I-Kin yi-Mania: I-Bond Engiyizwayo Nabanye Abantu Bipolar Ayichazeki

-Delile

• Ngedwa, ndawonye
• Indaba engiyikhulumayo
• Okubhekwayo
• Mfowethu
• Umsangano womndeni

Sifaka imikhiqizo esicabanga ukuthi ilusizo kubafundi bethu. Uma uthenga ngezixhumanisi ezikuleli khasi, singathola ikhomishini encane. Nansi inqubo yethu.

Wayehamba njengami. Yilokho engikuqaphele kuqala. Amehlo nezandla zakhe kuduma ngenkathi ekhuluma - ukudlala, i-acerbic, ukuthukuthela.

Sikhulume ngehora lesibili ekuseni, inkulumo yakhe iphefumula kanzima, iqhuma ngombono. Uthathe okunye ukushaya ejoyintini waphinde wakudlulisela kimi kusofa suite, lapho umfowethu elele edolweni.

Izelamani ezihlukaniswe ngesikhathi sokuzalwa kumele zizizwe ngale ndlela lapho zihlangana njengabantu abadala: ukubona ingxenye yakho komunye umuntu. Lo wesifazane engizombiza ngo-Ella wayenemikhuba yami, ubumnandi, nokufutheka, kangangokuthi ngezwa ukuthi sihlobene. Ukuthi kufanele sabelane ngezakhi zofuzo ezivamile.

Inkulumo yethu yayihamba yonke indawo. Kusukela ku-hip hop kuya eFoucault, eLil Wayne, kuya ekuguqulweni kwejele, imibono ka-Ella ihlangene. Amagama akhe ayengamandla. Wayezithanda izingxabano futhi wazikhethela ukuzijabulisa, njengoba ngenza. Egumbini elimnyama, uma izibani beziboshelwe ezingalweni zakhe, babedansa. Kanjalo naye, eduze kwesudi ayabelana nomfowethu, futhi kamuva, esigxotsheni ku-taproom yeklabhu yasekolishi.

Umuntu engihlala naye umfowethu unginike ikhefu mayelana nami. Ngithole u-Ella ejabulisa, kepha ekhathaza - egqamile kepha engenandaba. Ngangizibuza, ngesaba, ukuthi ngabe le yindlela abantu abazizwa ngayo ngami. Eminye yemibono ka-Ella yayibonakala ingumuntu othanda kakhulu, izenzo zakhe zeqisa, njengokudansa enqunu ekolishi eliluhlaza noma ukucisha izimoto zamaphoyisa. Noma kunjalo, ungathembela kuye ukuthi uzozibandakanya. Ukusabela.

Wayenombono, noma okungenani umuzwa, ngakho konke. Ufunde ngokukhulu ukuzikhandla futhi naye ubengesabi. Wayenamandla kazibuthe. Kwangihlaba umxhwele ukuthi umfowethu owayenomoya ophansi, osebenzayo, nongathandani nabanye, wayezwana kakhulu no-Ella, owayenobusaba, enobuciko futhi engenamqondo.

Akekho kithi owayazi ngalobo busuku ngahlangana no-Ella ePrinceton, kodwa kungakapheli neminyaka emibili mina naye sasizokwabelana ngokunye: ukuhlala esibhedlela sabagula ngengqondo, izindondo, nokuxilongwa esasikugcina impilo yonke.

Ngedwa, ndawonye

Abagula ngengqondo bangababaleki. Kude nekhaya, ukuzwa ulimi lwakho lwebele kuyimpumuzo. Lapho abantu abanesifo se-bipolar behlangana, sithola ukusondelana kwabokufika, ubumbano. Sihlanganyela ukuhlupheka nenjabulo. U-Ella uyazi umlilo ongahlaliseki oyikhaya lami.

Siyabajabulisa abantu, noma siyabacasula. Leyo yindlela yokucindezela komuntu. Izici zobuntu bethu, njengokujabula, ukushayela, nokuvuleleka, ziyakhanga futhi zihlukanise ngasikhathi sinye. Abanye bagqugquzelwa ilukuluku lethu, imvelo yethu yokuzibeka engcupheni. Abanye badonswa amandla, ukuzazisa, noma izingxoxo ezingaphazamisa amaphathi edina. Siyadakwa, futhi asibekezeleleki.

Ngakho-ke sinesizungu esifanayo: umzabalazo wokudlula ngokwethu. Amahloni okuthi kufanele uzame.

