‘Ngingubani?’ Ungazitholela Kanjani Umqondo Wakho

-Delile

• Kungani kubaluleke kangaka
• Ukuzihlola ngokuzazi kwakho
• Ingabe ngithi yebo ngenza abanye bajabule?
• Yini amandla ami?
• Yini engilethela injabulo?
• Yiziphi izindinganiso zami? Ingabe ngiphila impilo yami ngokufanele?
• Ingabe engikukhethayo kuveza izintshisekelo zami noma ezomunye umuntu?
• Izici ezingaba nomthelela kumuzwa wakho wobuntu
• Ukuhlukaniswa
• Okunamathiselwe
• Isifiso sokwamukeleka
• Ukwakha umuzwa oqinile wobuyena
• Chaza izindinganiso zakho
• Zenzele izinqumo
• Chitha isikhathi uwedwa
• Cabanga ukuthi ungayifeza kanjani imigomo yakho
• Ungaluthola nini usizo
• Okubalulekile

Umuzwa wakho wokuzimela ubhekisa ekuboneni kwakho ukuqoqwa kwezimpawu ezikuchazayo.

Izici zobuntu, amakhono, ukuthandwa nokungathandwa, uhlelo lwakho lokukholelwa noma ikhodi yokuziphatha, nezinto ezikugqugquzelayo - konke lokhu kunikela ekuzenzeni isithombe noma kubuntu bakho obuyingqayizivele njengomuntu.

Abantu abangachaza kalula lezi zici zobunikazi babo banemizwa eqinile yokuthi bangobani. Ukushikashikeka ukubiza ngaphezu kwezimbalwa zalezi zici kungahle kukhombe emqondweni ongachazeki kangako wobuyena.

Ungahle ungachithi isikhathi esiningi ucabanga ngobuwena, kepha kusathinta impilo yakho. Ukwazi ukuthi ungubani kukuvumela ukuthi uphile ngenhloso futhi wakhe ubudlelwane obenelisayo, okubili okungaba nomthelela empilweni ephelele yomzwelo.

Unentshisekelo ekuhloleni izinzuzo zomqondo ochazwe kahle wobuyena? Usesha amathiphu wokuthuthukisa ubunikazi bakho? Ufike endaweni efanele.

Kungani kubaluleke kangaka

Abanye abantu bangakwenza kube kude kakhulu empilweni ngaphandle kokunikeza ubunikazi babo ngokweqile. Ngakho-ke, ungahle uzibuze, ingabe ukuzethemba ngamandla kuyawenza umehluko?

Impela kunjalo.

U-Erika Myers, umeluleki onguchwepheshe onelayisense eBend, e-Oregon, uyachaza:

“Ukuzazi kahle kusizuzisa kakhulu ekusisizeni senze izinqumo empilweni. Ukusuka entweni encane njengokudla okuthandayo kuye ekukhathazekeni okukhulu njengezindinganiso zomuntu siqu, ukwazi ukuthi yini evela kithina uqobo uma kuqhathaniswa nokuqhamuka kwabanye kusivumela ukuthi siphile ngokweqiniso. ”

Isithombe sakho uqobo singakhuthaza ukuqashelwa kwakho. Awuphelele (ngubani?), Kodwa usenenani elikhulu.

Ukuzazi kukwenza kube lula ukwamukela isiqu sakho, kokubili izici oziqhenyayo nalabo ongathanda ukuzithuthukisa. Uma uzizwa unganelisekile ngezici ezithile zakho, uzoba nesikhathi esilula sokubhekana nalezi zindawo lapho unolwazi oluqinile ngemvelo yakho namakhono akho.

Ukuntula umuzwa ocacile wobuyena, ngakolunye uhlangothi, kuvame ukwenza kube nzima ukwazi kahle ukuthi ufunani. Uma uzizwa ungaqiniseki noma ungaqiniseki lapho kufika isikhathi sokwenza izinqumo ezibalulekile, ungahle ulwele ukwenza noma ikuphi ukukhetha.

Ngenxa yalokhu, ungavele udlule empilweni, ethwelwe abanye abantu nezimo kunamandla akho. Lokhu kuvame ukuholela ekungenelisekini, noma ngabe akukho lutho oluthile olubonakala lungalungile futhi awukwazi ukubona umthombo wokungajabuli kwakho.

Ukuzihlola ngokuzazi kwakho

Ngakho-ke, umuzwa wakho wobuntu uwela kuphi kububanzi?

Mhlawumbe uqaphele iphethini yokwenza izinqumo ngokuya ngokuthi ucabanga ukuthi abanye abantu bafuna ini kuwe. Noma mhlawumbe awunazo izifiso eziningi noma izinkanuko ezijulile futhi umane uzizwe wanelisekile ngokuhamba kokugeleza.

