Siyehluleka Uma Kukhulunywa Ngozwela, Kodwa Ngani?

-Delile

• Kungani abanye abantu noma ezinye izimo ezihlukumezayo zithola uzwela olukhulu kunezinye?
• Kungani uzwela lubaluleke kangaka, kepha luyinselele kangaka?
• Singaba kanjani nozwela ngokwengeziwe?
• Nazi izindlela eziyi-10 zokubonisa ububele:

Ukubhekana nokuthile njengokuphuphunyelwa yisisu noma isehlukaniso kubuhlungu kakhulu, kepha ikakhulu uma singakutholi ukwesekwa nokunakekelwa esikudingayo.

Eminyakeni emihlanu edlule umyeni kaSarah * wophe wafa phambi kwamehlo akhe ngenkathi odokotela abangama-40 bezama ukumhlenga. Izingane zakhe zazineminyaka emi-3 nengu-5 ubudala ngaleso sikhathi, futhi lesi sehlakalo sempilo esingalindelekile futhi esibuhlungu saguqula umhlaba wabo wabheka phansi.

Okwenza kwaba kubi kakhulu ukuthi uSarah akazange athole ukuxhaswa ngumndeni womyeni wakhe kanye nokwesekwa okuncane kakhulu okuvela kubangani bakhe.

Ngenkathi abasekhweni lakhe bengakwazanga ukuqonda usizi nobunzima bukaSarah, abangane bakaSarah babonakala begcina ibanga labo ngenxa yovalo.

Abesifazane abaningi babeshiya ukudla kuvulandi wakhe, bagijimele emotweni yabo, futhi bahambe ngokushesha okukhulu ngangokunokwenzeka. Kwakungenzeka ukuthi noma ngubani angene kwakhe futhi empeleni achithe isikhathi naye nezingane zakhe ezincane. Wayekhathazeka kakhulu eyedwa.

IGeorgia * ilahlekelwe ngumsebenzi ngaphambi kokubonga kuka-2019. Umama ongayedwa onabazali abangasekho, wayengenamuntu ongamduduza ngokweqiniso.

Ngenkathi abangane bakhe bebemeseka ngamazwi, akekho owanikela ngokusiza ekunakekeleni izingane, emthumelela umkhondo womsebenzi, noma anikeze noma yiluphi uxhaso lwezezimali.

Njengowukuphela komhlinzeki nomnakekeli wendodakazi yakhe eneminyaka emihlanu ubudala, iGeorgia "ayinakho ukuzivumelanisa nezimo." Ngosizi, ukucindezeleka ngokwezezimali, nokwesaba, iGeorgia ipheke ukudla, yahambisa indodakazi yayo esikoleni, futhi yamnakekela - konke eyedwa.

Kepha lapho uBeth Bridges eshonelwa ngumyeni wakhe weminyaka eyi-17 ngenxa yokuhlaselwa yisifo senhliziyo ngokuzumayo, abangani ngokushesha bazama ukukhombisa ukumeseka. Babenakile futhi benakekela, bemlethela ukudla, bemkhipha ukuyodla noma ukukhuluma, beqinisekisa ukuthi uyazivocavoca, futhi balungisa nezinto zokuchela noma ezinye izinto ezidinga ukulungiswa.

Bamvumela ukuthi adabuke futhi akhale esidlangalaleni - kodwa abamvumelanga ukuthi ahlale endlini yakhe yedwa ehlukaniswe nemizwa yakhe.

Yini isizathu sokuthi iBridges ithole uzwelo oluthe xaxa? Kungenzeka yini ukuthi kungenxa yokuthi amabhuloho ayesesigabeni esihluke kakhulu empilweni yakhe kunoSarah noGeorgia?

Isiyingi sezenhlalo saseBridges sasiqukethe abangani kanye nozakwabo ababenokuhlangenwe nakho okuningi kokuphila, futhi abaningi babemtholile usizo ngesikhathi sokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo okubuhlungu.

Kodwa-ke, uSarah noGeorgia, abahlangabezana nokuhlukumezeka ngesikhathi izingane zabo zisenkulisa, babeneqembu labantu eligcwele abangane abancane, iningi labo elalingakatholi ukuhlukumezeka.

Ngabe bekunzima kakhulu kubangani babo abangenakho okuhlangenwe nakho ukuqonda izingqinamba zabo nokwazi ukuthi hlobo luni losizo abaludingayo? Noma abangani bakaSarah nabaseGeorgia babengakwazi ukunikela isikhathi kubangani babo ngoba izingane zabo ezincane zazifuna iningi lesikhathi nokunakwa kwazo?