Abantu abane-bipolar disorder bazibulala kaningi kunabantu abaphilile. Angicabangi ukuthi lokhu kungenxa nje yokushintshashintsha kwemizwelo, kepha ngoba izinhlobo ze-manic zivame ukuphazamisa izimpilo zazo. Uma uphatha kabi abantu, ngeke bafune ukuba seduze kwakho. Singakwazi ukugxeka ngokugxila kwethu okungaguquguquki, ukufutheka okungenasineke, noma intshiseko yethu, lelo thuba lokuzethemba. Injabulo yeManic ayihlukanisi kangako kunokucindezeleka. Uma ukholwa ukuthi uqobo lwakho olunamandla kakhulu luyisiga esiyingozi, kulula ukungabaza ukuthi uthando lukhona. Esethu yisizungu esikhethekile.

Kodwa-ke abanye abantu - njengomfowethu, onabangani abaningana abanalesi sifo, nabesifazane engike ngathandana nabo - abayikhathazi i-bipolarity. Lolu hlobo lomuntu ludonswa ebumnyameni, emandleni, ekusondeleni okunembile kubantu abanenkinga yokuguquguquka kwengqondo njengoba kungaphezu kwamandla akhe. Imvelo yethu engavinjelwe isiza abanye abantu abagodliwe ukuvula imizwa yabo. Sivusa izinhlobo ezithile zobumnene, futhi zona ziyasithuthukisa.

Laba bantu bahle komunye nomunye, njenge-anglerfish kanye namagciwane abenza bavuthe. Isigamu se-manic sithuthukisa izinto, sisusa impikiswano, siyashesha. Isigamu esizolile, esisebenza ngokwengeziwe sigcina amapulani egxilile emhlabeni wangempela, ngaphandle kwezingaphakathi zeTechnicolor zomqondo we-bipolar.

Indaba engiyikhulumayo

Ngemva kokufunda ekolishi, ngachitha iminyaka emaphandleni aseJapane ngifundisa esikoleni sabaqalayo. Cishe eminyakeni eyishumi kamuva eNew York, i-brunch nomngani wami bashintshe indlela engabona ngayo lezo zinsuku.

Umfana, ngizombiza ngoJim, wasebenza umsebenzi ofanayo eJapane ngaphambi kwami, efundisa ezikoleni ezifanayo. Sempai, Ngangimbiza ngesiJapane, okusho ukuthi ubhuti osekhulile. Izitshudeni, othisha nabantu basemadolobheni babexoxa izindaba ngoJim yonke indawo lapho ngangiya khona. Wayeyinganekwane: ikhonsathi ye-rock ayenza, imidlalo yakhe yekhefu, isikhathi ayegqoka njengoHarry Potter weHalloween.

UJim wayeyikusasa engangifuna ukuba yilo. Ngaphambi kokuhlangana nami, wayephile le monk impilo emaphandleni aseJapan. Wayegcwalisa izincwadi zokubhalela ngokuzijwayeza i-kanji - irowu ngemuva komugqa wesiguli wabalingiswa. Wayegcina uhlu lwamagama nsuku zonke ekhadini lenkomba ephaketheni lakhe. Mina noJim sasithanda izindaba eziqanjiwe nomculo. Sibe nentshisekelo ku-anime. Sobabili safunda isiJapane kusuka ekuqaleni, phakathi kwamadlelo erayisi, ngosizo lwabafundi bethu. Emaphandleni ase-Okayama, sobabili sathandana futhi izinhliziyo zethu zaphulwa ngamantombazane akhula ngokushesha kunathi.

Sasinamandla futhi, uJim nami. Sikwazi ukwethembeka, futhi sasingahlukaniswa, sime ngokuqinile, futhi sibe nobuchopho ngendlela eyayenza ubudlelwano bethu bube mnandi. Lapho sithembisene umshado, besithembisene kakhulu. Kepha ngenkathi sisemakhanda ethu, sasikwiplanethi ekude, engafinyeleleki.

E-brunch ngalolo suku ekuseni eNew York, uJim wayelokhu ebuza ngomqondo wenkosi yami. Ngamtshela ukuthi ngibhala nge-lithium, umuthi owelapha i-mania.Ngithe i-lithium iwusawoti, embiwa ezimayini eBolivia, kepha isebenza ngokuthembeka kunanoma imuphi umuthi ozinzisa imizwa. Ngamtshela ukuthi ukucindezeleka kwe-manic kuthakazelisa kanjani: isifo esibi, esingapheliyo se-episodic, esiqhubekayo, kodwa futhi, ngokuhlukile, eselaphekayo. Abantu abanesifo sengqondo abasengozini enkulu yokuzibulala, lapho bethatha i-lithium, imvamisa ababuyeli emuva iminyaka.

