Ungayisetha Kanjani Ngempela Ngemuva Konyaka Owesabekayo

-Delile

• Uma Ushonelwe Othandekayo
• Uma Ulahlekelwe Umsebenzi Wakho
• Uma Uke Waba Nezinkinga EPharadesi
• Uma Uke Wahlupheka Ngenxa Yezinkinga Zezempilo
• Uma Usuka Kwezepolitiki Nokuhlupheka Ubandlululo, Ubulili, noma Ubandlululo Olujwayelekile
• Buyekeza kwe-

U-2016 ubeluhlobo lokubukeka okubi kakhulu-kunoma iyiphi i-meme ye-Intanethi. Esikhungweni, iningi lethu cishe kwakudingeka likhuthazelele uhlobo oluthile lwe-pandemonium engokomzwelo-ukuhlukana, ukulahleka kwemisebenzi, ukufelwa ngumuntu siqu, mhlawumbe nokwesaba impilo. (Okungenakugwemeka kunoma yimuphi unyaka.) Ngaphezu kwalokho izimo zezombusazwe ezingasebenzi kahle emazweni aphesheya nasezweni lakithi futhi iningi lethu liphela kulo nyaka sizizwa sidangele, sihaqekile futhi sikhathele ngokwedlulele emoyeni.

Unyaka Omusha, nokho, uwuphawu olukhulu lokusula isileyiti, uthathe umoya ojulile, futhi uqhubekele phambili nempilo yakho. Kepha ungasetha kanjani kabusha ngemuva kwemicimbi enjalo edumazayo? Sikhulume nedlanzana lochwepheshe ukuze sibhekane nazo zonke izizathu ezingase 2016 zishiye izinqolobane zakho zomzwelo zomile-kanye nokuthi ungakwazi kanjani ukusetha kabusha futhi uzizwe ulungele ukubhekana no-2017 ikhanda lakho liphakeme futhi umlilo ugcwele amalangabi.

Uma Ushonelwe Othandekayo

NgoFebhuwari, odokotela batshela udadewabo kaSarah ukuthi umdlavuza wakhe webele usuphelile. Ngehlobo, izicubu zase zinqobile. “Ukulahlekelwa nguye kwakuyinto enzima kakhulu engake ngabhekana nayo,” kusho uSarah, 34, wase-Atlanta*. "Ngaleso sikhathi, bengingacabangi ukuthi ngizoqeda inkonzo yomngcwabo. Futhi nakhu sengikhona, ngemuva kwezinyanga, ngisazibuza ukuthi kumele ngisebenze kanjani nalo mgodi omkhulu kangaka empilweni yami."

Ayikho indlela yokwesula ubuhlungu bokulahlekelwa yilungu lomndeni wakho, kusho u-Ben Michaelis, Ph.D., isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emtholampilo, kanye nombhali wezincwadi. Into yakho enkulu elandelayo: Izinyathelo Ezincane eziyi-10 Zokuhamba Futhi Ujabule. Kepha abantu banamandla kakhulu kunalokho abakwaziyo futhi bayakwazi ukuphatha izimo ezinzima kakhulu uma bezilungisa kahle, uyanezela.

Lokho kuhamba ngokulahlekelwa okungaphezu kwabantu nje empilweni yakho. "I-2016 yayinzima kimi ngoba silahlekelwe amakati amabili emasontweni amabili," kusho u-Bailey, 26, wase-Fairfax, VA. "Njengomuntu ohlala eyedwa ngaso sonke isikhathi namakati, bekubuhlungu kakhulu."

"Uma wehlelwe ukulahlekelwa kulo nyaka-umngani, ilungu lomndeni, noma isilwane-kuyasiza ukubeka ukulahleka esimweni futhi ubonge ukuthi ube naloyo muntu noma isilwane empilweni yakho," kusho uMichaelis.

Okokuqala, udinga ukumaka ukulahlekelwa ngokwenza okuthile noma isiko, ngokuvamile umngcwabo, kodwa futhi okuthile okuwumkhosi njengokukhanyisa ikhandlela ukuze amhloniphe. Okulandelayo, yamukela indima yalowo muntu noma isilwane sakho empilweni yakho ngokwenza okuthile obekuzoba nenjongo kubo: umsebenzi owabiwe, ukubukeza izinto abakushiyele zona, ukudlula ezithombeni.Ngemuva kwalokho, cabanga ukuthi ungaqhubeka kanjani ukuba naloyo muntu nsuku zonke. Isibonelo, uma othandekayo wakho wayeyipolitiki, unganikela kwizimbangela ezazisho okuthile kuye. "Lokhu kuvumela ukulahlekelwa kuphulukise nokuthi ukhule okuthile okuhle ngokubazi," kusho uMichaelis.

