Nazi izindlela ezi-3 zokuphikiswa ngokocansi kanye nokuphazamiseka kokudla kuhlangana

-Delile

• 1. Izindinganiso zobuhle zingaholela ekuthatheni umzimba
• 2. Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi kungadala ukuzibheka
• 3. Udlame lwezocansi lungaholela ekuphazamisekeni ekudleni njengezindlela zokubhekana nazo
• Ukuzimela nemvume kubaluleke kakhulu

Kusukela ekubophezeleni kwamazinga wobuhle kuya kokuvamile kodlame lwezocansi, ubungozi bokuthuthuka kokudla kukuyo yonke indawo.

Lo mbhalo usebenzisa ulimi oluqinile futhi wenza izinkomba zokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi.

Ngikhumbula kahle lapho ngibizwa okokuqala.

Ngangineminyaka engu-11 ngosuku lwentwasahlobo, ngilinde phansi esihlalweni sefulethi lethu ngenkathi ubaba ehlafunisisa ngaphakathi efuna i-inhaler yakhe.

Benginoswazi lukaswidi, okusele futhi ngilondolozwe ngokuphelele kusuka kuKhisimusi, kulenga emlonyeni wami.

Khonokho nje, kweza indoda. Futhi phezu kwehlombe lakhe, waphonsa ngokunganaki, "Ngifisa sengathi ungangincela kanjalo."

Ku-naïveté yami ye-pubescent, angizange ngikuqonde kahle ukuthi wayeqonde ukuthini, kepha ngakuqonda ukusikisela kwakho nokho. Ngangazi ukuthi ngangehliswa isithunzi ngendlela engangizizwa ngingalawuleki futhi nginamahloni ngayo ngokungazelelwe.

Okuthile mayelana wami Ukuziphatha, bengicabanga ukuthi kukhuthaze la mazwana. Ngokuphazima kweso, ngase ngine-hyperaware yomzimba wami kanye nokuphendula okungabangelwa amadoda amadala. Futhi nganginovalo.

Eminyakeni engaphezu kwengu-20 kamuva, ngisahlukunyezwa emgwaqeni - kusuka kwizicelo ezibonakala zingenacala zenombolo yami yocingo kuya ekuchazeni amabele ami nezinqe. Futhi nginomlando wokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo nangokwezocansi, ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi, nodlame lomlingani osondelene naye, okungishiye nomuzwa wokuphila ngiphathwa into.

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lesi sipiliyoni sithinte kakhulu amandla ami okuzizwa ngikhululekile emzimbeni wami. Ngakho-ke iqiniso lokuthi ekugcineni ngibe nenkinga yokudla lingase lingamangazi.

Ake ngichaze.

Kusukela ekubophezeleni kwamazinga wobuhle kuya kokuvamile kodlame lwezocansi, ubungozi bokuthuthuka kokudla kukuyo yonke indawo. Futhi lokhu kungachazwa ngokwaziwa ngokuthi umbono wokuphikisa.

Lolu uhlaka oluhlola ukuthi ubufazi buthathwa kanjani esimeni senhlalo nesenhloso yokuphikisana nocansi. Futhi kusinikeza umbono wokuthi impilo yengqondo, kufaka phakathi ukuphazamiseka kokudla, kungathinteka kanjani ngokuya ocansini njalo.

Ngezansi uzothola izindlela ezintathu ezihlukile zokuphikiswa ngokocansi nokuphazamiseka kokudla okusebenzisana, kanye nokuthatha okukodwa okubaluleke ngempela.

1. Izindinganiso zobuhle zingaholela ekuthatheni umzimba

Muva nje, ngemuva kokufunda engikwenzayo ukuze ngiziphilise, indoda ebingishayela enkonzweni yokugibela ingitshele ukuthi ayizikholelwa izindinganiso zobuhle.

Izinga lobuhle e-United States, futhi ngokushesha, lincane kakhulu. Phakathi kokunye, abesifazane kulindeleke ukuba babe mncane, babe mhlophe, babe yintsha, ngokwesiko babe ngabesifazane, bakwazi, babe sebangeni eliphakathi kuya phezulu, futhi baqonde.

"Ngoba angikhangwa yilokho," esho.

"Uhlobo lwemodeli."

Kepha izindinganiso zobuhle azibhekisi kulokho abantu ngabanye, noma ngisho namaqembu, abakuthola kukhanga uqobo. Esikhundleni salokho, izindinganiso zimayelana nalokho esiyikho wafundisa ilungile - “uhlobo lwemodeli” - noma ngabe siyavumelana nalokho kuheha noma cha.