Ukuphi ukunqamula okubashiye bebodwa?

"Ukuhlukumezeka kuzofika kithi sonke," kusho uDkt.

"Kusemqoka ukuqonda ukuthi kuyingxenye yempilo, akuhlukanisiwe nempilo," esho. “Akuyona into exakile. Akuyona into ephazamisayo. Kuyingxenye nje ebuhlungu yokuphila kwabo bonke abantu kungekudala. "

Kungani abanye abantu noma ezinye izimo ezihlukumezayo zithola uzwela olukhulu kunezinye?

Ngokusho kochwepheshe, kuyinhlanganisela yenhlamba, ukungazwisisi, nokwesaba.

Ucezu lwenhlamba kungaba lula ukuluqonda.

Kunezimo ezithile - njengengane enenkinga yokulutha, isehlukaniso, noma ukulahlekelwa umsebenzi - lapho abanye bengakholelwa ukuthi lowo muntu ngandlela thile uzidalele yena inkinga. Lapho sikholelwa ukuthi yiphutha labo, mancane amathuba okuthi sinikeze ukusekelwa kwethu.

"Yize ukucwaswa kuyingxenye yokuthi kungani omunye umuntu engatholi uzwela, kwesinye isikhathi futhi ukungabi nokuqwashisa," kuchaza uDkt. Maggie Tipton, oyi-PsyD, umphathi wezempilo wezinsizakalo zokuhlukumezeka eCaron Treatment Centres.

“Abantu bangahle bangazi ukuthi bangaba kanjani nengxoxo nomuntu ohlangabezana nokuhlukumezeka noma ukuthi bangameseka kanjani. Kungabukeka sengathi alukho uzwelo olungako uma iqiniso likhona ukuthi abazi ukuthi benzeni, ”kusho yena. "Abahlose ukungabi nabubele, kodwa ukungaqiniseki kanye nokuntuleka kwemfundo kuholela ekuqapheliseni nasekuqondeni okuncane, ngakho-ke abantu abaluleki ukusekela umuntu obhekene nokuhlukumezeka."

Futhi-ke kukhona ukwesaba.

Njengomfelokazi osemusha wasemaphethelweni amancane, ase-posh eManhattan, uSarah ukholelwa ukuthi abanye omama abasenkulisa yezingane zakhe babeziqhelelanisa nalokho ayekumele.

"Ngeshwa, babebathathu kuphela abesifazane ababekhombisa ukuzwelana," kukhumbula uSarah. “Bonke abanye besifazane endaweni yangakithi bahlala bengekho ngoba bengiyiphupho labo elibi kakhulu. Bengiyisikhumbuzo kubo bonke omama abasebancane ukuthi abayeni babo bangawa noma nini lapho kufa khona. ”

Lokhu kwesaba nezikhumbuzo zalokho okungenzeka ukuthi kungani abazali abaningi bevame ukuhlangabezana nokuntula uzwela lapho behlangabezana nokuphuphunyelwa yisisu noma ukulahlekelwa yingane.

Yize cishe amaphesenti ayi-10 kuphela okukhulelwa okwaziwayo aqeda ukukhulelwa kwesisu, futhi izinga lokufa kwezingane lehle kakhulu kusukela ngawo-1980, ukukhunjuzwa ukuthi lokhu kungenzeka kubo kwenza abanye babalekele umngani wabo onenkinga.

Abanye bangasaba ukuthi ngoba bakhulelwe noma ingane yabo iyaphila, ukukhombisa ukwesekwa kuzokhumbuza umngani wabo ngalokho okulahlekile.

Kungani uzwela lubaluleke kangaka, kepha luyinselele kangaka?

“Ububele bubalulekile,” kusho uDkt Gordon. "Ukuthola uhlobo oluthile lozwelo, ukuqonda okuthile, noma ngabe kungabantu abakhona kuphela, kuyibhuloho elibuyela engxenyeni enkulu yokulinganisela komzimba nengqondo."

"Noma ngubani osebenza nabantu abahlukumezekile uyakuqonda ukubaluleka okubalulekile kwalokhu ochwepheshe bezengqondo bezenhlalo abakubiza ngokuthi ukusekelwa komphakathi," wanezela.

