Ukuqala ucansi akudingeki ukuthi kube nzima - Nansi indlela yokwenza ukunyakaza kwakho

-Delile

• Phonsa lokho ocabanga ukuthi uyakwazi
• Kuyaxaka kuphela uma ukwenza kuxake
• Awukho usayizi wesayizi ofanele wonke umbhalo
• Kwenze kube ngokwakho
• Cacisa kunokucaca
• Kwenze kube ukuphishekela usuku lonke
• Funda ulimi lwabo lothando
• Imvume ukuphela kwento eqhubekayo
• Ezingxenyeni ezingajwayelekile
• Umhlangano womphakathi
• Impilo yohlelo lokusebenza
• Kubudlelwano obusanda kwakhiwa
• Umuntu oxhumane naye izikhathi ezimbalwa
• Umuntu obukade ‘umbona’ kodwa ungakalali naye
• Umuntu okade uthandana naye futhi wenza ucansi naye… kodwa okusha
• Kubudlelwano obusunguliwe
• Ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside
• Yenza u-Yebo, Cha, mhlawumbe uhlu
• Iya esitolo socansi
• Hlela ucansi
• Ukushintshana
• Ukuzilolonga kwenza kuphelele

Sifaka imikhiqizo esicabanga ukuthi ilusizo kubafundi bethu. Uma uthenga ngezixhumanisi ezikuleli khasi, singathola ikhomishini encane. Nansi inqubo yethu.

Ukuqala ucansi kuyinto sooo pre- # MeToo ukunyakaza. Ukumemela umuntu ocansini kungumlenze omkhulu (funda: ukuvumelana kanye nokubandakanya ubulili).

Ngezansi, uthisha wezocansi kanye nesishoshovu u-August McLaughlin, umbhali we "Girl Boner" kanye ne "Girl Boner Journal," kanye noDkt Chris Donaghue, uchwepheshe wezocansi nokusondelana kumaKhondomu e-SKYN, bachaza amagama aphansi angaqondakali ngaphambili, nokuthi kanjani isimemo ukuya ocansini kuyindlela evumelana nenesisekelo senjabulo yokuyithola.

Futhi, "ungasithumela" kanjani leso simemo kuzo zonke izigaba ebudlelwaneni.

Phonsa lokho ocabanga ukuthi uyakwazi

Yivume: Ibinzana elithi "qalisa ucansi" lidweba isithombe sendoda ebulawa yindlala ependa kumlingani wayo ongaphansi kobuningi - aka yi-AF yakudala.

Kuphelelwe yisikhathi futhi kuyinkinga ukucabanga ukuthi ama-cis dudes anesibopho sokuqala ucansi, kusho uDonaghue. "Kuyinkolelo endala yokuthi wonke amadoda anezinhloso zokuya ocansini futhi ahlala esemoyeni."

Spoiler: Akunjalo.

"Isifiso singumuntu ngamunye futhi asincikile ebulilini noma ebulilini bomuntu," kusho uMcLaughlin. "Noma ngubani angafuna bese ethatha izinyathelo zokwenza ucansi lwenzeke."

Ukumema futhi kukhombisa ukuthi omunye umuntu (abantu) angathi cha ngendlela yokuthi ukuqalisa uqobo akwenzi njalo.

“Ngesimemo socansi, uyangena, ngokungafani nakanjani ukuqala okuthile, ”kwengeza uMcLaughlin.

Kuyaxaka kuphela uma ukwenza kuxake

Ukwenza noma yini okokuqala ngqa uzozizwa unenkinga-yemizwa. Cabanga: ushwiba iklabhu yegalufu, ushayela ohlangothini lwesobunxele lomgwaqo, uhlangane nabasekhweni lakho mhlawumbe abazoba ngabazali bakho.

Kuyafana nokumema umuntu ukuthi aye ocansini okokuqala - noma ngabe kunomdlalo wesikhathi eside we-boo noma weTinder.

Isimo esihle kakhulu - kungaba yinjabulo, imizimba enqunu, izingalo, noma enye into - kufanelekile ukunqoba leyo mizwa.

Ngoba ukumemela umuntu ocansini futhi kusho ukumema ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi abafuni ukuya ocansini, uMcLaughlin uncoma ukwenza ubuciko bokwaliwa esibukweni.

"Uma othile ethi cha noma enqaba, mbonge ngokwabelana nokuhlonipha imingcele yabo, bese udlulela phambili."

UDonaghue uthi kuyasiza ukukhumbula ukuthi ukwaliwa kothile ngokocansi imvamisa akukhona ngawe.

