Izimpawu eziyi-11 Othandana Narcissist - nokuthi Ungaphuma Kanjani

-Delile

• Izindlela ezisemthethweni eziyi-9 ze-NPD
  
• 1. Babethandeka AF… ekuqaleni
• 2. Bafaka ingxoxo, bekhuluma ngobukhulu babo
• 3. Zondla izincomo zakho
• 4. Bantula uzwela
• 5. Abanabo abangane (noma abaningi) besikhathi eside
• Imibuzo okufanele uzibuze yona
  
• 6. Bakhetha wena njalo
• 7. Zikukhanyisela igesi
• 8. Badansa bezungeza bechaza ubudlelwano
• 9. Bacabanga ukuthi baqinisile ngayo yonke into… futhi abalokothi baxolise
• 10. Bayatatazela uma uzama ukwehlukana nabo
• 11.… futhi uma ubakhombisa ukuthi usuqedile ngempela, bayagqabhuka
• KULUNGILE, ngakho-ke uthandana nomuntu osebenzisa izihibe… manje yini?
• Ungakulungiselela kanjani ukwahlukana nomuntu osebenzisa i-narcissist
  

Ukuphazamiseka kobuntu be-narcissistic akufani nokuzethemba noma ukuzimela.

Lapho othile athumela ama-selfies amaningi noma izithombe eziguquguqukayo kuphrofayili yabo yokuphola noma ekhuluma ngaye njalo phakathi nosuku lokuqala, singababiza ngokuthi i-narcissist.

Kepha i-narcissist yangempela umuntu onenkinga yobuntu be-narcissistic (NPD). Yisimo sempilo yengqondo esibonakala ngalokhu:

• umuzwa okhuphukile wokubaluleka
• isidingo esijulile sokunakwa ngokweqile nokubabazeka
• ukungabi nozwelo kwabanye
• imvamisa ukuba nobudlelwano obunezinkinga

Lokho okugxila kukho, kusho umelaphi onelayisense uRebecca Weiler, i-LMHC, ubugovu ngokubhidliza (ngokuvamile ngokweqile) kwabanye, kanye nokwehluleka ukubheka imizwa yabanye nhlobo.

I-NPD, njengezinkinga eziningi zempilo yengqondo noma zobuntu, akuyona emnyama nomhlophe. "I-narcissism iwela ezingeni elithile," kuchaza umndeni wakwaBeverly Hills kanye nodokotela wezifo zengqondo uDkt. Fran Walfish, umbhali we "The Self-Aware Parent."

Uhlelo lwakamuva kakhulu lwe-Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders lubala izindlela eziyisishiyagalolunye ze-NPD, kepha lucacisa ukuthi umuntu udinga kuphela ukuhlangabezana nemihlanu ukuze afaneleke ngokomtholampilo njenge-narcissist.

Izindlela ezisemthethweni eziyi-9 ze-NPD

• umqondo omkhulu wokuzibona ubalulekile
• ukukhathazeka ngemicabango yempumelelo engenamkhawulo, amandla, ubuhle, ubuhle, noma uthando oluhle
• inkolelo yokuthi ikhethekile futhi ihlukile futhi ingaqondwa kuphela, noma kufanele ihlotshaniswe nabanye abantu noma izikhungo ezikhethekile noma ezisezingeni eliphakeme
• isidingo sokubongwa ngokweqile
• umuzwa welungelo
• ukuziphatha okuxhaphazayo
• ukungabi naluzwela
• umona ngabanye noma inkolelo yokuthi abanye banomona ngabo
• ukubonakaliswa kokuziphatha noma isimo sengqondo sokuzikhukhumeza nokuzikhukhumeza

Lokho kusho ukuthi, ukwazi izindlela ezisemthethweni zokuxilonga akuvamisi ukuthi kube lula ukubona umuntu osebenzisa izidakamizwa, ikakhulukazi uma uthandana nomunye. Imvamisa akunakwenzeka ukunquma ukuthi ngabe umuntu une-NPD ngaphandle kokuxilongwa kochwepheshe ofanelekayo.