Uma Ulahlekelwe Umsebenzi Wakho

Ngemuva kokuthatha ikhefu lokuyobeletha, uShana, 33, waseRockville, MD, ubuyele emsebenzini ngoJanuwari esekulungele ukushaya phansi ngonyawo. Esikhundleni salokho, isikhundla sakhe saqedwa ezinyangeni ezintathu ezinesiphithiphithi futhi ubelokhu engasebenzi kusukela lapho. "Ngibe nezingxoxo eziningi, kepha kuze kube manje, akukho okuthenjiswayo. Ngiqhubeka ngifika emzuliswaneni wokugcina kodwa ngilahlekelwa ngumuntu onolwazi oluningi noma ozimisele ukuthatha imali encane. Ngichithwa kakhulu ngokomzwelo ngakho konke ukwenqatshwa," uthi.

Ukudilizwa emsebenzini kubiza intela enkulu ngoba kukushaya ngamandla ukuzethemba kwakho nokuzizwa ubalulekile, kusho uKathy Caprino, umqeqeshi womsebenzi wabesifazane nonjiniyela wobuholi eNew York City. "Kubuhlungu kakhulu futhi kuqeda amandla ukuba semandleni ezikhulu ezisitshela ukuthi asisaziswa, asisadingeki, noma sibalulekile enkampanini. Futhi kubuhlungu ukuthi asikubonanga lokhu kuza futhi siphume ngokushesha. "

Yileyo ndlela uLauren, 32, wase-Indianapolis, azizwa ngayo lapho exoshwa emsebenzini wakhe weminyaka engu-11 kuleli hlobo. Kepha uCaprino uveza ukuthi imvamisa lokho okuzwa ukuthi kuyisicefe esibuhlungu, empeleni, kungaba ngumcimbi okukukhululayo. Kungakusiza ukuba ucace nakakhulu ngalokho okubaluleke kakhulu ekuphileni kwakho.

Umshikashika omkhulu kaLauren manje, uyalulama ekuzethembeni kwakhe okunyakaziswe kakhulu. UCaprino uphakamisa ukusebenzisa islate esisha sango-2017 ukwakha kabusha ukuzethemba kusuka phansi kuya phezulu.

Okokuqala, cabanga ngalokho okukwenza ube okhethekile, obalulekile, futhi owehlukile, uCaprino weluleka. Ngemuva kwalokho, cabanga ngokufike kalula kuwe usengumntwana nasebekhulile. "Lawa ngamathalente nezipho zakho zemvelo ozofuna ukuzisebenzisa ngamandla empilweni yakho nasemsebenzini," kusho uCaprino. Okokugcina, xoxani ngamaqiniso angama-20 angenakuphikiswa, angenakuphikwa alokho okufezile, okuzuzile, futhi okunikele ngokuziqhenya empilweni nasemsebenzini wakho. “Uma usukwazi ukuhlonza nokukhuluma uphoqelekile ngeminikelo ebalulekile oyenzile nokuthi kungani ibalulekile, uzoqala ukuheha amanye amathuba amahle,” kusho uCaprino.

Uma Uke Waba Nezinkinga EPharadesi

Ukuhlukana kuhlale kukhathaza ngokomzwelo. Kepha lapho befika nabameli futhi bezelula izinyanga, bangahle baphele amandla. Vele ubuze uWhitney, oneminyaka engama-55 ubudala waseMissoula, MT, ochithe ingxenye yokugcina ka-2016 elwa nendoda ayeyithanda iminyaka engama-30 ngedivosi ende, edonswe isikhathi eside.

"Ukwehlukana kungalimaza kakhulu emazingeni amaningi," kusho uCarrie Cole, uLPC, umqondisi wezocwaningo weThe Gottman Institute. Kukhona umuzwa wokulahleka esikudingayo ukuchitha isikhathi sidabukile-okunamathiselwe kwe-neurological okuphukile okudinga ukukuvumela kuphulukise, futhi kulimaze ukuzethemba okufanele sikwakhe kabusha.

Enye yezindlela ezinhle kakhulu ongasetha ngayo kabusha: Zinike isikhathi ekuqaleni kuka-2017 ukuze ucabange ukuthi wawuyini nongenasibopho sakho. "Abanye abantu bazisola ngazo zonke izinkinga zobudlelwano, kuyilapho abanye besola abalingani babo ngakho konke - kodwa futhi akulona iqiniso," kuchaza uCole. (Bheka futhi: Imikhuba emi-5 Enempilo Yokukuthola Ngokuhlukana)

Futhi fly solo isikhashana. Ukufuna ubudlelwano obusha kuyindlela yokubhekana nemvelo ukugwema imizwa engemihle, kepha maningi amathuba wokuthi ubheke amafulegi ambalwa abomvu futhi, lapho lobu budlelwano buphela, inani lemizwa lizoba libi kakhulu, uyachaza.