"Ngokuvamile kumayelana nemizwa yabo, ukuzethemba komzimba, ukungabi bikho kwamakhemikhali phakathi kwenu nobabili, noma okunye okwenzekayo emhlabeni wabo."

Awukho usayizi wesayizi ofanele wonke umbhalo

Ukuhamba uzungeze ifulethi le-négligée yakho kungakusiza ukuthi ubekwe lapho i-boo yakho yesikhathi eside, ehlala ekhaya isekhaya. Ngokusobala ngeke kucishe kube nempumelelo uma umuntu ofuna ukumthambisa kungumdlalo weTinder ohlala amakhilomitha angama-300.

Ubani oqala naye ucansi kwenza umehluko. Okufanayo kuya lapho ukhona ngesikhathi sokuqaliswa okushiwo.

Noma kunjalo, kukhona okunye okuyisisekelo okufanele ukwenze ukugcina phezulu kwengqondo.

Kwenze kube ngokwakho

Njengomthetho ojwayelekile, okuzayo komuntu uqobo, kungcono.

Okusho ukuthi: Angiyena ngokuvamile inyama yenyama enamahloni. Ngiyi-meatball enamahloni ngendlela amathole akho abukeka ngayo kulezo zithende noma indlela ama-biceps akho agcwalisa ngayo lelo tee.

Abantu bathanda ukuzizwa befunwa.

Cacisa kunokucaca

Noma ucabanga ukuthi ucace bha, kungenzeka ucace. Ikakhulukazi uma i-boo yakho isilaleli esihle.

Uma okufunayo ukwehla kubo, yisho lokho. Uma okufunayo kungukushesha endlini yangasese, yisho lokho.

Uma ungekho esimeni socansi noma ucabanga ukuba naso, ukusuka lapho uye ocansini kungazwakala kufinyelela kude.

Ukunika umuntu isimo esithile socansi kumnika okuningi ukuthi ahambe. Uma kugcina kwenzeka, futhi kukunika ngqo lokho okufunayo.

Kwenze kube ukuphishekela usuku lonke

Unephupho elingcolile nge-FWB yakho? Cabanga ngomdlalo obukade uxoxa ngawo eshaweni? Khumbula indlela umlingani wakho anambitha ngayo endleleni eya emsebenzini?

Tshela ‘em. Ukuthumela imiyalezo ngocansi kuyisandulela sokugcina.

Qala ngokuthile okuthinta i-flirty, futhi uma bephendula ngendlela efanayo, vumela i-convo yakhe phezu kwesikhathi.

Uma, noma kunjalo, bevala ingxoxo, ungayijuluki - qhubeka nosuku lwakho.

Funda ulimi lwabo lothando

Lokhu kungaba nzima ukukusebenzisa uma kungumlingani ongathandani naye ocansini, kepha zama ukwenza isimemo sakho ngendlela yokuthi umlingani wakho athole uthando.

Uma ulimi lwabo lothando luthola izipho, ungazama ukubanikeza amaphenti amnandi, ibhokisi elisha lamakhondomu, noma lelo thoyizi locansi obukade uxoxa ngalo.

Uma ulimi lwabo lothando kungamazwi okuvuma, qhubeka ubazise ukuthi bazwakala beshisa kangakanani lapho uqabula intamo yabo, noma uvuleka kanjani lapho ubabuka bedansa.

Imvume ukuphela kwento eqhubekayo

Cha ama-if, ama-ands, noma ama-buts. Noma izinqe.

Kuyinto eyodwa ukwanga umlingani wakho - lapho ukuqabula kuyingxenye ejwayelekile yokuthi uhlangana kanjani - ukuze ubasize bangene esimeni semizwa.

Kungokunye ukuqala ngokungahleliwe ukuqabula izingcezwana nezinsimbi zabo ngaphandle kokucela imvume kuqala.

“Ufuna ukuthi ucansi lwakho lusekelwe enjabulweni nasenduduzweni yawo wonke umuntu, akunjalo? Kulapho kungena khona imvume enomdlandla, ”kusho uDonaghue.

Ngaphandle kwemvume enomdlandla, akuyona ucansi, uthi. Kuwukuhlukumeza ngokocansi.

Ezingxenyeni ezingajwayelekile

Ama-hookups amaningi angajwayelekile awela kwelinye lamakamu amabili: abantu ohlangana nabo i-IRL nabantu ohlangana nabo ku-inthanethi. Indlela osebenza ngayo kulowo nalowo yehluke kancane.

Umhlangano womphakathi

Hlangana nomuntu endaweni yokubhowula, ibha, noma i-speakeasy ofuna ukuyithatha ekhaya?