Futhi, lapho othile ezibuza ukuthi ngabe bathandana nomuntu osebenzisa i-narcissist, ngokuvamile abacabangi ukuthi, "Ingabe bane-NPD?" Bayazibuza ukuthi ngabe baphathwa kanjani ngendlela enempilo futhi esimeme ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Sicela ugweme ukuxilonga umlingani wakho engxoxweni. Esikhundleni salokho, funda ukuze uthole ukuqonda okuthile ngempilo yobudlelwano bakho.

Ulapha ngoba ukhathazekile, futhi lokho kukhathazeka kuvumelekile uma impilo yakho isengcupheni. Uma ucabanga ukuthi lezi zimpawu ziyalingana, sizokunikeza namathiphu okuthi ungabhekana kanjani nalesi simo.

1. Babethandeka AF… ekuqaleni

Iqale njengenganekwane. Mhlawumbe babekuthumelela imiyalezo njalo, noma bakutshele ukuthi bayakuthanda kungakapheli inyanga yokuqala - okuthile ochwepheshe abakubiza ngokuthi "ukuqhuma kwamabhomu."

Mhlawumbe bakutshela ukuthi uhlakaniphe kangakanani noma bagcizelele ukuthi niyafanelana kangakanani, noma ngabe nisanda kuqala ukubonana.

"AbakwaNarcissist bacabanga ukuthi bafanelwe ukuba nabanye abantu abakhethekile, nokuthi abantu abakhethekile yibona kuphela abangakwazi ukubazisa ngokugcwele," kusho uNedra Glover Tawwab, uLCSW, umsunguli weKaleidoscope Counselling eCharlotte, eNorth Carolina.

Kepha uma nje wenza okuthile okubadumazayo, bangakukhanyisela.

Futhi imvamisa uzobe ungazi nakancane ukuthi wenzeni, kusho uTawwab. "Ukuthi abaphathi bezidakamizwa bakuphatha kanjani, noma uma bekujikela, empeleni akuhlangene nawe futhi akuhlangene nezinkolelo zabo."

Iseluleko sika-Weiler: Uma othile eza ngamandla ekuqaleni, qaphela. Impela, sonke siyathanda ukuzizwa sikhanuka. Kepha uthando lwangempela kufanele lukhuliswe futhi lukhule.

“Uma ucabanga ukuthi kusesekuseni kakhulu ukuthi bangakuthanda ngempela, kungenzeka. Noma uma uzwa sengathi abazi ngokwanele ngawe ukuthi bakuthande empeleni, mhlawumbe abakuthandi, ”kusho uWeiler. Abantu abane-NPD bazozama ukwakha ukuxhumana okungenamqondo ekuqaleni kobudlelwano.

2. Bafaka ingxoxo, bekhuluma ngobukhulu babo

"AbakwaNarcissist bathanda ukukhuluma njalo ngezinto abazifezile kanye nempumelelo yabo ngobukhulu," kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJacklyn Krol, uLCSW, we-Mind Rejuvenation Therapy. "Benza lokhu ngoba bezizwa bengcono futhi bahlakaniphile ukwedlula wonke umuntu, futhi futhi ngoba kuyabasiza ukudala ukubukeka kokuzethemba."

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emtholampilo uDkt Angela Grace, PhD, MEd, BFA, BEd, uyanezela ukuthi abakwa-narcissists bavame ukwenza ihaba ngokufeza kwabo futhi bahlobise amakhono abo kulezi zindaba ukuze bathole udumo kwabanye.

Futhi bamatasa kakhulu bakhuluma ngabo ukuthi bangakulalela.Isexwayiso siyizingxenye ezimbili lapha, kusho uGrace. Okokuqala, umlingani wakho ngeke ayeke ukukhuluma ngabo, futhi okwesibili, umlingani wakho ngeke ahlanganyele engxoxweni ngawe.

