4 Izizathu Eziningi-Zangempela Abangane Bahlukana (nokuthi Ungabhekana Kanjani)

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• Ungabhekana Kanjani-nokuthi Ungaphilisa Kanjani
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Ukushayela ngendlela ehlukile esuka emsebenzini ukuze agweme indlu yakhe. Ukumvimba ku-Instagram. Ukungamfaki ebhukwini kuFacebook. Ukugwema izindawo zokudlela lapho ungahlangana naye khona. Lokhu kuzwakala kufana nokuthi umuntu wakudala wakho angakwenza kuwe ngemuva kokwehlukana okubi, kepha ngezikhathi zami eziqhenya kakhulu, ngingasho ukuthi ngenze lezi zinto (noma ngenzelwe lezi zinto) yilowo owayekade eyi-BFF .

"Ukuhlukana nomngani kungaba yinto ehlukanisa kakhulu kunokuhlukana nesithandwa sakho," kusho u-Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emitholampilo kanye noprofesa wezifo zengqondo e-NYU School of Medicine. Noma kunjalo akukhulunywa cishe kakhulu. "Uma abangani besifazane behlukana, abesifazane abathintekayo baba manqika ukutshela abanye abantu abangase basize ngenxa yokucwaswa emphakathini. Okuxakayo ukuthi umuntu oyedwa lo wesifazane okungenzeka ukuthi waphendukela kuye ukuze athole ukwesekwa kungenzeka kube yi-BFF ahlukana nayo." (Okuhlobene: Umthelela Omangalisayo Abangane Bakho Abanawo Emikhuba Yakho Yokuzivocavoca)

Pho kungani lokhu kwenzeka, mhlawumbe manje esikhathini sethu sedijithali kunangaphambili? Futhi yini owesifazane okufanele ayenze-ngaphandle kokucwilisa usizi lwakhe phezu kwengilazi yewayini ngenkathi ebukela iziqephu zohlelo oluhlukanisa abangane I-Ex-Best? (Yebo, ikhona.) Nakhu okushiwo ochwepheshe bezocwaningo nobudlelwano izizathu ezine ezivame kakhulu ukuthi ingxenye ihlangane, kanye namathiphu okuthi ungabuyisa kanjani emuva.

1. Ukuhamba kancane.

Kunokuba kube nokuqhuma okukhulu, okunye okuvame kakhulu ukucekela phansi ubungane kwenzeka kancane. "Ukucasuka kungakha lapho umuntu edumazekile noma edumazekile ngomunye, hhayi nje kanye, kodwa futhi, futhi futhi. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kuba sengathi umngane akekho lapho edingeka," kusho u-Levine, ngakho niyahlukana. . Qalani ngokuyixoxisana nisebenze nifinyelele endaweni efanayo, esekelanayo. "Kodwa izindaba zokuxhumana zivame ukuba semqoka." Uma ungakwazi ukufinyelela esinqumweni noma umngane we-MIA ezwa sengathi kukhona okushaya amanzi, kungase kube isikhathi sokuyivala.

2. Ubugebengu bobungani.

Mhlawumbe okusobala kakhulu kunabo bonke abangani, “yilapho umngane enza into embi kakhulu, engenakulibaleka, njengokuqamba amanga, ukweba, noma ukuba nobuhlobo bobulili nomlingani wakho,” kuchaza u-Levine. Ngaphandle kokwenza ububi, lezi zenzo zibuhlungu ngempela. Ngakho-ke uma uyisisulu sobugebengu (s) obushiwo, ungazizwa kabi ngokungazami ukulungisa izingcingo zobungani. Kodwa khumbula iseluleko sika-Levine esiphambili: “Ungamehlisi umngane wakho kubangane bakho bobabili. Lokhu kuzokumela kabi.”

3. Ama-vampire Amandla.

"Uma umuntu oyedwa ehlala enza umzamo, noma efuna ngenkani futhi ehlale ecela usizo, lokho kuswela kungamunca wonke amandla komunye umngane. Kuyakhathaza ukwenza umzamo owengeziwe ngaso sonke isikhathi," kusho u-Levine. Kepha kungani lokhu kwenzeka? Amaphesenti angama-50 kuphela wobungani ayaphindisela, abacwaningi be-MIT bathole, futhi sibi kakhulu ekunqumeni ukuthi yibaphi abangane ngempela abangane.

