Umlobi: Louise Ward
Usuku Lokudalwa: 10 Ufebhuwari 2021
Ukuvuselela Usuku: 21 Unovemba 2024
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Not On Our Soil - A Climate Justice Reality: Feature Film
Ividiyo: Not On Our Soil - A Climate Justice Reality: Feature Film

-Delile

Uma une noma ufuna ubudlelwano bothando, mhlawumbe ufuna obuhle, akunjalo? Kepha buyini ubudlelwano obunempilo, ncamashi?

Yebo, kuya ngokuthi.

Ubudlelwano obunempilo abubukeki bulingana kuwo wonke umuntu kwazise abantu banezidingo ezihlukile. Izidingo zakho ezikhethekile ezungeze ukuxhumana, ubulili, uthando, isikhala, ukuzilibazisa okwabiwe noma izindinganiso, njalonjalo kungashintsha impilo yonke.

Ngakho-ke, ubudlelwano obusebenza kuma-20s akho bungeke bufane nobudlelwano obufunayo kuma-30s akho.

Ubudlelwano obungahambelani nezincazelo zendabuko eziningi zobudlelwano busengaba nempilo. Isibonelo, abantu abasebenzisa i-polyamory noma i-nonmonogamy yokuziphatha okuhle bangachaza ubudlelwane obunempilo ngokuhlukile kunabantu abenza i-monogamy eyodwa.

Ngamafuphi, "ubudlelwano obunempilo" yigama elibanzi ngoba okwenza ubuhlobo budlondlobale kuncike ezidingweni zabantu abakuzo.


Kepha izimpawu ezimbalwa ezibalulekile ziyabonakala ebudlelwaneni obuchumayo.

Kubukeka kanjani

ULindsey Antin, udokotela waseBerkeley, eCalifornia, uthi: “Into eyodwa ubuhlobo obuhle obuhlanganyelwa kakhulu ukuvumelana nezimo. “Bazivumelanisa nezimo nokuthi iqiniso sihlala sishintsha futhi sihamba ngezigaba ezahlukene empilweni.

Nakhu ukubuka ezinye izimpawu zobudlelwano obunempilo.

Ukuxhumana okuvulekile

Ozakwethu ebudlelwaneni obunempilo ngokuvamile bakhuluma ngezinto ezenzeka ezimpilweni zabo: impumelelo, ukwehluleka, nakho konke okuphakathi.

Kufanele ukhululeke ukukhuluma nganoma yiziphi izingqinamba eziqhamukayo, kusuka ezintweni ezenzeka empilweni yansuku zonke, umsebenzi onjalo noma ukucindezela komngani, kuye ezindabeni ezibucayi, njengezimpawu zempilo yengqondo noma ukukhathazeka kwezezimali.

Noma benombono ohlukile, balalela ngaphandle kokwahlulela bese babelana ngombono wabo.

Ukuxhumana kuhamba ngazo zombili izindlela. Kubalulekile ukuthi nawe uzizwe ukuthi bazokhuluma ngokwabo ukukhathazeka noma imicabango yabo njengoba beqhamuka.


Abantu ebudlelwaneni obungenakucabanga bodwa bangabeka inani elithe xaxa ekuhlolweni kwemizwa nasekuxhumaneni kaningi ngokwenzekayo nabanye abalingani.

Ukwethemba

Ukwethenjwa kuhilela ukwethembeka nobuqotho. Anigcini izimfihlo komunye nomunye. Uma uhlukene, awukhathazeki ngokuthi bazolandela abanye abantu.

Kodwa ukuthembela kudlula ukukholwa ukuthi ngeke bakukhohlise noma bakukhohlise.

Kusho nokuthi uzizwa uphephile futhi unethezekile nabo futhi uyazi ukuthi ngeke bakulimaze emzimbeni noma emoyeni. Uyazi ukuthi banezinhloso ezinhle kuwe kepha futhi bakuhlonipha ngokwanele ukukukhuthaza ukuthi uzenzele izinqumo.

