Ukwehla Nokwehla Kokungakhululeki Komphakathi

-Delile

• Ngazi kanjani ukuthi nginamahloni emphakathini?
• Kubi yini?
• Ingabe kusebenza noma iyiphi injongo?
• Uhlelo lokuxwayisa lwangaphakathi
• Amakhono okuxoxa ajulile
• Imibono ehlukile
• Ngingazizwa kanjani ngikhululeke kakhudlwana kuzilungiselelo zomphakathi?
• Ngena ujule
• Ukufundwa okunconyiwe
• Khumbula ukuthi izimo ezingezinhle zehlela wonke umuntu
• Bhekana nobunzima ubuso nobuso
• Prakthiza ukuxhumana nabanye
• Ithiphu yepro
• Zama ukuhlala ukhona
• Ungalufuna nini usizo
• Okubalulekile

Sifaka imikhiqizo esicabanga ukuthi ilusizo kubafundi bethu. Uma uthenga ngezixhumanisi ezikuleli khasi, singathola ikhomishini encane. Nansi inqubo yethu.

Imikhuba nezinkomba zomphakathi, njengokwazi ukuthi ungabingelela nini noma unikeze abantu isikhala somuntu siqu, zikusiza ukuthi uzulazule ezimweni zomphakathi. Ungahle ufundiswe ngokuqondile ezinye zalezi zinkambiso. Abanye, ungahle ubathathe ngokubuka abanye.

Uma ufakaza othile ephuthaza enye yalezi zinkambiso, ungahle uqethuke ngaphakathi bese uzizwa unamahloni ngomunye umuntu. Ngokufanayo, mhlawumbe uzizwa isisu sakho siphenduka lapho ufaka isingeniso kothile omusha noma ushelela emazwini akho.

Kodwa ukungakhululeki komphakathi akufanele kube yinto embi. Eqinisweni, kungakuzuzisa ngandlela thile. Kepha lokho akukwenzi kucindezeleke kancane okwamanje.

Nakhu ukubheka izimpawu zokungakhululeki komphakathi, amathiphu wokukunqoba, nezizathu zokuthi kungani kungahle kungabi yinto embi kangako.

Ngazi kanjani ukuthi nginamahloni emphakathini?

Ukukhathazeka komphakathi akuyona inkinga yezempilo yengqondo - azikho izindlela zokuxilonga noma ngisho nencazelo ephathekayo. Kungokuzwa kakhulu, noma iqoqo lemizwa nokuhlangenwe nakho okwakha iphethini empilweni yakho.

Le mizwa nokuhlangenwe nakho kuvame ukuvela kulokhu:

• ukwehluleka ukuqaphela izindlela ezithile zomphakathi
• ukungaqondi noma ukunaka ulimi lomzimba lwabanye

UHeidi McKenzie, i-PsyD, uchaza ukuthi abantu abangazethembi emphakathini bangaba nobunzima bokuhamba ezingxoxweni noma basebenze bangene eqenjini. Ngenxa yalokhu, bangabonakala “bengekho” kwabanye.

Kungaba nzima ukubona ukungakhululeki komphakathi kuwe ngoba ungahle ungazazi ezinye zezinkomba zomphakathi ongazithathi. Esikhundleni salokho, ungavele uqaphele ukuthi awubonakali ufana nontanga yakho

Kubi yini?

Ukungakhululeki komphakathi, kukodwa, akuyona into embi.

Kepha ingaba yinkinga uma iholela ekucindezelekeni ngenxa ye:

• abantu bekhuluma kabi
• ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi uzibuza ukuthi ngabe kukhona okungalungile okwenzile
• ukuhlala unenkinga ezimeni zenhlalo
• ukufuna ukwenza abangane kepha ulwela ukuxhumana nabanye
• ukuzizwa ulahliwe abanye

Ezweni eliphelele, wonke umuntu uzobona ukuthi abantu bahlukile futhi banamasethi wamakhono ahlukile. Kodwa empeleni, lokhu akwenzeki ngaso sonke isikhathi.

