Ingabe uwedwa noma unesizungu?

-Delile

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Akumangazi ukuthi siya ngokuya sizithola sinesizungu kancane. Asibazi omakhelwane bethu, siyathenga futhi sihlanganyele ku-inthanethi, asibonakali sinesikhathi esanele sabangane bethu, sisebenza sodwa sigqoke ama-headphone agcina umhlaba ungekho, sigxuma sisuka emsebenzini siye kwelinye, idolobha nedolobha.

“Abantu abaningi namuhla bagcina benesizungu,” kusho u-Jacqueline Olds, M.D., umsizi kaprofesa wezifo zengqondo e-Harvard Medical School kanye nombhali-ndawonye wale ncwadi. Ukunqoba Isizungu Ekuphileni Kwansuku Zonke (Birch Lane Press, 1996). "Iqiniso lokuthi abantu bahamba kakhulu futhi banesikhathi esincane sokuzinikela ekugcineni ukuxhumana kwabo nomphakathi ligcina liyinhlekelele."

Sijwayele nokuzihlalela sodwa: Ngo-1998, unyaka wakamuva kakhulu idatha etholakala ngawo, abantu baseMelika abayizigidi ezingama-26.3 bahlala bodwa - kusuka ezigidini ezingama-23 ngo-1990 no-18.3 million ngo-1980. Isiko lethu laseMelika ligcizelela ukubaluleka kokuzimela, ukuzimela , ukuzethemba. Kodwa ngamanani? Lezi izici ezifanayo kakhulu ezingaholela ekuxhumaneni okumbalwa nabanye abantu.

Namuhla, u-Olds uthi, iningi lethu libukeka lihlushwa inkululeko enkulu kakhulu. Njengesibonelo esibi kakhulu, ucaphuna intsha emibili ebeka iColumbine High School ebalazweni. Ngamunye wabo wayebonakala engabantu abanesizungu kakhulu, uthi, "futhi babehlale besemaphethelweni; akekho owake wabamukela ngempela."

Into ejwayelekile kakhulu yile: Uma usesikoleni samabanga aphakeme nasekolishi, uzungezwe inqwaba yabangane abangaba khona. Yonke indawo lapho ubheka khona, uthola abantu abangontanga yakho abanezizinda ezifanayo, izintshisekelo, izinhloso kanye namashejuli. Ubungani nezinhlangano zinesikhathi sokujola. Kepha uma ushiya ukujwayela isikole ngemuva bese ungena ezweni labantu abadala - kwesinye isikhathi edolobheni elisha, nomsebenzi omusha, onengcindezi phakathi kwabantu abasha - ukuthola abangane kuba nzima.

Isigcwagcwa somzwangedwa

"Akekho ofuna ukuvuma ukuthi unesizungu," kusho u-Olds. "Isizungu yinto abantu abayihlanganisa nabahluliwe." Ngisho ngasese isikhathi sokwelashwa, u-Olds uthi, iziguli zakhe azizimisele ukuvuma ukuthi zizizwa zinesizungu. "Abantu bangena ekwelashweni bekhala ngokuzethemba, kanti inkinga isizungu. Kodwa abafuni ukukukhokhisa kanjalo ngoba banamahloni. Abafuni neze ukuthi kube khona umuntu azi ukuthi banesizungu, futhi angazi nhlobo ukuthi abanye abantu abaningi bazizwa benesizungu, futhi. "

Isizungu siyisihlamba, empeleni, ukuthi abantu bazoba naso ezingeni lokuvota elingaziwa, kepha uma bebuzwa ukuthi banikeze amagama abo, bazokhetha ukuvuma esikhundleni salokho ukuthi bayanele, hhayi isizungu. Kodwa-ke, ukuvuma ukuthi unesizungu - nokwazi ukuthi isizungu kuvamile kakhulu - kungaba isinyathelo sokuqala sokuxazulula inkinga. Isinyathelo sakho esilandelayo ukuzama ukuhlangana nabantu enifana ngakho nabo.

Sinesizungu kakhulu, nokho asisodwa

Ukwenza ukuxhumana okusha njengomuntu omdala akulula njengoba kwakunjalo ngenkathi usemncane, njengoba uCarol Hildebrand waseWellesley, Mass., Ezokufakazela lokho. Eminyakeni embalwa edlule, lapho esanda kweva eminyakeni engama-30, uHildebrand wazithola enesizungu njengoba iningi labangane bakhe bokuhamba izintaba namatende babeshada futhi benabantwana.

"Abangane bami bebengasenaso isikhathi sokuya ekhempini ebusika," kusho uHildebrand, umhleli wephephabhuku lobuchwepheshe bezamabhizinisi endaweni yaseBoston. "Izimpilo zabo zase zishintshile. Ngangiphelelwa abangane ababengashadile futhi ababenesikhathi sami," kusho uHildebrand.

