Okushiwo Ngempela Imisindo Yakho Yezocansi

-Delile

• Kungani Abanye Abantu Bebubula ~a Lot~ Ngesikhathi Socansi
• Kungani Abanye Abantu Bengabubuli Nhlobo
• Imisindo Engcono Kakhulu = Imisindo Eyiqiniso
• Ungawuthola Kanjani Umsindo Wakho Wangempela Embhedeni
• 1. Lalela imisindo yocansi yabanye abantu.
• 2. Shaya indlwabu.
• 3. Dlala umculo.
• 4. Faka izithombe ezingcolile ngemuva.
• 5. Gxila ekuphefumuleni kwakho.
• 6. Khuluma nomlingani wakho!
• Umugqa Ophansi
• Buyekeza kwe-

Moan noma mew. Gquma, gquma, uhefuzele noma ugigitheke. Memeza noma [faka umsindo wokuthula]. Imisindo abantu abayenzayo ngenkathi benza ucansi, yehlukile njengabantu uqobo. Noma kunjalo, ngawo wonke ama-rom-coms, amafilimu enza kahle kakhulu alinganiselwa nge-XXX, namajezi aqedile lapho, ungahle uzizwe ungazethembi mayelana nokububula kwakho kocansi — noma ukuntula kwakho.

Noma ngabe umayelana nokushayisana okuzwakalayo ngenkathi ushaya, noma uthanda ukugcina izindebe zakho zaphezulu ziqinile ngenkathi izindebe zakho zangaphansi zi ... cha, silapha ukukuvumela ungene ngasese: Imisindo yakho yocansi ijwayelekile.

Lapha, ochwepheshe bezocansi badiliza ukuthi kungani abanye abantu bekhala ngocansi kanti abanye bengekho — nokuthi kungani ukuvula imisindo yakho yocansi eyiqiniso kungaba yindlela yokocansi olungcono.

Kungani Abanye Abantu Bebubula ~a Lot~ Ngesikhathi Socansi

Cabanga ngokububula okukhiphayo ngemva kokuya endlini yokugezela ngemva kohambo olude lohambo lomgwaqo. Noma, ukububula okuzenzakalelayo okuhambisana nokukhumula izinyawo zakho ezithendeni ngemva kokugqoka kosuku. "Ukwenza imisindo kuyindlela engokwemvelo, evamise ukuzenzakalela yokuqeda ukukhungatheka okuphuphuma," kusho uJill McDevitt Ph.D. isazi sezocansi esihlala eCalExotics-futhi lokho kufaka ukukhungatheka kwezocansi okwenziwe ngamabomu. Empeleni, ngezinye izikhathi uyabubula ngoba kuzwakala kumnandi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukububula ngokocansi noma okunye!

Okunye okungenzeka ukuthi uyabubula ngesikhathi socansi ukuze ukhulume. "Empeleni iyithuluzi lokuxhumana," kusho uMcDevitt. “Ukububula kukuvumela ukuba uqondise umlingani wakho endleleni efanele ngaphandle kokusebenzisa amagama—kungenye indlela yokuthi ‘yebo yebo, ngaphezu kwalokho!’” (Bheka: Ungamtshela Kanjani Umlingani Wakho Lokho Okufunayo Embhedeni.)

Ngasohlangothini lwe-flip, ucwaningo luphakamisa ukuthi kwesinye isikhathi imisindo yocansi akuzona mayelana nokuveza injabulo yakho ngokocansi, kodwa kunalokho mayelana nokujabulisa umlingani wakho. Isibonelo, isifundo esisodwa esincane sango-2010 semibhangqwana yabantu bobulili obufanayo esashicilelwa kumagazini Izinqolobane Zokuziphatha Ngokobulili kutholakale ukuthi abesifazane banelungelo elikhulu kunawo wonke ngaphambi komvuthwandaba wabesilisa babo. Abaphenyi bathi lokhu kukhombisa ukuthi okungenani abanye besifazane bayabubula "mbumbulu" ukuze basize abalingani babo kuvuthondaba.

Ingabe lokho kuyinto embi? Kwezinye izimo, yebo. Abesifazane abangaphezu kwezingxenye ezimbili kwezintathu ocwaningweni babika ukububula okungelona iqiniso ngenxa yokuthi babengakhululekile noma banesithukuthezi nje ubulili. Okusho ukuthi, kunokuba bakhulume nabalingani babo ukuthi ucansi lungajabulisa kanjani kubo noma ukuthi bafuna ukuyeka, bazama ukwenza ucansi "luhambe ngokushesha."