Esikhundleni salokho, yenza izinsuku nawe kanye nalabo ongabanakile. "Abesifazane abaningi bayeka okunye abakuthandayo ukuze babe nobuhlobo nomunye umuntu. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ubudlelwano buthatha isikhathi sakho esiningi, ngakho-ke ungase uzithole ulahlekelwe ukuxhumana nomndeni nabangane," kusho uCole. Xhumana kabusha nemisebenzi kanye nabantu abakwenza ujabule futhi abanikeza injongo ekuphileni kwakho. Phela, ayikho enye indlela engcono yokuqaphela ukuthi ukuphila kwenu kuyoba ngcono—uma kungengcono—ngaphandle kwakhe kunokuba niqale ukuzijabulisa enikuphuthele ngesikhathi nindawonye.

Okungenzeka kube nzima kunokuba umusha ebudlelwaneni obunezinkinga, noma kunjalo, kusangena emadolweni kokukodwa. "Ekuqaleni konyaka, ngaqala ubudlelwano nesazi sefilosofi esiyinkimbinkimbi, engikwaziyo manje ukuba ngicindezelekile esinemithwalo eminingi yemizwa. Sisahlangene ngoba angikwazi ukuyeka ukumkhathalela Kodwa emva kwezinyanga eziyisikhombisa, kusazizwa sengathi sihlala sisezigabeni zokuqala, futhi imizwa yakhe ivusa zonke izinhlangothi zami ezinesifo sokukhathazeka, eziswele, nezingokomzwelo, "kusho uMichelle, 32, eQuito, e-Ecuador.

U-Cole uthi akufanele uzame ukusula isileyiti nge-S.O. yakho, kodwa cindezela inkinobho yokusetha kabusha ekuziphatheni kwakho. "Indlela engcono kakhulu yokuqonda okwenzekile ukuthi umlingani ngamunye ashintshane ngokukhuluma ngokuthi imiphi imizwa evelile, lokho okungenzeka ukuthi kubangelwe yisikhathi esedlule, ukuthi ngamunye ukholelwa kanjani ukuthi banikele enkingeni, nokuthi omunye nomunye angakwenza kanjani kangcono ngokuzayo ," uCole unikeza. Lapho usubeke konke etafuleni, uyazi ukuthi iziphi izindlela zokuziphatha wena ngokwakho okudingeka uzame ukuba ngcono ngazo futhi ungaqala ukubheka phambili ebudlelwaneni.

Uma Uke Wahlupheka Ngenxa Yezinkinga Zezempilo

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uchithe unyaka wonke ululama ekuguleni okubi okufana no-Crohn noma ukungqubuzana, noma usanda kucindezela iqolo lakho phakathi nesikhathi sokujima, kunomthelela omkhulu ngokomzwelo wokukhathala kangaka.

Kungani kunzima kangaka? Awugcini nje ngokukhubazeka ngokomzimba ekwenzeni ibhizinisi njengenjwayelo, kepha ukulimala nakho kuyisikhumbuzo sokufa kwethu, okuholela okungenani emizweni ethile yokudangala noma yokukhathazeka, kusho uMichaelis. Futhi uma uyingcweti efanelekayo, ukuhlukaniswa nesimiso sakho sokujima kungenye intaba okufanele ubhekane nayo ngokomqondo.

Vele ubuze uSuzanne, oneminyaka engama-51 ubudala ohlala eParis, owakhumula umsipha enqulwini ngesikhathi edansa emshadweni wendodana yakhe yokutholwa. "Ngaphambi kwalokho, ngagijima, ngenza ama-Pilates, ngazilolonga nge-yoga amahora ayishumi ngesonto. Manje, ngemuva kwamasonto ayisithupha ngingenakhaya, sengikwazi ukuhamba amakhilomitha ambalwa ngosuku. Ngithole amakhilogremu ayi-10, ngilahlekelwe amahora omsebenzi njenge-freelance futhi kwadingeka ngikhansele amaholidi amabili nokuvakashela izingane zami, ezihlala kude nasekhaya, "usho kanje.