4. Ukushaya izipoki.

"Uma kuqhathaniswa nezibopho zegazi phakathi kwamalungu omndeni, ubuhlobo nabangane buyikuzithandela. Sikhetha abangani bethu ngoba bathuthukisa ukuphila kwethu, "kusho uLevine. Yisiphi sezizathu eziningi zokuthi kungani kuba buhlungu kakhulu lapho umngane enyamalala nje-noma ngabe lokho kusho ukwenqaba isimemo ngasinye noma ukumane ungaphenduli izingcingo noma imibhalo. Uyanezela: “Lapho sakha ubungane obuseduze, obuseduze, asicabangi ngisho nokuthi kungenzeka buphele ubungane.

Enye yezingxenye ezinzima kunazo zonke: Imvamisa asikho isizathu esicacile sokuthi kungani eyiCaspers, ngakho-ke kunzima ukucacisa ukuthi kungani ungasekho abangane.

Ungabhekana Kanjani-nokuthi Ungaphilisa Kanjani

Okokuqala, "yamukela iqiniso lokuthi abantu bayashintsha, njengezimo zempilo, hhayi bonke ubungane obuhlala unomphela. Ungacabangi ukuthi ukwahlukana kwenza ubungani bonke bube yize. Usukhulile wafunda kubo, okuzokwenza ube umngani ongcono futhi akusize wenze izinqumo ezingcono ngokuzayo, "kusho uLevine.

Bese ugcine lawa macebiso engqondweni njengoba uqhubekela phambili:

1. Musa ukuyibamba.

"Abayeni noma abangane besilisa bangakuthatha njengokuncane njengokuhlukana ngokuthi 'ukulwa kwamakati,'" kodwa akuvamile ukuthi kube njalo, kusho uLevine. "Umuntu ohlukane nomngani angakhathazeka ngokuthi uma edalula ukwahlukana kwabo, abanye besifazane bazocabanga ukuthi akayena umngani omuhle noma akakwazi ukugcina abangani." Ngakho-ke uma wesaba ukukhuluma ngakho, bhala ipeni ephepheni, kuphakamisa u-Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D., uprofesa kanye nosihlalo wezengqondo e-Monmouth University eNew Jersey kanye nomdidiyeli kanye nomhleli we-ScienceOfRelationships.com. "Ukubhala ngesipiliyoni kuzokusiza ukuhlela imicabango yakho futhi kukunikeze nethuba lokugxila ezicini ezinhle ngaphezu kwalezi ezingezinhle."

2. Nweba ukufinyelela kwakho.

Injabulo yakho ithintwa kakhulu abangani bakho, ngisho nabangane bakho babangane, kusho ucwaningo olushicilelwe encwadini Ijenali Yezokwelapha yaseBrithani. Ngakho-ke qhubeka: Landela lowo omjwayele ku-Instagram (uyazi, owesifazane ohlale ebonakala egigitheka futhi efuna) bese uqala ngokuthepha kabili ezintweni ezinciphisa ukumamatheka. Injabulo yakhe ingahumushela kweyakho, futhi ngubani owaziyo? Ungahle uphefumulelwe ukumcela ukuthi aphuze ikhofi.

3. Gxila kubangane onabo.

Lokhu kuzosiza ukugcina ingqondo yakho ingakhanyi kakhulu ngomngani owedlule. "Ekuqaleni, enye yezingxenye ezinzima kakhulu ukubhekana nezikhala ezisesimisweni sakho. Lokho kungaba yizikhumbuzo ezivamile zezindlela umngani wakho wakudala ayithinta ngayo impilo yakho," kusho uLevine. Kunokuba ukhathazeke ngalokho okwakukhona, busebenzise ngokugcwele ubungane obusele. Ngisho nobudlelwano obuqinile obumbalwa bubonisiwe ukukusiza ukuthi uphile iminyaka eminingi-futhi ujabule, ngakho-ke setha idethi yokuphotha yamasonto onke nalowo mngane okwamanje ombambela isidlo sakusihlwa kanye ngenyanga. "Hlala umatasatasa, landela izintshisekelo zakho nezinto ozithandayo, futhi ufune ngentshiseko ubungane obusha uphinde uvuselele abantu abadala," kusho uLevine. (Okuhlobene: Isayensi Ithi Ubungani Bungukhiye Wempilo Ehlala Njalo Nenjabulo)

4. Ungesabi ukuya ebuhleni.

Uma uzizwa uhlukanisiwe ngemuva kokuhlukana kwe-BFF, ungesabi ukufuna usizo olufanayo. Noma, "cabanga ukukhuluma nochwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo ukuze usize ukunqoba lesi sithiyo," uphakamisa. (Okuhlobene: Kungani Wonke Umuntu Kufanele Azame Ukwelashwa Okungenani Kanye)

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