Sicela uyeke ukusebenzisa ukugula kwami ​​kwengqondo ukufeza umbono wakho

-Delile

• Inganekwane eseshwe kakhulu: ‘Imingcele yemingcele imbi’
• Ukujola ne-'Manic Pixie Dream Girl '
• Ngaphandle kwama-movie
• Imiphumela yangempela yalezi zinganekwane
• Ngale kwenhlamba

Ngithole izinganekwane zobulili kanye nezifelokazi ezizungeze abantu abanokuphazamiseka kobuntu emingceleni zisabalele - futhi ziyalimaza.

Impilo nokuphila kahle kuthinta ngamunye wethu ngokuhlukile. Le yindaba yomuntu oyedwa.

Kusukela ngineminyaka engu-14, amagama athi “monitor for a personality or mood disorder” abhalwa ngokugqamile emashadini ami ezokwelapha.

Namuhla usuku, Ngicabange ngosuku lwami lokuzalwa lwe-18. Njengomuntu omdala osemthethweni, ngangiye ekugcineni ngithole ukuxilongwa kwami ​​ngokusemthethweni kwezempilo yengqondo ngemuva kweminyaka ngithunyelwa kusuka ohlelweni olulodwa lokwelashwa kwezempilo yengqondo kuya kolandelayo.

Ehhovisi lami lodokotela, uchaze, "UKyli, unenkinga yezempilo yengqondo ebizwa ngokuthi yi-borderline personality disorder."

Nginethemba lokuzethemba, ngazizwa ngikhululekile ukuthi ekugcineni Nganginamagama okuchaza ukuguquguquka kwemizwelo, isimilo sokuzilimaza, i-bulimia, nemizwelo enamandla engangihlangabezana nayo njalo.

Noma kunjalo ukwahlulela ebusweni bakhe kungenze ngakholwa ukuthi umqondo wami omusha wokunikezwa amandla uzoba wesikhashana.

Inganekwane eseshwe kakhulu: ‘Imingcele yemingcele imbi’

I-National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI) ilinganisela ukuthi amaphesenti aphakathi kuka-1.6 no-5.9 wabantu abadala baseMelika bane-borderline personality disorder (BPD). Baqaphela cishe amaphesenti angama-75 abantu abathola ukuxilongwa kwe-BPD ngabesifazane. Ucwaningo luphakamisa ukuthi izici zebhayoloji nezenhlalo zingaba imbangela yaleli gebe.

Ukuze uthole ukuxilongwa kwe-BPD, kufanele uhlangabezane nezimfuneko ezinhlanu kwezingu-9 ezibekiwe kuhlelo olusha lwe-Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Kunjalo:

• umuzwa ongazinzile wobuyena
• ukwesaba okukhulu kokushiywa
• izingqinamba ezigcina ubudlelwano phakathi kwabantu
• izindlela zokuzibulala noma zokuzilimaza
• ukungazinzi kwemizwelo
• imizwa yokungabi nalutho
• ukuhlukanisa
• kuqhuma intukuthelo
• ukungafisi

Ngineminyaka engu-18, ngahlangabezana nayo yonke imigomo.

Njengoba ngangifunda amawebhusayithi achaza ukugula kwami ​​kwengqondo, ithemba lami ngekusasa lami lasheshe laba nomuzwa wokujabha. Ngikhula nginezikhungo nenye intsha ephila nokugula kwengqondo, bengingavezwa kaningi ehlazweni lempilo yengqondo.

Kodwa akudingeki ngiphenye amakhona amnyama we-inthanethi ukuthola ukuthi abantu abaningi bacabangani ngabesifazane abane-BPD.

"I-Borderline mibi," funda ukusesha kokuqedela okuzenzakalelayo kokuqala ku-Google.

Izincwadi zokuzisiza zabantu abane-BPD zazinezihloko ezinjengokuthi “Izinhlobo Ezihlanu Zabantu Abangonakalisa Impilo Yakho.” Ngangiyindoda embi?

Ngafunda ngokushesha ukukufihla ukuxilongwa kwami, ngisho nabangane abaseduze nomndeni. I-BPD yezwa sengathi iyincwadi ebomvu, futhi ngangifuna ukuyigcina ikude kakhulu nempilo yami ngangokunokwenzeka.

Ukujola ne-'Manic Pixie Dream Girl '

Ngilangazelela inkululeko engangiyintula kakhulu kuyo yonke iminyaka yami yobusha, ngashiya isikhungo sami sokwelapha inyanga eyodwa emva kokuzalwa kwami ​​kwe-18. Ngakugcina ukuxilongwa kwami ​​kuyimfihlo, ngaze ngahlangana nesoka lami lokuqala elibucayi ezinyangeni ezimbalwa kamuva.

