Lo dokotela Wezocansi Womtholampilo Unemizwa Eqinile Mayelana Nocansi/Impilo Ye-Netflix

-Delile

• Ngubani umfana "olungile" kuBillie, vele?
• Ukuboniswa kobudlelwano obuvulekile kungumlilo wokulahla udoti ngokuphelele.
• Ukwenza njengedlozi akukona ukunika amandla ocansi. Kumane nje kuzenza imbokodo.
• Buyekeza kwe-

Uma ngabe ungakezwa okwamanje (noma ubone ama-viral episode episode 3 ku-TikTok), uchungechunge olusha lwe-Netflix, Ucansi/Impilo, muva nje kube yi-hit esheshayo. Iqiniso liyatshelwa, ngayidla yonke into ngezinsuku ezimbili. Umbukiso ngowesifazane ongaqedi futhi onothando ngocansi nokuba nezigemegeme eziningi zocansi? YEBO!

Ngilungele ukunika amandla abesifazane ngokocansi, futhi ngithande ukubona ukuthi mingaki imibukiso emisha ekhombise isifiso sabesifazane ngendlela enikeza abenzeli besifazane ngaphezu kwezidingo zabo (ahem, UBridgerton, Zizwe Umuhle, UGrace noFrankie, futhi Kulula). Ngezindlela eziningi, Ucansi / Impilo yenza lokho kanye. Kunikeza u-Billie (umlingiswa oyinhloko wombukiso) ithuba lokuba ngowesifazane ocansini kakhulu ojabulela ukuluthola (okubi kakhulu, futhi) ngaphambi kokuthi aqedele umshado “nendoda yamaphupho akhe” ephelele kanye nezingane ezimbili.

Isexwayiso: Kunabaphangi abaningi ngaphambili. Kepha uma ubhekile njengamanje Ucansi / Impilo noma uqeda nje ushiywe kanje 🥴!?!?! bese ngethemba ukuthi lokhu kuzosiza ukucacisa izinto. Futhi uma ungakabuki, awu, ungase uthande ukuqhubeka ufunda noma kunjalo: Ngicabanga ngobuqotho ukuthi uzofuna ukwazi ezinye zalezi zinto. ngaphambi uyayibuka. Ingimunce ngokushesha impela (KUYASHISA futhi kunenqwaba yocansi), kodwa futhi yangishiya ngidangele futhi ngidangele. Bekukuningi lo mbukiso okwenze kwalunga... kodwa bekukuningi okushaya indiva. Awukwazi ukuthola yonke into ngokulungile ngaso sonke isikhathi, ngiyayithola, kodwa indlela okuvunjululwe ngayo uzizwa ingadingekile futhi ibuyela emuva kangangokuthi angikwazi ukuzibamba ngicabanga: Yini ebengiyibuka esihogweni?

Kuyaqapheleka ukuthi lo mbukiso empeleni ususelwe encwadini - hhayi noma iyiphi incwadi, kepha imemo 44 Izahluko Mayelana 4 Amadoda ngu-BB Easton (Buy It, $14, amazon.com), okusho ukuthi itulo lombukiso litholwe kothile impilo yangempela. Lokho kusho ukuthi, lokhu kusengumbukiso oqanjiwe, akubonisi impilo yangempela, futhi akuyona into okufanele uyiqhakambise (kumnandi njengokubukeka kwezigcawu zocansi). Nakhu ukuthi kungani.

Ngubani umfana "olungile" kuBillie, vele?

Ngabeka "indoda yamaphupho akhe" (lapho ngibhekisa kumyeni kaBillie uCooper) kuzingcaphuno ezingenhla ngoba kukhona uhlobo lokungahambisani nalomqondo - lowo obonakala njengoba umbukiso uqhubeka. UCooper uthembeke kakhulu, ungubaba omkhulu, futhi ngokuyisisekelo, yonke into uBrad (owayengumdala kaBillie) akayona.

Yebo, uCooper uyi "Guy Omuhle". Eqinisweni, umbukiso ucishe uphume endleleni yawo ukuze usikhumbuze njalo ngalokho. Ufuna ukusindisa umhlaba ngokufaka imali kubuchwepheshe obuhlakaniphile obuzosindisa izimpilo zabantu. Ushaya umngani wakhe asebenza naye emcimbini wobulili ngoba ushaya umkakhe, bese edlulisela udaba kumphathi wakhe naku-HR. U-Cooper "Uyinsizwa Enhle" futhi u-Brad ushintshile - nakuba kungacaci ukuthi lokhu kuyiqiniso kangakanani - "Umfana Omubi." I-triteness yayo yonke le "Husband and Toxic Ex" dichotomy iyingxenye yamehlo, i-IMO.

