Kuyini Ukuba ngumzali Oqaphelayo - Futhi Ingabe Kufanele Ukuzama?

-Delile

• Kuyini ukukhulisa abazali?
• Izakhi ezisemqoka zokukhulisa abazali
• Ziyini izinzuzo zokukhulisa umzali ngokuqaphela?
• Yiziphi izingqinamba zokukhulisa izingane ngokuqaphela?
• Izibonelo zokukhulisa abazali
• 1. Phefumula
• 2. Cabanga
• 3. Beka imingcele
• 4. Yamukela
• Ukudla okudlela endlini

Sifaka imikhiqizo esicabanga ukuthi ilusizo kubafundi bethu. Uma uthenga ngezixhumanisi ezikuleli khasi, singathola ikhomishini encane. Nansi inqubo yethu.

Ngaphambi kokuba ingane yakho ifike, mhlawumbe wafunda inqwaba yezincwadi zabazali, walalela izinkulungwane zezindaba ezivela kwabanye abazali, futhi mhlawumbe waze wafunga nomlingani wakho ukuthi uzokwenza okuphambene nakho konke okwenziwe ngabazali bakho.

Kungenzeka ukuthi wazizwa unesiqiniseko ekukhetheni kwakho ukuba ngumzali ngengane yakho engakakabi-yinselele-ngoba-babengakazalwa.

Ngemuva kwalokho, ingane yakho yafika, yahluma masinyane yaba ngumuntu omncane onemicabango nezifiso zabo, futhi ngokungazelelwe isivunguvungu sakho konke sakushiya uzizwa ungakulungele ngokuphelele futhi udidekile.

Uzwa ingcindezi yokwenza izinqumo ezinzima zobuzali, kungenzeka ukuthi uqale ukufuna amaqembu wabazali abakanye nawe ukuze ufune izeluleko.

Ngalawo maqembu, indlela entsha entsha (kwesinye isikhathi ephikisanayo) yokukhulisa izingane okungenzeka ukuthi uqale ukuzwa ngayo ukukhulisa abazali. Kuyini kodwa? Futhi kuyasebenza ngempela?

Kuyini ukukhulisa abazali?

Ukukhulisa umzali kuyigama elisetshenziswa izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ezahlukahlukene (nabanye) ukuchaza isitayela sobuzali esivame ukugxila kakhulu kumzali nokuthi ukucabanga kungakushayela kanjani ukukhetha kwabazali.

Isuselwe enhlanganisweni yefilosofi yesitayela saseMpumalanga nesayikholoji yaseNtshonalanga. (Ngamanye amagama, ukuhlanganisa ukuzindla nokuzindla ngokwakho.)

Kalula nje, ukukhulisa umzali kucela ukuthi esikhundleni sokulwela “ukulungisa” ingane yakho, abazali bazibheke ngaphakathi. Ukukhulisa abazali kubheka izingane njengezidalwa ezizimele (yize kuvunywa ukuthi zisakhula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi), ngubani ongafundisa abazali ukuthi bazazi ngokwengeziwe.

Omunye wabaholi bale ndlela yokukhulisa izingane nguShefali Tsabary, PhD, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo somtholampilo esizinze eNew York, umbhali kanye nesikhulumi somphakathi. (Uma kwenzeka uzibuza ukuthi udume kangakanani, uDalai Lama ubhale ukuvulwa kwencwadi yakhe yokuqala, u-Oprah umbheke njengenye yezingxoxo ezinhle kakhulu ake waba nazo, kanti uPink ungumthandi wezincwadi zakhe, ezibandakanya: The Conscious Umzali, Umndeni Ovukile, futhi Ngaphandle Kokulawula.)

UShefali uphakamisa ukuthi ngokubhekisisa kabanzi amagugu amasiko - noma ukusho ngokusobala ngokwengeziwe, umthwalo womndeni nesimo somuntu siqu - abazali bangaqala ukudedela uhlu lwabo lokuhlola ukuthi impilo kumele yenziwe kanjani.