Umuzwa wakho njengomuntu ohlukile

Ubudlelwano obunempilo buchazwa kangcono njengokuthembana. Ukuncika kwelinye izwe kusho ukuthi nithembele komunye nomunye ekuxhasaneni kepha nisalondoloze ubuwena njengomuntu ohlukile.

Ngamanye amazwi, ubudlelwano bakho bulinganiselwe. Uyazi ukuthi unokwamukelwa nothando lwabo, kodwa ukuzethemba kwakho akuxhomekile kubo. Noma ngabe ukhona komunye nomunye, awuthembele komunye nomunye ukuze uhlangabezane nazo zonke izidingo zakho.


Usenabangani nokuxhumana ngaphandle kobuhlobo futhi uchitha isikhathi uphishekela izintshisekelo zakho nezinto ozithandayo.

Ilukuluku

Isici esisodwa esiyinhloko sothando olunempilo, lwesikhathi eside ilukuluku.

Lokhu kusho ukuthi unentshisekelo kwimicabango yabo, izinhloso zabo, kanye nempilo yabo yansuku zonke. Ufuna ukuwabuka ekhula abe ngumuntu ongcono kunabo bonke. Awulungiselelwe ukuthi babekade bengobani noma ucabanga ukuthi kufanele babe ngubani.

"Nibamba izingqondo eziguquguqukayo ngomunye nomunye," uyanezela u-Antin.

Ilukuluku lisho nokuthi uzimisele ukucubungula noma ukukhuluma ngezinguquko ezakhiweni zobudlelwano bakho uma izici zobudlelwano bakho obukhona zingagculisi kangako. Kuhlanganisa nokubhekana namaqiniso. Uyababona ukuthi bangobani ngempela futhi ubakhathalele lowo muntu, hhayi uhlobo oluhlelekile lwabo.

Isikhathi sihlukene

Iningi labantu ebudlelwaneni obunempilo libeka phambili ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye, ​​noma isikhathi osichitha ndawonye singahluka ngokuya ngezidingo zomuntu siqu, umsebenzi nokunye ukuzibophezela, amalungiselelo okuhlala, njalonjalo.

Kepha futhi uyasibona isidingo sendawo yomuntu siqu nesikhathi sakho wedwa. Mhlawumbe uchitha lesi sikhathi uphumule wedwa, wenza umsebenzi wokuzilibazisa, noma ubona abangane noma umndeni.

Noma yini oyenzayo, awudingi ukuchitha wonke umzuzu ndawonye noma ukholwe ukuthi ubudlelwane bakho buyahlupheka lapho nichitha isikhathi esithile nihlukene.

Ukudlala noma ukungakhathali

Kubalulekile ukwenza isikhathi sokuzijabulisa nokuzenzela lapho isimo silungile. Uma nikwazi ukwenza ihlaya futhi nihleke ndawonye, ​​lokho kuyisibonakaliso esihle.

Kwesinye isikhathi izinselelo zokuphila noma ukucindezeleka kunganithinta oyedwa noma nobabili. Lokhu kungashintsha ithoni yobudlelwano bakho okwesikhashana futhi kukwenze kube nzima ukuqondana ngezindlela zakho ezijwayelekile.

Kepha ukukwazi ukwabelana ngezikhathi ezilula ezisiza ukuqeda ukungezwani, noma kufushane, kuqinisa ubudlelwano bakho noma ezikhathini ezinzima.

Ukusondelana ngokomzimba

Ukusondelana kuvame ukubhekisa ocansini, kepha hhayi njalo. Akuwona wonke umuntu ojabulela noma ofuna ucansi. Ubudlelwano bakho busengaba nempilo ngaphandle kwabo - inqobo nje uma nobabili nisekhasini elilodwa mayelana nokuhlangabezana nezidingo zenu.

