Iminithi Eqondayo: Ngizinqoba Kanjani Izinkinga Zokuthembana Ezivela Kubudlelwano Obudlule?

-Delile

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Ukuxwaya kakhulu ngemva kokushiswa ebuhlotsheni akuyona into evamile, kodwa uma ubuhlobo bakho bokugcina bukuphonsela iluphu kangangokuthi uzizwa unesibazi unomphela—njengokungathi ngeke uphinde ukwazi ukwethemba-khona-ke yisikhathi sabanye. ukuzindla kanye nezeluleko.

Thatha isikhathi sokuphulukisa, ukubhala ngokucophelela, nokuqonda ubudlelwano bakho bokugcina ukuze ungathwali umthwalo usuka kubo uye kolandelayo.

1. Yenza ukusika kuhlanzeke. Imithombo yezokuxhumana yanamuhla yenza ukutakula kwehluke ngokuphelele kunoma yisiphi esinye isikhathi emlandweni wezothando. Izinkinga zakho zokuthembela kungenzeka zibangelwe ukuthi ukuxhumana okuningana, noma okuphathelene nomngcele, kwenza isixazululo esiphelele sibonakale singenakwenzeka. Ngenkathi kungasho ukuthi uzolahlekelwa ngamavidiyo wekati amahle kakhulu onyakeni, vala noma ukhawulele i-Facebook kuze kube yilapho usudlulile ngokungangabazeki.

2. Qonda ukwethembana. Kwesinye isikhathi siwela kubantu ngokususelwa ezicini zokucindezela: Ucwaningo olwenziwe eCharles University ePrague luthole abafana abanamehlo ansundu benika isithombe sokwethembeka ngokwengeziwe. Okuhlekisa ngokwanele, ukuthi i-2010 University of St Andrews eScotland ithole abaphenduli benokwenzelela okukhulu ekuthembeni ubuso obuncane besilisa. Ungasheshi unyakaze, kodwa uma indoda ikunikeza isizathu sokukwethemba—iyakwenza lokho, yenza lokho ethi izokwenza, futhi iyakusekela—mamukele ngokwezwi layo esikhundleni sokucabanga emuva kobuhlungu obudlule.

3. Ungenzi iphutha elifanayo kabili. Ngokuvamile abesifazane bazokhetha uhlobo olufanayo lwendoda emzamweni "wokuthambisa" noma "ukushintsha" kuye (ngokwengqondo yengqondo lokhu kubizwa ngokuthi "ukuphindaphinda ukuphoqa"). Lokhu kungagcina kuwumsebenzi wesikhathi esigcwele ongenazo izinzuzo. Uma indoda enomlando wokukopela ikwephule ukwethembana, bese uqala ukuthandana nomunye umfana owaziwa ngeso lakhe elizulayo ... uyazi ukuthi lokhu kuya kuphi.

4. Yazi umjikelezo wakho. Ngenkathi ungathanda ukucabanga ukuthi unenkululeko yokuzikhethela, umjikelezo wakho wokuya esikhathini kanye namahomoni afana ne-testosterone ohlelweni lwakho kungaba yinto enkulu enqubweni yakho yokwenza izinqumo ebudlelwaneni bakho. Okuthakazelisayo ukuphawula ukuthi i-oxytocin, eyake yacatshangwa ukuthi iyi-hormone "yokuxhumana komphakathi", iyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu. Ngokuphathelene nenkinga yokwethembana okusele, i-oxytocin ingaba yimbangela: Iqinisa izinkumbulo, ezinhle nezimbi. Noma kulula kangakanani ukulwa nomfana omusha ukuletha imicabango engemihle ngobudlelwano besikhathi esidlule (noma ngezikhathi ezinhle zokuzizwa ujwayelekile), hlala ukhona. Ukuvumela imicabango-emihle nemibi ingene othandweni olusha kungahlanekezela izenzo zakho nezinkolelo zakho.

5. Hlala ulindile umzuliswano wesibili. Uma uzama futhi ngensizwa efanayo, uzokuthola kuthakazelisa ukuthi ucwaningo olusha oluvela e-Redeemer University College e-Ontario luthole ukuthi ukwethembana kungahlanekezela izinkumbulo zakho, kusenze sibheke iziphambeko zesikhathi esidlule zozakwethu wezothando njengezilimazi kangako njengoba bezinjalo ekuqaleni. uma ukwazi "ukuphinda umethembe". Kepha kulabo abanokuthembela okuncane kumlingani wabo, izinkumbulo zokuphela kothandi zikhula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

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