8 Ubudlelwano Buhlola Yonke Imibhangqwana Kufanele Ibe Nempilo Enempilo

-Delile

• Thatha Ithempelesha Yakho Engokomzwelo
• Cela Okudingayo
• Jabulani Ndawonye
• Xhuma ngokomzimba
• Chithani Isikhathi Ndawonye
• Chitha Isikhathi Sihlukene
• Zama Okuthile Okusha
• Babongelane
• Buyekeza kwe-

Wake wakhuluma nomfana wakho, noma wavele wama phambi kwakhe, waba nalo muzwa ophikisayo wokuthi kukhona okuncane icishiwe? Ibize ngomuzwa wesithupha noma i-undercurrent engakhulumi, kodwa ngezinye izikhathi uyazi nje lapho isitimela siqala ukwehla emzileni. "Akuvamile ukuthi kube khona amalambu abomvu abomvu asitshelayo uma kukhona okudinga ukunakwa," kusho umelaphi wezithandani ezinze e-LA u-Ellen Bradley-Windell. "[Kumele] samukele umqondo wokwakha uhlelo olusebenzayo lokugcinwa kobudlelwano."

Kukuwe ukuthi uhlole impilo yobudlelwano bakho ngezikhathi ezithile. Unalokho engqondweni, nakhu ukuhlolwa okufanele ukwenze isikhathi ngasinye lapho kuthinta umuzwa wesithupha.

Thatha Ithempelesha Yakho Engokomzwelo

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UWindell uthi umbuzo obaluleke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni uvame ukuba lula kakhulu: Sisebenza kanjani? "Njalo, thatha 'izinga lokushisa ngokomzwelo' ebudlelwaneni benu. Buzanani, 'Ngabe nibona sengathi siphathana njengabangane abakhulu?' 'Ngabe siphathana ngenhlonipho?' 'Singakwazi ukuxhumana ngokusobala? '"usho kanje." Uma usebenzisa lesi sikalo sokushisa ebudlelwaneni bakho, umvuzo ngukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi uqala ekuqaleni kwenkinga kusenesikhathi, futhi uyixazulule ngaphambi kokuba ingene odabeni olukhulu. "(Ukuletha lezo zinkulu izihloko zokuxoxa ziyasiza nasekamelweni lokulala, yiba ne-Orgasm Emangazayo: Khuluma Ngayo.)

Cela Okudingayo

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Umelaphi wemishado nobudlelwano uCarin Goldstein uthi izithandani eziningi ziletha izikhalo etafuleni esikhundleni seziyalezo. "Kaningi, kaningi, ngizoba nabesifazane bathi, 'Awunginaki ngokwanele!' Amadoda aqonde ngqo futhi abambekile, ngakho-ke ngihlala ngibatshela ukuthi: 'Kumele umtshele ukuthi kubukeka kanjani.' "Ngabe udinga ukubamba isandla sakho esidlangalaleni? Buza eminye imibuzo mayelana nosuku lwakho? Amadoda ahlose ukujabulisa, futhi ayakuthanda uma uwanikeza umhlahlandlela wempumelelo.

Jabulani Ndawonye

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Yize kungahle kungafani nezinsuku zokuqala zokuthandana, ukuzibophezela kokuzibophezela akusho isigwebo sempilo yonke sokukhathala nezibopho. "Kungenzeka izinto zibe usuku oluhle namuhla, kodwa isimo sobuhlobo bakho singadinga ukuvuselelwa," kusho uWindell. "Zinike isikhathi sokukhumbuzana ngezinkumbulo ezimnandi enizihlanganyele ndawonye. Buzanani, 'Ingabe sisebenzisa izimpelasonto zethu ndawonye nje ukunakekela ibhizinisi, noma ingabe sibekela eceleni isikhathi sokuzijabulisa nokuhleka futhi sibe yizilima?'" Qhubeka ukutshela lawo mahlaya angaphakathi angenangqondo angatholwa ngumuntu wakho kuphela, futhi akhiphe isikhathi sekhwalithi. "Qiniseka ukuthi ugcina injabulo nokuhleka ebudlelwaneni bakho, ngoba kuzoqinisa isibopho enifanele nobabili," kusho uWindell.

Xhuma ngokomzimba

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UGoldstein uthi enye yezinkinga ezivame kakhulu ebudlelwaneni ukukhohlwa ukunakekela ukuxhumana ngokomzimba. Masibhekane nakho: Kungenye yezinto zokuqala okufanele uhambe uma umatasa ngempela. “Angisho ukuthi, ‘Kudingeka unakekele indoda yakho,’ nanoma yini enjalo,” kuchaza yena. "Kodwa yinto okumele uyiqaphele ngaphandle kokuthintana ngokomzimba, angakhathazeka. Amadoda axhuma kangcono ngokomzwelo uma exhunywe kakhulu nomunye wabo obalulekile ngokomzimba." UGoldstein uthi uma sekuphele amasonto amabili futhi uzwa ukuthi umfana wakho unomzimba omncane, ungakwazi ukuhlanganisa amabili namabili ndawonye-futhi kulula kakhulu ukulungisa. (Uzizwa ungakhuthazwa ekamelweni? Zama enye Yezindlela Eziyisi-9 Zokwenza Ucansi Ngokuphathelene Nobudlelwano Bakho.)