Abaningi bethu eminyakeni yethu engama-30 bake baba nokuhlangenwe nakho okufanayo. Kodwa akwenzeki ukwenza abangani abasha -- kufanele wazi ukuthi ubheke kuphi. Nazi izeluleko zokuthi ungaxhumana kanjani nabanye nokuthi ungakwenza kanjani ukuxhumana osuvele unabo kujule:

1. Cela umusa omncane. “Iningi labantu baseMelika lizizwa likwenyanya ukucela usizo nokuqala umjikelezo wokusizana,” kusho i-Harvard’s Olds. Kepha uma uthi, "uboleke ushukela" kumakhelwane wakho, maningi amathuba okuthi akucele ukuthi unisele izitshalo zakhe lapho engekho. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, nizothembela komunye nomunye ngokuthola okuhle (ukugibela ukuya esikhumulweni sezindiza?) Futhi ubungane bungakheka.

2. Mhlawumbe umlingani wakho ofanele noma umngane wakho akufanele abe ngumuntu oneminyaka engama-28 ubudala, ofunde ekolishi, ongashadile, owesilisa ocansini nobungqingili othanda uLyle Lovett, ukudla kwaseVietnam nolwandle lwe-kayaking, njengawe. Ukuzikhawulela kwikhophi yekhabhoni kungasho ukuphuthelwa abangane abathile abakhulu. Vulela ubungane nabantu beminye iminyaka, imvelaphi yenkolo, izinhlanga, ukuthanda izinto, izintshisekelo nokuthambekela kwezocansi.

3. Abesifazane abaningi bazizwa benesizungu ngoba abanazintshisekelo zokugcwalisa isikhathi sabo bodwa. Yenza umsebenzi wokuzilibazisa ongakwazi ukuzenza uwedwa -- ukudweba, ukuthunga, ukubhukuda, ukudlala upiyano, ukubhala kujenali, ukufunda olunye ulimi, ukugibela izintaba, ukuthwebula izithombe (wonke umuntu uthanda ukwenza okuthile) -- ukuze uzizwe kakhudlwana ukhululekile uma uwedwa. Futhi khumbula lokhu: Lapho unezinto eziningi zokuzilibazisa, yilapho uyoba maningi amathuba okuba uhlanganyele izithakazelo ezifanayo nabanye futhi uyothakazelisa nakakhulu kubangane abasha.

4. Noma iyiphi iphrojekthi ehlanganyelwayo ingase iholele ebunganeni, ngakho khetha isizathu okholelwa kuso bese uqala ukuhlela. Joyina umkhankaso wezepolitiki wendawo noma iqembu lezemvelo; ukuqoqwa kwesikhwama sosizo; hlela i-10k; yakha ukubambisana okuhleli nezingane nabanye omama; ivolontiya ukwenza umsebenzi womphakathi njengokufundisa izingane ukufunda noma ukuhlanza amapaki endawo. Kungenzeka wenze ukuxhumana okujulile uma uhlala nabantu abanengqondo efanayo.

Khumbula nalokhu: Ukwenza abangane kuthatha isikhathi, ngakho-ke khetha iphrojekthi yesikhathi eside. (Ungase futhi uthathe ikilasi noma ujoyine iklabhu -- ubuciko, ezemidlalo, ithiyetha, ithenisi, noma yini -- lapho uzohlangana khona nabantu abanezintshisekelo ezifanayo nawe.)

5. Cela othile osekilasini lakho le-yoga (noma ehhovisi noma ekwakheni amafulethi ...) aphuze ikhofi. Uma ethi cha, buza ukuthi angathanda yini ukuya kwesinye isikhathi. Uma ethi umatasa kakhulu, ungacabangi ukuthi wenza izaba ngoba akakuthandi. Kungenzeka ukuthi umatasa kakhulu ukuba athole abangane abasha. Dlulela komunye umuntu, futhi ungakuthathi njengokwenqatshwa lokhu. Noma yini oyenzayo, qala kancane -- ungamemi umuntu osanda kuhlangana naye ukuthi ayoshushuluza ngempelasonto.

"Kulula kakhulu kuwo wonke umuntu ohilelekile uma kuhamba kancane," kusho uMary Ellen Copeland, M.S., M.A., uthisha wezempilo yengqondo nombhali Incwadi Yokusebenzela Isizungu (New Harbinger Publications, 2000). "Abantu abaningi banezinkinga ngokuthembana. Phambilini bake balinyazwa ngandlela thile ngumuntu, ngakho-ke bazohlehla ebunganeni obakhiwa ngokushesha okukhulu."