Pho ulibeka kanjani leli zinga lokudangala ngemuva kwakho? Misa imigomo yokutakula isinyathelo somntwana. “Ukuzama ukusuka ku-zero uye ekubeni yiqhawe ngokuphazima kweso kungaholela ekuzizweni komunyu nokukhathazeka, futhi uma ungakakulungeli lokho, kungase kubangele okunye ukuhlehla,” kuchaza uMichaelis. Setha ingqophamlando eseduze kancane lapho ucabanga ukuthi usendleleni eya empilweni, bese ubungaza konke ukunqoba.

Uma Usuka Kwezepolitiki Nokuhlupheka Ubandlululo, Ubulili, noma Ubandlululo Olujwayelekile

“U-2016 ungiphathe kabi kakhulu ngokomzwelo nomndeni wami, ubaba ikakhulukazi,” kusho uLisa, oneminyaka engu-29 wase-Atlanta. "Ngenxa yokhetho kanye nenhlangano yeBlack Lives Matter, ubelokhu ethuka inhlamba. Kodwa umyeni wami umnyama futhi izingane zami zinobuhlanga. Bekubi kakhulu." (Okuhlobene: Ubandlululo Luyithinta Kanjani Impilo Yakho Yengqondo)

Iseluleko sikaMichaelis? Yehlisa umoya futhi ube naleyo ngxoxo engase ikuthukuthelise futhi ikhungathekise mayelana nokuthi kungani umbono wabo ulimaza wena. "Bandakanya nabo. Zama ukuqonda umbono womunye nomunye. Abantu abaningi banengqondo futhi bangaqondakala uma ukwazisa okwenzeka ezimpilweni zabo," usho kanje. Uma kungumndeni wakho, uthando lwemvelo luzokuvumela ukuthi, okungenani, uvume ukungavumelani. Kepha uma kuyingxoxo engenazithelo futhi ubuhlungu nobandlululo olunenkani luqhubeka, kungahle kube yisikhathi sokuhlaziya kabusha indima edlalwa lobu budlelwane empilweni yakho.

Kepha wenzani lapho inzondo ibonakala izungezile?

"[Izinto eziningi ezikhokhisayo zenzekile kulo nyaka, kodwa] azikho ezingikhiphile ngendlela okhethweni ebenginayo. Bengimjabulele kakhulu uHillary .... Futhi manje ngiphila ezweni lapho abantu bacabanga ukuthi kulungile ukuthi babeke izandla zabo kwabesifazane, noma amaSulumane, nanoma ngubani obukeka ehluke kancane kunabo. Ngidumele, futhi ngidumele, futhi ngiphelile, "kusho uBrittany, 26, waseLacey, WA.

Ukuvolontiya nokuzibandakanya kungasiza ukuletha kokubili induduzo nokuphulukiswa, kusho uSairey Luterman, i-thanatologist eqinisekisiwe, kanye nomnikazi we-Sairey Luterman Grief Support e-Lexington, MA. Nikela ezinhlanganweni eziyohlupheka kakhulu eminyakeni emine ezayo, njenge-Planned Parenthood, noma ukhethe inkomba eyodwa noma ezimbili zokunikela ngesikhathi sakho (ukuze usize ukudala ushintsho). Futhi cabanga ukusebenza endaweni yangakini, ngoba kukubeka emphakathini wabantu abacabanga njengaye futhi kukukhumbuze abanye bazizwe ngokufanayo, uyanezela.

UJan, oneminyaka engu-45 ubudala eNew Orleans, uzwakalisa imizwa kaBrittany ngabantu bebala. "Lo nyaka ulethe ukungezwani kwabantu abamnyama kakhulu ngamazwi nasemzimbeni. Kuyacaca ukuthi sisalwa nokucwasa okufanayo okwenzeka eminyakeni engaba ngu-400 edlule-futhi lokho kuyakhathaza ngokomzwelo kowesifazane omnyama."

Into ebaluleke kakhulu okufanele uyikhumbule ukuthi noma ngabe konke ongakuzwa njengamanje inzondo, baningi abantu abamemeza uthando nokwamukelwa. Uma uhlala engxenyeni yezwe engahambisani nombono wakho wezepolitiki, cabanga ukuqala iqembu lokusekela labantu abacabanga njengaye, kusho uLuterman. Akudingi ukuthi kube ngokusemthethweni kakhulu-mhlawumbe abangani abahlanu nebhodlela lewayini, noma i-Sunday brunch kanye ngenyanga. "Isenzo singaphuma noma singaphumi, kodwa sonke sizodinga ukwesekwa komunye nomunye ezinsukwini ezizayo, kunanini ngaphambili," uyanezela.

Amagama ashintshiwe.

Buyekeza kwe-