Ukuzibuza imibuzo engezansi kunganikeza ukuqonda okuthile.

Ingabe ngithi yebo ngenza abanye bajabule?

Kuhle impela ukwamukela abanye kwesinye isikhathi, kepha uma uhlala uvumelana nalokho okufunwa abanye, kungenzeka ukuthi awuziphileli wena. Ukuzichaza kakhulu ngobudlelwano nabanye noma ikhono lakho lokujabulisa abantu obathandayo kungasikisela umuzwa ongathuthuki kangako wokuzithanda.

Yini amandla ami?

Ukuzizwa ngokwakho akuxhomekile ekuboneni amandla akho kuphela kepha nasekukholelweni emandleni akho wokuwasebenzisela ukufeza izinhloso zakho.

Ukuba nesibambiso esihle kumakhono akho nokuwakhulisa empilweni yakho yansuku zonke ngokuvamile kusho ukuthi unokuzizwa uphilile.

Yini engilethela injabulo?

Yini ekusiza uphumule futhi uzijabulise? Yikuphi ukuzilibazisa noma imisebenzi eyenza impilo ibe nenjongo?

Wonke umuntu unezinto ezimbalwa futhi nabantu empilweni abafuni ukushintsha noma ukulahlekelwa, futhi ukukhomba laba bantu ababalulekile nemisebenzi abayenzayo kungakutshela okuningi ngawe.

Yiziphi izindinganiso zami? Ingabe ngiphila impilo yami ngokufanele?

Ukuqwashiswa kwamagugu omuntu kungasiza kakhulu ekuchazeni ukuzizwa kwakho. Amanani achaza izici ozibeka phambili kuwe noma kwabanye-uzwela, ukwethembeka, ukwethembeka, umusa, njalonjalo.

Ingabe engikukhethayo kuveza izintshisekelo zami noma ezomunye umuntu?

Uma ungenaso isiqiniseko sokuthi uwuphendula kanjani lo mbuzo, wubheke ngenye indlela: Ingabe ubungakhetha ngendlela efanayo ukube uwedwa? Izinqumo ezisuselwe kakhulu ezifisweni nasemigomeni yakho uqobo zikhombisa ukuzethemba.

Izici ezingaba nomthelela kumuzwa wakho wobuntu

Ithi ube nenkinga yokuphendula imibuzo engenhla.

"Ngingubani, ngempela? ” ungahle uzibuze, mhlawumbe ngokukhathazeka okuthile.

Kungakuqinisekisa ukuthi ufunde ukuthi akuyona into engavamile kabi ukuthi ube nokuzizwa ufiphele ngandlela thile. Lokhu akusho ukuthi wenze noma yini engalungile noma ukuthi umiselwe ukuphila impilo yakho ngaphandle kobunikazi obucacile.

Ukuqonda okungcono kwezinto ezibamba iqhaza ekwakheni isithombe sakho kungakusiza ukuthi uqale ukukucija.

Ukuhlukaniswa

Ukuhlukaniswa komuntu siqu, noma inqubo ozakhela ngayo ubuntu obuhlukile, iqala ebuntwaneni. Ukwenza umuntu ngamunye ngempumelelo, izingane zidinga indawo yokuhlola, yokufunda, nokuveza izidingo nezifiso.

"Lapho sikhuthazwa ukuba sibonise ubuntu bethu ngaphandle kwamahloni noma ukuzizwa sinecala, singaba nomqondo oqinile ngathi," kuchaza uMyers.

Uma imizamo yakho yokuziveza ithola ukugxekwa noma ukujeziswa kuphela kubazali, abangani, noma omunye umuntu, ungaphendula ngokungayinaki imizwa yakho yangaphakathi. Kungabonakala kuphephe futhi kuzuzisa ngokwengeziwe ukuzifanisa nomuntu owamukeleka kalula.

Okunamathiselwe

Ubudlelwano bakho nabazali bakho noma abanakekeli abayinhloko budlala indima enkulu ekuqondeni kwakho kobunye ubudlelwane kamuva empilweni. Okunamathiselwe okungavikelekile kungathinta hhayi kuphela ukuthuthukiswa kobunikazi bakho kodwa nokuziphatha kwakho ebuhlotsheni bezothando babantu abadala.

Izinkinga zokunamathiselwe zingaba yinkimbinkimbi ngandlela thile, kepha nansi imfucumfucu esheshayo yokuthi zihlobana kanjani nokuzizwa kwakho.

