Ungayitshela kanjani ingane yakho ukuthi unomdlavuza

Ukutshela ingane yakho ngokuxilongwa komdlavuza kungaba nzima. Ungahle uthande ukuvikela ingane yakho. Ungakhathazeka ngokuthi ingane yakho izosabela kanjani. Kepha kubalulekile ukuzwela futhi uthembeke ngokwenzekayo.

Umdlavuza kuyinto enzima ukuyigcina iyimfihlo. Ngisho nezingane ezincane kakhulu ziyakwazi ukubona lapho okuthile kungalungi. Lapho izingane zingalazi iqiniso, zesaba okubi kakhulu. Lapho ungazi, ingane yakho ingacabanga ngendaba engaba yimbi kakhulu kunalokho okwenzekayo ngempela. Isibonelo, ingane yakho ingazisola ngokuthi uyagula.

Ubeka engcupheni yokuthi ingane yakho ifunde komunye umuntu ukuthi unomdlavuza. Lokhu kungalimaza ukuzethemba kwengane yakho. Futhi uma uqala ukwelashwa komdlavuza, ungahle ungakwazi ukufihlela ingane yakho imiphumela emibi.

Thola isikhathi sokuthula sokuxoxa nengane yakho lapho zingekho ezinye iziphazamiso. Uma unezingane ezingaphezu kweyodwa, ungafuna ukutshela ngayinye ngokwehlukana. Lokhu kuzokuvumela ukuthi ulinganise ukusabela kwengane ngayinye, uvumelanise izincazelo zeminyaka yazo, futhi uphendule imibuzo yazo ngasese. Ingane yakho ingavinjelwa futhi ekubuzeni imibuzo ebalulekile kubo lapho kukhona ingane yakini.

Uma ukhuluma ngomdlavuza wakho, qala ngamaqiniso. Lokhu kufaka phakathi:

• Uhlobo lomdlavuza onalo negama lawo.
• Iyiphi ingxenye yomzimba wakho enomdlavuza.
• Umdlavuza noma ukwelashwa kwakho kuzowuthinta kanjani umndeni wakho futhi ugxile ekutheni uzothinta kanjani izingane zakho. Isibonelo, batshele ukuthi kungenzeka ungakwazi ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi nabo njengasesikhathini esedlule.
• Ukuthi isihlobo noma omunye umnakekeli uzosiza yini.

Lapho ukhuluma nezingane zakho ngempatho yakho, kungasiza ukuchaza:

• Izinhlobo zokwelashwa ongahle ube nazo, nokuthi ungahlinzwa.
• Ukuthi uzothola ukwelashwa isikhathi esingakanani (uma kwaziwa).
• Ukuthi ukwelashwa kuzokusiza ukuthi ube ngcono, kepha kungadala imiphumela emibi ngenkathi usenayo.
• Qiniseka ukuthi ulungiselela izingane kusengaphambili nganoma yiziphi izinguquko zomzimba, njengokulahleka kwezinwele, ongazithola. Chaza ukuthi ungancipha emzimbeni, ulahlekelwe yizinwele, noma uphonsa okuningi. Chaza ukuthi lena yimiphumela emibi ezophela.

Ungaguqula inani lemininingwane oyinikezayo ngokuya ngeminyaka yengane yakho. Izingane ezineminyaka engu-8 nangaphansi kungenzeka zingawaqondi amagama anzima ngokugula noma ukwelashwa kwakho, ngakho-ke kungcono ukukugcina kulula. Isibonelo, ungabatshela ukuthi uyagula futhi udinga ukwelashwa ukukusiza ukuba ube ngcono. Izingane ezineminyaka engu-8 nangaphezulu zingaqonda kancane. Khuthaza ingane yakho ukuthi ibuze imibuzo bese izama ukuyiphendula ngokuthembeka ngangokunokwenzeka.

Hlala wazi ukuthi izingane zakho nazo zingase zizwe ngomdlavuza kweminye imithombo, efana ne-TV, ama-movie, noma ezinye izingane noma abantu abadala. Kungumqondo omuhle ukubuza abakuzwile, ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi banemininingwane efanele.

Kunokwesaba okuvamile izingane eziningi ezinakho lapho zifunda ngomdlavuza. Njengoba ingane yakho ingahle ingakutsheli ngalokhu kwesaba, kuwumqondo omuhle ukuzikhulisa ngokwakho.