6. Kuneqembu elisekela wonke umuntu - omama abasha, abazali abangabodwa, izidakwa, abanikazi bamabhizinisi amancane, abanesifo sikashukela nabadla ngokweqile, ukubala abambalwa. Joyina eyodwa. Uma kuneqembu elisekela izidingo zakho noma izintshisekelo zakho, lizame. Abadala basikisela amaToastmasters, anezahluko cishe kuwo wonke amadolobha ase-United States. Abahlanganyeli bahlangana ndawonye njalo ukuze bazijwayeze ukukhuluma kwabo phambi kwabantu. Ama-toastmasters aheha abantu babo bonke ubudala nabobonke ubuhlanga, futhi akubizi.Ungahlangana nabantu abahle ngale ndlela, kusho abadala. Bheka iWebhu; noma uma ungalitholi iqembu elilungile, cabanga ukuqala elakho.

7. Funa umelaphi ukuze wakhe ukuzethemba kwakho. "Abantu abazizwa kabi ngabo bavame ukuba nesikhathi esinzima sokufinyelela kanye nokwenza ubungane kanye nokuba nabantu, ngakho bavame ukuba nesizungu," kusho uCopeland. Uma kunguwe lona, ​​thola umelaphi ongakusiza ukuthi uzibuke ngendlela ehlukile.

Ngokuqondene noCarol Hildebrand, wafuna ukuxhumana okusha ezindaweni ezimbili. Okokuqala, ujoyine i-Appalachian Mountain Club, exhasa ukunyuka nezinye izinto zangaphandle. Waqala ukuthatha uhambo -- olufana nokuqwala intaba izinsuku eziyisishiyagalombili enqamula i-Presidential Range eNew Hampshire -- lapho ahlangana khona nabantu ayenezinto eziningi nabo, okuhlanganisa ukuthanda izinto ezinhle ngaphandle, ezifanayo.

Kamuva, wathatha umsebenzi ukuze nje azijabulise ngawo esebenza ubusuku obuthile esitolo sangaphandle sezimpahla nezingubo. Ekugcineni, akazange nje enze abangane abasha bokuhamba izintaba (futhi athole izaphulelo ezinhle ngamagiya), kepha wenza ubungane nomuntu owayenentshisekelo naye ekhempini yasebusika - futhi owagcina esengumyeni wakhe.

Impilo yakho: Izindleko zomphefumulo onesizungu

Bonke abesifazane badinga abangane nabathandekayo abathembele kubo, bathulule isifuba sabo kubo, bazizwe bekhululeke ngokuphelele kubo. Ngaphandle kwalezi zixhumanisi ezibalulekile kwabanye abantu, akuyona imimoya yethu kuphela ehluphekayo; impilo yethu engokomzimba iwohloka, futhi.

Ucwaningo luye lwabonisa ukuthi abantu abanobudlelwane bomphakathi obanelisayo obungaphansi kwezine kuya kweziyisithupha (nomkhaya, abangani, abashade nabo, omakhelwane, abantu abasebenza nabo, njll.) banamathuba aphindwe kabili okuthola umkhuhlane kanye namathuba aphindwe kane okuba nesifo senhliziyo.

Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi isizungu singabangela izinguquko zamakhemikhali emzimbeni wakho, kukwenze utholakale kalula ekuguleni, kusho uJeffrey Geller, MD, umcwaningi wesizungu kanye nomqondisi wezokwelapha ezihlanganisayo kuLawrence Family Practice Residency Program eLawrence, Mass. Umzimba onesizungu uzodedela amahomoni okucindezeleka (njenge-cortisol) acindezela amasosha omzimba.

"Ukungabi khona kosizo lwezenhlalakahle kubeka umuntu engcupheni yokugula kakhulu emazingeni ezibalo alingana nokubhema, ukukhuluphala ngokweqile kanye nokuntuleka kokuvivinya umzimba," kusho uRonald Glaser, Ph.D., uprofesa we-molecular virology, immunology kanye ne-genetics yezokwelapha e-Ohio Isikhungo Sezokwelapha sase State State.

Uma unesizungu, nansi indlela umzimba wakho - nengqondo - okungahlupheka ngayo:

* Uzoba namandla amancane okulwa nokutheleleka kanye nezifo ezinjengomkhuhlane, umkhuhlane, izilonda ezibandayo, i-herpes namanye amagciwane.

Uzoba nokuthambekela okuphezulu kokutheleleka kwamagciwane futhi mhlawumbe nomdlavuza.

* Maningi amathuba okuba uphathwe wukhwantalala.

* Ujwayele ukusebenzisa kabi utshwala bese uzibulala.

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