Izinga lobuhle e-United States, futhi ngokushesha - ngenxa yemiphumela yekoloni yokusakazeka kwemithombo yezindaba yaseNtshonalanga - lincane kakhulu. Phakathi kokunye, abesifazane kulindeleke ukuba babe mncane, babe mhlophe, babe yintsha, ngokwesiko babe ngabesifazane, bakwazi, babe sebangeni eliphakathi kuya phezulu, futhi baqonde.

Imizimba yethu ngaleyondlela yahlulelwa, futhi yajeziswa, ngalezi zindinganiso eziqinile kakhulu.

Futhi ukufakwa ngaphakathi kwale milayezo - ukuthi asibahle ngakho-ke asikufanele ukuhlonishwa - kungaholela ehlazweni lomzimba ngakho-ke, ukudla izimpawu zokuphazamiseka.

Empeleni, olunye ucwaningo lwango-2011 lwathola ukuthi ukufakwa ngaphakathi kokufanelekile komuntu kuchazwa ukukhanga kwakhe "kunendima ebalulekile ekuthuthukiseni izingqinamba zempilo yengqondo kwabesifazane abasebasha." Lokhu kufaka nokudla okungaphazamiseki.

Njengoba kushiwo ekuqaleni kwalolu chungechunge, ukucabanga okuvamile kokuthi ukuthatheka ngobuhle besifazane nedrayivu ehambisanayo yokuncipha kudala izinkinga zokudla akulona neze iqiniso. Esikhundleni salokho, iqiniso ukuthi ingcindezi engokomzwelo nxazonke izindinganiso zobuhle ezibangela ukugula kwengqondo.

2. Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi kungadala ukuzibheka

Uma ngicabanga indlela engangizizwa ngayo ngenkathi ngibizwa ngiseyintombazanyana: Ngazizwa nginamahloni ngokushesha, ngathi kukhona engikwenzile ukugqugquzela ukuphawula.

Njengomphumela wokwenziwa kaningi ukuthi ngizizwe ngale ndlela, ngaqala ukuzibandakanya nokuzihlola, okwenzeka njalo kwabesifazane.

Inqubo yokucabanga ithi: "Uma ngikwazi ukulawula umzimba wami, mhlawumbe ngeke ukwazi ukuphawula ngakho."

Umqondo wokuzibheka lapho umuntu egxila kakhulu emzimbeni wakhe, imvamisa ukuphikisa ukuphikiswa kwangaphandle. Kungaba lula njengokubheka phansi lapho uhamba ngamaqembu amadoda, ukuze angazami ukukunaka, noma ukungadli ubhanana esidlangalaleni (yebo, yinto leyo).

Ingabonakala futhi njengokuziphatha kokuphazamiseka kokudla emzameni wokuvikela ekuhlukunyezweni.

Ukuziphatha kokudla njengokudla ngendlela yokwehlisa isisindo ukuze "kunyamalale" noma ukuzitika ngokuthola isisindo ukuze "kufihlwe" kuvamile. Lezi izindlela ezivame ukuqondisisa zabesifazane abanethemba lokubalekela ukuphikiswa.

Inqubo yokucabanga iya: Uma ngikwazi ukulawula umzimba wami, mhlawumbe ngeke ukwazi ukuphawula ngakho.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuhlukunyezwa ngokobulili ngokwakho kungabikezela izimpawu zokuphazamiseka kokudla.

Lokhu kuyiqiniso nasebantwini abasha.

Njengoba olunye ucwaningo luthola, ukuhlukunyezwa okususelwa emzimbeni (okuchazwa njengokubeka imibono emzimbeni wentombazane) kube nomthelela omubi emaphethini okudla amantombazane aneminyaka engu-12 kuya kwengu-14. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kungahle kube nomthelela ekuthuthukiseni ukuphazamiseka kokudla.

Isixhumanisi? Ukuziqapha.

Amantombazane abhekana nokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi maningi amathuba okuthi azibandakanye kulokhu kugxila kakhulu, okuholela emaphethini okudla angalungile.

3. Udlame lwezocansi lungaholela ekuphazamisekeni ekudleni njengezindlela zokubhekana nazo

Izincazelo zokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi, ukudlwengulwa nokuhlukunyezwa kwesinye isikhathi ziyabheda kubantu - kubandakanya nabasindile uqobo.

Kodwa-ke yize lezi zincazelo zehluka ngokomthetho-kuya-kuhulumeni futhi nasezweni nakwelinye izwe, lokho lezi zenzo okufana ngakho konke ukuthi zingaholela ekuziphatheni kokuphazamiseka kokudla, kungaba yindlela yokubhekana nokwazi noma yokungazi.

Abesifazane abaningi abanenkinga yokudla babe nokuhlangenwe nakho ngodlame lwezocansi esikhathini esidlule. Eqinisweni, abasinde ekudlwengulweni bangase babe sethubeni elikhulu kunabanye lokuhlangabezana nenqubo yokuhlonza ukuphazamiseka kokudla.

