekelele zokuqomisana, manje sesinolimi lokubiza lokhu kuziphatha.

UShaklee uphawula ukuthi izindlela ezivame kakhulu zokukopela okumbalwa zibandakanya ukuthumela imiyalezo kanye nemithombo yezokuxhumana ( * ukukhwehlela * Amasilayidi e-DM * ukukhwehlela * *, ngakho-ke uma ukukopela okuncane kubonakala okuvame kakhulu kunanini ngaphambili, kungenxa yokuthi siye sanda ngokuya ku-inthanethi.

Ingabe ukukopela okuncane kufana nokukopela ngokomzwelo?

Cha, kepha laba bobabili banokuhlangana okuthile.

Njengoba uGigi Engle, inxusa lomkhiqizo weLifestyle Condoms, umqeqeshi wezocansi oqinisekisiwe, nombhali we “All the F * cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life” uthi, “Ukukopela ngokomzwelo kungumzala wokukopela okuncane.”

Ngokukopela ngokomzwelo kukhona i-zero hanky panky, kepha kukhona utshalomali olungokomzwelo olungafanele.

Ukukopela okuncane, ngakolunye uhlangothi, akubhekiseli kuphela ekuweleni komngcele ongokomzwelo.

Yini ebalwa njengokukhohlisa okuncane?

Futhi, konke kuncike ekutheni yiziphi izinto ezibalwa njengokukopela ebudlelwaneni bakho.

Lokhu kusho ukuthi noma yini ekulandeni uhlelo lokusebenza olusha lokuphola i-Lex "ukuze uyihlole nje!" ukudlala ngezinwele zomngani, ukuthepha kabili isithombe se-Instagram sakudala, noma ukuba no-ahem ojwayelekile, enwetshiwe ukudla kwasemini nomuntu osebenza naye kungabala.

Ezinye izibonelo zifaka:

• uhlala ephendula endabeni yomuntu othile we-Instagram
• ukunaka kakhulu umuntu akuyona umlingani wakho kunomlingani wakho wangempela ephathini
• uthulisa othile noma ususa ukushintshaniswa kombhalo ukuze uzakwethu angatholi ukuthi uyaxoxa
• ukwabelana ngemininingwane yomuntu mayelana nokunambitheka kwezocansi, ama-kink, namafantasy nomuntu akuyona umlingani wakho

U-Engle ubiza ukuthi ukukopela okuncane akukhona ebudlelwaneni bomuntu oyedwa.

"Uma ninobudlelwano obuvulekile lapho uvunyelwe ukuya ocansini ngaphandle kwalobo budlelwano, kodwa kungekho mizwa, ukuba nobudlelwano obuyimfihlo obungokomzwelo nothile kungaba uhlobo lokukhohlisa nge-mirco."

Uyanezela ukuthi okufanayo kuyafana uma usebudlelwaneni be-polyamorous futhi ungatsheli umlingani wakho ngomuntu omusha ombonayo yize evumile.

Ngabe kuvame ukubukeka kanjani uma kusenziwa?

Ngokuvamile isikhathi sokutshala ngokweqile, amandla, noma isikhala sekhanda kumuntu ongeyena umlingani wakho, kusho uShaklee.

Lokho kungasho ukuthi unamathele kakhulu kumuntu osebenza naye - cabanga ukudla kwasemini okude, ukuwacosha njalo ikhofi ekuseni, noma ukuthumela imiyalezo ngemuva kwamahora.

Kungasho ukuthi ube “nobungane” kancane ezinkundleni zokuxhumana - ukuthanda izithombe ezindala zomunye umuntu, ukuvakashela iphrofayli yakhe kaninginingi, noma ukushelela kuma-DM abo.

Kungasho nokugqoka ngendlela ehlukile lapho wazi ukuthi uzobona umuntu othile (#dresstoimpress), noma ukwehluleka ukusho i-Main yakho kumuntu omthola ekhanga.

"Uma isisu sakho sikutshela ukuthi umlingani wakho angazizwa engakhululekile ngezenzo zakho noma ngezenzo zakho - noma uzizwe ungakhululekile - kuyisibonakaliso esihle kakhulu sokuthi uyakhohlisa okuncane," kusho u-Engle.

Kuthiwani uma kunguwe okwenzayo, futhi awuzange uqaphele?

Uphawu lokuqala lokuthi ukopela okuncane lubeka phambili othile - nemizwa yabo, ukwamukelwa, noma ukunakwa - ngaphezu komlingani wakho.

"Uma kwenzeka okuthile okuhle, utshela othile ngaphambi kokutshela umlingani wakho?" Kubuza uShaklee. "Uma omunye umuntu ekhuluma, uzithola usuqonde ngqo kuye?"

Uma impendulo ingu-Y-E-S kunoma yikuphi kwalokhu, qala ukuthola ukuthi KUNGANI ubusebenza noma uzizwa ngale ndlela.

Ngabe uthola ukunakwa okuncane kusuka, ukusondelana naye, noma injabulo kumlingani wakho kunakuqala? Ukuziphatha kwakho okungabazekayo kungakhombisa ukungeneliseki esimeni samanje sobudlelwano bakho.

Uma kunjalo - futhi ucabanga ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho bufanele ukulondolozwa - sekuyisikhathi sokusebenza nomlingani wakho ukulungisa lokho.

Uma, noma kunjalo, kube khona ushintsho olubonakalayo ebudlelwaneni bakho olungazizwa lulungiswa, isixazululo kungaba ukuhlukana, kusho uShaklee.

Kuthiwani uma ungeyena, kodwa umlingani wakho?

