5 Amathiphu Obudlelwano Avela Kochwepheshe Bezehlukaniso

-Delile

• Zinakekele
• Zinike Isikhathi Sokuba Ungashadile
• Cabanga Ukwelashwa Lapho Izinto Zilungile
• Gcina ama-Exes esikhathini esedlule
• Qhubeka Ukhulume, Noma Kunzima
• Buyekeza kwe-

Noma ngabe ujabulile ebudlelwaneni obunzima, ubhekene nezinkinga epharadesi, noma usanda kushada, kuningi ukuqonda okuwusizo ongakuthola kochwepheshe abaziphilisa ngokusiza imibhangqwana ngenqubo yesehlukaniso. Lapha, amathiphu abo obudlelwano obunempilo nokuhlukana.

Zinakekele

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Uma ushadile noma uhlala nje ne-S.O., kuyinto evamile ukuhlukanisa imisebenzi yasekhaya, kodwa ukungazi akuyona intokozo. Yazi indlela yokulungisa izimoto, ukunakekelwa kwefulethi noma ikhaya, futhi okubaluleke kakhulu-ezezimali, kusho u-Karen Finn, Ph.D., umdali we-Functional Divorce Process. Ngeke nje uzisindise ekuvalekelweni amehlo emgwaqeni uma kwenzeka ubhekana nesehlukaniso, kodwa kumane nje kulunge ngokusobala ebudlelwaneni obunempilo bomuntu ngamunye kini ukwazi zonke izici zokwenza umsebenzi wasekhaya, kusho uFinn.

Kungazwakala njengokuphikisana, kepha weluleka ukuthi uphathe ubudlelwano bakho njengebhizinisi ngokubeka eceleni imizwa yokuxoxa ngenzuzo, izindleko, kanye nempahla kanye ngenyanga. Ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi ushesha, hlola Imithetho Yemali eyi-16 Wonke Owesifazane Okufanele Akwazi Ngeminyaka Engama-30.

Zinike Isikhathi Sokuba Ungashadile

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Isehlukaniso singadala umonakalo ngisho nasekuzithembeni kowesifazane—yingakho nje noma yimuphi uchwepheshe uzokweluleka ngokumelene nokugxumela ebuhlotsheni obusha ngokushesha. "Sincoma kakhulu ukuthi ungathandani ngokungathi sína nonyaka," kusho udade ongumama nendodakazi uNicole Baras Feuer, M.S., noFrancine Baras, L.C.S.W., abasungula eyabo inqubo yokweluleka ngezehlukaniso futhi abasanda kubhala Izinto ezingama-37 engifisa ukuthi ngizazi ngaphambi kwesehlukaniso sami.

Ngenkathi unyaka owodwa ungaba ngokweqile ebudlelwaneni obungena sína, umthetho ofanayo uyasebenza. Ngemuva kokuphuma kunoma yikuphi ukwahlukana, zinike isikhathi sokubheka amanxeba akho bese uthola ukuthi yimaphi owabangele nokuthi yimaphi ongawapholisa, kusho uFinn. Qhubeka nezinsuku ezikhululekile ukuze uzame futhi uthole ukuthi ufunani ebudlelwaneni bakho obulandelayo, noma uzomiselwe ukwenza iphutha elifanayo kabili.

Cabanga Ukwelashwa Lapho Izinto Zilungile

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Njengoba isilinganiso sesehlukaniso esicishe sibe ngamaphesenti angu-50 kuleli zwe, abantu abaningi bangena ngokushesha noma baphuma emshadweni, kusho uTalia Wager, uchwepheshe womshado nomkhaya onelayisensi. “Kunomkhuba njengamanje lapho abantu beza ekwelashweni ngaphambi bayashada," kusho uWagner. "Nakuba lokhu kungakenziwa abantu abaningi, kuyindlela enhle yokuba imibhangqwana yakhe isisekelo esinempilo yokwakha impilo phezu kwayo."

Uma uzwa sengathi ususekupheleni kobudlelwano bakho futhi ucabangela isehlukaniso, u-Feuer no-Baras baxwayisa ngokusebenzisa ummeli wakho njengomelaphi. Esikhundleni sokushaya ucingo oluphendulayo kummeli, cabanga ngokuvumela umeluleki wezehlukaniso noma umelaphi ukuthi ahlole isimo futhi akuqondise ezinyathelweni ezilandelayo ngaphambi kokulahla izinkulungwane zamaRandi ngemali yezomthetho.

Gcina ama-Exes esikhathini esedlule

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Akulungile ukulindela ukuthi umuhle wakho omusha abe ngumuntu wakho wakudala-ngabe lokho kusho ukuthi inqubo yakhe yokubulala noma ukuthambekela ekukopeleni. Iphuzu eliyinhloko, uthi uFinn: Abantu abaningi babekezelela izinhlungu ezimbalwa ngaphambi kokuthola Lowo, ngakho-ke ungalethi ubudlelwano bakho obudlule kubusha bakho noma uzibekela ukwehluleka ungakaqali.

Qhubeka Ukhulume, Noma Kunzima

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Umzuzu lapho uzwa khona ukuthi kukhona okusilelayo ebudlelwaneni bakho, khuluma, kusho uchwepheshe wezobudlelwano uRachel Sussman, LCSW. Ngenkathi udinga ukukhetha izimpi zakho, kubalulekile ukuthi uhlale uveza ukuthi uzizwa kanjani nokuthi yini emayelana nawe. Uma uzizwa sengathi awukwazi, kungaba ifulegi elikhulu elibomvu nommeli wedivosi (noma ukuhlukana), kusho uSussman. Ukuvimbela umlingani wakho ekuvaleni noma ekuzivikeleni, lalela lokho akushoyo bese uqinisekisa umbono wakhe, noma ngabe awuvumelani, kuyeluleka uSussman.

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