Lapho ungazizwa uqinisekile ngothando olungenamibandela lwabanakekeli bakho nokwamukelwa kwakho, ungahle uhlele indlela oziphatha ngayo ukuze uthole ukwamukelwa kwabo. Ukudunyiswa nothando okuvelayo kuqinisa inkolelo yokuthi ukuzimodela ukuze ulingane nokulindelwe abanye kuyindlela engcono kakhulu (mhlawumbe kuphela) yokuphumelela ebudlelwaneni.

Leli phethini livame ukuqhubeka nokudlala ebudlelwaneni bakho besikhathi esizayo njengoba uvimba izidingo zakho ukuze ufeze izidingo zabalingani bakho, ubona lokhu kuyindlela kuphela yokubambelela othandweni lwabo.

Isifiso sokwamukeleka

Uma wakuthola kunzima ukwamukeleka kontanga yakho ebusheni, kungenzeka ukuthi wakuthola kulula ukuthatha indima yokuba ngunontanga. Esikhundleni sokubambelela kumuzwa wakho wobuntu, uqale ukuguqula ubunikazi bakho ukuze uvumelane kangcono namaqembu amaningi.

Ukwamukelwa kungaba isisusa esinamandla. Uma lo muzwa oguqukayo wokuzikhandla ukusebenzela kahle phakathi neminyaka yakho yobusha, lesi sifundo singahlala kuwe uze ube mdala.

Ungathatha umuntu othile emsebenzini, omunye lapho unomndeni wakho, bese wenza okunye lapho uchitha isikhathi nabangane. Ukushintsha phakathi kwalezi “zinto” ezahlukahlukene kungenza kube nzima kakhulu ukuthola imvelo yakho yangempela nokuzidalela ukucindezeleka.

Ukwakha umuzwa oqinile wobuyena

Umqondo ongazinzile wobuqu ungakwenza uzizwe uyisicaba futhi ungagcwaliseki, kepha njalo kungenzeka ukuthuthukisa isithombe sakho esicacile.

Zama lawa macebo okuqala ukusungula ubunikazi obuphathekayo nobuzimele.

Chaza izindinganiso zakho

Amanani nezinkolelo zomuntu siqu yizici eziyisisekelo zobunikazi.

Uhlelo lwakho lwezinkolelo lungakusiza ukuthi ubone okubaluleke kakhulu kuwe futhi unqume ukuthi ume kuphi ezindabeni ezibalulekile. Isibonelo, isifiso sokuvikela amalungelo ezilwane kungaholela ekutheni ukhethe imikhiqizo engenanonya futhi wenze izinqumo ezinolwazi oluningi mayelana nokudla okudlayo.

Amanani angasiza ekuqondiseni imingcele oyisetha nabanye empilweni yakho. Uma ukwazisa ukwethembeka, ngokwesibonelo, ungakwenza kucace ukuthi awukwazi ukugcina ubuhlobo nomuntu okuqambela amanga.

Akudingeki ukuthi ukhombe wonke amanani akho ngasikhathi sinye, kodwa zama ukucabanga ngezinto ezingaba namandla njengoba uhamba ngosuku lwakho futhi uxhumana nomhlaba.

Zenzele izinqumo

Izinqumo zakho kufanele, ngokuyinhloko, zizuze impilo nempilo yakho. Uma unomlingani noma izingane, uzophinde uthande ukubheka izidingo zabo, noma lokho kungafanele ukuthi kubandakanye ukungazinaki.

Khumbula: Uma izidingo zakho zingafinyelelwa, unokuncane ongakunikeza abanye.

Mhlawumbe uvumele abanye bakwenzele izinqumo ezibalulekile esikhathini esedlule - ukukhetha kwakho ikolishi, ikhono lomsebenzi, noma indawo yokuhlala. Uma kunjalo, ungazizwa ungakhululekile, noma wesabe, ukuqala ukuzithathela izinqumo.

KULUNGILE ukuqala kancane, noma kunjalo. Prakthiza ukwenza izinto ngoba wena ufuna ukuzenza, ngaphandle kokucela ukufaka kwabanye.

Hlala wazi ukuthi ukufuna ukuholwa kwabanye akusho ukuthi untula ukuzethemba. Kuphilile ngokuphelele - futhi kuhlakaniphile - ukukhuluma ngezinqumo ezinzima nabantu obathandayo. Ekupheleni kosuku, kubalulekile ukwenza ukukhetha okungcono kakhulu kuwe, ngaphandle kwemibono yabo.

Chitha isikhathi uwedwa

Uma ufuna ukwazi umuntu othile, uchitha isikhathi naye, akunjalo? Ngakho-ke, kulandela ukuthi ukuzazi kangcono kuzodinga isikhathi sekhwalithi wedwa.

