Ukugula Ngengqondo Akusona Isaba Sokuziphatha Okunenkinga

-Delile

• Isimo sami sokuphila e-NYC sikhombisa kahle izindlela abantu abangasebenzisa ngazo ukugula kwengqondo ukugwema ukuziphendulela.
• Thina esibhekana nokugula ngengqondo kufanele sazi izindlela imizamo yethu yokubhekana nazo engathuthukisa ngayo izinkolelo eziyinkinga.
• Lezi zindaba ziyasithinta nathi, lapho sizama ukufuna ukwesekwa lapho sinakekelwa, ngokusiphuca inkululeko yethu.
• Ukwazi ukuthi singakwazi (ngenhloso noma ngokungazi) ukusebenzisa izifo zethu zengqondo ukugwema umthwalo wemfanelo, ngabe ukubika ngokweqiniso kubukeka kanjani?
• Ngalokhu okunamandla engqondweni, ukusebenza ngokuzungezile impilo yethu yengqondo kusho ukuzama ukulungiselela izinkinga zempilo yengqondo lapho kungenzeka khona.
• Njenganoma yiluphi uhlobo lokuxhumana nabantu abahlukile kithina, kudingeka izinga lokuyekethisa.

Ukugula ngengqondo akuyishabalalisi imiphumela yezenzo zethu.

“Ake ngiqoqe kahle ngikubonise ukuthi 'uhlanzekile' ubukeka kanjani!”

Ehlobo eledlule, lapho ngithuthela eNew York ukuqedela i-internship, ngifaka efulethini nowesifazane, uKatie, engangihlangane naye kuCraigslist.

Ekuqaleni, yayiphelele. Wahamba waya emsebenzini izinyanga ezimbalwa, washiya lonke ifulethi kimi.

Ukuhlala ngedwa kwakuyisipiliyoni esihle. Imikhuba ejwayelekile ehlobene ne-OCD enginayo yokwabelana nabanye ngendawo (Ngabe bayohlanzeka ngokwanele? Ingabe bayohlanzeka ngokwanele? Ingabe bayohlanzeka ngokwanele ??) akuyona inkinga enkulu lapho uwedwa.

Kodwa-ke, lapho ebuya, wabhekana nami nomngane wami enganginaye, ekhala ngokuthi leyo ndawo "yayiyinhlekelele ephelele." (Kwakungeyona?)

Ngaphakathi kwe-tirade yakhe, wenza ukuhlukunyezwa okuningana: ukuphathisa kabi umngani wami nokusho ukuthi ngangingcolile, phakathi kwezinye izinto.

Lapho ekugcineni ngimbuza ngokuziphatha kwakhe, wazivikela, esebenzisa okwakhe ukuxilongwa kwe-OCD njengesizathu.

Akukhona ukuthi angikwazi ukuqonda lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho. Ngangizibonela mathupha ukuthi ukubhekana nokugula ngengqondo kungenye yezinto ezididayo kakhulu, nezidambisayo umuntu angabhekana nazo.

Ukugula okungalawulwa njengokucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo kanye nezinye izifo kungaduna ukusabela kwethu, kusenze siziphathe ngezindlela ezingahambisani nezindinganiso zethu noma abalingiswa beqiniso.

Ngeshwa, ukugula ngengqondo akuyishabalalisi imiphumela yezenzo zethu.

Abantu bangakwazi futhi basebenzise amakhono okubhekana nokuphatha impilo yabo yengqondo evuselela izakhiwo eziyinkinga, njengoba kufanele.

Ukugula kwengqondo akukuthetheleli ukuguquka kwesimo sakho sengqondo noma ubuhlanga. Ukugula ngengqondo akwenzi ukungaziphathi kahle kwakho nenzondo yakho ngabantu abalungile. Ukugula ngengqondo akukwenzi ukuthi ukuziphatha kwakho okuyinkinga kube nokuzithethelela.

Isimo sami sokuphila e-NYC sikhombisa kahle izindlela abantu abangasebenzisa ngazo ukugula kwengqondo ukugwema ukuziphendulela.