Kepha akusilo iphuzu lapha. Inkinga ukuthi uBillie usisingatha kanjani isifiso sakhe sobulili esedlulele kuBrad nothando nokuzinza kwakhe noCooper. Ingabe uyazikholisa ukuthi uCooper ukufanele konke lokhu kucindezeleka kwengqondo? Ngabe "unguYe" ngempela? Asikaze sinikezwe ukuqonda okwanele ngemizwa yakhe yangempela ukuthola impendulo eqondile kulo mbuzo. Ngiyasola ukuthi umthanda ngempela uCooper, kepha ukhetha ukuzwakalisa ukukhathazeka kwakhe ngokocansi ngempilo yabo yocansi edumazayo kudayari kunokumane akulethele yena. Kimina, lokhu kuzwakala njengohlobo lwe-WTF. (Okuhlobene: Ungayibhala kanjani indlela yakho eya ocansini olungcono?)

Kubonakala sengathi uBillie uhlale elindele ukuthi isithandwa sakhe sifeze izifiso zakhe zocansi ku-T, ngaphandle kokuchaza ukuthi yini oyifunayo noma eyidingayo.Futhi uthembele kumakhemikhali ocansi ngokushesha ukugcina impilo yakhe yezocansi iqhubeka - kepha njengodokotela wezocansi oqinisekisiwe, ngiyakutshela ukuthi lokhu akunakwenzeka emibhangqwaneni eminingi, eminingi. Imibhangqwana eminingi inamakhemikhali asheshayo (ngakho-ke ukukhanga kokuqala), kodwa leyo chemistry ingabuye ihambe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ubulili buyasebenza futhi buba ngcono ngokuhamba kwesikhathi (imvamisa) inqobo nje kokubili abantu bazibophezele ekwenzeni ngcono.

Ukwenza kube nzima kakhulu, uBillie naye wayesendleleni eya ku-Ph.D. kwezengqondo (futhi njengamanje uneziqu ze-master in psychology) ngaphambi kokuthi ahlangane futhi ashade noCooper. Uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo ngaphandle komelaphi wakhe. Ubhala i-athikili ku- Psychology Today mayelana nokwethembana nokuphepha okuyizinto ezisemqoka kwi-orgasm yabesifazane, kodwa akacabangi ukuthi, "Hheyi, nginempilo yokuphila kocansi nomyeni wami. Ngicabanga ukuthi kufanele sibone umeluleki wabashadikazi." Noma, uthanda, ngisho nokukhuluma naye ngakho. Esikhundleni salokho, uhamba athi, "Ngicabanga ukuthi ngizoyiziba ngokuphelele inkinga bese ngicasukela umyeni wami unomphela ngenkathi ngiphupha ngabo bonke lobo busuku obushisayo ne-ex yami, uBrad."

Umelaphi wabashadikazi ngabe ubasizile ukuthi basebenze ngokushayisana kwabo ngokobulili okungafani, ukungahambelani kwabo ngokocansi, lapho bangenza khona izinguquko, futhi babasize baqinisekise ukuzibophezela kwabo komunye nomunye. Umelaphi wombhangqwana ubengabasiza ukuthi belaphe esikhundleni sokuvumela intukuthelo ikhule, ngendlela enza ngayo kancane kuBillie.

Ukuboniswa kobudlelwano obuvulekile kungumlilo wokulahla udoti ngokuphelele.

Lokhu kubonakala kuyiphuzu uhlelo oluzama ukulenza ngokwethembeka: Empeleni awudingi ukukhetha phakathi komuntu okunikeza yonke inkanuko kanye nomuntu okunikeza konke ukukwethemba. UNGABA nakho kokubili: Kubizwa ngokuthi okungewona umfazi oyedwa/ubudlelwane obuvulekile/i-polyamory. Nokho, iqhubekela phambili ngokumangazayo, yenze isikhumba sami sakhasa.

I-Yay yokufukulwa kwabesifazane ngokocansi, kodwa i-boo yokwenza okungashadi nomuntu oyedwa kubukeke njengobudlelwano "obuncane" kunobuhlobo, obuqhutshwa kuphela yimibhangqwana engajabule izama nje ukuthi ibe "nokwanele."

