Kusho Ukuthini Ukuba Noketshezi Locansi?

-Delile

• Kuyini uketshezi lwezocansi?
• Ukwehliswa Ngokocansi Njengobunikazi vs. Umqondo
• Ngazi kanjani ukuthi ngi-fluid ngokocansi?
• Buyekeza kwe-

Ubulili bungenye yalemibono eguqukayo engaba nzima ukugoqa ikhanda lakho ngokuphelele - kepha mhlawumbe awunjalo okufanele ku. Umphakathi uvame ukufuna ukubiza ezocansi njengendlela yokuthola ukuthi ngubani ohlobene nomunye umuntu. Kepha kuthiwani uma wonke umuntu bekwazi ukuzwa ubulili babo ngaphandle kokumemezela esidlangalaleni ukuthi uluhlobo luni lomuntu ngokuvamile?

Eqinisweni, abanye osaziwayo bamemezele esidlangalaleni ukuthi abakwenzi funa ukuchaza ubulili babo noma bubachaze. Enkulumweni ne Itshe eligingqikayo, umculi nombhali wezingoma uSt. Vincent uthe, kuye, ubulili nobulili buyamanzi futhi uthando alunamigomo. USarah Paulson, enkulumweni abe nayo no Umthombo Wokuziqhenya, uthe akavumeli okuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe nganoma yikuphi ubunikazi bobulili kuchaze ukuthi ungubani. U-Cara Delevigne wabelane nomngane oseduze ngesikhathi exoxwa naye Ubuhle ukuthi uncamela igama elithi "uketshezi" kunokuba afakwe ijuba kunoma yiluphi uhlaka olulodwa lwezocansi.

Impilo imapeketwane. Ubulili nobulili nokuthi yini evusa abantu kungcolile. "Uketshezi lwezocansi luvumela ushintsho nokuthuthuka okuqhubekayo, okuyindlela bonke ubulili obukhona ngayo," kusho uChris Donaghue, Ph.D., L.C.S.W., nombhali we Uthando Lwamahlongandlebe. "Ukuya ocansini kungaphezu nje kokukhetha ubulili; kubandakanya nezimo, osayizi, isimilo, ama-kink, nezimo."

Lokhu konke kungasho ukuthi, ubulili abungene ebhokisini elihleleke ngokungacabangi - noma amalebula akhethekile akhona ngaphakathi kwawo. Esikhundleni salokho, ucansi luyinto ephilayo, ephefumulayo, futhi eyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu. Kulapho-ke amagama athi "uketshezi lwezocansi" kanye "noketshezi locansi" eqala ukusebenza. Nakhu konke odinga ukukwazi ukuze ukwazi ukusebenzisa la magama ngendlela efanele.

Kuyini uketshezi lwezocansi?

"Ukuguquguquka ngokocansi kubhekisela ekuguquguqukeni okujwayelekile kokukhangwa ngokocansi, ukuziphatha, kanye nokuzazi ngesikhathi sokuphila," kusho u-Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., umcwaningi e-The Kinsey Institute nombhali wezincwadi. Ngitshele Okufunayo. Mhlawumbe uke waphila isiqalo sempilo yakho ukhangwa ubulili obubodwa, kepha uzithole ukhangwa kobunye ubulili kamuva empilweni. Ukwehliswa ngokocansi kuyavuma ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi lolu shintsho lwenzeke - ukuthi uyakwazi ukukhangwa abantu abahlukahlukene futhi nokuzazi kwakho kungavela ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Impela, akuwona wonke umuntu ozoba nalolu hlobo lwesipiliyoni - ukuthi ubani okuhehayo phakathi nokuphila kwakho angase angashintshi."Esikwaziyo ukuthi ucansi lukhona ezinhlakeni eziningi," kusho uKaty DeJong, ofundisa ngezocansi futhi ongumsunguli weThe Pleasure Anarchist. "Abanye abantu babhekana nezimo ezingaguquguquki zokuheha ngokocansi, indlela abaziphatha ngayo, kanye nokuzazi, kanti abanye bathola okukhangayo nezifiso zabo njengoketshezi oluningi emvelweni."

Umbono wokuthi ngubani obonakala njengoketshezi lwezocansi nawo ubheke eceleni ku-womxn. Kungani? "Siphila emphakathini wezinzalamizi ogxile ekubukeni kwabesilisa ngakho sigxila kulokho owesilisa afuna ukukubona," kusho uDonaghue. "Sikhathazeka sigxeka noma ikuphi ucansi olungajwayelekile noma olusenza singakhululeki." Yingakho abantu abaningi benesikhathi esinzima sokukholelwa ukuthi abantu abanezabizwana zakhe bangaba noketshezi locansi.

Futhi, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi ukuba uketshezi kwezocansi akuyona into efanayo nokuba uketshezi ngokobulili noma okungeyona eyambambili; uketshezi kwezocansi kubhekisa ebulilini bakho noma kwezobulili (okhangwa yibo), kanti ubulili bakho noma ubuwena busho ukuthi ubulili obufanise nobani uqobo.