Lokhu kungaba nzima ukubhekana nakho. Kodwa akusho ukuthi udinga ukushintsha ukuthi ungubani. Izimo zomphakathi kungenzeka zingabi yindawo yakho yamandla, kepha kunezinto ongazenza ukunciphisa ukucindezeleka kwakho kulezi zimo (okuningi kulokhu kamuva).

Ingabe kusebenza noma iyiphi injongo?

Ngaphambi kokungena kumasu okunqoba ukungakhululeki kwezenhlalo, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi ukungakhululeki komphakathi kuneziphambeko ezimbalwa.

Uhlelo lokuxwayisa lwangaphakathi

Uma uzithola usesimweni esingesihle, ungahle ucabange okuthile kulayini, "Lokhu akuyona into ebengicabanga ukuthi izokwenzeka." Ungazizwa ungakhululekile noma ungakhululeki futhi ube nesifiso sokubaleka ngokushesha okukhulu.

Kepha ucwaningo oluncane luka-2012 lukhombisa ukuthi yona le mizwa ingasiza ngokwenza njengohlelo lwexwayiso lohlobo oluthile. Zikusiza uqaphele lapho usondele (noma weqa) umngcele womphakathi.

Ngenxa yalokho, ungathola izimpawu zomzimba zokukhathazeka, ukwethuka, noma ukwesaba, kufaka phakathi:

• ukungezwani kwemisipha
• ubuso obucwebile
• ishaya ngamandla inhliziyo
• isicanucanu
• i-hyperventilation

Lokhu mhlawumbe akuzwakali kunenzuzo nhlobo. Kepha lokhu kungakhululeki kungakushukumisela ukuthi:

• thatha isinyathelo okwamanje
• unakekele ukugwema ukulahlekelwa imikhakha efanayo yomphakathi ngokuzayo

Amakhono okuxoxa ajulile

Ukuba nesikhathi esinzima ngezinkulumo ezincane nokuxhumana okujwayelekile komphakathi akusho ukuthi awuyena umlingani omuhle wengxoxo.

UMackenzie uphawula ukuthi abantu ababhekana nobunzima emphakathini "bangabhekana nenkulumo encane, kepha bavame ukuba nekhono lokujula ezihlokweni abazithandayo."

Imibono ehlukile

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uTy Tashiro uphawula encwadini yakhe ethi Awkward: The Science of Why We Are Socially Awkward and Why That's Awesome ukuthi abantu abangaxakekile emphakathini bavame ukubuka umhlaba obazungezile ngezindlela ezahlukene.

Bangase babe mancane amathuba okuthi babone izinkomba zomphakathi noma bathathe imizwa kodwa bazizwe beqhutshwa kakhulu izindlela ezihlelekile noma zesayensi. Lo mbono oyingqayizivele ungahle ubangelwe umehluko ebuchosheni - umehluko ohlangana kwesinye isikhathi nokuhlakanipha okuphezulu nempumelelo, ngokusho kukaTashiro.

"Izingqondo zabantu abahlukumezekile zivame ukubenza ososayensi bemvelo ngoba bahle ekuboneni imininingwane, bathathe amaphethini kule mininingwane, futhi bathathe indlela ehlelekile yezinkinga," ubhala.

Ngingazizwa kanjani ngikhululeke kakhudlwana kuzilungiselelo zomphakathi?

Ukuxakeka kwezenhlalo kungaba nezinzuzo zako, kepha ungahle ubone ezinye izithiyo, futhi. Mhlawumbe uvame ukuzizwa ulahlekile noma sengathi ulahlekelwe okuthile.Noma mhlawumbe kwesinye isikhathi wenza noma usho izinto ezidala ukungakhululeki ekhaya, esikoleni, noma emsebenzini.

Lezi zeluleko zingakusiza ukuthi uzulazule kangcono ezimeni zomphakathi futhi ubhekane nemiphumela ebangelwa ukushibilika okungenakugwemeka.