Ngokukhipha lolu hlu lokuhlola, uShefali ukholelwa ukuthi abazali bayazikhulula ekuphoqeleleni izinkolelo ezinganeni zabo. Lapho lokhu kwenzeka, izingane zikhululeka ukuthuthukisa ubunikazi bazo bangempela. Ekugcineni, uShefali uthi lokhu kuzosiza izingane ukuxhumana nabazali bazo ngoba zamukelwa lokho eziyikho ngempela.

Abasekeli bomzali oqaphelayo bakholelwa ukuthi le modeli ivimbela izingane ekubeni nenkinga yobunikazi kamuva empilweni. Bazizwa futhi ukuthi kwakha ukusondelana okusondelene nezingane nokuthi isimo nesimo sokugunyaza esivamile ebudlelwaneni obuningi babazali sinomthwalo wenani elikhulu lezingane ezisuka kubazali.

Izakhi ezisemqoka zokukhulisa abazali

Ngenkathi kunezinto eziningi ekukhuliseni abazali, imibono embalwa ebalulekile ihlanganisa:

• Ukuba ngumzali ubuhlobo. (Futhi akuyona inqubo yokudlulisela yodwa!) Izingane zingabantu bazo abahlukile abangakwazi ukufundisa umzali.
• Ukukhulisa umzali kumayelana nokudedela ukuzazisa komzali, izifiso, nokunamathiselwe.
• Esikhundleni sokuphoqelela ukuziphatha ezinganeni, abazali kufanele bagxile olimini lwabo, kulokho abakulindele, nasekuzilawuleni kwabo.
• Esikhundleni sokuphendula ezinkingeni ezinemiphumela, abazali kufanele babeke imingcele ngaphambi kwesikhathi futhi basebenzise ukuqinisa okuhle.
• Esikhundleni sokuzama ukulungisa inkinga yesikhashana (isb., Intukuthelo), kubalulekile ukubheka inqubo. Yini eholele kulo mcimbi futhi usho ukuthini esithombeni esikhudlwana?
• Ukuba ngumzali akukona nje ukwenza ingane ijabule. Izingane zingakhula futhi zikhule ngomzabalazo. Ukuzazisa nezidingo zomzali akufanele kuvimbele ukukhula kwengane!
• Ukwamukelwa kudinga ukuba khona futhi uzibandakanye nanoma yiziphi izimo ezivelayo.

Ziyini izinzuzo zokukhulisa umzali ngokuqaphela?

Indlela yokukhulisa abazali idinga ukuthi abazali bahlanganyele ekuzibonakaliseni nasekucabangeni nsuku zonke. Lokhu kungazuzisa ngaphezu kokuba ngumzali wakho kuphela.

Ukuzibandakanya engqondweni yakho njalo kungaletha ukuncipha kanye nokukhathazeka. Ukuzindla kwansuku zonke nakho kungakhipha isikhathi eside sokunaka, kunamandla okunciphisa ukulahleka kwememori okuhlobene nobudala, futhi kunganciphisa nomfutho wegazi futhi kuthuthukise ukulala.

Ngokwengeziwe, abasekeli bayo bathi ukukhulisa izingane ngokuzimela kungakhuthaza ukusetshenziswa kolimi okunenhlonipho (ngabazali nezingane) kanye nokukhulumisana okwandisiwe.

Enye yezinto ezibalulekile ekukhuliseni abazali ukuthi izingane zingabantu abagcwele abanokuthile okufanele bakufundise abantu abadala. Ukwamukela ngokweqiniso le nkolelo kudinga ukuthi abazali bakhulume nezingane ezinesilinganiso esithile senhlonipho futhi bakhulume nazo njalo.

Ukuba nezingxoxo ezihlale zihlonishwa nabantu abadala kumamodeli aphilile, amahle obudlelwano izingane ezizowasebenzisa kwezinye izindawo zempilo yazo.

