Ngicela Ungangiqondi Ngokungeyikho Ngoba Nginenkinga Yomuntu OseBorderline

-Delile

• Ngenkathi ngitholwa okokuqala ngine-borderline personality disorder (BPD), ngathayipha isimo ngovalo e-Amazon ukubona ukuthi ngingakwazi yini ukusifunda. Inhliziyo yami yehla lapho omunye wemiphumela ephezulu kwakuyincwadi yokuzisiza “ekubuyiseni impilo yakho” kumuntu onjengami.
• Kungaba nzima kakhulu
• Kungaba okuhlukumezayo
• Kungaba ukuhlukumeza kakhulu
• Akuthetheleli ukuziphatha

Ngenkathi ngitholwa okokuqala ngine-borderline personality disorder (BPD), ngathayipha isimo ngovalo e-Amazon ukubona ukuthi ngingakwazi yini ukusifunda. Inhliziyo yami yehla lapho omunye wemiphumela ephezulu kwakuyincwadi yokuzisiza “ekubuyiseni impilo yakho” kumuntu onjengami.

Isihloko esigcwele saleyo ncwadi, “Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder” kaPaul Mason noRandi Kreger, sisalokhu sihlabekile. Kubuza abafundi ukuthi ngabe bazizwa "bekhohlisiwe, belawulwa, noma beqanjelwa amanga" ngumuntu one-BPD. Kokunye, ngibonile abantu bebiza bonke abantu abane-BPD ngokuhlukumeza. Lapho usuvele uzizwa njengomthwalo - okwenziwa ngabantu abaningi abane-BPD - ulimi olufana nalolu lubuhlungu.

Ngiyabona ukuthi kungani abantu abangenayo i-BPD bakuthola kunzima ukukuqonda. I-BPD ibonakala ngokushintshashintsha kwemizwelo ngokushesha, umuzwa ongazinzile wobuqu, ukungacabangi nokwesaba okuningi. Lokho kungakwenza wenze ngokungahambi kahle. Umzuzu owodwa ungazizwa sengathi umthanda kakhulu umuntu kangangokuthi ufuna ukuchitha impilo yakho unaye. Umzuzu olandelayo ubadudula ngoba unesiqiniseko sokuthi bazohamba.

Ngiyazi ukuthi kuyadida, futhi ngiyazi ukuthi ukunakekela umuntu one-BPD kungaba nzima. Kepha ngikholelwa ukuthi ngokusiqonda kangcono isimo nemiphumela yaso kumuntu osiphethe, lokhu kungaba lula. Ngihlala ne-BPD nsuku zonke. Lokhu ngifisa sengathi wonke umuntu angakwazi ngakho.

Kungaba nzima kakhulu

Ukuphazamiseka kobuntu kuchazwa yi- “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition”maqondana nendlela amaphethini omuntu omcabango wesikhathi eside, imizwa, kanye nokuziphatha kwakhe abangela ubunzima empilweni yakhe yansuku zonke. Njengoba ungaqonda, ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo okungathi sína kungacindezela ngendlela emangalisayo. Abantu abane-BPD bavame ukukhathazeka kakhulu, ikakhulukazi ngokuthi sithathwa kanjani, ukuthi siyathandwa yini, futhi silindele ukushiywa. Ukusibiza "ngokuhlukumeza" ngaphezu kwalokho kuvele kukhulise ukucwaswa futhi kusenze sizizwe kabi ngathi.

Lokhu kungaholela ekuziphatheni okuxakile ukuze kugwenywe lokhu kushiywa okulindelwe. Ukuxosha abathandekayo kude nesiteleka sokuzikhethela kungahle kubonakale njengokuphela kwendlela yokugwema ukulimala. Kuvamile kulabo abane-BPD ukwethemba abantu, noma ngabe bunjani ubudlelwano babo. Ngasikhathi sinye, kujwayelekile futhi ukuthi umuntu one-BPD abeswele, efuna njalo ukunakwa nokuqinisekiswa ukuze kudambise ukungazethembi. Ukuziphatha okunjengalokhu kunoma yibuphi ubuhlobo kungalimaza futhi kwehlukanise, kepha kwenziwa ngenxa yokwesaba nokuphelelwa yithemba, hhayi okubi.

Kungaba okuhlukumezayo

Isizathu salokho kwesaba kaningi ukuhlukumezeka. Kunemibono ehlukahlukene mayelana nokuthi ukuphazamiseka kobuntu kukhula kanjani: Kungaba izakhi zofuzo, ezemvelo, ezihlobene namakhemikhali obuchopho, noma inhlanganisela yezinye noma zonke. Ngiyazi ukuthi isimo sami sisuselwa ekuhlukunyezweni ngokomzwelo nasekuhlukumezekeni ngokocansi. Ukwesaba kwami ​​ukulahlwa kwaqala ebuntwaneni futhi sekukubi kakhulu empilweni yami yokuba mdala. Futhi ngithuthukise uchungechunge lwezindlela zokubhekana nezempilo ezingenampilo ngenxa yalokho.