UMcDevitt ngokuqinile (!) weluleka ngokumelene nokububula ngenxa yalezi zizathu ezimbili. Ngoba ukububula kusebenza njengokuqinisa okuhle, uma umlingani wakho enza okuthile kanjalo futhi ububula sengathi benza okuthile okungakwenza ufinyelele kuvuthondaba, kuhle "kuqeqeshe" umlingani wakho ukuthi aqhubeke nokwenza lokho kanjalo- ngakho-ke, uyachaza. Bubula. (Okuhlobene: Ukuxhumana Kukhiye we-Orgasm Emangazayo. Lezi Zeluleko Zingasiza).

Lokho kusho, ukububula okungelona iqiniso ngesikhathi socansi akunjalo njalo into embi, ngokusho kukaMcDevitt onikeza ukwethenjwa okuthe xaxa: "Ukwenza izinto ezenza umlingani wakho azizwe kamnandi kungenza wena zizwe ujabule futhi,” kusho yena. Okusho ukuthi, uma ukububula okungelona iqiniso kuletha injabulo kumlingani wakho futhi lokho kukulethela injabulo, akukhona ngempela ukuzidela njengoba kubonakala kungokombono.

UDitto uya uma usuvele uzilungiselele futhi wenza imisindo yokububula ngoba isisusa sokuzwa sisiza umlingani wakho ukuthi afike lapho. Njengoba uMcDevitt ekubeka, ukwenza izinto ukusiza ekujabuliseni umlingani wakho akuyona into engokwemvelo (noma imvamisa!) Into embi. Eqinisweni, kungaphakamisa ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho niphumelele ekukhulumeni lokho enikudingayo ukuze nithole injabulo, esho.

Kungani Abanye Abantu Bengabubuli Nhlobo

Ukuze kucace bha: Ucansi oluthe xaxa akulona ucansi olungcono kakhulu. "Abanye abantu bathula ngokwemvelo ngesikhathi socansi, futhi lokho kuyiqiniso noma ngabe baya ocansini oluhamba phambili empilweni yabo," kusho uMcDevitt.

Uma ungokwemvelo (ngokwemvelo ukuba yigama eliyisihluthulelo lapha) ohlangothini olunokuthula ngesikhathi socansi, ungesabi. Ubulili bakho abuthokozisi ngokwemvelo kunontanga yakho ephakeme. Ngokunjalo, uma umlingani wakho engenzi isiphithiphithi ngesikhathi nihlala, lokho akusho ukuthi akazijabuleli. (Okuhlobene: Izinto ezi-5 Wonke Umuntu Okumele Azazi Ngocansi Nokuqomisana, Ngokusho Kwe-Relationship Therapist)

Nakuba ukububula kungenye yezindlela zokuxhumana ngesikhathi socansi, akuyona ukuphela kwendlela, kuchaza uMcDevitt. Izinkomba ezingezona ezokuzwa njengokuxhumana kwamehlo nokusebenzisa izandla zakho ukusunduzela umlingani wakho kude, noma ukubasondeza, nezimpawu zokuzwa njengokukhuluma noma ukuphefumulela phezulu, kungafundisa (noma ngaphezulu!) Njengokukhala noma ukububula komqala. Mhlawumbe, bantu akuzona Ukububula ngoba basebenzisa lawa amanye amadivayisi wokuxhumana kunalokho, uphakamisa.

Nokho, kwezinye izimo, abantu ababubuli ngoba benjalo ukuma ngokwabo ekububuleni. "Abantu abaningi bathambisa ukububula kwabo nokugquma kwabo kube ukububula okuthulile nokububula, noma kungazwakali nhlobo," kusho uJess O'Reilly, Ph.D., ophethe uhlelo @SexWithDrJess Podcast.

Kungani? Mhlawumbe usujwayele ukuziphuza izindebe zakho ngemuva iminyaka ukushaya indlwabu buthule ngangokunokwenzeka endlini ephelele noma ukuya ocansini ezindaweni lapho ungafuni ukuthi abanye abantu bezwe (cabanga: igumbi lokulala ebuntwaneni noma igumbi lokulala dle ekolishi). Kodwa, kwezinye izimo, kungase kube ngenxa yokuthi ubekwe esimweni sokucabanga ukuthi unjalo okufanele ukuthula egumbini lokulala, kusho u-O'Reilly.

Inkinga ngalokho? Ukuguqula impendulo yakho yomsindo wezocansi kuthinta izindlela zakho zokuphefumula. "Ukuphefumula nokuguqula okuza nokuthula kungathinta ukuhamba kwegazi nokuphefumula kwemisipha, ekugcineni okuthikameza ukusabela kwe-orgasmic," kusho u-O'Reilly. Ukugeleza kwegazi kuya ezithweni zangasese (ikakhulukazi imisipha yangaphansi okhalweni) kuyingxenye ebalulekile yokuvuka - empeleni, yilokho okuvumela isitho sangasese sowesifazane ukuba sizithambise, uyachaza. Ngakho-ke uma ubamba umoya wakho noma uvala ukububula kocansi, ungase uvimbele injabulo yakho.