"Qala ngenkulumo encane yangempela ngaphambi kokuya ngqo ocansini," kusho uMcLaughlin. Lokhu kuzokusiza uqiniseke ukuthi empeleni ufuna ukulala nabo (kubalulekile!).

Uma usenesithakazelo ngemuva kokuxoxa kancane, uncoma ukuthi uhambe ngokuthembeka nokuhlonipha.

Isibonelo, "Ngiyazi ukuthi asazani, kodwa ngingakubuza umbuzo womuntu siqu?"

Uma impendulo inguyebo, thola ukuthi ingabe bakubudlelwano yini futhi, uma kunjalo, uma banezivumelwano zobudlelwano, ezinjengokuba nomfazi oyedwa.

Enye indlela: “Ngicabanga ukuthi ngempela [faka isiphawulo sangempela nesichazayo lapha] futhi, uma unentshisekelo, ngingathanda ukukuqabula mhlawumbe ngibone ukuthi lokho kuya kuphi. Uma kungenjalo lokho kulungile impela. ”

Impilo yohlelo lokusebenza

Abaswayipha baswayipha ngezizathu eziningi. Uma okwakho kungenxa yokuthi ufuna ukuya ocansini, kufanele ucacelwe.

Olunye ulayini ongazama nomngani oku-inthanethi:

• "Ngifuna ukulahla konke ukuzenzisa futhi ngicacise ukuthi: ngaphezu kwe [imisebenzi yosuku lapha], ngithanda [ukwenza isenzo sobulili lapha] ngoLwesine. Ingabe ukulungele lokho? ”
• “Uhlelo lwakho lubukeka kanjani ngesonto elizayo? Ngingathanda ekugcineni [ukufaka isenzo sobulili lapha]. "
• "Ngaphambi kokuba sihlangane mathupha ngifuna ukubheka phambili: Ngifuna abalingani bobulili obuvamile futhi nginethemba lokuthi yilokho esizokuthola komunye nomunye. Uma lokho kungeyona into oyifunayo, ngiyaqonda ngokuphelele. Kodwa ngicabanga ukuthi kungcono uma sikhansela usuku lwethu uma singekho ekhasini elilodwa. ”

Kubudlelwano obusanda kwakhiwa

Kunezinhlobo ezahlukahlukene zobudlelwano obusanda kwakhiwa. Nakhu ukuthi ungazulazula kanjani ezinye zazo.

Umuntu oxhumane naye izikhathi ezimbalwa

"U phezulu?" uye, ngokusobala, waba yikho konke ngokuthi “Kungemva kwamabili. Sifuna ukuza ngandlela-thile - ngokunganaki, ngokusobala. ”

Kunezindlela ezengeziwe zokudala nezithandekayo zokuqalisa ukuxhumana nomlingani wakho wobulili. Ngokwesibonelo:

• “Ngikujabulele kakhulu ukwehlisa isithunzi sakho ngempelasonto edlule. Uma uzoba khona kamuva ngingathanda impinda. "
• "Ukucabanga ngendlela obukeke ubukeka ngayo emashidini ami futhi ngingajabula ukuba nawe lapho ngokuhamba kwesikhathi kusihlwa uma unentshisekelo."
• “Uyini namuhla? Ngingaphakamisa ukuthi sihlangane sidlale isidlidlizi sami esisha ndawonye. ”

Umuntu obukade ‘umbona’ kodwa ungakalali naye

Ngakho-ke uhambe ngezinsuku ezimbalwa. Mhlawumbe ushelelezile. Kepha awukaze ube ne-S-E-X.

Ukuhamba kwakho: Ungenzi eyodwa! Okungenani hhayi ngaphambi kokukhuluma ngokuthi nobabili nifuna ukuya ocansini.

"Awufuni ukucabanga ngokuzenzakalela ukuthi bazofuna ukuya ocansini ngoba ubukade uhamba izinsuku futhi uqabula," kusho uMcLaughlin. Kulungile!

Ezinye izindlela zokuyikhulisa:

• “Kade ngikujabulela ukukwazi nokukuqabula. Bengifuna nje ukuhlola izinga lokushisa nokubona ukuthi ungathanda yini ukwenza okungaphezu kokumanga. ”
• “Ngijabula kakhulu ukukwazi futhi, uma uzizwa ngendlela efanayo, ngingathanda ukuqhubekisela phambili izinto. Ungazizwa kanjani ngokuzenzela nqunu bese ubona lapho izinto zihamba khona? ”

Ungase usebenzise lokhu njengethuba lokukhuluma ngesimo samanje se-STI. Ngokwesibonelo:

• “Kade ngikujabulela ukuba ngokomzimba nawe futhi ngithanda ukuya ocansini. Uma lokho kuyinto ongayithanda futhi, ngingathanda ukuthi sobabili sihlolelwe izifo zocansi. ”

Umuntu okade uthandana naye futhi wenza ucansi naye… kodwa okusha

Ikhofi elimnyama noma ngokhilimu. Ucansi lwasekuseni noma lwasebusuku. Ukuqala kobudlelwano kugcwele zonke izinhlobo zemijikelezo yokufunda.