Uma kungekho noyedwa kini onentshisekelo kwezocansi, ukusondelana ngokomzimba kungabandakanya ukuqabulana, ukwangana, ukugonana, nokulala ndawonye. Noma ngabe yiluphi uhlobo lokusondelana owabelana ngalo, ukuxhumana ngokomzimba nokubopha kubalulekile.

Uma nobabili nikujabulela ucansi, ubudlelwano bakho ngokomzimba kungenzeka buba nempilo uma:

  • uzizwe ukhululekile ukuqala nokukhuluma ngocansi
  • ingakwazi ukuphatha ukwenqatshwa
  • ingaxoxa ngezifiso
  • uzizwe uphephile ukuveza intshisekelo yakho ocansini oluningi noma oluncane

Ukusondelana okunempilo kuhilela nokuhlonipha imingcele yezocansi. Lokhu kufaka:

  • ukungabacindezeli abalingani ngocansi noma ngezenzo ezithile zocansi uma bethi cha
  • ukwabelana ngolwazi mayelana nabanye abalingani
  • ukuxoxa ngezinto eziyingozi kwezocansi

Ukubambisana

Ubudlelwano obuqinile bungabhekwa njengeqembu. Nisebenza ngokubambisana futhi niyasizana, noma ngabe anibonani ngaso linye entweni noma nibe nezinhloso ezingafani ncamashi.

Ngamafuphi, ninomhlane womunye nomunye. Uyazi ukuthi ungaphendukela kubo lapho udonsa kanzima. Futhi uhlale ukulungele ukunikeza ukwesekwa lapho bekudinga.

Ukulungiswa kwezingxabano

Ngisho nasebudlelwaneni obunempilo, nizoba nokungaboni ngaso linye ngezikhathi ezithile futhi nizizwe nikhungathekile noma nithukuthelelane ngezikhathi ezithile. Lokho kuvamile ngokuphelele. Akusho ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho abunampilo.

Okubalulekile ukuthi uzilungisa kanjani izingxabano. Uma ukwazi ukukhuluma ngomehluko wakho ngenhlonipho, ngokuthembeka, nangenhlonipho, usendleleni efanele.

Ozakwethu ababhekana nengxabano ngaphandle kokwahlulela noma kwendelelo bavame ukuthola ukuvumelana noma isisombululo.

Ubudlelwano amafulegi abomvu

Ubudlelwano bakho kufanele bube nomthelela ekugcwalisekeni, enjabulweni nasekuxhumaneni. Uma uvame ukuzizwa ukhathazekile kakhulu, ucindezelekile, noma ungajabule phakathi komlingani wakho, ubuhlobo bakho bungaba nzima.

Izimpawu zobudlelwano obungenampilo zingahluka kakhulu, ngakho-ke lolu hlu aluhlanganisi konke. Kepha kungasiza ukukhomba izingqinamba ezithile ezingaba khona.

Omunye wenu uzama ukulawula noma ukushintsha omunye

"Asinakukwazi ukulawula umuntu," kusho u-Antin.

Uma ukhathazekile ngokuziphatha okuthile, kufanele uzizwe ukhululekile ngokwanele ukukuveza. Kulungile ukuveza imizwa yakho bese ubacela ukuthi bacabangele ukwenza izinguquko. Kepha akulungile ukubatshela ukuthi benzeni noma uzame ukulawula indlela abaziphatha ngayo.

Uma benza okuthile okukukhathaza ngempela futhi ungeke wakwamukela, ubudlelwano bungase bungabi namandla wesikhathi eside.

Uzakwenu akayihloniphi imingcele yakho

Imingcele ingaqala ukusebenza ebudlelwaneni bakho, kusuka ekukhulumisaneni okunenhlonipho kuye ezidingweni zobumfihlo. Uma ubeka umngcele bese bewududula noma bekucindezela ukuthi uwushintshe, lelo yifulegi elibomvu elibucayi.