Zibuze: Kwenzekani uma ukhuluma ngawe? Ngabe bayabuza imibuzo yokulandelela futhi bazwakalise intshisekelo yokufunda kabanzi ngawe? Noma bakwenza ngabo?

3. Zondla izincomo zakho

AbakwaNarcissists kungenzeka kubonakala sengathi bayazethemba okukhulu. Kepha ngokusho kukaTawwab, abantu abaningi abane-NPD empeleni abanakho ukuzethemba.

"Badinga ukunconywa okuningi, futhi uma ungabaniki bona, bazokudoba," usho kanje. Yingakho bahlala bekubheka ukuze ubatshele ukuthi bakhulu kangakanani.

“AbakwaNarcissist basebenzisa abanye abantu - abantu abajwayele ukuzwelana kakhulu - ukuletha ukuzethemba kwabo, futhi babenze bazizwe benamandla. Kodwa ngenxa yokungazethembi kwabo, ama-egos abo angancishiswa kalula, okwandisa isidingo sabo sokuncoma, ”kunezela uShirin Peykar, LMFT.

Ithiphu yokufunda abantu: Abantu abanjalo empeleni ukuzethemba ngeke kuncike kuwe, noma komunye umuntu, ukuthi uzizwe kahle ngabo.

“Umehluko omkhulu phakathi kwabantu abazethembayo nalabo abane-NPD ngukuthi abadayisi bezidakamizwa badinga abanye ukuba babaphakamise, futhi baziphakamise kuphela ngokubeka abanye phansi. Izinto ezimbili abantu abanokuzethemba okuphezulu abazenzi, ”kusho uPeykar.

Njengoba uWeiler akuchaza, "AmaNarcissist ajezisa wonke umuntu obazungezile ngokungazethembi kwawo."

4. Bantula uzwela

Ukungabi nozwela, noma amandla okuzizwa ukuthi omunye umuntu uzizwa kanjani, kungenye i Izici eziphawuleka kakhulu zomuntu osebenza ngezidakamizwa, uWalfish uthi.

"AbakwaNarcissis abanalo ikhono lokukwenza uzizwe ubonwa, uqinisekisa, uqondwa, noma wamukelwa ngoba abawuqondi umqondo wemizwa," usho kanje.

Humusha: Akunjalo yenza umuzwa ongowabanye.

Ingabe umlingani wakho uyakukhathalela uma ube nosuku olubi emsebenzini, ulwa nomngane wakho omkhulu, noma uxabana nabazali bakho? Noma bayacikeka lapho uveza izinto ezikwenza ucasuke futhi udabuke?

UWalfish uthi lokhu kungakwazi ukuzwelana, noma ukuzwelana, kuvame ukuba yisizathu esenza ukuthi ubudlelwano babaningi bama-narcissism, ekugcineni, bungapheli, noma ngabe bathandana noma cha.

5. Abanabo abangane (noma abaningi) besikhathi eside

Iningi lama-narcissists ngeke libe nabangane besikhathi eside, beqiniso. Bamba ujule ekuxhumaneni kwabo futhi ungaqaphela ukuthi banabantu ababaziyo nje kuphela, abangani babo abakhuluma inkunkuma, kanye nama-nemeses.

Ngenxa yalokhu, bangahle bakhale lapho ufuna ukuhlanganyela nabakho. Bangase bathi awuhlali isikhathi esanele nabo, bakwenze uzizwe unecala ngokuchitha isikhathi nabangane bakho, noma bakuthethise ngezinhlobo zabangane onabo.

Imibuzo okufanele uzibuze yona

• Umlingani wakho umphatha kanjani umuntu abangafuni lutho kuye?
• Ngabe umlingani wakho unabo abangane besikhathi eside?
• Ngabe banayo noma bayakhuluma ngokufuna imesis?

6. Bakhetha wena njalo

Mhlawumbe ekuqaleni bekuzwakala njengokugcona…. kodwa-ke kwaba namandla noma kwaba njalo.

