Kungani Isizungu Siphezulu Phambi Kweminyaka Yethu engama-30?

-Delile

• Isizungu sikhula ngemuva kwekolishi
• Ngakho-ke, ingabe isizungu sibangelwa ukwesaba ukwehluleka?
• Kodwa iqiniso liwukuthi iningi lethu selivele liyayazi indlela yokuba nesizungu esincane
• Yebo, ukuqala, sikhula ezinkundleni zokuxhumana
• Ungawuphula kanjani umjikelezo

Kungenzeka ukuthi ukwesaba kwethu ukwehluleka - hhayi imithombo yezokuxhumana - kuyimbangela yesizungu.

Eminyakeni eyisithupha eyedlule, uNaresh Vissa wayeneminyaka engama-20 futhi enesizungu.

Wayesanda kuqeda ikolishi futhi wayezihlalela okokuqala efulethini elinekamelo elilodwa, engavamile ukusishiya.

Njengamanye ama-20-somethings amaningi, uVissa wayengashadile. Wayedla, elala futhi esebenza ekhaya.

"Ngangibuka iwindi lami eBaltimore's Harbour East bese ngibona abanye abantu abakwiminyaka [yama-20] yabo, beya ezinsukwini, futhi bezijabulisa," kusho uVissa. “Engingakwenza nje ukuvala izimpumputhe, ngicime amalambu ami, ngibuke neziqephu ze-‘ The Wire. ’”

Kungenzeka ukuthi wayezizwa njengowukuphela komuntu onesizungu esizukulwaneni sakhe, kepha uVissa akayedwa esizungu sakhe.

Isizungu sikhula ngemuva kwekolishi

Ngokuphikisana nenkolelo edumile yokuthi uzungezwe abangane, amaphathi, nokuzijabulisa eminyakeni yakho yama-20 nengama-30, isikhathi ngemuva kwekolishi empeleni yisikhathi lapho isizungu sikhula khona.

Ucwaningo lwango-2016 olushicilelwe kwi-Developmental Psychology luthole ukuthi, kubo bonke ubulili, isizungu siphakama ngaphambi nje kweminyaka engama-30.

Ku-2017, i-Jo Cox Loneliness Commission (umkhankaso wamaNgisi ohlose ukuveza inkinga efihlekile yesizungu) yenza ucwaningo ngesizungu namadoda e-UK futhi yathola ukuthi ama-35 yiminyaka lapho enesizungu kakhulu, kanti amaphesenti ayi-11 athi nginesizungu nsuku zonke.

Kodwa akusona lesi isikhathi iningi lethu, njengezingane, esiphupha ngalo ngokuchuma? Ngemuva kwakho konke, imibukiso efana ne- “New Girl,” kanye ne- “Friends” ne- “Will & Grace” ayikaze ikhombise ukuba nesizungu eminyakeni engama-20 nengama-30.

Singaba nezinkinga zemali, izinkinga zomsebenzi, nezikhubekiso kwezothando, kodwa isizungu? Lokho bekufanele kuhlakazeke ngokushesha lapho sesikwenze sodwa.

Izazi zezenhlalakahle sekuyisikhathi eside zibheka izimo ezintathu ezibalulekile ekwenzeni ubungane: ukusondela, ukuxhumana okuphindaphindiwe nokungahlelwanga, kanye nezilungiselelo ezikhuthaza abantu ukuthi bayeke ukuqapha. Lezi zimo zivela kancane empilweni ngemuva kokuphela kwezinsuku zakho zekamelo lokulala.

"Kuningi okuyizinganekwane ngokuthi iyini le minyaka engama-20," kusho uTess Brigham, ongumelaphi onelayisense ozinze eSan Francisco ogxile ekwelapheni abantu abadala kanye neminyaka eyizinkulungwane.

"Amakhasimende ami amaningi acabanga ukuthi adinga ukuba nomsebenzi omuhle, ashade - noma okungenani athembisene umshado - futhi abe nokuphila okuhle emphakathini ngaphambi kokuba abe neminyaka engama-30 noma ehlulekile ngandlela thile," kwengeza uBrigham.

Kuningi okufanele ukwenze, ikakhulukazi konke ngasikhathi sinye.

Ngakho-ke, ingabe isizungu sibangelwa ukwesaba ukwehluleka?

Noma mhlawumbe inkambiso yamasiko yenza nje kubonakale sengathi nguwe wedwa owehlulekayo, okwenza ukuthi uzizwe ushiywe ngemuva futhi unesizungu.

"Uma ungeza ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, okuwukuphila komuntu wonke okugqamisa isondo, kwenza abantu abasha abaningi bazizwe bebodwa futhi belahlekile," kusho uBrigham.

"Yize le minyaka engama-20 igcwele ubumnandi nenjabulo, futhi yisikhathi sempilo yakho lapho unquma ukuthi ungubani nokuthi ufuna ukuphila impilo enjani."