Ngena ujule

Ukuchitha isikhathi esincane ufunda kabanzi ngobunzima bomphakathi kungakusiza uzizwe wamukela ngokwengeziwe le ngxenye yakho

Awuqinisekile ukuthi uzoqala kuphi? Zama ukuvakashela umtapo wakho wezincwadi noma isitolo sezincwadi. Kunezinhlobonhlobo zezincwadi ngalesi sihloko ezinikeza ukuhlola okuthokozisayo kokuthi buyini ubunzima bomphakathi nokuthi buyini, kanye nokuholwa okuwusizo.

Ukufundwa okunconyiwe

Abambalwa okufanele bacatshangelwe kufaka:

• Awkward: The Science of Why We Are Social Awkward and Why That Awesome nguTy Tashiro
• Thuthukisa Amakhono Akho Komphakathi nguDaniel Wendler
• I-Cringeworthy: Umbono Wokungahambi kahle nguMelissa Dahl

Khumbula ukuthi izimo ezingezinhle zehlela wonke umuntu

Ukungakhululeki komphakathi kuyenzeka, mhlawumbe ngaphezu kwalokho ocabanga ngakho. Yize zingekho izibalo zokusekela lokhu, kuphephe impela ukucabanga ukuthi iningi labantu ohlangana nabo empilweni yakho yansuku zonke lizizwele izikhathi ezingezinhle.

Ithi ulahla konke okuthengile obukuphethe phakathi esitolo. Imbiza ye-pasta sauce iyaqhekeka, amaqanda aphihlizeka, notamatisi we-cherry bakhiphe ibhokisi labo futhi bawele iphaseji. Yonke imicu yobuntu bakho ikhala ngaphakathi futhi ikutshele ukuthi shiya okuthengile bese uphuma ngomnyango.

Kodwa zama ukukhumbula: Ngokuqinisekile awuyena umuntu wokuqala ukwenza lokhu kuleso sitolo esithile. Futhi awusiye owokugcina. Futhi wonke umuntu ophendukile wabheka? Cishe bake baba khona ngaphambili ngandlela thile noma ngenye indlela.

Bhekana nobunzima ubuso nobuso

Lapho ubhekene nomzuzu ongathandeki, noma ngabe wenze iphutha emphakathini noma umane wabona owomunye umuntu, ngokujwayelekile uzophendula ngenye yezindlela ezimbili:

• gwema noma ungakunaki okwenzekile
• ukubhekana nephutha

Isifundo esincane okukhulunywe ngaso ekuqaleni saphetha ngokuthi ukugwema noma ukungasinaki isimo esingesihle akusizi. Esikhundleni salokho, lokhu kuvame ukwandisa ubude bokungahambi kahle futhi kwenze ukuxhumana okuzayo kungabi mnandi ngokwengeziwe.

Ngokuzayo lapho ubona ukuthi wenze okuthile okuxakile, zama ukukuvuma ngamazwi ahlekisayo noma ngehlaya esikhundleni sokuhoxa.

Le yithiphu ongayikhokhela phambili, futhi, uma ufuna ukusiza omunye umuntu azizwe engcono ngomzuzwana ongathandeki. Zama ukumomotheka noma ukuphawula ngomusa njengokuthi, “Ungakhathazeki ngakho! Kwenzeka kuwo wonke umuntu. ”

Prakthiza ukuxhumana nabanye

Uma ulwa nezimo zenhlalo, ungakuthola kuwusizo ukuzijwayeza amakhono okuxoxa nawokuxhumana nomuntu omaziyo futhi omethembayo.

Ukuxhumana kufaka izinto ezifana:

• ukwazi ukuqala ingxoxo
• ukubona lapho ingxoxo isiphelile
• ukushintsha isihloko ngokushelela
• ukwazi ukuthi kufanele ungene nini nokuthi ungakugwema kanjani ukuphazamisa umuntu

Kepha kuhle ukuxhumana kufaka phakathi nokwazi ukufunda ulimi lomzimba lomuntu. Lokhu kungakusiza ukuthi ubone izinkomba ezifana nokungakhululeki, isithukuthezi, inzalo, njalonjalo.