UJim, manje ongumlobi wesikrini, wayelokhu ephusha. "Yini indaba?" ebuza. "Yini ukulandisa?"

“Awu,” ngithe, “Nginokuphazamiseka kwemizwelo emndenini wami…”

“Manje usebenzisa indaba kabani?”

Ngathi, "Ake sikhokhe isikweletu, ngizokutshela ngenkathi sihamba."

Okubhekwayo

Isayensi isiqalile ukubheka ukuphazamiseka kwe-bipolar ngokusebenzisa i-lens yobuntu. I-Twin nomndeni bakhombisa ukuthi ukucindezeleka kwe-manic cishe kungamaphesenti angama-85 okuzuzwa. Kepha akukho kuguquka okukodwa okwaziwayo ukuthi kuyikhodi yokuphazamiseka. Imvamisa gxila esikhundleni sezimpawu zobuntu: ukukhuluma, ukuvuleleka, ukungacabangi.

Lezi zici zivame ukuvela ezihlotsheni zokuqala zabantu abane-bipolar disorder. Bayizinkomba zokuthi kungani "izakhi zofuzo eziyingozi" zalesi simo ziqhutshwa emindenini, futhi azikhishwanga ngukhetho lwemvelo. Emithamo elinganiselayo, izici ezifana nokushayela, amandla amakhulu, nokucabanga okuhlukile kuyasiza.

Ababhali e-Iowa Writers ’Workshop, njengoKurt Vonnegut, babenezinga eliphakeme lokuphazamiseka kwemizwelo kunabantu abaningi, isifundo esisodwa sakudala sathola. Abaculi be-jeb ye-Bebop, abadume kakhulu uCharlie Parker, Thelonius Monk, noCharles Mingus, nabo banesifo sokuphazamiseka kwemizwelo, imvamisa ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo okuguquguqukayo. (Ingoma kaParker ethi “Relaxin 'at the Camarillo” imayelana nokuhlala kwakhe endaweni yokukhosela ngokwengqondo eCalifornia. UMonk noMingus bobabili balaliswa esibhedlela, futhi.) Incwadi ethi “Ethintwa Ngomlilo” isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uKay Redfield Jamison iphinde yathola ukuthi abaculi abaningi, izimbongi, ababhali, nabaculi abane-bipolar disorder. Umlando wakhe omusha, "URobert Lowell: Ukubeka Umfula Ngomlilo," uchaza ubuciko nokugula empilweni yembongi, owalaliswa esibhedlela ngenxa yokuhlanya izikhathi eziningi, futhi wafundisa izinkondlo eHarvard.

Lokhu akusho ukuthi i-mania iletha ubuhlakani. Okukhuthazwa yi-mania izingxabano: ukuzikhohlisa, hhayi ukuqonda. I-ramble ivame ukuzala, kepha ayihlelekile. Umsebenzi wobuciko owenziwe ngenkathi ubudoda, ngokwesipiliyoni sami, kungukuthanda izinto ezithandwayo, ezinokubaluleka okuhlanekezelwe nomuzwa wokunganaki wezethameli. Akuvamile ukusindiswa kusuka kumashini.

Okuphakanyiswa ucwaningo ukuthi ezinye zezinto okuthiwa "izici ezinhle" zesifo sokuphazamiseka kwengqondo okuguquguqukayo - ukushayela, ukuqiniseka, ukuvuleleka - kubantu abanesifo lapho bephile futhi benemithi. Labo abazuza ezinye zofuzo ezibhebhezela ubumnene bendoda, kepha abenele ukudala imisindo edabukile, eguquguqukayo, amandla okulala, noma ukungahlaliseki okuchazayo okuchaza ukucindezeleka komuntu.

Mfowethu

"Udlala ngami," kusho uJim, ehleka ngokwesaba, ngesikhathi engithengela ikhofi ngalolo suku eNew York. Ngenkathi ngike ngasho phambilini ukuthi bangaki abantu abanobuciko abanezinkinga zemizwelo, wayekhomba - ngesineke eceleni - ukuthi angangitshela okuningi ngalokho kulokho abhekana nakho. Bengingazange ngibuze ukuthi usho ukuthini. Kepha ngenkathi sikhuphuka ngamabhulokhi acishe abe ngu-30 siya ePenn Station sisuka kuBond Street, wangitshela ngomnyaka wakhe owedlule onamadwala.