Ngokuphazima kweso, konke okwenzayo, kusukela kokugqokayo nokudla kuye kobani ohlanganyela nabo nalokho okubuka ku-TV, kuyinkinga kubo.

"Bazokubeka phansi, bakubize ngamagama, bakushaye ngama-liners alimazayo, futhi benze amahlaya angahlekisi," kusho uPeykar. "Inhloso yabo ukwehlisa ukuzethemba kwabanye ukuze bakwazi ukukhulisa okwabo, ngoba kubenza bazizwe benamandla."

Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukusabela kulokho abakushoyo kuqinisa kuphela isimilo sabo. "I-narcissist ithanda ukusabela," kusho uPeykar. Lokho kungenxa yokuthi kuyabakhombisa ukuthi banamandla okuthinta isimo somzwelo somunye.

Uphawu lokuxwayisa: Uma bekushaya phansi ngenhlamba lapho wenza okuthile okufanele ukugubhe, phuma. "Umuntu osebenzisa izidakamizwa angathi 'Ukwazile ukwenza lokho ngoba angilalanga kahle' noma ezinye izaba zokwenza kubonakale sengathi unethuba ebengenalo," kusho uTawwab.

Bafuna wazi ukuthi awungcono kunabo. Ngoba kubo, akekho.

7. Zikukhanyisela igesi

Ukukhanyisa ngegesi kuyindlela yokuxhaphaza nokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo, futhi kuyisici esichazayo se-narcissism. AbakwaNarcissists bangaqamba amanga aluhlaza, amangale abanye ngamanga, baphambanise iqiniso, futhi ekugcineni basonta iqiniso lakho.

Izimpawu zokukhanya kwegesi zifaka okulandelayo:

• Awusazizwa njengomuntu obukade unguye.
• Uzizwa ukhathazekile futhi ungazethembi kakhulu kunangaphambili.
• Uhlala uzibuze ukuthi uzwela kakhulu yini.
• Uzizwa sengathi konke okwenzayo akulungile.
• Uhlala ucabanga ukuthi yiphutha lakho lapho izinto zingahambi kahle.
• Uxolisa kaningi.
• Unomuzwa wokuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle, kodwa awukwazi ukukhomba ukuthi kuyini.
• Uvame ukubuza ukuthi impendulo yakho kumlingani wakho ilungile yini.
• Wenza izaba ngokuziphatha komlingani wakho.

“Benza lokhu ukudala ukuthi abanye bazingabaze njengendlela yokuthola ukuvelela. AbakwaNarcissist bayaphumelela ngokukhonzwa, ngakho-ke basebenzisa amaqhinga okukhohlisa ukuze wenze lokho kanye, ”kusho uPeykar.

8. Badansa bezungeza bechaza ubudlelwano

Kunezinkulungwane zezizathu umuntu angahle angafuni ukubiza ubuhlobo bakho ngazo. Mhlawumbe bangama-polyamorous, nobabili nivumelene ngesimo sabangane-nezinzuzo, noma nimane nisigcina singajwayelekile.

Kepha uma umlingani wakho ekhombisa ezinye zezimpawu ezikulolu hlu futhi engeke azibophezele, kungenzeka kube ifulegi elibomvu.

Abanye abakwa-narcissists bazolindela ukuthi ubaphathe njengabalingani bakho ukuze bavune izinzuzo ezisondelene, ezingokomzwelo nezocansi ngenkathi futhi beqaphe amathemba abawabona ephakeme.

Empeleni, ungaqaphela ukuthi umlingani wakho udlala ngothando noma ubheka abanye phambi kwakho, umndeni wakho, noma abangane bakho, kusho owelapha u-April Kirkwood, uLPC, umbhali we “Working My Way Back to Me: A Frank Memoir of Self- Ukutholwa. ”

“Uma ukhuluma futhi ungumnikazi wemizwa yakho ngokungazihloniphi kwabo, bazokusola ngokudala uthuthuva, bakubize ngohlanya, bese bekusebenzisa njengesizathu esengeziwe sokuthi ungazibophezeli ngokuphelele kuwe. Uma ungasho lutho, lokho kunikeza nomyalezo ongakhulunywanga ongakufanele ukuhlonishwa, ”usho kanje.

