Lawa Mazwi Amathathu Amancane Akwenza Ube Umuntu Ongemuhle—futhi Mhlawumbe Uwasho Njalo

-Delile

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Nakhu okuzokwenza ucabange kabili: "Izingxoxo eziningi zaseMelika zibonakala ngesikhalazo," kusho uScott Bea, Psy.D, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo eCleveland Clinic.

Kunengqondo. Ubuchopho bomuntu bunalokho okubizwa ngokuthi ukukhetha okungekuhle. "Sijwayele ukuqaphela izinto ezisongela isimo sethu," kusho uBea. Kubuyela esikhathini sokhokho bethu lapho ukukwazi ukubona izinsongo kwakubalulekile ekusindeni.

Futhi ngaphambi kokuthi usho ukuthi uzama ukungakhonondi-uyazindla, ucabanga okuhle, uhlala uzama ukuthola okuhle-kungenzeka ukuthi unecala kakhulu kunalokho ucabanga. Ngemuva kwakho konke, ugcine nini ukusho ukuthi wena kwadingeka ukwenza okuthile? Mhlawumbe wena kwadingeka ukuyothenga ukudla. Noma wena kwadingeka ukuzivocavoca. Mhlawumbe wena kwadingeka ukuya kubasekhweni lakho ngemuva komsebenzi.

Kungumgibe olula sonke esiwela kuwo ngezikhathi ezithile-kodwa yiwona ongenza nje ukuthi imibono yethu ngempilo ibe luhlaza okwesibhakabhaka, kepha futhi kungenzeka ibe nomthelela omubi kumakhemikhali obuchopho, kuphawula uBea.

Ngenhlanhla, i-tweak encane yolimi ingasiza: Esikhundleni sokuthi "Kufanele," uthi, "Ngiyafika." Yizinto izinkampani ezinjengeLife Is Good, ezithumela imiyalezo emihle ngazo zonke izinhlobo zezimpahla nezimpahla, ezikhuthaza abasebenzi bazo namakhasimende ukuthi bazenze. (Kuhlobene: Le Ndlela Yokucabanga Okuhle Ingenza Ukunamathela Emikhubeni Enempilo Kubelula Kakhulu)

Nakhu ukuthi kungani kusebenza: "'I unayo uku' kuzwakala njengomthwalo. 'Ngi thola i-to' yithuba," kusho uBea. "Futhi ubuchopho bethu busabela ngendlela enamandla endleleni esisebenzisa ngayo ulimi lapho sikhuluma kanye nendlela esisebenzisa ngayo ulimi emicabangweni yethu."

Ngemuva kwakho konke, ngenkathi uthi kufanele wenze okuthile kungenzeka kukusize ukwenze (ngokwesibonelo, uzokwenza lokho), ukuhlela indlela yokuziphatha njengento ozoyenza kukusiza ukuncika kuyo ngomdlandla othe xaxa (futhi ngikusize ubonge iqiniso lokuthi uyakwazi ukusebenzela kuqala), kusho uBea. "Kuletha umuzwa wethuba-kanye nokwamukela isipiliyoni, okunenzuzo enhle kithi. Kungumehluko phakathi kosongo kanye nenselele," usho kanje. "Bambalwa kakhulu abantu abalindele usongo oluhle futhi iningi lethu lilindele inselelo noma ithuba elihle." (Okuhlobene: Ingabe Ukucabanga Okuqondile Kuyasebenza Ngempela?)

Okungeziwe: Ama-psychotherapies asafufusa, kufaka phakathi into ebizwa ngokuthi ukwamukela nokwelashwa kokuzibophezela, gxila kuma-tweaks olimi oluncane kanjena ukusiza abantu bashaye izikhathi ezinzima, uyaphawula. Ngakho-ke nakuba ukucabanga okuhle (kanye nazo zonke izinzuzo eziza nakho) kumayelana nemicabango eyakhayo, kuphinde kube mayelana nezimo zengqondo ezinhle, ezingase zihlakulele ukubonga nokwazisa, zikhuthaze ukuziphatha okuhle nakakhulu futhi, yebo, imicabango, futhi. Izikhalazo ngakolunye uhlangothi? Bangasenza sizizwe sisengozini kakhulu futhi sisongelwa emhlabeni, siqhubekisele phambili umjikelezo wokungabi nandaba nokwesaba.

Ukufika kulelo zinga, "kufanele" akusiyona ukuphela kwebinzana okufanele ulishiye. UBea uthi sijwayele ukuzihlukanisa ngolimi ngamagama abanzi nashintshayo avame ukuba yihaba. Sithi: "Nginesizungu" noma "Angijabule" uma kuqhathaniswa "Ngibe nezikhathi zesizungu" noma "Nginezinsuku ezimbalwa ezidabukisayo muva nje." Konke lokho kungakhombisa indlela esiphila ngayo empilweni, uyaphawula. Nakuba okokuqala kungase kubonakale kungaphezu kwamandla—cishe kungenzeki ukukuhlula—okulandelayo kushiya isikhala esengeziwe sokuthuthukiswa futhi kupenda isithombe esingokoqobo, esiphathekayo sesimo esiseduze. (Okuhlobene: Izizathu Ezisekelwe Isayensi Yokuthi Ujabule Kakhudlwana Futhi Unempilo Ehlobo Ehlobo)

Ingxenye engcono kakhulu mayelana nalezi zinguquko ezilula? Mancane-futhi ungaqala ukuzenza, izibalo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, zidla omunye nomunye.

UBea uthi: "Ukubonga kuyakuphoqa ukuthi ufake okokuhlunga ezinsukwini ezizayo ukuze uqale ukufuna izinto ozibongayo, futhi lokho akujwayelekile kubantu ngakho-ke kudala uhlelo oluhlelekile."

Futhi lokho uhlelo esingalushiya ngemuva.

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