Olunye ucwaningo lwaphambilini lwathola ukuthi amaphesenti angama-53 abasindile ekudlwengulweni babhekana nezinkinga zokudla, uma kuqhathaniswa namaphesenti ayisithupha kuphela abesifazane abangenalo umlando wodlame lwezocansi.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, kokunye okudala, abesifazane abanomlando wokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi ebuntwaneni "babenamathuba amaningi" okuhlangabezana nenqubo yokuphazamiseka kokudla. Futhi lokhu bekuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi lapho kuhlangene nokubhekana nodlame lwezocansi lapho usumdala.

Kodwa-ke ngenkathi ukuhlaselwa ngokocansi kukodwa kungayithinti imikhuba yokudla yowesifazane, i-post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) abanye ababhekene nayo okungenzeka kube yisici sokulamula - noma kunalokho okuletha inkinga yokudla mayelana.

Ngamafuphi, isizathu sokuthi kungani udlame lwezocansi lungaholela ekuphazamisekeni ekudleni kungenzeka siye phansi kobuhlungu obudalayo.

Ucwaningo oluthile lwathola ukuthi “izimpawu ze-PTSD umlamuli ngokuphelele umthelela wokuhlukunyezwa kwabantu abadala ngokocansi ekudleni okungalungile ”

Lokhu akusho, noma kunjalo, ukuthi bonke abasindile odlame lwezocansi bazoba nezinkinga zokudla noma ukuthi bonke abantu abanenkinga yokudla babhekane nodlame lwezocansi. Kepha kusho ukuthi abantu asebeke babhekana nakho bobabili ababodwa.

Ukuzimela nemvume kubaluleke kakhulu

Ngenkathi ngixoxisana nabesifazane ngocwaningo lwami lweziqu mayelana nezinkinga zokudla kanye nezocansi, baveze okuhlangenwe nakho okuningi ngokuphikiswa: "Kufana nokuthi [ezocansi] azikaze zingezakho," omunye wesifazane wangitshela.

"Ngizwe sengathi bengizama ukuzulazula kulokhu abanye abantu abakulahlele kimi."

Kunengqondo ukuthi ukuphazamiseka kokudla kungaxhunyaniswa nodlame locansi. Zivame ukuqondwa njengokubuyiselwa ngokweqile kokulawula komzimba womuntu, ikakhulukazi njengendlela yokubhekana enganele yokubhekana nokuhlukumezeka.

Kuyaqondakala-ke-ke ukuthi isixazululo sokulungisa ubudlelwano kwezocansi ekudleni ukululama kokugula nokuqeda udlame lwezocansi siyafana: ukwakha kabusha umqondo wokuzimela komuntu siqu nokufuna ukuthi imvume ihlonishwe.

Ngemuva kokuphila ocansini impilo yonke, kungaba nzima ukubuyisa umzimba wakho njengowakho, ikakhulukazi uma ukuphazamiseka kokudla kulimaze ubuhlobo bakho nomzimba wakho. Kepha ukuxhuma kabusha ingqondo nomzimba wakho, nokuthola isikhala sokukhuluma ngezidingo zakho (ongazithola lapha, lapha, nalapha) kungaba namandla okukusiza usendleleni yokuphulukiswa.

Ekugcineni, ababambiqhaza bami bangichazele ukuthi okubasizile ukuthi bazibandakanye ngenjabulo kwezocansi - ngisho nangezingcindezi ezingezekile zokuphazamiseka kwabo ekudleni - ukuba nobudlelwano bokuthembana nabantu abayihloniphayo imingcele yabo.

Ukuthinta kwaba lula lapho benikezwa isikhala sokuqamba izidingo zabo. Futhi sonke kufanele sibe naleli thuba.

Futhi lokhu kuletha uchungechunge lokuphazamiseka kokudla nobulili emaphethelweni. Kuyithemba lami ukuthi uma uthatha noma yini kulezi zingxoxo ezinhlanu ezedlule, kukuqonda ukubaluleka kwalokhu:

• bakholelwa kulokho abantu abakutshela khona ngabo
• ukuhlonipha ukuzimela kwabo ngokomzimba
• ukugcina izandla zakho - namazwana wakho - kuwe
• ukuhlala uthobekile ebusweni bolwazi ongenalo
• ukungabaza umbono wakho "ojwayelekile"
• kwakha isikhala sokuthi abantu bahlole ubulili babo ngokuphepha, ngokweqiniso, nangokujabula

UMelissa A. Fabello, PhD, unguthisha wobufazi umsebenzi wakhe ugxile kwezombusazwe zomzimba, isiko lobuhle, nokuphazamiseka kokudla. Mlandele ku-Twitter naku-Instagram.