Lokhu kungiletha esigcawini esisodwa: Iphathi yocansi u-Billie no-Cooper baya kuyo nabangane babo (ababonakala benezinkinobho) baseGreenwich, u-Trina no-Devon.

Bheka, abangani babo abathandani bodwa - ikakhulukazi, emshadweni ovulekile. Baya emaphathini ezocansi. Kulungile, kepha uCooper noBillie abanalo ibhizinisi lokuba semcimbini wobulili. UBillie ufuna ukuzwa ucansi olumangalisayo kepha ubelokhu enza njalo kumongo wobudlelwano bomuntu oyedwa. Khonamanjalo, ubudlelwano bakhe busenkingeni ephelele. Amaphathi ezocansi enzelwe imibhangqwana ejabule, evikelekile futhi ehlolisisa ngokocansi. Yenzelwe imibhangqwana efuna ukuhlola ezocansi nabanye - hhayi eyalabo abafuna ukuzama ukubopha inkinga phakathi kwabo.

Ukuphela kwento engalungile kaTrina noDevon ukuletha uBillie noCooper ephathini ngaphandle kokuthinta isisekelo ngaphambili. Lokho kusho, ngeke uhlale ulindele umbhangqwana ongahleliwe oshintsha ukwazi ukuthi angahamba kanjani la manzi ayinkimbinkimbi. Ababona ochwepheshe kwezocansi.

UCooper uthola i-blowjob kuTrina ngoba kubonakala sengathi uTrina ucabanga ukuthi lokhu kuzobasiza bakhululeke ekuhambeni kwephathi. UBillie uyadideka, okuyindlela ejwayelekile ejwayelekile uma lokhu kungeyona i-jam yakho, futhi awukulungele ngokuphelele ukuya ocansini. UDevon uzama ukushaya uBillie (futhi nakanjani uyicindezela kakhulu, FTR). Ngemuva kwalokho uCooper uthuka uTrina (egcizelela ukuthi uyisilika - enhle, uCooper) futhi ungene engxabanweni noDevon.

Mangikucacise: UDevon noTrina kwakungebona abenza njengeziwula, uBillie noCooper benza njengeziwula. Uhlelo luzama ukwenza u-Devon no-Trina babukeke njengabantu abayinqaba kuyilapho ngempela benza into evamile eyenziwa imibhangqwana eminingi eshadile.

Ngokufanelekile, uBillie noCooper bazoba sendaweni enhle, enempilo ebudlelwaneni babo lapho babevulekele khona ukuhlangana nobulili nabanye abantu. Kuthatha ukwethembana okuningi nemingcele ukuya emcimbini wezocansi futhi ungabi nokushabalala ngokomzwelo - umcimbi okhokhiswe kakhulu othathwa njengobucayi emphakathini. Lokhu bekungaba yinto enhle ngempela uma izimo zomshado wabo beziqinile, futhi zingekho onqenqemeni lokuwa. Leli iphutha iningi lemibhangqwana elenzayo: Bacabanga ukuthi ukuvula ubudlelwano "kuzolungisa" izindaba zabo, kanti empeleni, kungakwazi (futhi kuzo) kuzihlanganisa, okungenzeka kuholele ekuhlukaneni. (Bheka: Ungaba Kanjani Nobudlelwano obunempilo be-Polyamorous)

Iqiniso lokuthi inkulumo kaCooper (esikoleni sabantwana besikole i-World Fair ebusuku, hhayi ngaphansi) ngokuthi yena noBillie bemi kanjani beqinile futhi bethandana "kukhuthaza" uDevon ukuvala ubudlelwano bakhe noTrina kuyacindezela, akuyona into yokugubha. Ubulili buka-Trina buyavinjelwa ngoba lo mdlalo nabalingisi bawo abakhulu baphusha umqondo wokuthi ukuba nendoda eyodwa "ingcono" nendlela abantu abanezingane "okufanele babe ngayo."

Eqinisweni, ukungeyona indoda eyodwa kungasebenzela izithandani ezinezitayela zobudlelwano eziqinile, ezingezona ezomuntu oyedwa kanye namanani ahlola izindlela ezihlukene zokuhlola ucansi ukuze kugcinwe bobabili abantu banelisekile futhi banelisekile - kodwa okuningi kulokho ngesekhondi.

Ukwenza njengedlozi akukona ukunika amandla ocansi. Kumane nje kuzenza imbokodo.