Mhlawumbe ushilo, “Ngidinga isikhala sami lapho ngibuya emsebenzini. Ngiyajabula ukukubona, kodwa ngidinga ukukhathazeka ngaphambi kwanoma yikuphi ukuthanda ngokomzimba. ”

Kepha bayaqhubeka nokuza kuwe ngqo lapho ufika ekhaya, bezama ukukuqabula futhi bakudonsele egumbini lokulala. Uma uthi cha, bayaxolisa futhi bathi "abakwazi ukuzisiza."

Ungakuxubha lokhu njengophawu lothando bese uqhubeka nokuphinda umngcele, ngethemba lokuthi bazokuthola ekugcineni. Kepha ukuziphatha kwabo kukhombisa ukungazihloniphi izidingo zakho.

Anichithi isikhathi esiningi ndawonye

Ubudlelwano buvame ukukhula lapho abantu bejabulela ubudlelwano bomunye nomunye futhi befuna ukuchitha isikhathi esithe xaxa ndawonye. Imicimbi yempilo kwesinye isikhathi ingangena endleleni yesikhathi senu sindawonye, ​​kepha lezi zinguquko zivame ukuba zesikhashana.

Ubudlelwano bakho bungase budonse kanzima uma nihlala nibonana kancane ngaphandle kwesizathu esicacile, njengobunzima bomndeni noma izibopho eziningi emsebenzini.

Ezinye izimpawu eziyisixwayiso zifaka phakathi ukuzwa ukude komunye nomunye noma ukukhululeka uma ningekho ndawonye. Ungase uzame ngisho nezaba zokugwema ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye.

Ubudlelwano buzizwa bungalingani

Ubudlelwano obunempilo buvame ukulinganiswa kahle. Ungahle wabelane ngokulinganayo ngezezimali, noma ulinganise imali engenayo ephansi ngokwenza eminye imisebenzi.

Kepha ukulingana kobudlelwano nakho kungahlobana nezinto ezingaphatheki, ezinjengothando, ukuxhumana, kanye nokulindelwa kobudlelwano.

Izikhathi zokungalingani zingenzeka ngezikhathi ezithile. Omunye wenu angahle alahlekelwe ngumholo wakhe okwesikhashana, alwele ukusiza ngemisebenzi yasekhaya ngenxa yokugula, noma azizwe enothando oluncane ngenxa yengcindezi noma enye inkathazo engokomzwelo.

Kepha uma ubudlelwano bakho buhlala buzizwa bungalingani nganoma iyiphi indlela, lokhu kungaba yinkinga.

Basho izinto ezingezinhle noma ezilimazayo ngawe noma ngabanye

Akukho lutho olungalungile ngokukhombisa ukukhathazeka lapho umlingani wakho enza okuthile okukhathazayo. Kepha ebudlelwaneni obunempilo, abalingani ngokuvamile banakekela ukuveza imizwa yabo ngezindlela eziwusizo nezikhiqizayo.

Akuyona impilo ukuhlala sigxekana njalo noma sisho izinto ezilimaza ngamabomu, ikakhulukazi ngokukhetha komuntu siqu, njengokudla, okokugqoka, noma imibukiso ye-TV oyithandayo. Ukugxekwa okwenza uzizwe unamahloni noma ungaziphathi kahle ngokuvamile akunamsebenzi.

Futhi phawula ukuthi bakhuluma kanjani ngabanye. Ubudlelwano bakho komunye nomunye bungabonakala buhle ngokuphelele, kepha uma bekhuluma ngenzondo, bethuka, noma bekhuluma ngokubandlulula ngabanye, cabanga ukuthi lokhu kuziphatha kuthini ngabo njengomuntu.

Awuzizwa uzwakala ebudlelwaneni

Mhlawumbe awuzizwa uzwakala ngoba kubonakala sengathi abanantshisekelo lapho uletha inkinga noma wabelana ngokuthile obekusengqondweni yakho. Noma ungahle ube nobunzima bokwabelana ngombono wakho noma ukukhuluma ngezinkinga ezibucayi ngoba ukhathazekile ukuthi bazovele bakududule.