Ungajwayela ukusebenzisana nabanye ngo:

• ukuthatha amakilasi amakhono ezenhlalo
• ukubuza abangani noma abanye abantu obathembayo ngezeluleko neziphakamiso
• usebenzisa izimo zokuzijwayeza nabangane noma nomndeni
• ukuzibeka ezimweni zomphakathi

Ithiphu yepro

Ukhathazekile ngokwenza amakhono akho okuxhumana nomphakathi phambi kwabantu ongase uphinde ubabone?

Cabanga ukuthatha umkhuba wakho ngaphandle kwezindawo zakho ezijwayelekile. Isibonelo, ungazama ukuqala ingxoxo emfushane nomphathi wesitolo esitolo ongakaze uye kuso noma uthathe inja yakho epaki engaphesheya kwedolobha.

Zama ukuhlala ukhona

Amasu wokucabanga akusiza unake kakhudlwana okwenzekayo lapha namanje. Ukukhumbula kakhulu njengoba uqhubeka nosuku lwakho kungakusiza ukuthi uhlale ugxile kokukhona manje.

Lokhu kungasiza ukunciphisa izikhathi ezingezinhle ngezindlela ezimbili:

• Uma ubheke kakhudlwana okwenzekayo eduze kwakho, mancane amathuba okuthi uphuthelwe yizinkomba ezivela kwabanye ezingase zikuxwayise ngengozi engaba khona, njengokukhipha ukukhathazeka ngomuntu osebenza naye oza ngemuva kwakho.
• Ukukhulisa ukuqwashisa kwakho okwamanje kungakusiza ukuthi ugweme ukucabanga kakhulu ngezikhathi ezingezinhle esezenzekile. Esikhundleni salokho, ungakuthola kulula ukubayeka baqhubekele phambili.

Ungalufuna nini usizo

Futhi, akukho lutho olungahambi kahle ngokuxakaniseka komphakathi. Kepha kubalulekile ukunaka ukuthi kukwenza uzizwe kanjani.

Uma uzizwa ungajabule, ucindezelekile, noma unesizungu empilweni yakho yansuku zonke, ungahle uthande ukucabanga ukukhuluma nomeluleki ongakusiza ukuthi uhlole izizathu zale mizwa. Futhi zingakusiza ukuthi uthuthukise amakhono amasha okuxhumana nabantu futhi ucije nokuzazi kwakho.

Umelaphi futhi angakusiza ukuthi ubone izingqinamba ezisemqoka ezingadlala indima, njengokukhathazeka komphakathi. UMcKenzie uchaza ukuthi, ngenkathi abanye abantu besebenzisa amagama athi "ukungakhululeki emphakathini" kanye "nokukhathazeka komphakathi" ngokungafani, bayizinto ezimbili ezihlukile.

"Abantu abanenkinga yokuxhumana nabantu ngokuvamile banamakhono okuxhumana nabantu aphakathi nendawo," esho. “Ungahle uzizwe njengawo wonke umuntu e-cocktail party ucabanga ukuthi 'uyinqaba,' kodwa amathuba okuthi uza kahle kwabanye. "

Lokhu kukhathazeka kungakwenza uhoxe ezimweni ezithile zenhlalo noma uzigweme ngokuphelele.

Okubalulekile

Akukho lutho olungahambi kahle ngokungabi mnandi emphakathini. Noma ngabe uyakubona ukungakhululeki kwakho kwezenhlalo noma cha, ngokuvamile akukubi noma akulimazi, ngaphandle kwalapho kukukhathaza noma kukuvimba ekwenzeni izinto ofuna ukuzenza.

Kepha uma uzizwa sengathi wenza kahle, ungazizwa ucindezelwa ukuthi ushintshe. Khumbula, wonke umuntu uhlangabezana nokuxakeka ngezikhathi ezithile.