Uma kuzwakala njengesimo sokulahlekelwa, lokho kungenxa yokuthi. Kepha khumbula ukuthi ufanelwe umuntu ozinikele kuwe njengoba nawe uzinikele kuye.

9. Bacabanga ukuthi baqinisile ngayo yonke into… futhi abalokothi baxolise

Ukulwa ne-narcissist uzizwa kungenakwenzeka.

"Akukho mpikiswano noma ukuyekethisa kumuntu othanda izidakamizwa, ngoba bahlale beqinisile," kusho uTawwab. “Ngeke babone ukungaboni ngaso linye njengokungezwani. Bazobona nje njengoba bekufundisa iqiniso. ”

Ngokusho kukaPeykar, ungahle uthandane nomuntu osebenzisa i-narcissist uma uzizwa njengomlingani wakho:

• akakuzwa
• ngeke ngikuqonde
• ayithathi umthwalo ngeqhaza labo kulolu daba
• akazami ukuzama ukuyekethisa

Ngenkathi ukuqeda ubudlelwano kunguhlelo lomdlalo oluhamba phambili nge-narcissist, uWeiler weluleka ngokugwema izingxoxo nezimpikiswano. “Kuzokwenza uzizwe uhlanya. Into ehlanyisa i-narcissist ukuswela ukulawula nokungabikho kwempi. Uma ulwa kancane, amandla amancane ongabanika wona phezu kwakho, aba ngcono, ”usho kanje.

Futhi ngoba abakaze bacabange ukuthi banephutha, abalokothi baxolise. Cishe noma yini.

Lokhu kwehluleka ukuxolisa kungaziveza ezimeni lapho umlingani wakho kusobala ukuthi unephutha, njenge:

• ikhombisa ukubhukha isidlo sakusihlwa sekwedlule isikhathi
• ukungabizi lapho bethi bazokwenza
• ukukhansela izinhlelo ezibalulekile ngomzuzu wokugcina, njengokuhlangana nabazali bakho noma abangane

Ozakwethu abahle bayakwazi ukubona lapho benze okuthile okungalungile bese bexolisa ngakho.

10. Bayatatazela uma uzama ukwehlukana nabo

Ngokushesha nje lapho ubuyela emuva, umbulali wezinkanyezi uzozama ukuthi Kunzima kakhulu ukukugcina ezimpilweni zabo.

“Ekuqaleni, bangase bakuthande ngokukuqhumisa. Bazosho zonke izinto ezifanele ukukwenza ucabange ukuthi bashintshile, ”kusho uPeykar.

Kepha kungekudala, bazokukhombisa ukuthi abakaze bashintshe empeleni. Futhi ngenxa yalokhu, abaningi bama-narcissist bazithola sebethandana futhi, bephinda-phinda ubudlelwano bothando baze bathole omunye umuntu abangajola naye.

11.… futhi uma ubakhombisa ukuthi usuqedile ngempela, bayagqabhuka

Uma ugcizelela ukuthi usuqedile ngobudlelwano, bazokwenza umgomo wabo ukukulimaza ngokubalahla, kusho uPeykar.

“I-ego yabo ilinyazwe kanzima kangangokuba ibenza bazizwe bethukuthele futhi bezonda noma ngubani‘ obonile ’. Lokho kungenxa yokuthi konke kuyiphutha lawo wonke umuntu. Kubandakanya nokwehlukana, ”usho kanje.

Umphumela? Bangakukhuluma kabi ukuze ugcine ubuso. Noma bangahle baqale ukuphola nomunye umuntu ukuze bakwenze ube nomona futhi usize ukwelapha ukuzidla kwabo. Noma bazozama ukweba abangane bakho.