Imisindo Engcono Kakhulu = Imisindo Eyiqiniso

Ekugcineni, noma ngabe ukhona ngokwemvelo umuntu okhononda kakhulu noma umsiki othulile, wenza kahle! “Ukwenza imisindo njengokusabela okungokwemvelo enjabulweni kuyinto evamile, futhi ukungenzi noma yimuphi umsindo njengokusabela okungokwemvelo ekujabuleleni kuyinto evamile,” kusho uMcDevitt. Futhi, igama elingukhiye lapha lithi "ngokwemvelo." (Kwirekhodi, konke okuningi empilweni yakho yezocansi kuzoba ngcono uma ukuvumela ukuthi kwenzeke ngokwemvelo.)

Uma ungena enkingeni yilapho uqala khona ukudlala indawo yeMoaning Muse noma iSilent Sex Master ngoba ucabanga ukuthi unjalo. okufanele ukuzwakala. Futhi ivelaphi le mibono? (Ding, ding, ding) Izithombe zocansi. "Abantu abaningi babuka i-porn, bese belingisa leyo misindo ngesikhathi socansi lwabo ngoba bacabanga ukuthi kufanele bazwakale," kusho u-O'Reilly. Inkinga ukuthi, i-porn ihloselwe ukujabulisa, hhayi ukukufundisa ukuthi ulala kanjani noma ukuthi uzwakala kanjani ngesikhathi socansi, uthi. (Ukubuka izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ukuze ufunde ukuthi i-hanky-panky "kufanele" izwakale kanjani ingathanda ukuyibuka Inkosi yengwe ukufunda ukuqeqesha amahlosi.)

Manje, lokho akusho ukuthi izithombe zobulili ezingcolile zimbi ngokwemvelo, kodwa kusho ukuthi akuhloselwe ukukufundisa ukuthi "kufanele" uzwakale kanjani. TD; LR: Awukho umsindo othi "kufanele". Inqobo nje uma ziyiqiniso, akukho okungalungile noma okulungile. (Mhlawumbe ukukhonza kwakho ithenisi kuzwakala kufana nokukhala kocansi — futhi kunjalo futhi.)

"Imisindo yakho yemvelo (noma ukungabi khona kwemisindo) iyingxenye ebalulekile yempendulo yakho yocansi," kusho u-O'Reilly. "Uma ubalahla noma ubenzela futhi unikela ngamandla enza ukuthula noma ukuzwakala embhedeni, injabulo yakho kanye ne-orgasm yakho kuzothinteka. "

Ungawuthola Kanjani Umsindo Wakho Wangempela Embhedeni

Uma ubulawula imisindo yakho noma uyifaka embhedeni, lezi zeluleko zingakusiza ukuthi uthole ishuni sakho sangempela.

1. Lalela imisindo yocansi yabanye abantu.

Amathuba ukuthi, ukuphela kwemisindo yocansi oyaziyo ngeyabantu oke walala nabo. (Noma, mhlawumbe, umuntu ohlala naye, umakhelwane, noma leso siqeshana se-porn ohlale ubuyela kuso.) Uma uzibuza ukuthi abanye abantu bazwakala kanjani ngenkathi beqhubeka, izindaba ezinhle (futhi mhlawumbe, ezimangazayo): Kuku-inthanethi okuphelele. Isizindalwazi se ~imisindo ye-orgasm yangempela ~.

Kwethulwa: I-Orgasm Sound Library, igalari yemisindo (yangempela) yezocansi evela kubantu abangaziwa abangathunyelwa yinoma ngubani online. Lalela yonke imisindo ehlukene elayishiwe ukuze ufunde ukuthi abantu bahluka kanjani bonke ngenkathi bevumela ifulegi labo elihamba phambili ukuba lindize.

2. Shaya indlwabu.

Ukuthola ukuthi yimiphi imisindo engokwemvelo kuwe uma kuqhathaniswa nokufundile, u-O'Reilly uncoma ukuthi uzithinte. “Ngesikhathi sokushaya indlwabu, yonke ingcindezi yokusebenza (esekelwe ozakwethu) iyasuswa, ngakho yithuba elihle lokuvumela imisindo yakho iphume ngaphandle kokuvinjwa,” usho kanje. “phefumula, ububula, ububula, futhi ungayilungisi imisindo yakho ukuze izwakale njengowesifazane noma ungowesilisa...uyiyeke igeleze,” usho kanje.