Chithani Isikhathi Ndawonye

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Ikakhulukazi lapho imibhangqwana isesigabeni sesikhashana, noma eyodwa ihamba kakhulu, uGoldstein uthi kubalulekile ukuthi kuhlolwe "izithukuthuku". "Uma umuntu oyedwa ethwala umthwalo omningi ekhaya, kungaphenduka kube yinto enamandla kakhulu phakathi kwezithandani," esho, ethi ikakhulukazi abesifazane bangacasuka kancane. Imvamisa, ukulungiswa nje ukwenza umlingani wakho aqonde impilo kusuka eyakho izicathulo. "Sonke sifuna ukubukwa nokuzwakala," kusho uGoldstein. Futhi, uthi lokhu kweza ekucaciseni. Mtshele ukungabikho kwakhe uma uzizwa unqamukile, futhi udinga izingcingo ezivamile noma ubusuku bosuku - futhi kungenzeka abe ocingweni ebuza ngosuku lwakho ehhovisi, noma uye emsebenzini uhlela uLwesihlanu olulandelayo ebusuku.

Chitha Isikhathi Sihlukene

Izithombe zeCorbis

Kwesinye isikhathi, imibhangqwana ingathola futhi ukuvala, okubangela ukuthi oyedwa noma bobabili abathintekayo bazizwe becindezelwe futhi bengakhethi. Isikhala sibaluleke kakhulu kwabesilisa, abanentambo yokuxhuma-bese bephuma umzuzwana ukuthola inkululeko yabo. "Yileyondlela amadoda azivuselela ngayo," kusho uGoldstein. "Badinga ukungena emhumeni omnyama, babuye-kodwa abesifazane bavame ukucabanga," Hhayi, akangithandi. "Akunjalo. Uma nizizwa nithola i-antsy encane futhi nicasukile omunye nomunye, sekuyisikhathi sokuhlela isikhathi esinempilo, ubusuku namantombazane nabafana. "Okuwukuphela kwesikhathi lapho kuba yinkinga lapho sekuba umkhuba," kusho uGoldstein. "Lapho iba 'yisixazululo' kuzo zonke izinkinga, esikhundleni sokuvala isikhathi sokuphinda ungene ebudlelwaneni endaweni engcono." Uma kuyindlela yezikhathi ezithile yokuzigcina upholile? Konke kuhle!

Zama Okuthile Okusha

Izithombe zeCorbis

Ama-Ruts. Ebudlelwaneni obumisiwe, kulula ukuba nesimiso; awukhumbuli iholidi lakho lokugcina, njalo ngoLwesihlanu ebusuku i-takeout/ifilimu/ukulala, futhi ukhula ujwayelene kakhulu nemikhuba ye-S.O. yakho. “Yenzani umzamo ukuze nizame okuthile okusha ndawonye,” kusho uWindell. "Joyinani ijimu nokuzilolonga ndawonye, ​​fundani umdlalo omusha ndawonye, ​​zama indawo yokudlela entsha kanye ngenyanga, shintshanani ukuhlela 'idethi eyimfihlakalo' kusukela ekuqaleni kuya ekugcineni-uthola umqondo." Imikhuba emidala, izindawo, nezindlela ezake zaba mnandi futhi ezithokozisayo kungashintsha kube yisicefe, kubangele ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho buzizwe bumi ndawonye. Hlala njalo usebenzele ukukuxuba, kusho u-Windell. (Futhi, wow indoda yakho ngobusuku nobusuku nge-7 Beauty Tweaks Guys Love.)

Babongelane

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Ukugcina uthando lwakho lusemgqondweni kuyinto edinga ukwenzeka nsuku zonke, ngakho-ke awudingi ukubuyela emuva kusukela kusizini yonke yokunganeliseki kobudlelwano. Kanjani, ngempela? Woza ngesimo sokubonga futhi unikeze-kokubili ngamazwi nangaphandle kokukhuluma. "Imibhangqwana enothando iyachuma lapho ubuhlobo busekelwe ekwandiseni. Esikhundleni sokucela okwengeziwe ngaso sonke isikhathi, zama ukunikela ngaphandle kwemibandela," kusho u-Windell. "Kwenze iphuzu ukubonga nsuku zonke ngento ethize ebinenzuzo kuwe. Ucwaningo lukhombisile ukuthi singashintsha amakhemikhali ebuchosheni bethu ukuze sikhethe injabulo ezinsukwini ezingama-21-lokho kuyabonga, ukuba nezikhathi ezizwakalayo. , emamatheka, ebhala amanothi othando kanye nokucabanga okuhle." Ngisho ukumamatheka noma ukuqabula kungambonisa ukuthi usho ukuthini...njalo yenza izinto ezincane. Khona manje. Namuhla.

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