Ngenkathi amagama athi "uketshezi lwezocansi" nokuthi "uketshezi lwezocansi kungabonakala njengokushintshana ekuboneni kokuqala, kukhona umehluko endleleni abantu abasebenzisa ngayo lawa magama:

• I-fluidity yocansi ingasetshenziselwa ukuchaza isikhathi sesikhashana phakathi kokuthambekela kwezocansi ongahlangana nakho ezindaweni ezahlukahlukene empilweni. Lokhu akususi ubudlelwano obudlule noma okuhehayo futhi akusho ukuthi uqamba amanga noma uzama ukufihla ubulili bakho.
• Uketshezi kwezocansi futhi ingachaza amandla okuguquguquka kwezocansi, noma ushintsho kwezocansi nokuheha, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
• Uketshezi ngokocansi, ngakolunye uhlangothi, ingasetshenziswa njengendlela yokukhomba mathupha ngendlela efanayo umuntu angayikhomba njengobungqingili noma owesilisa ocansini.

isithombe / 1

Ukwehliswa Ngokocansi Njengobunikazi vs. Umqondo

Njengoba kushiwo ngenhla, ukushelelana ngokocansi kungasebenza njengomqondo nobunikazi. Kungaba okukodwa noma okunye, noma zombili ngasikhathi sinye. Isibonelo, uma ukhomba njengobulili obufanayo bobulili obufanayo (noma okunye ukuthanda ubulili), ungasebenzisa leli gama ukuveza ukuthi uyavuma ukuthi ubulili bakho busathuthuka. Njengelebula ehloselwe ukuchaza ukungaqondakali kwe-spectrum yobulili, igama ngokwalo linoketshezi ngencazelo. (Okuhlobene: Kusho Ukuthini Ngeqiniso Ukuthi Ube Queer?)

"Umqondo woketshezi kwezocansi ukhombisa iqiniso lokuthi ezocansi zomuntu azimile," kusho uLehmiller. "Futhi ukuthi inamandla okushintsha." Manje, ngubani ohlangabezana nalokho nokuthi kungakanani okuhlukahluka kuye ngomuntu nomuntu. "Izinguquko nokushintshashintsha kokuheha ngokocansi akusho ukuthi lezi zinguquko yizinto ozikhethayo," kusho uDeJong. Akekho okhethayo ukuzwa ngendlela abenza ngayo, kepha bayanquma ukuthi bafuna ukuyichaza kanjani leyo mizwa.

Ngenhlanhla, ulimi oluzungeze ezocansi luyavela. "Sizoqhubeka nokubona izincwadi zifakwa kwisifinyezo se-LGBTQIA," kusho uDonaghue. Lezi yizindaba ezinhle ngoba amalebula (futhi okungewona amalebula) asiza abantu ukuthi bazizwe bebonakala futhi bezwakala. Baqinisekisa ulwazi lwakho futhi bakwethule kwabanye abantu abake bazizwa ngendlela efanayo, ngesinye isikhathi. (Kuhlobene: Wonke Amagama e-LGBTQ+ Okufanele Uwazi Ukuze Ube Umngane Omuhle)

Ngakho-ke, ngenkathi amalebula enendlela yokufaka abantu emabhokisini nasekubavimbeni, angaxhuma nabantu. Ukunikeza okuhlangenwe nakho kwakho okuphilayo igama nokuthola abanye abazwana nawe kunika amandla. Ngaphezu kwalokho, "lonke iphuzu akufanele libe sobala," kusho uDonaghue. "Wonke umuntu unencazelo yakhe yokuthi la magama asho ukuthini." Ubulili, njengakho konke okunye, buvulekile.

Ngazi kanjani ukuthi ngi-fluid ngokocansi?

"Uma umuntu ethola ukuthi izifiso zakhe nezinto ezihehayo ziyashintsha ngokuya ngeminyaka nolwazi lwempilo, kungaba yinkomba yokuncibilika kocansi, kodwa hhayi ngaso sonke isikhathi," kusho uDeJong. Kulungile ukungaqiniseki futhi ufune ukwazi ngobulili bakho (noma nini, nganoma yisiphi isizathu). Thepha uphinde uhlole lokho.

Uma uzizwa sengathi uketshezi lwezocansi (noma ukuba uketshezi ngokocansi) yigama ongahlangana nalo emasontweni ambalwa ezayo, izinyanga, iminyaka, noma amashumi eminyaka, bese uhlala nalo isikhashana. Ungafunda kabanzi mayelana nokugeleza kocansi. Zama I-Fluidity Ezocansi: Ukuqonda Uthando Nesifiso Sabesifazane nguLisa M. Diamond noma Kakhulu Kuqondile: Ukwehluleka Kocansi Phakathi Kwabesilisa nguRitch C. Savin-Williams.

Ukungabi namanzi ocansini, njenganoma ikuphi okunye ukuthambekela kwezocansi, akukona ukuphela kwento ekwenza ube yilokho oyikho. Ingcezu eyodwa - ngaphezu kwezinye izingcezu eziyisigidi - zalokho okwenza wena, wena. Amalebula (kanye nabangewona amalebula) abambe indawo yawo ekudaleni umphakathi nezikhala eziphephile ukuze uzivulele ekutholakaleni.

Buyekeza kwe-