Lokho Ukuxoshwa Kwangifundisa Ngempilo Yengqondo

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Esikoleni sobudokotela, ngaqeqeshwa ukugxila kulokho okwakungalungile emzimbeni ngesiguli. Ngangishaywa ngamaphaphu, ngicindezela izisu, namaphaphu endle, sonke lesi sikhathi ngifuna izimpawu zokuthile okungajwayelekile. Endaweni yokuhlala kwabagula ngengqondo, ngaqeqeshelwa ukugxila kulokho okwakungalungile ngokwengqondo, bese “ngilungisa”-noma, ngolimi lwezokwelapha, “ukuphatha”-lezo zimpawu. Ngangazi ukuthi yimiphi imithi okufanele ngiyinike futhi nini. Ngangazi ukuthi ngisigcina nini esibhedlela isiguli nokuthi singamthumela nini lowo muntu ekhaya. Ngenze konke engingakwenza ukuze nginciphise usizi lomuntu. Futhi ngemva kokuqeda ukuqeqeshwa kwami, ngaqala umkhakha wengqondo ophumelelayo eManhattan, umsebenzi wami wokuphulukisa wawungumsebenzi wami.

Kwathi ngolunye usuku ngathola ucingo lokuvuka. UClaire (okungelona igama lakhe langempela), isiguli engangicabanga ukuthi siyathuthuka, wangixosha kungazelelwe ngemva kwezinyanga eziyisithupha zokwelashwa. “Ngiyakuzonda ukuza esimisweni sethu samasonto onke,” wangitshela. "Esake sikwenze ukukhuluma ngezinto ezingahambi kahle empilweni yami. Kungiphatha kabi kakhulu." Wasukuma wahamba.

Ngamangala ngokuphelele. Bengikwenza konke ngencwadi. Konke ukuqeqeshwa kwami ​​bekugxile ekunciphiseni izimpawu nasekuzameni ukulungisa izinkinga. Izinkinga zobudlelwane, ukucindezeleka komsebenzi, ukucindezeleka, nokukhathazeka kwakuphakathi kwezinkinga eziningi engangizibheka njengochwepheshe "wokulungisa." Kodwa lapho ngibheka emuva emaphuzu ami mayelana nezikhathi zethu, ngabona ukuthi uClaire wayeqinisile. Konke engake ngakwenza ukugxila kokungahambi kahle empilweni yakhe.Akuzange kungifikele ukugxila kunoma yini enye.

Ngemva kokuba uClaire engixoshile, ngaqala ukuqaphela ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukuqeda usizi kodwa nokuhlakulela amandla engqondo. Kwaba sobala ngokwandayo ukuthi ukuthuthukiswa kwamakhono okuzulazula ngendlela ephumelelayo phakathi kwezinkinga zansuku zonke kubaluleke kakhulu njengokwelapha izimpawu. Ukungadangali kuyinto eyodwa. Ukuzizwa unamandla lapho ucindezelekile kungenye into.

Ukucwaninga kwami ​​kwangidonsela emkhakheni ochumayo wesayensi yokusebenza kwengqondo, okuyisifundo sesayensi sokuhlakulela injabulo. Uma kuqhathaniswa nokwelashwa kwengqondo kwendabuko kanye nokusebenza kwengqondo, okugxila kakhulu ekuguleni kwengqondo nasekuguleni, i-psychology enhle igxile emandleni nasenhlalakahleni yabantu. Vele, nganginokungabaza lapho ngiqala ukufunda nge-psychology eyakhayo, ngoba kwakuphikisana nalokho engangikufunde esikoleni sobudokotela nokuhlala kwengqondo. Ngangifundiswe ukuxazulula izinkinga—ukulungisa okuthile okwakuphukile engqondweni noma emzimbeni wesiguli. Kepha, njengoba uClaire asho ngonya, kukhona okwakushoda endleleni yami. Ngokugxila kuphela kwizimpawu zokugula, ngangihlulekile ukubheka inhlalakahle yesiguli esigulayo. Ngokugxila ezimfanelweni kuphela, ngangingawaboni amandla esiguli sami. UMartin Seligman, Ph.D., umholi emkhakheni wezengqondo eqondile, uyichaza kangcono: "Impilo yengqondo ingaphezu kokungabikho nje kokugula kwengqondo."

Ukufunda ukuthi ungalulama kanjani ezingqinambeni ezinkulu kubalulekile, kepha kuthiwani ngokufunda ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nezinto ezincane - izingqinamba zansuku zonke ezingenza noma eziphule usuku? Eminyakeni eyishumi eyedlule, bengifunda ukuthi ngingahlakulela kanjani ukuqina kwansuku zonke-ukuqina ngosonhlamvukazi "r." Uphendula kanjani kuma-hiccups ansuku zonke-lapho ikhofi lakho lichitheka kulo lonke ihembe lakho elimhlophe lapho uphuma endlini, lapho inja yakho ikhamela irowu, lapho umgwaqo ongaphansi komhlaba usuka lapho ufika nje esiteshini, lapho umphathi wakho ekutshela ukuthi udumele kuphrojekthi yakho, lapho umlingani wakho ekhetha ukulwa-kubalulekile empilweni yengqondo nengokwenyama. Ucwaningo luphakamisa, ngokwesibonelo, ukuthi abantu abanemizwa engemihle (njengokuthukuthela noma imizwa yokungabi nalutho) ekuphenduleni izingcindezi zansuku zonke (ezinjengethrafikhi noma ukuthethiswa ngumuntu ophakeme) maningi amathuba okuthi bathuthukise izingqinamba zezempilo yengqondo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Abaningi bethu babukela phansi amandla ethu okuphila kahle kanye nekhono lethu lokubhekana nalezi ziphepho zansuku zonke. Sivame ukubona isimo sethu somzwelo ngamagama aphelele—sicindezelekile noma sivungama, sikhathazekile noma sizolile, esihle noma esibi, sijabule noma sidabukile. Kepha impilo yengqondo akuyona umdlalo wezinto zonke-noma-lutho, zero-sum, futhi futhi kuyinto edinga ukunakekelwa nsuku zonke.

Ingxenye yakho incike ekutheni ugxilisa kanjani ukunaka kwakho. Ake sithi ukhomba ithoshi egumbini elimnyama. Ungakhanyisa ukukhanya noma kuphi lapho ukhetha khona: ngasezindongeni, ukuze ubheke imidwebo emihle noma amafasitela noma mhlawumbe inkinobho yokukhanya; noma ubheke phansi nasemakhoneni, ufuna amabhola othuli noma, okubi nakakhulu, amaphela. Ayikho into eyodwa ewela kuyo ugongolo olubamba ingqikithi yegumbi. Ngendlela efanayo, awukho umzwelo owodwa, noma ngabe unamandla kangakanani, ochaza isimo sakho sengqondo.

Kepha kukhona namasu amaningi esingasisebenzisa sonke ukukhulisa impilo yengqondo nokuhlakulela inhlalakahle. Le misebenzi elandelayo iqhutshwa idatha, izivivinyo ezanyiwe neziyiqiniso ukuze wandise ukuqina kwakho futhi ugcine uqinile, ngisho nangezikhathi zokucindezeleka.

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