NoKatie, ukwethulwa kwezinkinga zakhe zempilo yengqondo engxoxweni kwakuwumzamo wamabomu wokunciphisa ukuphendula ngokuziphatha kwakhe.

Esikhundleni sokuphendula ukukhungatheka, ukuthotshiswa, kanye nokwesaba ngiveze impendulo ekuphendukelweni nguye - {textend} owesifazane omhlophe ongahleliwe ebengikade ngihlangana naye kanye ngaphambili - {textend} uthethelele ukuziphatha kwakhe kobudlova ngokuxilongwa kwakhe.

Incazelo yakhe ngokuziphatha kwakhe yaqondakala - {textend} kodwa hhayi kwamukeleka.

Njengomuntu ophethe i-OCD, nginozwelo olukhulu ngenani lokukhathazeka okungenzeka ukuthi wazizwa ngakho. Lapho ethi ngichitha ikhaya lakhe, ngingavele ngicabange ukuthi ukuba nomunye umuntu ongcolisa isikhala yena (no-OCD wakhe) abasidalile kumele ukuthi bekungukutetema.

Kodwa-ke, konke ukuziphatha kunemiphumela, ikakhulukazi leyo ethinta abanye abantu.

I-transphobia ayiveza ngokungahambisani kahle nesivakashi sami, i-anti-Blackness ayiphindaphinda ngokuxosha amathambo wokungcola kwami ​​okucatshangwayo, ubukhulu bamhlophe obamnika amandla okukhuluma phansi kimi, kanye nokuzama kwakhe ukuphatha ukuxazulula kwami ​​ukungaboni ngaso linye ngezinyembezi zakhe - { textend} konke lokhu kunemiphumela yangempela adinga ukubhekana nayo, ukugula ngengqondo noma cha.

Thina esibhekana nokugula ngengqondo kufanele sazi izindlela imizamo yethu yokubhekana nazo engathuthukisa ngayo izinkolelo eziyinkinga.

Ngesikhathi sokuphazamiseka kwami ​​kokudla, ngokwesibonelo, bekufanele ngilwe nokuthi isifiso sami esinamandla sokwehlisa isisindo ngasikhathi sinye sinikeza amandla amaningi ku-fatphobia. Bengibamba inkolelo yokuthi kukhona okuthile "okubi" ngemizimba emikhulu, ngaleyo ndlela kulimaze abantu besayizi, kepha bengahlosile.

Uma othile enokukhathazeka futhi abambe isikhwama sakhe semali ngokubona komuntu oMnyama, ukuphendula kwabo ngokukhathazeka kusalokhu kuqinisa inkolelo yokulwa nobumnyama - {textend} ubugebengu bemvelo bobumnyama - {textend} noma ngabe kugqugquzelwa, ngokwengxenye, ukuphazamiseka.

Lokhu futhi kudinga ukuthi sikhuthalele izinkolelo esizenza ngokugula kwengqondo uqobo, futhi.

Abantu abagula ngengqondo bahlala bependwe njengengozi futhi engalawuleki - {textend} sihlala sihlotshaniswa nokungazinzi kanye nezinxushunxushu.

Uma sisekela le nkolelo - {textend} ukuthi asikho esimweni sokuziphatha kwethu - {textend} senza kanjalo ngemiphumela emibi.

Ngokudutshulwa kwabantu abaningi muva nje, isibonelo, "isifundo" esivamile esitholakele ukuthi kuningi okudinga ukwenziwa ngempilo yengqondo, kube sengathi lokho bekuyimbangela yodlame. Lokhu kufihla iqiniso langempela lokuthi abantu abanesifo sengqondo basengozini enkulu yokuba yizisulu, hhayi abenzi bokubi.

Ukuphakamisa ukuthi asinakho ukuzazi ngenkathi sisebenza kuxhasa umbono ongamanga wokuthi ukugula kwengqondo kufana nokuziphatha okungenangqondo, okungaqondakali, futhi okunodlame.

Lokhu kuba yinkinga enkulu nakakhulu lapho siqala ukuhlukumeza izinhlobo zodlame njenge- isimo kunokuba ukhethe ngokuzithandela.

