Ubuhlobo Bakho Bungase Buthinte Isithombe Somzimba Wakho

-Delile

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Ukuthola umuntu okuthandayo ngaphandle kwemibandela kufanele kube yisikhuthazi esikhulu sokuzethemba, akunjalo? Nokho, ngokocwaningo olusha, akunjalo ngempela konke ubudlelwano, ikakhulukazi lapho omunye umlingani ethathwa ekhanga kakhulu kunomunye. (Inothi eliseceleni: Kungenzeka yini ukuthi izithombe ze-puppy ziyimfihlo yobudlelwano obuqinile?)

Abaphenyi besifundo, esanda kushicilelwa kumagazini Isithombe Somzimba, wayefuna ukuhlola ukuthi ubudlelwano bezothando bungase bubikezele kanjani amathuba abesifazane okuthuthukisa ukudla okungenamsoco. Ekugcineni, bathole ukuthi abesifazane ebudlelwaneni namadoda abonwa njengabakhanga kakhulu bazizwa benengcindezi yokuncipha nokudla. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lapho owesifazane osebudlelwaneni ebhekwa ekhangayo kakhudlwana, abazizwa ingcindezi efanayo. Umkhahleli? Abesilisa abayizwa ingcindezi kungakhathalekile ukuthi yimuphi umlingani othathwa njengokhanga kakhulu. Ugh.

Imibhangqwana engaphezu kwekhulu esanda kushada (futhi enesibindi) ivumile ukuthi ihlolwe ngokusekelwe ekuthandeni kwayo. Umuntu ngamunye obambe iqhaza ugcwalise uhlu lwemibuzo oluphelele olubuza imibuzo mayelana nokwakheka komzimba, ukuthi ngabe ujabulile yini ngendlela abebukeka ngayo, nokuthi uzizwa enengcindezi engakanani yokuthi abonakale emncane futhi/noma ekhangayo. Isithombe somzimba ogcwele somuntu ngamunye siphinde sathathwa futhi sahlolwa ukuthi siyathandeka yini (silinganiselwe ngo-1 kuya ku-10) yiqembu elizimele labantu. Ekugcineni, abesifazane ababekalwe bengakhangi kangako kunabayeni babo babesengozini yokuzizwa bebheda ngokwabo futhi babe nesisusa esiphakeme sokudla. Womp womp.

Kodwa njengoba uPaul Hokemeyer, Ph.D., LMFT, asitshela ekuqaleni kwalo nyaka: "Iphuzu lobuhlobo ukulinganisa izinto futhi uthole ukulingana njengombhangqwana. Abantu ababili abahlukene bajoyina njengenhlangano eyodwa futhi bathole injabulo umhlaba. " Ngamanye amagama, umlingani ngamunye kuzithandani akufanele abe * ncamashi * njengaye omunye. Ukungafani kokukhangayo akuvamile nje kuphela, kuvamile ngamaphesenti ayi-100.

Kodwa yini esingayenza ukuze silungise isimo sokudla? Yebo, umfundi ofundela ubudokotela uTania Reynolds, owayengomunye wababhali abahamba phambili ocwaningweni, ugcizelela ukubaluleka kwabalingani besilisa abazinika isikhathi sokukhuluma ngokusekela kwabo abalingani babo besifazane. "Enye indlela yokusiza laba besifazane iwukuba abalingani baphinde baqinisekise kakhulu, babakhumbuze, 'Umuhle. Ngiyakuthanda kunoma yisiphi isisindo noma uhlobo lomzimba, "kusho uReynolds ekukhululweni kwabezindaba. Yebo, le mizwa kufanele inikezwe kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo, kodwa mhlawumbe kukhona ukubaluleka ekuqinisekiseni ukuthi ukusho ngokuzwakalayo futhi ucace ngokwengeziwe ngakho, kunokuba nje ucabange ukuthi ukwamukela umzimba kuyaqondakala. Futhi uma umlingani wakho egxeka umzimba wakho nganoma iyiphi indlela, kungase kube isikhathi sokububheka kabusha ubuhlobo. (I-FYI, nayi indlela izingxabano ezithinta ukulala nomlingani wakho ezilimaza ngayo impilo yakho.)

Ababhali bathemba ukuthi ngokubona lawa maphethini ebudlelwaneni nangokufundisa abanye mayelana nokubikezela kanye nezimpawu zokuxwayisa, umphakathi wezokwelapha unganikeza usizo ngaphambi kwesikhathi kunabesifazane abahlakulela izingqinamba zokudla noma zomzimba. "Uma siqonda ukuthi ubudlelwano babesifazane buthinta kanjani isinqumo sabo sokudla kanye nezibikezelo zezenhlalo zokuthuthukisa indlela yokudla okungenampilo," kusho uReynolds, "khona-ke sizokwazi kangcono ukubasiza."

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