• Ingane yakho kufanele isolwe. Kujwayelekile ukuthi izingane zicabange ukuthi into ethile eziyenzile idale umdlavuza womzali. Yazisa ingane yakho ukuthi akekho emndenini wakho owenza noma yini ukudala umdlavuza.
• Umdlavuza uyathathelana. Izingane eziningi zikhathazeka ngokuthi umdlavuza ungasakazeka njengomkhuhlane, futhi abanye abantu emndenini wakho bazowuthola. Qiniseka ukuthi wazisa ingane yakho ukuthi awukwazi "ukubamba" umdlavuza komunye umuntu, futhi ngeke iwuthole umdlavuza ngokukuthinta noma ukukuqabula.
• Wonke umuntu ubulawa ngumdlavuza. Ungachaza ukuthi umdlavuza ukugula okungathi sína, kepha izindlela zokwelashwa zesimanje zisize izigidi zabantu ukusinda umdlavuza. Uma ingane yakho yazi umuntu obulewe ngumdlavuza, yazise ukuthi kunezinhlobo eziningi zomdlavuza futhi umdlavuza wawo wonke umuntu wehlukile. Ukuthi uMalume uMike wabulawa ngumdlavuza wakhe, akusho ukuthi nawe uzobulawa.

Ungadinga ukuphinda la maphuzu enganeni yakho kaningi ngesikhathi sokwelashwa kwakho.

Nazi ezinye izindlela zokusiza izingane zakho zikwazi ukubhekana nazo lapho uphathwa ukwelashwa komdlavuza:

• Zama ukuhlala esimisweni esijwayelekile. Amashejuli ayaduduza izingane. Zama ukugcina izikhathi zokudla nezokulala ezifanayo.
• Bazise ukuthi uyabathanda futhi uyabazisa. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu uma ukwelashwa kwakho kukuvimbela ukuba uchithe isikhathi esiningi nabo njengangaphambili.
• Qhubeka nemisebenzi yabo. Kubalulekile ukuthi izingane zakho ziqhubeke nezifundo zomculo, ezemidlalo, neminye imisebenzi yangemva kwesikole ngesikhathi sokugula kwakho. Cela abangani noma amalungu omndeni usizo ngokugibela.
• Khuthaza izingane ukuthi zichithe isikhathi nabangane futhi zijabule. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu entsheni, engazizwa inecala ngokuzijabulisa.
• Cela abanye abantu abadala bangenelele. Cela owakwakho, abazali, noma omunye umndeni noma abangane bachithe isikhathi esithe xaxa nezingane zakho lapho ungeke ukwazi.

Izingane eziningi ziyakwazi ukubhekana nokugula komzali ngaphandle kwezinkinga ezinkulu. Kepha ezinye izingane zingadinga ukwesekwa okwengeziwe. Yazisa udokotela wengane yakho uma ngabe ingane yakho inokuziphatha okulandelayo.

• Kubukeka kudabukisa ngaso sonke isikhathi
• Awukwazi ukududuzwa
• Unoshintsho kumamaki
• Uyathukuthela kakhulu noma uyacasuka
• Ukhala kakhulu
• Unenkinga yokugxila
• Inezinguquko kokudla
• Unenkinga yokulala
• Uzama ukuzilimaza
• Intshisekelo encane emisebenzini ejwayelekile

Lezi yizimpawu zokuthi ingane yakho ingadinga usizo oluthe xaxa, njengokukhuluma nomeluleki noma abanye ochwepheshe.

Iwebhusayithi yeAmerican Cancer Society. Ukusiza izingane lapho ilungu lomndeni linomdlavuza: ukubhekana nokwelashwa. www.cancer.org/treatment/children-and-cancer/when-a-family-member-has-cancer/dealing-with-treatment.html. Kubuyekezwe u-Ephreli 27, 2015. Kufinyelelwe ngo-Ephreli 8, 2020.

I-ASCO Cancer.Net iwebhusayithi. Ukukhuluma nezingane ngomdlavuza. www.cancer.net/coping-with-cancer/talking-with-family-and-friends/talking-about-cancer/talking-with-children-about-cancer. Kubuyekezwe u-Agasti 2019. Kufinyelelwe ngo-Ephreli 8, 2020.

Iwebhusayithi yeNational Cancer Institute. Lapho umzali wakho enomdlavuza: umhlahlandlela wentsha. www.cancer.gov/publications/patient-education/When-Your-Parent-Has-Cancer.pdf. Kubuyekezwe uFebhuwari 2012. Kufinyelelwe ngo-Ephreli 8, 2020.

• Umdlavuza