Uma wonke umuntu - futhi lokho kungaba ngumuntu wonke emithonjeni yezokuxhumana, kufaka phakathi abagqugquzeli nosaziwayo - kubonakala sengathi baphila leyompilo kangcono kunawe, kungaholela ekukholweni ukuthi usuhlulekile vele. Ungazizwa unesifiso sokuhlehla kakhulu.

Kepha okwengeza odabeni ukuthi asishintshi ukuthi senza kanjani abangane ngemuva kwekolishi. Phakathi neminyaka yakho yokufunda, impilo ingaqhathaniswa nokuhlala kusethi “Yabangane.” Ungangena uphume uphume kumagumbi okulala abangane bakho ngaphandle kokungqongqoza.

Manje, nabangane abasakazeke kulo lonke idolobha futhi wonke umuntu ozama ukuzakhela indlela yakhe, ukwenza abangane kube nzima kakhulu futhi kuyinkimbinkimbi.

"Abantu abasha abaningi abakaze kudingeke basebenze ekwakheni ubungane," kusho uBrigham. "Ukwakha umphakathi wabantu abakuxhasayo nokwenza abangane abazokwengeza okuthile ezimpilweni zabo kuzosiza ngesizungu."

Izazi zezenhlalakahle sekuyisikhathi eside zibheka izimo ezintathu ezibalulekile ekwenzeni ubungane: ukusondela, ukuxhumana okuphindaphindiwe nokungahlelwanga, kanye nezilungiselelo ezikhuthaza abantu ukuthi bayeke ukuqapha. Lezi zimo zivela kancane empilweni ngemuva kokuphela kwezinsuku zakho zekamelo lokulala.

“INetflix iqinisekisa ukuthi akudingeki ukuthi ilinde isiqephu esilandelayo ngesonto elizayo; i-Intanethi esheshayo kumafoni abo ibanikeza lonke ulwazi lomhlaba ngesikhathi sokulinda semizuzwana emi-5; futhi uma kukhulunywa ngobudlelwano, banikezwe imodeli yokuswayipha yokwakha ubudlelwano. " - UMark Wildes

U-Alisha Powell, usonhlalonhle oneminyaka engu-28 ubudala eWashington, DC, uthi unesizungu. Njengoba engekho ehhovisi, kunzima kuye ukuhlangana nabantu.

"Nginokulangazelela okujulile ukusho okuthile kothile," kusho uPowell. “Ngithole ukuthi yize ngikwazi ukubhekana nosizi nemicimbi engeyinhle ngedwa ngoba ngiyilindele, izikhathi ezinesizungu enginazo yilapho ngijabule khona. Ngifuna umuntu ongikhathalelayo agubhe nami, kodwa akekho futhi akakaze abekhona. ”

UPowell uthi ngenxa yokuthi akalandeli impilo yokusebenza isikhathi esiyisishiyagalolunye kuya kwemihlanu, ukushada, nokuba nezingane - okuyizindlela zonke zokwakha umphakathi - unenkinga yokuthola abantu abamqonda ngokujulile futhi abamtholayo. Akakatholi labo bantu.

Kodwa iqiniso liwukuthi iningi lethu selivele liyayazi indlela yokuba nesizungu esincane

Izifundo bezilokhu zisihlasela mayelana nokunqamula ezinkundleni zokuxhumana; izincwadi bezilokhu zisitshela ukuthi sibhale encwadini yokubonga; futhi iseluleko esijwayelekile silula ngokweqile: phumela ngaphandle uhlangane nabantu mathupha kunokukugcina kumbhalo noma, njengoba kuvame kakhulu manje, i-Instagram DM.

Siyakuthola.

Manje kungani singenzi? Kungani, esikhundleni salokho, simane sicindezeleke ngokuthi sinesizungu kangakanani?

Yebo, ukuqala, sikhula ezinkundleni zokuxhumana

Kusuka ku-Facebook kuthanda kuya ku-Tinder swipes, kungenzeka ukuthi sesivele sitshale imali eningi kwi-American Dream, okwenza izingqondo zethu zisebenze kanzima ukuthola imiphumela emihle kuphela.

"Iqembu leminyaka eyinkulungwane leminyaka likhule ngezidingo zabo zigcwaliseka ngokushesha okukhulu nangokushesha," kusho uMark Wildes, umbhali wencwadi ethi "Beyond the Instant," incwadi emayelana nokuthola injabulo ezweni lezokuxhumana elisheshayo.

“INetflix iqinisekisa ukuthi akudingeki ukuthi ilinde isiqephu esilandelayo ngesonto elizayo; i-Intanethi esheshayo kumafoni abo ibanikeza lonke ulwazi lomhlaba isikhathi sokulinda semizuzwana emi-5, "kusho uWildes," futhi uma kukhulunywa ngobudlelwano, banikezwe imodeli yokwenqaba yokwakha ubudlelwano. "

Ngokuyisisekelo, sisemjikelezweni ononya: siyesaba ukucwaswa ngenxa yokuzizwa sinesizungu, ngakho-ke sihlehla kithi futhi sizizwe sinesizungu nakakhulu.