Isizathu, kusho uTawwab, kungenxa yokuthi idumela elihle lisho konke kubo, futhi ngeke bavumele noma ngubani noma yini ukuba iphazamise lokho.

KULUNGILE, ngakho-ke uthandana nomuntu osebenzisa izihibe… manje yini?

Uma usebudlelwaneni nomuntu one-NPD, kungenzeka ukuthi usuvele wahlangabezana nokuncane impela.

Ukuba sebudlelwaneni nomuntu ohlale egxeka, elulaza, ekhanyisa igesi, futhi engazibophezeli kuwe kuyakhathaza emoyeni. Yingakho, ngenxa yengqondo yakho, ochwepheshe bancoma i-GTFO.

Ungakulungiselela kanjani ukwahlukana nomuntu osebenzisa i-narcissist

• Hlala uzikhumbuza ukuthi ufanele okungcono.
• Qinisa ubudlelwano bakho nabangane bakho abanozwelo.
• Yakha inethiwekhi yokusekela nabangani nomndeni abangakusiza ukukukhumbuza ukuthi yini eyiqiniso.
• Nxusa umlingani wakho ukuthi aye ekwelashweni.
• Thola owelapha ngokwakho.

“Awukwazi ukushintsha umuntu onenkinga yobuntu obuthakathaka noma umenze ajabule ngokubathanda ngokwanele noma ngokuziguqula ukuze uhlangabezane nemicabango nezifiso zabo. Abasoze bahlangana nawe, bangaze bazwisane nokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho, futhi uzohlala uzizwa ungenalutho ngemuva kokuxhumana nabo, ”kusho uGrace.

"AbakwaNarcissists abakwazi ukuzizwa begcwalisekile ebudlelwaneni, noma kunoma iyiphi indawo yezimpilo zabo, ngoba akukho lutho oluhlale lukhethekile ngokwanele kubo," uyanezela.

Empeleni, awusoze wabanele, ngoba azanele ngokwabo.

“Into enhle ongayenza ukusika izibopho. Ungabaniki ncazelo. Unganikezi ithuba lesibili. Hlukana nabo futhi ungabe usakunikeza ithuba lesibili, lesithathu, noma lesine, ”kusho uGrace.

Ngoba i-narcissist kungenzeka ukuthi izame ukuxhumana nawe futhi ikuhlukumeze ngezingcingo noma ngemibhalo uma isikucubungule ngokuphelele ukwenqatshwa, uKrol uncoma ukuthi ubavimbele ukukusiza unamathele esinqumweni sakho.

Khumbula: Le ndatshana ayihloselwe ukuxilonga umlingani wakho. Kwenzelwe ukuveza indlela yokuziphatha engamukeleki kanye nokusabela kumongo wobambiswano olunothando, olulinganayo. Azikho kulezi zimpawu ezikhomba ebudlelwaneni obunempilo, i-NPD noma cha.

Futhi ukuba neyodwa noma eyisithupha yalezi zimpawu akumenzi umlingani wakho abe ngumqaphi. Esikhundleni salokho, kuyisizathu esihle sokuhlola kabusha ukuthi uyachuma yini ebudlelwaneni bakho. Awunacala ngokuziphatha kwabo, kodwa unesibopho sokuzinakekela.

UGabrielle Kassel ungu- ukudlala ibhola lombhoxo, ukugijima ngodaka, ukuxubungula amaprotheni-smoothie, ukupheka ukudla, i-CrossFitting, Umbhali wezempilo waseNew York. Unguye ube ngumuntu wasekuseni, wazama inselelo ye-Whole30, futhi wadla, wadakwa, wahlikihlwa, wakhucululwa, wageza namalahle, konke lokhu kwenzeka egameni lobuntatheli. Ngesikhathi sakhe samahhala, angatholakala efunda izincwadi zokuzisiza, ecindezela ibhentshi, noma enza i-hygge. Mlandele Instagram.