Wayezicabangela njenge-hipster. Lapho ngimtshela ukuthi ngineBPD, ubuso bakhe babuchichima injabulo.Sakhula lapho amabhayisikobho afana ne- “The Virgin Suicides” ne- “Garden State,” lapho abalingiswa abaqavile bathatheka ngezinhlobo ezi-ntathu zabesifazane abagula ngengqondo, besezingeni lokuthandwa kwabo.

Ngenxa yalesi sigqoko se-Manic Pixie Dream Girl, ngikholwa ukuthi bekukhona ukumheha okuthile ekubeni nentombi egula ngengqondo.

Ngazizwa ngingenakukwazi ukuhamba ngamazinga angenangqondo engangizizwa kufanele ngiphile kuwo njengowesifazane osemusha - owesifazane ogula ngengqondo, ukuqala. Ngakho-ke, ngazizwa ngifisa ukwenza ngendlela ejwayelekile indlela ayisebenzisa ngayo i-BPD yami.

Ngangifuna ukwamukelwa ukugula kwami ​​kwengqondo. Ngangifuna ukwamukelwa.

Njengoba ubuhlobo bethu buqhubeka, waqala ukuthanda izinto ezithile zesifo sami. Ngangiyintombi yami kwesinye isikhathi eyayiyingozi, ishesha, inocansi, futhi izwelana nephutha.

Kodwa-ke, lapho izimpawu zami zisuka ku- “quirky” zaya “kusangene” ngokombono wakhe - ukushintsha kwemizwelo, ukukhala okungalawuleki, ukusika - ngaba yinto elahlwayo.

Iqiniso lomzabalazo wezempilo yengqondo alishiyanga ndawo iphupho lakhe leManic Pixie Dream Girl lokuthi lichume, ngakho sahlukana ngemuva nje kwalokho.

Ngaphandle kwama-movie

Noma nje ngizwa umphakathi wethu ubambelela ezinganekwaneni zokuthi abesifazane abanemingcele abathandeki futhi bayingozi ngokweqile ebudlelwaneni, abesifazane abane-BPD nezinye izifo zengqondo nabo bayaphikiswa.

UDkt. Tory Eisenlohr-Moul, ongumsizi kaprofesa wezifo zengqondo e-University of Illinois eChicago, utshela uHealthline ukuthi iningi labesifazane abaziphatha njengabanomngcele “bathola umvuzo esikhathini esifushane, kodwa esikhathini esizayo, bathola kanzima ujezisiwe. ”

Ngokomlando, kube nokuthakasela okukhulu ngabesifazane abagula ngengqondo. Kuwo wonke ama-19th century (futhi kudala ngaphambi kwalokho), abesifazane ababhekwa njengabagulayo baphendulwa izibuko zemidlalo yaseshashalazini kodokotela ikakhulu besilisa ukwenza ucwaningo lomphakathi. (Kaningi kunalokho, lezi "zindlela zokwelapha" bezingahlangene.)

“Lokhu [ukucwaswa kwezempilo yengqondo] kudlala kanzima kakhulu kubantu besifazane abanemingcele, ngoba umphakathi wethu ukulungele kakhulu ukubachitha abesifazane ngokuthi 'bayasangana.'” - UDkt. Eisenlohr-Moul

I-lore ezungeze abesifazane abagula ngengqondo iguqukile ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ukuze ibathobe ubuntu ngezindlela ezihlukile. Isibonelo esivelele kulapho uDonald Trump aqhamuka khona ku “The Howard Stern Show” ngo-2004, nasengxoxweni ephathelene noLindsay Lohan, wathi, “Kwenzeka kanjani ukuthi abesifazane abakhathazeke kakhulu, niyazi, bajule, bakhathazeke kakhulu, bahlale bengcono Embhedeni?"

Yize bekuphazamisa kanjani ukuphawula kukaTrump, umbono wokuthi abesifazane "abahlanyayo" bahle kwezocansi kuyinto ejwayelekile.

Noma ngabe bayathandwa noma bayazondwa, babonwa njengokuma kobusuku obubodwa, noma indlela yokukhanyiselwa, ngizwa isisindo esihlala sikhona senhlamba esihambisana nenkinga yami. Amagama amathathu amancane - "Ngingumngcele" - futhi ngiyakwazi ukubuka amehlo omuntu eshintsha njengoba enza i-backstory kimi ezingqondweni zabo.

Imiphumela yangempela yalezi zinganekwane

Kunezingozi kulabo bethu abawela ku-crux yazo zombili i-ableism kanye ne-sexism.