Uma nje usunethezekile ngemisindo yakho ngesikhathi socansi olulodwa, uzonethezeka ngokwengeziwe ngemisindo yakho ngesikhathi socansi oluhlukanisiwe, uthi. (Uma ungathandi ukushaya indlwabu, lawa macebiso azosiza.)

Okufanele ukubalulwe: I-Solo nokudlala ngokuhlanganyela kungokuhlangenwe nakho okuhluke ngokuphelele. Ngakho-ke, ungahle ube ngokwemvelo (kukhona lelo gama futhi!) Uthule lapho ushaya indlwabu, kepha wenze imisindo ngesikhathi socansi oluhlukanisiwe — noma okuphambene nalokho, kusho amanothi uZhana Vrangalova, Ph.D., uprofesa wezocansi kwabantu eNew York University kanye ne-sexpert yomkhiqizo wamathoyizi ocansi i-LELO. Uthi: “Noma yini eyiqiniso kuwe inempilo.

3. Dlala umculo.

Ngesikhathi socansi uwedwa noma wozakwethu, "uma ukuzwa imisindo yakho eyinhloko kukwenza uzizwe ukhululekile, vula umculo ukuze uwuvale kancane," kusikisela u-O'Reilly. (Ukusho nje: I-Weekend, Banks, ne-PartyNextDoor kuyizinto ezimangalisayo zokusetha isimo sengqondo.)

4. Faka izithombe ezingcolile ngemuva.

Uyazi ukuthi uzibamba? "Ungase futhi udlale izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ngemuva ukuze [leyo misindo ehlanganiswe] nemisindo yozakwenu ibe phezulu kunowakho, kusho u-O'Reilly. "Kufana nokwakha i-orchestra yemisindo ye-erotica."

Ngalokhu, "Ngincoma ngokuqinile ukuthi ngihlukane nezithombe ezingcolile zobulili, esikhundleni salokho khetha i-porn yokuziphatha noma ye-amateur," kusho uVrangalova, onabalingisi ababonakala bezithokozisa ngendlela eyiqiniso, hlola iBellesa, CrashPadSeries, neFrolic. Mina. Khumbula nje: Ucindezela okuthi dlala ukuze uzizwe ukhululekile ukwenza imisindo yakho eyiqiniso. Hhayi ukukunikeza imisindo ongalingisa. (I-Psst. Kukhona futhi ithani lamahhala, ovukile, i-online eotica ozoyithanda, futhi.)

5. Gxila ekuphefumuleni kwakho.

Uma ungazizwa ukhululekile ukwenza umsindo, vele uphefumule! Impela, uyabubula. Kepha ukuphefumula kwenza umsindo futhi kuthinta injabulo, ngokusho kuka-O'Reilly.

"Ukuphefumula kanzima kuyisingeniso esihle sokwenza ama-rompkus amaningi kakhulu," kusho uMcDevitt.

Ungase uzame lezi zivivinyo zokuphefumula ezi-3 ukuze uthole ucansi olungcono. Noma, ungahlola le mp3 lapho uchwepheshe we-tantra uBarbara Carrellas, isazi sezocansi esiqinisekisiwe nomlobi we I-Urban Tantra: Ucansi Olungcwele Ngekhulu Lamashumi Amabili Nanye uhamba nawe ngokusebenzisa ubuciko be-tantric bokuphefumula okuvusa inkanuko, isinyathelo ngesinyathelo. (Related: Luyini Ucansi Lwe-Tantric, Futhi Ulwenza Kanjani)

6. Khuluma nomlingani wakho!

Kokubili ukuvala ugibe lwakho nokuklabalasa kungaphazamisa ubumnandi uma kungenabo ubuqiniso, ngakho-ke uma uzicabangela wena ngemisindo oyenzayo noma ongayenzi, kuhle ukuyiveza nomlingani wakho.

"Cela isiqiniseko sokuthi imisindo yakho yezocansi yamukelekile futhi iyakhuthazwa ngayo yonke inkazimulo yayo," kusho uMcDevitt. "Noma, baqinisekise ukuthi ukuthula kwakho akusho ukuthi awunaso isikhathi sokuphila kwakho."

Umugqa Ophansi

Ukuthi uzwakala kanje Ooohh ahh, ah ah ah ah, ooo. O O O O YEAH, [ukuthula], noma phakathi nendawo, kungokwemvelo!

Ngakho-ke kunokuba wenze umsindo owodwa esikhundleni somunye ngoba yilokho ocabanga ukuthi kufanele ukwenze, "vumela uhambe uma kukhulunywa ngemisindo oyenzayo noma ongayenzi," kusho u-O'Reilly. "Phela ukuzidedela kubalulekile kuma-orgasm ahlabayo."

Buyekeza kwe-