Lalela, amandla amantombazane, abesifazane bathola okwabo, benza ucansi olumangalisayo, beqa ama-slut-shaming - lezi yizindikimba engingazishiya ngokuphelele ngemuva. Kodwa ngeke sikubize konke okwenziwa nguBillie ngokuthi "ukunika amandla ezocansi."

Uvela emnyango wefulethi lakhe langaphambili (ngemuva kokuqeda ukuphela komdlalo wesikole wengane yakhe?!). Iphimbo lomxoxi (okunguBillie kulo lonke uhlelo), ukhuluma ngolimi olunamandla, olujabulile mayelana "nokukufuna konke" kanye "nokukufuna manje." Aqhamuke, kuvuleke iminyango yekheshi athi: "Lokhu akushintshi lutho. Angimshiyi umyeni wami. Manje, ngibhebhe."

Isizini iyaphela.

Lokho abadidiyeli bombukiso (okumele ngikholwe, KUFANELE) babezama ukukuveza ukuthi abesifazane BANGEKHO konke - i-180 yangempela, uma kubhekwa lonke uhlelo luchaza "uthando lweqiniso" njengokuthatha umfazi oyedwa kanye nokuzibophezela okuphelele kumuntu oyedwa. .

Ukuqagela kwami? Isizini 2 izobe imayelana noBillie noCooper bevula ubudlelwano babo. Hhayi-ke, ngiyakuzonda ukukutshela lokhu — ngicela ungixolele ngoba ngicasulwe kakhulu: LENA AKUKHO INDLELA OBUSEBENZA NGAYO UBUDLELWANE OBUYIMPILO.

Awutholi nje ukuthi ubaleke futhi ukhohlise umyeni wakho bese uvula ubuhlobo kabusha njengenye indlela "yokwenza ukuthi busebenze." Ubudlelwano obuvulekile bungasebenza kuphela futhi buphile lapho bobabili abalingani abayinhloko bephakathi kwamaphesenti angu-100 futhi bekufuna. Zingaba zinhle kakhulu futhi zanelise njengobudlelwano bokushada nomuntu oyedwa. Bonke ubudlelwano obubodwa busebenza ngokuhlukile nangendlela yabo ehlukile. Asikho isitayela sobudlelwano esingcono kunanoma isiphi esinye inqobo nje uma kunemingcele nokuxhumana. (Bheka: Izinto ezi-6 Abantu Abangabodwa Abangazifunda Kubudlelwano obuVulekile)

Kodwa lokhu empeleni kuphambene ncamashi nalokho okwenzeka kulo mbukiso. Akenzi lutho ukushintsha isimo emshadweni wakhe. Ezinyangeni ezimbalwa kamuva uyabona ukuthi "ushintsha ikhodi," (aka lapho abantu beshintsha ubuntu babo ngokuya ngabantu, iqembu, noma umlingani) njengoba yena - enikwe amandla - umngani uSasha ekubeka. (USasha ungumuntu omubi ngokuphelele ngokocansi nangokwezemfundo, kodwa leyo indaba yolunye usuku.) Esikhundleni sokuya ku-Cooper, afune ukwelashwa, noma azame ukwenza okulungile yena nomlingani wakhe, esikhundleni salokho uBillie unquma ukuthatha indlela elula lapho. othile akazalisekanga ngokocansi: Ukukopela.

Kufanele siyeke ukwenza sengathi abesifazane abenza izinto ezicwebezelayo babenza "badass" ngokuyigoqa ngamaphakethe wabesifazane abathandekayo. Sidinga ukubheka izenzo ngokwazo. Futhi kulokhu: Azizinhle. Uzenza imbongolo. Uxolo, bekufanele kushiwo. Ukube besishintshanisa izindima bese kuthi u-Cooper egijimela ku-Francesca (ubasi wakhe amqinisekise imizwa yocansi) ukuze kuhlangatshezwane nezidingo zakhe, besiyobe sicabanga: Uyabheda! Angikholwa ukuthi besimthanda!

Thembeka, akukho okusele ongakusho. Ake sibone ukuthi kwenzekani kuSizini 2. Mhlawumbe bazobuya bazolungisa lesi simo esishisayo … kodwa angiboni ukuthi lokho akwenzeki.

Futhi ukuthola lokhu kwirekhodi: Mayelana naleso siqephu sesiqephu sesi-3? Usayizi akuyona yonke into.

U-Gigi Engle uyisazi sezocansi esiqinisekisiwe nombhali wencwadi ethi All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life. Mlandele ku-Instagram naku-Twitter ku- @GigiEngle.

Buyekeza kwe-