UCarla Manly, PhD, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emitholampilo eCalifornia nombhali wencwadi ezayo ethi “Joy Over Fear,” kugcizelela ukuthi lo mjikelezo ungalimaza kanjani uma siwuvumela uqhubeke.

Isizungu esivele sikwenze uzizwe unamahloni, futhi wesaba ukufinyelela noma ukutshela abanye ukuthi uzizwa unesizungu. “Lo mjikelezo wokuziqinisa uyaqhubeka - futhi uvame ukuletha imizwa enamandla yokudangala nokuzihlukanisa,” kusho uManly.

Uma silokhu sicabanga ngempilo ngokuya ngokuthola lokhu esikufunayo ngesikhathi esikufunayo, kuzovele kudumaze kakhulu.

Ukhiye wokubhekana nesizungu ubuyela ekuwugcineni ulula - uyazi, leso seluleko esijwayelekile esihlala sisizwa kaninginingi: phumela ngaphandle wenze izinto.

Ungase ungezwa emuva noma ungahle ulahlwe. Kungase kwesabise. Kepha ngeke wazi ngaphandle kokuthi ubuze.

"Akukho ukulungisa okusheshayo uma kukhulunywa ngesizungu noma yimiphi imizwa yethu eyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu," kusho uBrigham. "Ukuthatha izinyathelo kusho ukuthi kuzodingeka ungakhululeki isikhathi esithile."

Kuzofanele uphume wedwa noma uye kumuntu omusha emsebenzini ukubuza ukuthi bafuna ukudla nawe isidlo sasemini. Bangasho ukuthi cha, kodwa kungenzeka bangakwenzi. Umqondo ukubona ukwaliwa njengengxenye yenqubo hhayi isivimbamgwaqo.

"Amakhasimende ami amaningi ayacabanga futhi ahlaziye futhi akhathazeke ngokuthi kuzokwenzekani uma bethola u-'hayi 'noma bebukeka bewubuwula," kusho uBrigham. "Ukuze uzakhele ukuzethemba, kumele uthathe isinyathelo ugxile ekuthatheni ithuba uzikhiphe (okusemandleni akho) hhayi emphumeleni (ongawulawuli)."

Ungawuphula kanjani umjikelezo

Umbhali uKiki Schirr uzibekele umgomo kulo nyaka wokwaliwa okungu-100 - futhi wenza konke akufunayo. Kuvele ukuthi akakwazanga ukufeza inhloso yakhe ngoba okuningi kwalokhu kwenqatshwa kuphenduke ukwamukelwa.

Ngokufanayo, noma ngabe ubungani noma imigomo yempilo, ukubona ukwenqatshwa njengempumelelo yefomu kungaba yimpendulo ekunqobeni ukwesaba kwakho ukwehluleka.

Noma, uma imithombo yezokuxhumana ingubuthakathaka bakho, kuthiwani uma, esikhundleni sokungena ngemvume nge-FOMO (ukwesaba ukuphuthelwa) ukucabanga, sizama ukushintsha indlela esicabanga ngayo ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwabanye abantu? Mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi sokuthatha indlela ye-JOMO (injabulo yokuphuthelwa) esikhundleni.

Singazizwa sijabule ngalabo abajabulela isikhathi sabo esikhundleni sokufisa ukuthi sibe lapho. Uma kungukuthunyelwa ngumngani, bathumele umlayezo bese ubuza ukuthi ungazikhipha yini nabo ngokuzayo.

Ungase ungezwa emuva noma ungahle ulahlwe. Kungase kwesabise. Kepha ngeke wazi ngaphandle kokuthi ubuze.

Ekugcineni uVissa wagqashula kumjikelezo wakhe wesizungu ngokubeka imigomo elula: funda incwadi kanye ngenyanga; bukela ifilimu nsuku zonke; lalela ama-podcast; bhala phansi izinhlelo zebhizinisi ezinhle, imigqa yokulanda, izihloko zencwadi - noma yini epholile; ukuzivocavoca umzimba; yeka ukuphuza; futhi uyeke ukuzihlalela nabantu ababi (obekubandakanya ukubathuthukisa kuFacebook).

UVissa naye waqala ukuthandana online, futhi, ngenkathi engakashadi, wahlangana nabesifazane abathandekayo.

Manje, unombono ohlukile ngewindi lakhe.

"Noma nini lapho ngicindezelekile noma ngicindezelekile, ngihamba ngiye etafuleni lami lokudlela, ngibuke ngefasitela lami elibheke phezulu ngasenkabeni yedolobha iBaltimore, bese ngiqala ukudlala ngicule 'Izindebe" zika-Anna Kendrick, ”kusho uVissa. "Sengiqedile, ngibheka phezulu, ngiphonsa izandla zami emoyeni, bese ngithi, 'Ngiyabonga.'”

UDanielle Braff ungumhleli wephephabhuku futhi eyintatheli yephephandaba waphenduka umbhali ozimele owine imiklomelo, wagxila kwezempilo, ezamabhizinisi, ezokuthenga, ezokuba ngumzali nokubhala ngezokuvakasha.