Ucwaningo lwango-2019 luphakamisa nokuthi kunezinzuzo kubantu abadala ababandakanya izingane ezinolimi oluningi nolusezingeni eliphakeme zisencane. Abaphenyi baphawula ukuthi izinhlobo zezingxoxo ezikhuthazwa yisitayela sabazali abazi zingadala ukuqonda okuthuthukisiwe, izimpawu ezimbalwa zodlame, kanye nentuthuko ethuthukile ezinganeni.

Yiziphi izingqinamba zokukhulisa izingane ngokuqaphela?

Kubazali abafuna ukulungiswa okusheshayo, okucacile kwezinselelo zobuzali, ukuba ngumzali oqondayo kungahle kungabi umdlalo omuhle ngezizathu eziningi.

Okokuqala, kungathatha isikhathi eside ukufezekisa inani lokuzicabangela nokuzilawula kwangaphakathi okudingekayo kumzali ngendlela edingeka ngalesi sitayela. Ngemuva kwakho konke, abasekeli bobuzali obuzwayo bakholelwa ukuthi kuyadingeka ukuthi udedele umthwalo wakho ukuze uvumele ingane yakho ithembeke kumuntu oyiqiniso, futhi lokho ngeke kwenzeke ngobusuku obubodwa!

Okwesibili, ukuba ngumzali oqondayo kudinga ukuthi abazali banikeze izingane zabo ithuba lokuzabalaza nokwehluleka. Lokhu, kunjalo, kusho ukuthi kungahle kudunge futhi kuthathe isikhathi.

Abasekeli bokukhulisa izingane ngokukholwa bakholelwa ukuthi lesi sikhathi nomzabalazo kuyadingeka ukuze ingane ibhekane nezinkinga ezibalulekile ezizobachaza. Kodwa-ke, kwabanye abazali ukubukela kungenzeka kube nzima uma benethuba lokuvimbela ingane yabo ekuhlushweni noma ebuhlungwini.

Okwesithathu, kubazali abathanda izimpendulo ezimnyama nezimhlophe ekusingatheni izinkinga nezingane zabo, ukuba ngumzali oqondayo kungaba yinkinga. Ukukhulisa abazali akuhambisani nokuthi u-A, bese u-B usondela ekukhuliseni ingane.

Lesi sitayela sobuzali sidinga ukuthi abantu abadala badele inani elibalulekile lokulawula enganeni yabo. (Ukubizelwa okuncane kusho ukuthi izinto zingathola i-fuzzier encane futhi zingabikezeli kancane.)

Esikhundleni sokuthi kuhlale kunesenzo esicacile, ukuba ngumzali okuqaphelayo kugcizelela ukuthi abazali basebenze nezingane ukulungisa izingqinamba njengoba zivela futhi zihlale okwamanje.

Ngokwengeziwe, ukuba ngumzali oqotho kungaletha izinselelo ezihlukile lapho ukhulisa izingane ezincane. Kunezikhathi lapho, ngokuphepha, umzali kudingeka athathe isinyathelo ngokushesha. Akunakwenzeka ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuthi ume futhi ucabange lapho umthwalo wakho wokuqala kuwukugcina ingane yakho iphephile.

Ekugcineni, kwabanye abazali, izinkolelo ezisemqoka ezingumbono wokuba umzali oqondile zingathinta inzwa. Isibonelo, omunye wemigqa eyimpikiswano enkulu ku- "The Conscious Parent" uthi, "Ukuba ngumzali akuyona into eyinkimbinkimbi noma enzima uma nje sesazi ngoba umuntu oqondayo unothando ngokwemvelo futhi uyiqiniso." Kungenzeka ukuthi iningi labazali kwesinye isikhathi - uma kungenjalo nsuku zonke - libe nomuzwa wokuthi ukuba ngumzali empeleni kuyinkimbinkimbi futhi kuvame ukuba nzima.

Lapho kubhekwa noma iyiphi ifilosofi yokuba ngumzali, kungahle kube nezikhathi lapho enye ifilosofi iba nengqondo. Ukuba ngumzali okuqaphelayo kungahle kungalungeli zonke izimo noma ingane, kuya ngeminye imibono yobuzali nobuntu balabo abathintekayo.