Ukuxhumana okungaxhunyiwe kungenzeka, kunjalo. Kepha uma wena yenza bakhulume ngodaba futhi babonakala bemukela kodwa bangenzi ushintsho noma babonakale sebekhohlwe ngokuphelele lokho okhulume ngakho ngosuku olulandelayo, lokho futhi kuyisibonakaliso sesixwayiso.

Uyesaba ukuveza ukungavumelani

Ozakwethu kufanele ngaso sonke isikhathi bazizwe bephephile ukuba nemibono yabo, noma ngabe lokhu kusho ukuthi abavumelani. Uma umlingani wakho ephendula umbono wakho (ohlukile) ngokuxoshwa, ngokwedelelwa, noma ngobunye ubujamo, lokhu kuvame ukuphakamisa ukuthi abakuhloniphi noma imibono yakho.

Uma uzithola unaka konke okushoyo ngoba ukhathazeka ngokuthi bazokuphendula kanjani, noma uzizwe sengathi "uhamba phezu kwamagobolondo amaqanda" nsuku zonke, njengoba u-Antin akubeka, kungaba yisikhathi sokufuna usizo lochwepheshe.

Uma wesaba ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba noma ngamazwi, khuluma nodokotela ngokushesha okukhulu. Unganqikazi ukufinyelela kubangani nomndeni ukuze uthole ukusekelwa okungeziwe, futhi.

Awuzizwa ujabulile noma unethezekile uma uzungeze umlingani wakho

Kubantu abaningi, izinhloso zobudlelwano ezibalulekile zibandakanya ukwanda kwenjabulo nokwaneliseka kwempilo. Uma uzizwa ungakhululekile noma ungajabule ngaso sonke isikhathi, ubudlelwano kungenzeka bungahlangabezani nezidingo zakho.

Lokhu kungenzeka noma ngabe nobabili nifaka umzamo ebudlelwaneni. Abantu bayashintsha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ngakho ukuzizwa benganelisekile futhi bevalelekile akusho ukuthi omunye wenu wenze noma yini "engalungile." Ungahle ube ngabantu abahlukile abangasalingani kahle.

Ukungaboni ngaso linye noma izingxoxo azihambi ndawo

Ukuxazululwa kwezingxabano okunempilo kuholela ekuxazululeni noma ekuyekethiseni. Ukugcina ubudlelwano kuyinqubo eqhubekayo, ngakho-ke ungahle ungasebenzi konke ngokushesha. Kepha uvame ukuzizwa kamnandi ngezingxoxo zakho ngemuva kwalokho. Imvamisa ubona intuthuko ethile.

Ngokuvamile akusona isibonakaliso esihle lapho uzithola ukhuluma kumbuthano noma ngezinkinga ezifanayo ngaso sonke isikhathi. Mhlawumbe akukaze kube khona ukuthuthuka, noma ngabe uxoxa kangakanani ngokuthile. Mhlawumbe ekugcineni bavele bakuvalele ngaphandle.

Imibuzo okufanele uzibuze yona

Kunzima ukusebenzisa izindinganiso ezifanayo kubo bonke ubuhlobo. Kodwa-ke, uma ufuna ukuqondiswa kokuthi eyakho iphilile yini, kunezinto ezimbalwa ongazibuza zona njengohlobo lokuzihlola.

Ngabe ubudlelwano bakho bunempilo?

Zibuze:

  • Ingabe umlingani wami uyangikhuthaza ukuba ngikhule?
  • Ngabe sihlanganyela imigomo yesikhathi esizayo?
  • Ngabe sifuna uhlobo olufanayo lobudlelwano?
  • Ngingakwazi yini ukuba nami?
  • Ingabe ngiyabemukela njengoba benjalo?
  • Ngabe sinikela futhi sithatha komunye nomunye ngokulinganayo?
  • Ingabe impilo yami ingcono uma nginabo?
  • Ingabe isikhathi sethu ndawonye sinencazelo?