Okokuqala, bekukhona ukuxhuma nabalingani besifazane. Ngemuva kwalokho izicathulo wagcwalisa ikhabethe lakhe ngazo: inqwaba yamabhangqa amasha, amateki abizayo. Ngemuva kwalokho imoto yezemidlalo. Futhi ukuphuza. Nengozi yemoto. Futhi manje, ezinyangeni ezimbalwa ezedlule, ukucindezeleka: i-anhedonia yomugqa oyisicaba ezwakala ijwayelekile ngokwanele ukungiphoxa umgogodla. Wayebonile ukuncipha. Wayefuna ukuthi athathe izindondo, wathi wayenebipolar. Ubelokhu enqaba ilebula. Lokhu bekujwayelekile futhi: ngigweme i-lithium iminyaka emibili. Ngizamile ukumtshela ukuthi uzophila.

Eminyakeni eyalandela, iphrojekthi entsha ye-TV yaletha uJim eNew York. Wangicela emdlalweni we-baseball. Sibuke ama-Mets, uhlobo oluthile, phezu kwama-hotdogs nobhiya nokukhuluma njalo. Ngangazi ukuthi lapho ehlangana futhi ekolishi lakhe leshumi nanhlanu, uJim wayexhumene futhi nomuntu owayefunda naye ekilasini. Kungakabiphi, base bethandana. Akazange amtshele ekuqaleni ukuthi wangcwatshwa ngaphansi kwengcindezi. Wafunda ngokushesha, futhi wesaba ukuthi uzohamba. Ngangibhalela uJim ama-imeyili phakathi naleso sikhathi, ngimnxusa ukuba angakhathazeki. “Uyaqonda,” ngiphikelela, “Bahlale besithanda ngendlela esiphila ngayo, hhayi yize kunjalo.”

UJim unginike izindaba emdlalweni: iringi, yebo. Ngangifanekisela iholide langemva komshado eJapane. Futhi ngithemba, nakulokhu futhi, lokho sempai wayenginikeze ukubona ngekusasa lami.

Umsangano womndeni

Ukuzibona komunye umuntu kujwayelekile ngokwanele. Uma unenkinga yokuphazamiseka kwengqondo okuguquguqukayo, lo mqondo ungaba yinto engaqondakali kakhulu, njengoba ezinye izici ozibonayo zingakufanisa neminwe yeminwe.

Ubuntu bakho buzuzwe njengefa, njengesakhiwo samathambo nokuphakama. Amandla neziphambeko ezihlanganiswe nazo kuvame ukuba izinhlangothi ezimbili zemali eyodwa: isifiso esiboshwe ukukhathazeka, ukuzwela okuza nokungavikeleki. Wena, njengathi, uyinkimbinkimbi, unobungozi obufihlekile.

Okugijima egazini le-bipolar akusona isiqalekiso kodwa ubuntu. Imindeni enezinga eliphakeme lokuphazamiseka kwemizwelo noma ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo, imvamisa, iyimindeni yabantu abaphumelele kakhulu, abanobuciko. Abantu abane-IQ evame ukuba ne-IQ ephakeme kunabantu abaningi. Lokhu akukhona ukuphika ukuhlupheka nokuzibulala okusabangelwa yilesi sifo kubantu abangaphenduli i-lithium, noma labo abane-comorbidities, abahamba kabi kakhulu. Futhi ukunciphisa umzabalazo osabhekene nenhlanhla, njengami, ekuxolelweni okwamanje. Kepha ukuveza ukuthi ukugula ngengqondo, imvamisa, kubonakala kungumkhiqizo wezimpawu zobuntu ezeqisayo ezivame ukuba zinhle.

Lapho ngihlangana kakhulu, kulapho ngizizwa sengathi ngingu-mutant. Ngendlela abangane bami abacabanga ngayo, abakhuluma ngayo, nabenza ngayo izinto, ngiyazibona. Ababhorekile. Akunganeliseki. Bayazibandakanya. Umndeni wabo ngiziqhenya ngokuba yingxenye yawo: onelukuluku lokufuna ukwazi, oqhutshwa, ojaha kanzima, onakekela kakhulu.

UTaylor Beck ungumbhali ozinze eBrooklyn. Ngaphambi kobuntatheli, wayesebenza kumalebhu efunda inkumbulo, ukulala, ukuphupha nokuguga. Xhumana naye ku- @ taylorbeck216.