Isikhathi sokuxoxa. “Woza kumlingani wakho nezibonelo ezithile zokukhohlisa okuncane. Chaza ukuthi ukuziphatha kwabo kukulimaza kanjani, ”kusho u-Engle.

Inhloso kufanele kube ukushiya ingxoxo nohlelo lomdlalo lokuqhubekela phambili (noma cha…).

Ungayifaka kanjani ingxoxo:

• “Ngiyabona ukuthi uthanda kakhulu uX; Ngingathanda ukuba nengxoxo yokuthi ngabe leyo nto uyayazi yini, ukuthi kungani kungaba njalo, nokuthi kungenza ngizizwe kanjani. ”
• “Ngiyesaba ukuveza lokhu, kodwa ngibonile ukuthi ubeke amazwana ochungechungeni lwama-emoji enhliziyo esithombeni sowendoda yakho, futhi kungenza ngizizwe ngingakhululekile. Ngabe ungavula ingxoxo mayelana nabezindaba zenhlalo nemingcele? ”
• "Sinezinyanga ezimbalwa manje sibonana, futhi ngingathanda ukuba nengxoxo mayelana nokususa izinhlelo zokusebenza zokuphola emafonini ethu futhi hhayi 'ukuswayipha nje ukukhahlela'."

Khumbula: Imizwa yakho isebenza.

"Uma bekushaya bathi" akuyona into enkulu, "noma bakwenze uzizwe uswele noma ungenangqondo, leyo yindlela yokukhanyisa uphethiloli," kusho u-Engle. Futhi leso yisizathu esihle sokucabangisisa ngobudlelwano bakho.

Kepha, uma umlingani wakho ephendula ngokunakekela, futhi evulekile ukushintsha indlela abaziphatha ngayo nokubeka imingcele, ubudlelwano bakho bungakhula buqine.

Ubeka kanjani imingcele kuyo?

Ukwakha imingcele lapho ngaphambili kwakungekho khona kungaba yinkohliso. Lezi zinyathelo zingasiza.

Iba nengxoxo eqotho. Iya endaweni engathathi hlangothi (cabanga: ipaki, imoto emile, isitolo sekhofi), bese uthola realll kahle, okwangempela, mayelana nokuthi uzizwa kanjani nokuthi ucabanga ukuthi lowo muzwa uvelaphi. (Futhi qiniseka ukuthi umlingani wakho unendawo yokwabelana ngemizwa yakhe, naye!).

Thatha izinyathelo zokuqinisa ubudlelwano bakho. Ngoba ukukopela okuncane kuvame ukukhomba izingqinamba ebudlelwaneni, sebenzisana nomlingani wakho ukulungisa lokho. Lokho kungahle kubeke phambili ukubeka phambili isikhathi sekhwalithi, ukuqala ukuhlela ucansi, noma ukuzibandakanya ne-PDA eningi.

Xoxa ngalokho okubalwa njengokukopela nokukhohlisa okuncane. Futhi chaza! Ngabe i-DMing yinoma ngubani futhi wonke umuntu ku-Instagram uyena cha cha? Noma nje abantu oke wajola nabo ngaphambilini noma waba nentshisekelo kubo? Ngabe uthando lomzimba luhlale lungalungile, noma uma nje luqondiswe kubangani abangabodwa? Ingabe ukukhuluma nomsebenzi osebenza naye ngemuva kwamahora kuhlala kungalungile, noma kwenzeka nje ngombhalo (ngokungafani ne-imeyili)?

Yiba nale ngxoxo kaninginingi. Njengoba osebenza nabo abasha, abangane, nabantu obajwayele bengena ezimpilweni zakho nasezondlweni zenhlalo, amathuba amasha wokukhohlisa okuncane azovela. Ngakho-ke qhubeka ungene nomlingani wakho mayelana nokuthi yini ezwakala ikhululekile ngaphakathi kwesakhiwo sobudlelwano bakho.

Uhambisa kanjani ngokudlule?

Iqiniso, ngokusho kuka-Engle, lithi “hhayi yonke imibhangqwana kuthanda ngikwazi ukudlula lapho ukukopela okuncane. ”

Kepha, uma ukudlula phambili kuyinjongo, uShaklee uthi iresiphi ukunakekelwa okungaguquguquki, ukwethembeka, ukushukuma okuqhubekayo kothando, ukuqinisekiswa, nokubekwa phambili kobuhlobo.

"Ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe onelayisense ongakusiza ukuthi usebenze ngayo nakho kungasiza," esho.

Okubalulekile

Okubalwa njengokukopela okuncane kuyahluka ebudlelwaneni kuye ebudlelwaneni, kuya ngalokho okusungulwe njengokukopela. Kungakho ukudala imingcele engokomzwelo, ngokomzimba, nangokobulili (futhi kungekudala kunesikhathi!) Kubaluleke kakhulu.

Uma ukukopela okuncane kwenzeka ngaphakathi kobudlelwano, kubalulekile ukubhekana nakho bese uqhamuka necebo lokukugcina kungenzeki futhi.

Ngemuva kwakho konke, kungabizwa ezincane-ukukhohlisa, kepha lokho akusho ukuthi akuyona i- macro-nikeza.

UGabrielle Kassel ungumbhali wezocansi nowezempilo waseNew York futhi ungumqeqeshi weCrossFit Level 1. Ube ngumuntu wasekuseni, uvivinye ama-vibrator angaphezu kwama-200, futhi wadliwa, wadakwa, futhi wahluzwa ngamalahle - konke egameni lobuntatheli. Ngesikhathi sakhe samahhala, angatholakala efunda izincwadi zokuzisiza namanoveli othando, ukucindezela ibhentshi, noma ukudansa kwepali. Mlandele Instagram.