Lokho kusho ukuthi ngikuthola kunzima kakhulu ukwethemba. Lokho kusho ukuthi ngiyakhamuluka lapho ngicabanga ukuthi othile uyangikhaphela noma uyangishiya. Lokho kusho ukuthi ngisebenzisa isimilo sokujaha ukuzama ukugcwalisa ubuze engibuzwayo - kungaba ngokusebenzisa imali, ngokusebenzisa iziphuzo zotshwala, noma ukuzilimaza. Ngidinga ukuqinisekiswa okuvela kwabanye abantu ukuze ngizwe sengathi angiyimbi futhi angilutho njengoba ngicabanga, yize ngingenakho ukuhlala unomphela ngokomzwelo futhi ngingakwazi ukubambelela kulokho kuqinisekiswa lapho ngikuthola.

Kungaba ukuhlukumeza kakhulu

Konke lokhu kusho ukuthi ukusondela kimi kungaba nzima kakhulu. Ngikhiphe abalingani bezothando ngoba bengidinga ukuqinisekiswa okubonakala kungapheli. Ngizishaye indiva izidingo zabanye abantu ngoba ngicabange ukuthi uma befuna isikhala, noma bezwa ushintsho kwemizwa, lokho kumayelana nami. Ngakhe udonga lapho ngicabanga ukuthi sengizolimala. Lapho izinto zingahambi kahle, noma ngabe zincane kangakanani, ngithambekele ekucabangeni ukuthi ukuzibulala ukuphela kwento engingayenza. Ngiye ngaba yintombazane ezama ukuzibulala ngemuva kokwehlukana.

Ngiyakuqonda ukuthi kwabanye abantu lokhu kungabonakala njengokukhohlisa. Kubukeka sengathi ngithi uma ungahlali nami, uma unganginaki konke ukunakwa engikudingayo, ngizozilimaza. Ngaphezu kwalokho, abantu abane-BPD baziwa ukuthi bakuthola kunzima ukufunda ngokunembile imizwa yabantu ngathi. Impendulo yomuntu ongathathi hlangothi ingabonwa njengolaka, isondla ngemibono esivele sinayo ngathi imbi futhi ayinalutho. Lokho kubukeka sengathi ngithi uma ngenza okuthile okungalungile, awukwazi ukungithukuthelela noma ngizokhala. Ngiyakwazi konke lokhu, futhi ngiyaqonda ukuthi kubukeka kanjani.

Akuthetheleli ukuziphatha

Into ukuthi, ngingahle ngizenze zonke lezo zinto. Ngingazilimaza ngoba ngabona ukuthi ucasukile ukuthi angizange ngiwashe. Ngingakhala ngoba waba umngani wentombazane enhle kuFacebook. I-BPD i-hyperemotional, iguquguqukayo, futhi ayinangqondo. Njengoba kunzima njengoba ngazi ukuthi kungaba nomuntu empilweni yakho nayo, kunzima izikhathi eziyi-10 ukuba nayo. Ukukhathazeka njalo, ukwesaba nokusola kuyakhathaza. Ukunikezwa kwethu okuningi kuphulukisa ekuhlukumezeni ngasikhathi sinye kwenza lokho kube nzima nakakhulu.

Kodwa lokho akukuthetheleli lokhu kuziphatha ngoba kubangela ubuhlungu kwabanye. Angisho ukuthi abantu abane-BPD abaze bahlukumeze, bakhohlise, noma babe babi - noma ngubani kungaba lezo zinto. I-BPD ayibekeli phambili lezo zimfanelo kithi. Kusenza nje sengozini futhi sesabe.

Siyakwazi lokho, nathi. Kwabaningi bethu, okusisizayo ukuthi siqhubeke nethemba lokuthi izinto zizosilungela. Njengoba unikezwe ukufinyelela kuyo, ukwelashwa okuvela emithini kuya ekwelashweni kokukhuluma kungaba nenzuzo yangempela. Ukususa inhlamba ezungeze ukuxilongwa kungasiza. Konke kuqala ngokuqonda okuthile. Futhi ngithemba ukuthi niyakwazi ukuqonda.

UTilly Grove yintatheli ezimele eLondon, eNgilandi. Uvame ukubhala ngezepolitiki, ubulungiswa kwezenhlalo, kanye ne-BPD yakhe, futhi ungamthola e-tweeting ngokufanayo @femmenistfatale. Iwebhusayithi yakhe yi-tillygrove.wordpress.com.