Ingabe Uyaphika Ngobudlelwane Bakho?

-Delile

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Uma ufuna ukuthi umshado ube nekusasa lakho, mhlawumbe ufuna ukwazi ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho obukhona manje buya kulolo hlangothi. Futhi uma uzizwa sengathi wena nomfana wakho anibonani ngaso linye kule ndaba? Ungase uphike ngakho, thola ucwaningo lwakamuva oluvela eNyuvesi yase-Illinois.

Kulolu cwaningo, abacwaningi bathola ukuthi abantu ababeshade ekugcineni babenezinkumbulo ezinembile zokuqomisana kwabo. (Psst! Qiniseka ukuthi unalezi zingxoxo ezi-3 Okumele Ube Nazo Ngaphambi Kokuthi 'Ngiyakwenza.') Kepha abantu abanobudlelwano kuhlehlisiwe ngesikhathi socwaningo kuboniswe okuthile okubizwa ngokuthi "ukukhulisa ubudlelwane." Lapho leyo mibhangqwana ibheka emuva, bahlala bekhumbula izinga eliphakeme "lokuzibophezela emshadweni" noma ngabe bengakwenzi ngempela isipiliyoni lokho kuzibophezela.

Yini enikezayo? Uma izinto zingahambi kahle, kepha usakhetha ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni, kwesinye isikhathi uzizwa unesidingo sokuthethelela ukuhlala kwakho nobudlelwano, kusho umlobi ocwaningayo uBrian Ogolsky, Ph.D. Nakhu ukuthi kungani lokho kuyinkinga: Ngokukhumbula kabi okwedlule, kungenzeka ukuthi uzigcina ungasiboni isimo esingesihle kakhulu (okungenzeka ukuthi sisaqhubeka) bese uzincisha esinenzuzo enkulu, usho kanjalo. Futhi, kungakwenza uzizwe sengathi ubudlelwano buhamba buqonde lapho ufuna khona.

Kunzima ukubona ubudlelwano ngokusobala-ngemuva kwakho konke, kugcwele imizwa-kepha uma usendleleni ebheke emshadweni (noma ufuna ukuba njalo), cabanga ngendlela efanelekile ukuze wenze izinqumo ezinhle kakhulu, kusho u-Ogolsky. Isibonelo, ungavumeli izinkinga ezincane ukuba zibe yi-snowball zibe zinkulu-bhekela izinto ezikucasulayo noma izinto ezincane ezibonakala zizihlanganisa. Naka okwakho izenzo, noma amazwi akhe nje, futhi qaphela lawa ma-Relationship Deal-Breakers.

Uma ubuhlobo bakho bubonakala buyahlehla-uzizwa sengathi awusondelene nomfana wakho njengoba wawunjalo; anisekho ekhasini elilodwa; noma ukuthi kubukeka sengathi kuzo zonke izinyathelo eziya phambili, uwela kabili emuva-thatha isinyathelo emuva. "Lokho kuyizinkomba zokuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle, futhi kumele kubhekwe kahle, kunokuphazanyiswa."

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