Ukukholelwa ukuthi ukuziphatha okuyinkinga kulungile ngenxa yokugula ngengqondo kusho ukuthi abantu abanodlame ngokweqiniso bamane “bagule” ngakho-ke abakwazi ukubekwa icala ngokuziphatha kwabo.

UDylann Roof, indoda eyabulala abantu abaMnyama ngoba ingumbusi omhlophe, kwakungeyona indaba eyasakazwa kabanzi. Esikhundleni salokho, wayevame ukubukwa ngozwela, achazwe njengendoda encane eyayinezinkinga zengqondo futhi engakwazi ukulawula ukwenza kwayo.

Lezi zindaba ziyasithinta nathi, lapho sizama ukufuna ukwesekwa lapho sinakekelwa, ngokusiphuca inkululeko yethu.

Ukuphakamisa ukuthi abantu abagula ngengqondo abalawuli izenzo zabo futhi abanakwethenjwa kusho ukuthi abantu abasezikhundleni banelungelo elifanele ezimweni zokuhlukunyezwa.

Ake ucabange ukuthi sidwetshiwe njengabantu abathambekele ebudloveni obungenakulinganiswa bokudutshulwa kwabantu abaningi futhi asikwazi ukwenza ukuzibamba okwanele ukuzilawula.

Bangaki (ngaphezulu) bethu abangagcina bebanjelwe izifo zengqondo ngokumelene nentando yethu? Bangaki (ngaphezulu) bethu abangabulawa ngamaphoyisa abheka ubukhona bethu njengabantu abayingozi, ikakhulukazi abantu abaMnyama?

Kungakanani (okuningi) esingakwehliswa kukho ubuntu lapho simane sifuna ukwesekwa nezinsizakusebenza zenhlalakahle yethu? Bangaki (ngaphezulu) odokotela abazehlisayo abangacabanga ukuthi besingeke sazi ukuthi yini elungele thina?

Ukwazi ukuthi singakwazi (ngenhloso noma ngokungazi) ukusebenzisa izifo zethu zengqondo ukugwema umthwalo wemfanelo, ngabe ukubika ngokweqiniso kubukeka kanjani?

Izikhathi eziningi, isinyathelo sokuqala sokwenza ukulungisa kungukuvuma ukuthi noma ngabe ziyinkimbinkimbi kangakanani izifo zethu zengqondo, asikhululekile ekuthwesweni icala futhi singabalimaza abantu.

Yebo, i-OCD kaKatie yayisho ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi wayethukuthele kakhulu kunomuntu ojwayelekile ngokubona umuntu angamazi esikhaleni sakhe.

Nokho, wayesangizwisa ubuhlungu. Sisengalimazana - {textend} noma ngabe izifo zethu zengqondo ziqhuba isimilo sethu. Futhi lokho kulimala kungokoqobo futhi kusabalulekile.

Ngalokho kuvunywa kuza nokuzimisela ukulungisa amaphutha.

Uma sazi ukuthi silimaze omunye umuntu, kanjani thina hlangana kubo bakuphi ukulungisa amaphutha ethu? Yini abayidinga ukuzizwa ngathi siqonda imiphumela yezenzo zethu, ukwazi ukuthi sithatha imizwa yabo ngokungathi sína?

Ukuzama ukubeka phambili izidingo zabanye kubalulekile enqubeni yokuthethelela, ngisho nasesiphepho somuntu siqu esingalawula ukugula kwengqondo.

Enye indlela yokuphendula ukubhekana nezinkinga zempilo yengqondo, ikakhulukazi lezo ezingaba nomthelela omubi kwabanye.

Ukugula ngengqondo akukaze kuthinte umuntu oyedwa, kepha kuvamise ukuthinta amayunithi, kungaba umndeni wakho, abangani, indawo osebenza kuyo, noma amanye amaqembu.

Ngalokhu okunamandla engqondweni, ukusebenza ngokuzungezile impilo yethu yengqondo kusho ukuzama ukulungiselela izinkinga zempilo yengqondo lapho kungenzeka khona.