Kungazwakala kungajwayelekile ekuqaleni, kepha kunempilo ukuthatha isikhathi esithile ngaphandle kwabanye, ngisho nomndeni wakho noma umlingani wakho.

Sebenzisa lesi sikhathi ngendlela othanda ngayo. Uma ungathanda ngempela ukukhulisa ukuzihlola, zama:

• ukuzama izinto zokuzilibazisa ezintsha
• ngokuzithandela
• ukufunda ezinye izincwadi
• ukuzindla
• ukugcina incwadi

Cabanga ukuthi ungayifeza kanjani imigomo yakho

iphakamisa ukuthi umehluko phakathi komuntu wakho ofanele (ocabanga ukuthi ungubani) nobuyena uqobo (ungubani ngempela) ungaba nomthelela emizweni yokunganeliseki, noma nasekucindezelekeni.

Ngamanye amagama, ukwazi ukuthi ungubani kungahle kunganele, yize kuyisiqalo esihle kakhulu. Ukwehluleka ukuhlonipha lo mqondo wakho kungaba nomthelela omubi empilweni yakho engokomzwelo.

Lapho usunomqondo oqonde ngokwengeziwe wobuyena, cabanga ukuthi yini ongayenza ukuvumelanisa impilo yakho nobunikazi bakho. Isibonelo, ungahle uzibuze ukuthi iziphi izinguquko ongazenza empilweni yakho yobungcweti noma ekusebenzisaneni nabanye.

Ungaluthola nini usizo

Kungazizwa kukhungathekisa ukuqala ukuchaza ukuzizwela kwakho, ikakhulukazi uma ungakaze ucabange ubunikazi bakho ngokucabanga okuningi.

Uma uzizwa ubambekile, cabanga ngokuya kochwepheshe bezempilo yengqondo ukuze uthole ukuholwa. Umelaphi anganikeza ukusekelwa ngokucindezeleka ngokomzwelo okuhlobene nokuzizwa kwakho, njenge:

• ukuzenyeza
• ukudana
• ukukhathazeka
• ukungajabuli okuqhubekayo okubangelwa ukunganeliseki ngempilo
• ukukhathazeka emsebenzini noma kobudlelwano

Noma ungenazo izimpawu zempilo yengqondo, ukwelashwa kuseyindawo enhle yokuqala inqubo yokuzihlola.

Ekwelashweni unga:

• khomba amanani
• vula izinkinga zokunamathiselwa noma amaphethini wobudlelwano anenkinga
• funda futhi usebenzise amakhono okwenza izinqumo
• hlola futhi ubhekane nezidingo ezingakafinyelelwa
• sebenza nganoma yikuphi ukukhathazeka kobudlelwano okuhlobene nesithombe sakho

Ukuxhumana phakathi kwempilo yengqondo nokuzizwa okungazinzile ngokwakho kuhamba ngazo zombili izindlela. Izinkinga ezihlobene nobunikazi bomuntu siqu, njengokungaqondakali, okushintsha njalo, noma isithombe esizimele, kwesinye isikhathi kungenzeka njengophawu lwe:

• ukuphazamiseka kobuntu bomngcele
• ukuphazamiseka kobuntu kwe-histrionic
• ubunikazi be-dissociative nezinye izinkinga ze-dissociative
• schizophrenia
• ukucindezeleka kwangemva kokuhlukumezeka (PTSD)

Lezi zimo zingaba zimbi, kepha zona kukhona iyelapheka. Uchwepheshe oqeqeshiwe wezempilo yengqondo angakusiza ukuthi uhlole ezinye izimpawu futhi unikeze ukuholwa ngezindlela zokwelashwa.

Okubalulekile

Umqondo wokuthi "uqobo" akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuqondwa, ngokwengxenye ngoba ubunikazi bakho buyashintsha ngokwemvelo futhi bukhule ngaphezu kwempilo njengoba ufunda futhi ukhula.

Kuyinto evamile ukuba nezikhathi ezithile zokudideka noma ukuzithemba. Lapho uhlala uzizwa ungagcwalisekanga noma ulwela ukubiza izidingo nezifiso zakho, cabanga ukuthatha isikhathi sokuzitholela okuncane.

UCrystal Raypole wake wasebenza njengombhali nomhleli weGoodTherapy. Imikhakha yakhe enentshisekelo ifaka izilimi nezincwadi zase-Asia, ukuhunyushwa kwesiJapane, ukupheka, isayensi yemvelo, ukuzethemba ngocansi, nempilo yengqondo. Ngokukhethekile, uzibophezele ekusizeni ukunciphisa ukucwaswa okuzungeze izingqinamba zezempilo yengqondo.