Ngokusho kukaDkt. Tipton, labo abangatholi uzwela abaludingayo ngokuvamile bazizwa benesizungu. Ukulwa nesikhathi esicindezelayo kuvame ukudala ukuthi abantu bahlehle, futhi uma bengakutholi ukwesekwa, kuqinisa isifiso sabo sokuhoxa.

"Kuyamhlukumeza umuntu uma engalitholi izinga lozwelo aludingayo," echaza. “Bazoqala ukuzizwa benesizungu, becindezelekile futhi benesizungu. Futhi, bazoqala ukukhanyisa imicabango yabo emibi ngesimo sabo, iningi labo okungelona iqiniso. "

Ngakho-ke uma sazi ukuthi umngani noma ilungu lomndeni lidonsa kanzima, kungani kunzima ukubasekela?

UDkt Gordon uchaze ukuthi ngenkathi abanye abantu bephendula ngozwela, abanye baphendula ngokuziqhelelanisa ngoba imizwa yabo ibanqobile, ibashiye bengakwazi ukuphendula nokusiza umuntu odinga usizo.

Singaba kanjani nozwela ngokwengeziwe?

"Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi sibaphendula kanjani abanye abantu," kweluleka uDkt Gordon. “Njengoba silalela omunye umuntu, kufanele kuqala sizitholele lokho okwenzekayo ngokwethu. Sidinga ukubona ukuthi ikhuphula imizwa enjani kithi futhi sizazi ukuphendula kwethu. Ngemuva kwalokho, kufanele siphumule bese sibheka kumuntu okhathazekile. ”

“Uma ugxila kubo kanye nasenkingeni yenkinga yabo, uzobona ukuthi ungasiza kanjani. Imvamisa, ukuhlala nje nomunye umuntu kunganela, ”kusho yena.

Nazi izindlela eziyi-10 zokubonisa ububele:

1. Vuma ukuthi awukaze ube nokuhlangenwe nakho ngaphambilini futhi awukwazi ukucabanga ukuthi kumele kube njani kubo. Babuze ukuthi yini abayidingayo manje, bese uyayenza.
2. Uma uke waba nokuhlangenwe nakho okufanayo, khumbula ukugcina ukugxila kulo muntu nasezidingweni zakhe. Isho okuthile okufana nokuthi: “Ngiyaxolisa kakhulu ukuthi ubhekane nalokhu. Nathi sidlule kukho, futhi uma ungathanda ukukhuluma ngakho ngesikhathi esithile, ngingajabula ukukwenza. Kodwa, yini oyidingayo njengamanje? ”
3. Ungabatsheli ukuthi bakubize uma kukhona abakudingayo. Lokho kuyabheda futhi akumnandi kumuntu ohlukumezekile. Esikhundleni salokho, batshele ukuthi ufuna ukwenzani bese ubuza ukuthi yiluphi usuku olungcono kakhulu.
4. Nikeza ukubuka izingane zabo, ukuhambisa izingane zabo ukuya noma kusuka emsebenzini, ukuyothenga ukudla, njll.
5. Yiba khona futhi nenze izinto ezejwayelekile njengokuhambahamba ndawonye noma ukubona i-movie.
6. Khululeka bese uvuma ngokwenzekayo. Phendula, ubuze imibuzo, futhi uvume ukungajwayelekile noma ukudabuka kwesimo sabo.
7. Bameme ukuthi bazokujoyina noma nomndeni wakho ekuphumeni ngempelasonto ukuze bangabi nesizungu.
8. Faka isikhumbuzi kukhalenda lakho ukuze ushayele noma ubhalele lowo muntu imiyalezo masonto onke.
9. Melana nesilingo sokuzama ukuwalungisa. Yiba nabo njengoba benjalo.
10. Uma ukholwa ukuthi badinga ukwelulekwa noma iqembu lokusekelwa, basize bathole lapho bangenza khona okutholakele ngabo, bafunde izindlela zokuzinakekela, futhi baqhubekele phambili.

Amagama ashintshiwe ukuvikela ubumfihlo.

UGia Miller yintatheli ezisebenza ngokuzimela, umbhali nomxoxi wezindaba ikakhulukazi ohlanganisa ezempilo, ezempilo yengqondo nokuba ngumzali. Unethemba lokuthi umsebenzi wakhe uzogqugquzela izingxoxo ezizwakalayo futhi usize abanye baqonde kangcono izindaba ezahlukahlukene zezempilo nezengqondo. Ungabuka ukukhethwa komsebenzi wakhe lapha.