Uma uphendule ngoyebo, ubudlelwano bakho kungenzeka buqinile.

Amathiphu okwakha ubuhlobo obuqinile

Uma amanye amafulegi abomvu obudlelwano (noma amaningi) ehlaselwa ekhaya, ukwelulekwa kwezithandani kungaba yisinyathelo esihle.

"Ukwelashwa kwezithandani cishe kungabantu ababili abafika bezosebenzela bona," kusho u-Antin. Ukuthola usizo akusho ukuthi wehlulekile. Kusho ukuthi nifuna ukusebenzela ukuthuthuka, nizenzele nina nithandane.

Kepha nobudlelwano obunempilo kakhulu kwesinye isikhathi bungasebenzisa umsebenzi owengeziwe omncane. Nawa amanye amathiphu wokuqinisekisa ukuthi izinto zihlala emzileni ofanele.

Yamukela umehluko womunye nomunye

"Bangase bafune ukuvelela, kuyilapho wena ungumuntu wasekhaya," kusho u-Antin. "Kodwa lokhu kuyisimo esihle, ngoba omunye wenu angaqala umsebenzi noma aphume ayozijabulisa, kanti omunye wenu ujabulela isikhathi sokuthula futhi ugcine umlilo wasekhaya uvutha."

Cabanga ngombono wabo

“Yiba nelukuluku lokuthi benza kanjani futhi babone izinto kunokuzama ukubenza babone izinto ngendlela yakho,” kuncoma u-Antin.

Xazulula izinkinga njengeqembu

"Sebenzani ukuxazulula izinkinga, esikhundleni sokwenza inkinga ibe yodwa," kusho u-Antin.

Cela okufunayo, futhi ukulungele ngokufanayo ukulalela izifiso zabo

Ungahle ungavumi njalo, kodwa lokho kulungile. Ningabantu ababili abehlukene, angithi. Ukukwazi ukuthola ukuvumelana kuyisihluthulelo.

Zama okuthile okusha ndawonye

Uma ubudlelwano bakho bubonakala bumile noma sengathi abuyi ndawo, zama ukukuyisa kwenye indawo ukuze ubone ukuthi kwenzekani. Ukushintsha kwenkundla kwesinye isikhathi kungashintsha umbono wakho.

Khuluma ngezinhloso namaphupho akho

Lokhu kungakusiza ukuxhuma kabusha futhi uqiniseke ukuthi usabelana ngamathemba namanani afanayo.

Okubalulekile

Uthando olwabelwana nge-spelunking nokuthanda ukudla okuhlangene kwamaNdiya kungenzeka ukuthi kukusizile ukuhlangabezana nomlingani wakho, kepha lezi zinto azenzi lutho ngokugcina ubudlelwano bakho bunempilo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Ekupheleni kosuku, kufanele nithembane futhi nizizwe niphephile ndawonye. Kufanele ukholelwe emandleni akho okufunda nokukhula ndawonye.

Uma ukhathazekile ngobudlelwano bakho noma ukholwa ukuthi abusenamandla njengakuqala, thembela imizwa yakho futhi uhlole ukuthi le mizwa isho ukuthini. Umelaphi angasiza ekunikezeni ukuqondiswa kokuthi umzamo owengeziwe ungasiza nini futhi lapho sekuyisikhathi sokuqhubeka.

UCrystal Raypole wake wasebenza njengombhali nomhleli weGoodTherapy. Imikhakha yakhe enentshisekelo ifaka izilimi nezincwadi zase-Asia, ukuhunyushwa kwesiJapane, ukupheka, isayensi yemvelo, ukuzethemba ngocansi, nempilo yengqondo. Ngokukhethekile, uzibophezele ekusizeni ukunciphisa ukucwaswa okuzungeze izingqinamba zezempilo yengqondo.

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