Iningi labazali lithembele enhlanganisweni yamafilosofi obuzali lapho bekhulisa izingane zabo futhi basekele izenzo zabo enhlanganisweni eyinkimbinkimbi yezici.

Izibonelo zokukhulisa abazali

Udidekile ngokuthi ukusebenzisa lokhu kungabukeka kanjani empilweni yangempela? Ungakhathazeki, awuwedwa. Ngakho-ke, nasi isibonelo sempilo yangempela yesitayela somzali esiqaphelayo esenzweni.

Cabanga ukuthi ingane yakho eneminyaka emihlanu ishiywe yodwa futhi ibambe isikele (okuyiphupho elibi kakhulu lomzali ngamunye!) Banqume ukudlala indawo yokugunda futhi basebenzise amakhono abo amasha okusika ezinweleni zabo. Usanda kungena futhi wabona umphumela…

1. Phefumula

Esikhundleni sokusabela ngentukuthelo noma ukwethuka, unikeze isijeziso esisheshayo, noma ubeke icala enganeni, njengomzali osebenza njengomzali oqondayo ungathatha umzuzwana ukuphefumula bese uzibeka phakathi. Thatha isikhashana ukuhambisa isikele endaweni ephephile.

2. Cabanga

Kubalulekile ukuthatha isikhathi ukucabanga nganoma yiziphi izimbangela noma imizwa okungenzeka ukuthi lo mcimbi ushukumise ngaphakathi kuwe ngaphambi kokuyiveza enganeni yakho. Amathuba okungenani ayingxenye encane yakho ecabanga ngalokho bonke abanye abazali ebaleni lokudlala abazocabanga lapho bebona ingane yakho ngokulandelayo! Isikhathi sokukhulula lokho.

3. Beka imingcele

Ukukhulisa abazali kubandakanya ukufaka imingcele (ikakhulukazi uma kukhulunywa ngokucela ukuxhumana okunenhlonipho). Ngakho-ke uma ingane yakho icela ukusebenzisa isikelo ngaphambili futhi yatshelwa ukuthi kungenzeka kuphela ngomzali okhona ngenxa yezizathu zokuphepha, lesi kungaba yisikhathi sokusho ukwephulwa komngcele obusuhleliwe.

Kodwa-ke, futhi udinga ukuthi ucabangele ukuthi ungayisiza kanjani ingane yakho ukuthi iye phambili, njengokuhambisa isikele endaweni engenakufinyelela kuyo yodwa. Khumbula: Ukukhulisa umzali okulwela ukuxhumeka nobudlelwano obuyiqiniso ngenkathi egxila esithombeni esikhulu ukuthi lokhu isikhathi eside akusikho mayelana nezinwele ezingagundiwe.

4. Yamukela

Ekugcineni, esikhundleni sokucasulwa ukuthi izinwele zengane yakho zingahle zingabukeki zinobungcweti obukhulu, ukuba umzali oqondayo kungacela ukuthi uzamukele izinwele lapho zikhona manje. Akunasidingo sokulilela izinwele zezinwele ezedlule! Sekuyisikhathi sokuzijwayeza ukukhipha i-ego yakho.

Ungakusebenzisa lokhu njengethuba lokusebenzisana nengane yakho ukwakha i-hairdo entsha uma beyifuna!

Ukudla okudlela endlini

Kungenzeka ukuthi yonke into echazwe lapha mayelana nokuba ngumzali okuqondayo ihambisana nendlela ocabanga ukuthi ukuba ngumzali kufanele kwenziwe ngayo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ungahle ungavumelani nakho konke ngokuqinile. Awuwedwa neze kodwa uzizwa kanjani.

Asikho isitayela esisodwa sokuba umzali esisebenza ngokuphelele kuyo yonke ingane (noma isimo), ngakho-ke kubalulekile ukuthi ufunde ngamafilosofi ahlukile obuzali. Ngeke wazi ukuthi izongena nini! Mhlawumbe uzobe uhola iqembu eliphendulayo eqenjini lakho lomzali elilandelayo.