5 Ukucabanga Ngobulili—Kuchazwe

-Delile

• Yenza Ucansi Kwenye Indawo Okungajwayelekile
• Be Buswa
• Yenza Ucansi Nomuntu Omusha
• Ucansi olwenziwa ngomlomo
• Xhuma Ngesikhathi Socansi
• Buyekeza kwe-

Senza iphuzu lokungalokothi sixoxe ngamaphupho ethu-futhi lokho kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi uma kuziwa ocansini. Kepha uma singadalula imicabango yethu ephezulu phakathi kwamashidi, abangane bethu bebezoqonda-kungenzeka ukuthi banezinto ezifanayo. Ocwaningweni lwakamuva lwabantu abadala abangu-1,516, abacwaningi baseYunivesithi yaseQuebec bathola ukuthi imicabango eminingi yezocansi ivame kakhulu kunalokho obekucatshangwa ngaphambili. Lapha, izifiso ezinhlanu abesifazane abaningi abazivumayo, kanye nezeluleko zochwepheshe zokuthi ungathatha kanjani izinyathelo zokuhlola ukuphila kwangempela.

Yenza Ucansi Kwenye Indawo Okungajwayelekile

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Le fantasy ivame kakhulu ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside, kusho uLaura Berman, Ph.D., owelapha ngezocansi nobudlelwano kanye nochwepheshe wezocansi waseDurex. Lokho kungenxa yokuthi ukuzama noma yini entsha-ngabe lokho kusho ukuya endaweni ye-brunch eyehlukile noma ejwayelekile noma ukuba matasa ngaphandle kwekamelo lokulala-empeleni kuvuselela izikhungo ze-dopamine zobuchopho, kuthuthukise imizwa yenjabulo nenjabulo.

Izame: Indawo embi kunazo zonke yokuhlola imizwa yomuntu wakho ngokuzikhohlisa emgqeni ongemuva webhayisikobho lapho amalambu eqala ukufiphala khona, kusho uBerman. Yilethe ngesikhathi esingathathi hlangothi (funda: hhayi uma uya ocansini noma endaweni oyithandayo oyithandayo), futhi zilungele ukuxoxisana. Angase awuzonde umqondo wakho wokuya ocansini epaki lomphakathi, isibonelo, kodwa vulekele ukuya kulo ekhoneni eliyimfihlo legceke lakho, kusho uBerman.

Be Buswa

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Amashumi amahlanu amathunzi eGrey ayizange iqale ukuthatheka kwezwe nge-BDSM-ivele yasebenzisa yona. "Abesifazane namuhla benza izinto eziningi nsuku zonke, ukuthi umqondo wokunikeza omunye umuntu ukulawula - hhayi lokho kuphela, kodwa umuntu owaziyo ukuthi uzokwenzenjani ngalolo lawulo-ungaba inkanuko enkulu," kusho uBerman.

Izame: Njengakwezocansi zomphakathi, i-BDSM akuyona into ongayihlola ngokuzithandela. Okokuqala, buza umuntu wakho ukuthi angazizwa kanjani efaka ubugqila noma inkulumo engcolile enkambisweni yakho ejwayelekile. Uma egibele, hamba esimweni sakho esihle. Amadoda amaningi angase anqikaze ukuthatha indima ebaluleke kakhulu ekamelweni, ngakho imiyalelo eqondile ingaba usizo, kuphawula uBerman. Futhi kubalulekile: ukukhetha igama eliphephile ngaphambi kokuba uqale. (Abesifazane akubona bodwa abavuma inganekwane ye-BDSM. Ingenye ye-5 Imfihlo Yemikhosi Yabesilisa Ejwayelekile Ngokuphelele.)

Yenza Ucansi Nomuntu Omusha

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UBerman uthi kuyinto ejwayelekile ngokuphelele ukunxanela okungenani izinga elithile lokwehlukahluka, ikakhulukazi uma usuneminyaka eminingi ungumfana wakho. Nakuba abantu bengase bahlelwe ukuba babe nomfazi oyedwa, ukulangazelela ushintsho endaweni akukona okungavamile.

Izame: UBerman akancomi empeleni ukuya ocansini nomunye umlingani, noma ngabe omunye wakho obalulekile egibele. "Ivula iBhokisi likaPandora," usho njalo. "Umuntu ubophekile ukuba abe nomona noma angavikelekile." Esikhundleni salokho, zama ukulingisa. Yiba nomfana wakho-endimeni yomuntu ongamazi-akuthathe kubha yendawo, noma umcele ukuthi agqoke iwigi noma imvunulo yokulala. Ukuzama indawo entsha kuwe, ukudlala i-porn ngenkathi uzikhohlisa, noma ukusebenzisa ithoyizi locansi phakathi nesenzo nakho kungafeza isifiso sakho soshintsho.

Ucansi olwenziwa ngomlomo

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Naphezu kokukuthola kukhanga, "inani elimangalisayo labantu alikhululekile ngocansi lomlomo," kusho uBerman. Bakhathazeka ngesu labo (uma kunguyena odlalayo) noma bacindezeleke ngokunethezeka komunye wabo (ingabe umhlathi wakhe uyakhathala? Ingabe nginuka kahle? Ingabe ngithatha isikhathi eside kakhulu?).

Izame: Uma ukukhathazeka “ngokungakwenzi kahle” kukubambezela, uBerman uphakamisa ukuthi uvele ubheke izifundo eziku-inthanethi—ungase uzizwe usile, kodwa kulokhu, ulwazi yisikhali sakho esingcono kakhulu. Uma ukhathazekile ngokuba semkhawulweni owamukelayo, ngakolunye uhlangothi, zama izinyathelo zomntwana. "Qala ngokumcela ukuba akwehlisele kuwe imizuzu emithathu nje kuphela. Ngokuzayo, uzame emihlanu," kuchaza yena. Bese ugxila ekuhlaleni umzuzwana kuze kube isikhathi siphelile. Vele umtshele mayelana nokuhlolwa kusengaphambili, noma angase acabange ukuthi wenza into ongayithandi lapho ummisa, okuholela ekukhathazekeni kokusebenza kuye.

Xhuma Ngesikhathi Socansi

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Inganekwane evamile yabesifazane bekungenye yezinto ezinganambitheki kangako ohlwini-ukufuna ukuzwa imizwa yothando phakathi nobudlelwano bocansi. "Kugcizelela ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani lokho kuxhumana ngokomzwelo ekusondeleni," kusho uBerman. "Ngoba ngingakunika izinto ezingama-365 zokuzama ukuvuselela impilo yakho yezocansi, kepha uma wena nomlingani wakho ningenakho lokho kukhululeka kwangaphakathi, akukho okuzosebenza."

Izame: Ukuze uzizwe usondelene ngokomzwelo nomuntu olala naye, zama amasu we-tantric sex, agcizelela ukungena kulokho kuxhumana okungokomzwelo, kuphakamisa uBerman. Ukuzivocavoca okukodwa okulula: Hlala ubuso obunemilenze ephambene nomlingani wakho, bese ubeka isandla sakho sokunene phezu kwenhliziyo yakhe. Ngenkathi nibukana emehlweni, vumelanisa ukuphefumula kwakho kowakhe. "Lokhu kukusiza ukuba uzibeke maphakathi, uvule umhlaba wonke, futhi wakhe umfutho omkhulu phakathi kwenu ngaphambi kokuba nibe ngokomzimba," kusho uBerman.

Buyekeza kwe-