Ukuqina Kokuthambeka Emthonjeni Wayo

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Nakhu okushiwo u-Allen Elkin, Ph.D., umqondisi we-Stress Management and Counselling Centre eNew York City kanye nombhali we Ukucindezelwa Kokuphathwa KwamaDummies (IDG Books, 1999), iphakamisa ngezinkinga ezine ezivame kakhulu zokudabula izinwele kwabesifazane:

"Umsebenzi awusalawuleki." "Abantu abagcwele ngokweqile bavame ukuba ngabathumeli abanenhliziyo enhle kanye nezingxoxo," kusho u-Elkin. Zibuze: Ingabe ngempela yimi ngedwa ongenza konke lokhu? Ngabe umnqamulajuqu ubhalwe ngamatshe ngempela? Uma uthi yebo, buza umuntu ongase abe nombono ohlukile. Zama ukuthola usizo noma ubuze umphathi wakho ukuthi yimiphi imisebenzi eza kuqala uma ungakwazi ukuyenza yonke ngesikhathi. Lokho akusizi? Linganisa ububi bokuphuthelwa yizinsuku zakho zokugcina. Isikhathi esiningi kuba nesikhala esikhulu sokuqondisa kunalokho esikucabangayo, kusho u-Elkin. Uma usesibophweni, zibuze ukuthi ungasiphindi kanjani lesi sehlakalo. Mhlawumbe uthe yebo lapho bekufanele wenqabe -- noma mhlawumbe kufanele ucabange kabusha ukuthi yini ofuna ukuyenza ngempela.

"Izihlobo zami zingishayela amakinati." Futhi mhlawumbe bazohlala njalo. "Abantu bayindlela abayiyo, futhi isitayela sabo somuntu siqu cishe asihlangene nawe," kusho u-Elkin. (Ngamanye amagama, uma isihlobo noma umkhwenyana ekubangela ingcindezi, kungenzeka ukuthi uhlanyisa nezinye izihlobo zakho.) "Kuthatha ezimbili ukwenza umuntu azizwe enesizotha," kusho u-Elkin. Ukuthi abanye baphoqelela izimfuno noma bazama ukukwenza uzizwe unecala akusho ukuthi kufanele udlale ngendlela yabo. Kepha ungayinaki indima yakho uma kubonakala kunzima ukugwema izingxabano. Hlola lokho okulindele mayelana nokuthi abanye kufanele baziphathe kanjani futhi ubuze ukuthi ungabahlanyisa kanjani.

"Izinkinga zasekhaya zingaphezu kwamandla." Kunzima ukukwenza konke -- ngakho ungakwenzi. "Kubi kakhulu uma ilineni lombhede lingashintshwa namuhla?" U-Elkin uthi. Uma ungeke ukwazi ukuhweba ngobudlova ukuze uhlambuluke, cela usizo kwabanye ekhaya - noma, uma ukwazi, qasha usizo oluvela ngaphandle. Uma kungekho okunye, zama ukuthola ukuzola ngokubeka eceleni isikhathi usuku ngalunye ukwenza into elula oyithandayo: ukufunda iphepha, ukudla kwasemini nomngane noma ukulalela umculo.

"Ngisenkingeni." "Ingcindezi akuyona nje inkinga, kumayelana nokushoda kokwaneliseka," kusho u-Elkin. "Kwesinye isikhathi ingcindezi ibangelwa ukungasebenzi ngendlela eningi njengokweqisa." Zibuze ukuthi yini engekho empilweni yakho. Abangane? Kuyajabulisa? Ukugqugquzela? Zama ukugcwalisa izingcezu ezingekho. Cabanga ukwenza umsebenzi womphakathi ukufaka isandla kokunye okudlula wena, noma ukuthatha isifundo sokuhlola intshisekelo engagcwaliseki. Yakha ukuzivocavoca okwengeziwe kusheduli yakho - bese uzama ukufaka abangani engxoxweni nangombono lapho usebenza.

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