Indlela abathanda ngayo ukumenywa ocansini ingenye yalezo zinto.

Okwamanje, usesikhathini esihle ebudlelwaneni bakho ukubuza umlingani wakho le mibuzo elandelayo:

• Ungathanda ukuthi ngiqale ucansi ngamazwi (“Ufuna ukushaya?”) Noma ngokuthinta inkanuko, njengokuqabula noma ukwangana okwengeziwe?
• Ngabe ukhetha ukubuzwa ngqo (“Ingabe usesimweni sokuthola i-quickie?”) Noma ngezindlela ezicashile (ngokukhohlisa nokudlala ngothando)?

Kubudlelwano obusunguliwe

Ngakho-ke, usudlulile ekwazini isigaba sakho futhi wazi ngokuphelele ukuthi umlingani wakho uthanda ukuqala kanjani isikhathi esimnandi. Yiba nakho!

"Futhi uma ungaqiniseki, buza - akukephuzi kakhulu," kusho uMcLaughlin.

Ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside

Mhlawumbe senineminyaka engama-20 nishadile, abalingani bokuqala beneminyaka engu-15, noma nineminyaka emithathu nihlala ndawonye.

Noma ngabe siyini isizathu, uma uzizwa njengesikhathi se-sexy futhi siqala ngendlela efanayo ngqo ( * yawn *), uMcLaughlin unikeza ngamathiphu alandelayo ukuqala ucansi ngezindlela ezintsha.

Yenza u-Yebo, Cha, mhlawumbe uhlu

Gcwalisa uhlu loyebo / cha / mhlawumbe (njengale noma lona) ngolunye ntambama. Bese, ngokuzayo uma usesimweni somqondo ungathi, "Ungazizwa kanjani ngokuphinde uvakashele lolo hlu?"

Iya esitolo socansi

Ukubalwa kwabaku-inthanethi, nakho!

Shintshanani ngokungeza imikhiqizo yobumnandi enqoleni. Lokhu kuzokwenza ukhulume ngezocansi ngendlela entsha, kusho uMcLaughlin - okuyisinyathelo # 1 ekwenzeni ucansi (nokwenza ucansi ngezindlela ezintsha).

Ukuthembela, uma ufika ekhaya noma lelo phakethe lifika, maningi amathuba okuthi ngeke kudingeke wenze okuningi ukuqala. Nobabili nizolangazelela ukuzama izinto zenu ezintsha.

Hlela ucansi

Isikhathi sokuvumelanisa lawo makhalenda e-Google bese uthola ubusuku (noma ekuseni!) Lapho unesikhathi sokuma (noma ukuqamba amanga, acwayizeusuku lwezocansi.

Sebenzisa leso sikhathi ukunikezana ukubhucungwa komzimba, ukubukela izithombe ezingcolile ndawonye, ​​ukubumbana, ukugeza ndawonye, ​​noma ukushaya indlwabu eceleni.

Uma kungekho ucansi olwenzekayo, akukho biggie. Inhloso ukuqala ukusondelana ngokocansi, hhayi ukuthi wenze ucansi.

Ukushintshana

Ake sithi unobusuku besikhathi samasonto onke. Zama ukushintshanisa phakathi kobulili obufana nobani - ngaleyondlela akekho umuntu ozizwa kungumsebenzi wabo, kusho uMcLaughlin.

Ukuzilolonga kwenza kuphelele

Kuyi-cliché, kepha kuyiqiniso!

Lapho uzibeka ngokwengeziwe lapho, kuba lula ukucela okufunayo (okumnandi, ukuthanda okuhle) - futhi kuba lula ukungakuthathi uqobo uma lowo muntu (abantu) engenantshisekelo.

UGabrielle Kassel ungumbhali wezocansi nowezempilo waseNew York futhi ungumqeqeshi weCrossFit Level 1. Ube ngumuntu wasekuseni, uvivinye ama-vibrator angaphezu kwama-200, futhi wadliwa, wadakwa, futhi wahluzwa ngamalahle - konke egameni lobuntatheli. Ngesikhathi sakhe samahhala, angatholakala efunda izincwadi zokuzisiza namanoveli othando, ukucindezela ibhentshi, noma ukudansa kwepali. Mlandele ku-Instagram.