Kimina, ngiyazi ukuthi ukubuyela emuva kakhulu ekuphazamisekeni kwami ​​ekudleni bekungeke nje kube buhlungu kabi kimi, kepha futhi kungaphazamisa imibuthano ehlukene engisebenza kuyo. Kungasho ukungaphenduli emndenini wami, ukuzihlukanisa nokuba nonya kubangane bami, ulahlekelwe umsebenzi omningi, phakathi kwezinye izimo.

Ukuzikhandla ezidingweni zami zempilo yengqondo (ukugcina lokho okufinyeleleka kimi engqondweni) kusho ukuhlela impilo yami engokomzwelo ukuvikela ukuwa okuncane ukuba kungaphenduki izehlakalo ezimbi.

Kodwa-ke, ukusungula isiko lokunakekelwa kuyizindlela ezimbili.

Yize ukugula kwethu kwengqondo kungezona izizathu zokulimaza abantu, abantu esihlangana nabo kudingeka baqonde ukuthi ukungafani kwemizwa yokugula kwengqondo kungahle kungalingani nemikhuba esungulwe emphakathini.

Kubantu abangena nabaphuma ezimpilweni zethu, banesibopho kithi sokuqonda ukuthi ukugula kwethu kwengqondo kungasho ukuthi siphila impilo yethu ngokuhlukile. Singaba namakhono okubhekana - i- {textend} stimming, ukuthatha isikhathi esisodwa, ukusetshenziswa kwe-sanitizer yesandla ngokweqile - i- {textend} engabonakala sengathi iyabeka noma ihlambalaza.

Njenganoma yiluphi uhlobo lokuxhumana nabantu abahlukile kithina, kudingeka izinga lokuyekethisa.

Vele, hhayi ukuyekethisa kumanani, imingcele, noma ezinye izinto ezibalulekile - {textend} kepha kunalokho ukuvumelana okwehliswa “ukunethezeka.”

Isibonelo, kumsekeli womuntu onokudangala, umngcele oqinile ongahle ube nawo awuthathi indima yokuba ngumelaphi ngesikhathi sesiqephu sokucindezeleka.

Kodwa-ke, induduzo ongase ube nayo ekuyekethiseni uhlala ukhetha imisebenzi yamandla ephezulu yokwenza ndawonye.

Ngenkathi ungabakhetha, induduzo yakho ingadinga ukuphazanyiswa ukuze usekele futhi unakekele impilo yengqondo yomngane wakho.

Ukutholakala ngokugula kwengqondo kuvame ukufiphalisa i-ejensi. Kepha uma kukhona, lokho kusho ukuthi sidinga ukuba nekhono emsebenzini wokulungisa - {textend} hhayi ngaphansi.

Ngenxa yokuthi imicabango iphenduka ngokushesha kanjani imizwa nemizwelo iholele ekuziphatheni, izenzo zethu zivame ukuholwa yisisu nokuphendula kwenhliziyo emhlabeni osizungezile.

Kodwa-ke, njenganoma ngubani omunye umuntu, kusamele siziphathe thina kanye nomunye sinomthwalo wokuziphendulela ngokuziphatha kwethu nemiphumela yako, noma ngabe kuyingozi ngokungenhloso.

Ukubhekana nokugula kwengqondo kuyinto enzima kakhulu. Kepha uma amakhono ethu okubhekana nezinkinga eletha ubuhlungu nokuhlupheka kwabanye, ngabe sisiza bani thina uqobo kodwa?

Ezweni lapho ukugula ngengqondo kuqhubeka ukubandlulula futhi kujabhise abanye, isiko lokunakekelwa phakathi kokuthi sihlala kanjani lapho sihamba nokugula kwethu libaluleke kakhulu kunakuqala.

UGloria Oladipo ungowesifazane oMnyama futhi ungumbhali ozimele, ecabanga ngazo zonke izinto ngobuhlanga, impilo yengqondo, ubulili, ubuciko, nezinye izihloko. Ungafunda kabanzi ngemicabango yakhe ehlekisayo nemibono engathi sína kuyo Twitter.