Ucwaningo olulodwa lwango-2014 lwembula ukuthi amaphesenti angama-40 abesifazane abanezifo ezinzima zengqondo bahlukunyezwa ngokocansi sebebadala. Ngale kwalokho, amaphesenti angama-69 abike nokuthi ahlangabezana nohlobo oluthile lodlame lwasekhaya. Eqinisweni, abesifazane abakhubazekile banoma yiluphi uhlobo basengozini enkulu yokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi kunabesifazane abangenawo.

Lokhu kuba kubi kakhulu esimweni sezifo zengqondo ezifana ne-BPD.

Yize ukuhlukunyezwa ngokobulili ebuntwaneni kungathathwa njengento ebalulekile ekwakheni i-BPD, ucwaningo luye lwasikisela endaweni ethile phakathi kwabantu abane-BPD futhi abake bahlukunyezwa ngokocansi kwezingane.

Njengomuntu owasinda ekuhlukunyezweni ngokocansi ngisemncane, ngabona ngokwelashwa ukuthi i-BPD yami yayivele ngenxa yokuhlukunyezwa engangikubekezelela. Ngifundile ukuthi, yize kungenampilo, umbono wami wansuku zonke wokuzibulala, ukuzilimaza, ukuphazamiseka kokudla, kanye nomfutho konke bekuyizindlela nje zokubhekana nazo. Bebeyindlela yami yokuxhumana, "Udinga ukusinda, nganoma iyiphi indlela edingekayo."

Yize ngifunde ukuhlonipha imingcele yami ngokwelashwa, ngisagcwele ukukhathazeka okuqhubekayo kokuthi ukuba sengozini kwami ​​kungaholela ekuhlukunyezweni okwengeziwe nasekuvuseleleni kabusha.

Ngale kwenhlamba

UBessel van der Kolk, MD, wabhala encwadini yakhe ethi “The Body Keeps The Score,” ukuthi “isiko libumba ukubonakaliswa kwengcindezi ebuhlungu.” Yize lokhu kuyiqiniso ngokuhlukumezeka, angikwazi ukukholelwa ukuthi izindima zobulili zidlale indima ebalulekile ekutheni kungani abesifazane abane-BPD behlukaniswa ikakhulukazi noma bephikiswa.

"Lokhu [ukucwaswa] kudlala kanzima kakhulu kubantu besifazane abanemingcele, ngoba umphakathi wethu ukulungele kakhulu ukuxosha abesifazane ngokuthi 'bahlanya,'" kusho uDkt. Eisenlohr-Moul. "Isijeziso sowesifazane ngokujaha sikhulu kakhulu kunaleso esenziwa ngumuntu onamawala."

Noma ngithuthukile ngokululama kwami ​​kwengqondo futhi ngathola ukuthi ngiziphatha kanjani izimpawu zami zomngcele ngezindlela ezinempilo, ngifundile ukuthi imizwa yami ayisoze yathula ngokwanele kwabanye abantu.

Isiko lethu selivele lifundisa abesifazane ukufaka ngaphakathi intukuthelo yabo nokudabuka kwabo: ukuze babonwe, kepha bangezwa. Abesifazane abanemingcele - abazizwa benesibindi futhi bejule - kuyimpikiswano ephelele yokuthi sifundiswa kanjani ukuthi abesifazane kufanele babe.

Ukuba nomngcele njengowesifazane kusho ukubanjwa ngokuqhubekayo emlilweni ophakathi kwenhlamba yempilo yengqondo nobulili.

Ngangivame ukunquma ngokucophelela ukuthi ngihlanganyela nobani ukuxilongwa kwami. Kepha manje, ngihlala ngokungathandeki eqinisweni lami.

Ukucwaswa nezinsumansumane umphakathi wethu oziqhubekisela abesifazane abane-BPD akusona isiphambano sethu sokuthwala.

UKyli Rodriguez-Cayro ungumbhali waseCuba-American, ummeli wezempilo yengqondo, nesishoshovu esisezingeni eliphansi esizinze eSalt Lake City, e-Utah. Ungummeli ongagunci ekuqedeni udlame lwezocansi nolwasekhaya olubhekiswe kwabesifazane, amalungelo abathengisa ngomzimba, ubulungiswa bokukhubazeka, kanye nobufazi obubandakanya bonke abantu. Ngaphezu kokubhala kwakhe, uKyli wasungula ngokubambisana iMagdalene Collective, umphakathi wezishoshovu zocansi eSalt Lake City. Ungamvakashela ku-Instagram noma kuwebhusayithi yakhe.