Ukusondelana vs. Ukuzihlukanisa: Kungani Ubudlelwano Babaluleke Kangaka

-Delile

• Kusho ukuthini
• Yini eholela ekusondelaneni noma ekuhlukanisweni?
• Uhamba kanjani kusuka ekuhlukaniseni uye ekusondeleni?
• Kwenzekani uma ungaphathi ngempumelelo lesi sigaba sentuthuko?
• Okubalulekile

U-Erik Erikson wayengudokotela wezengqondo wekhulu lama-20. Wahlaziya futhi wahlukanisa ulwazi lomuntu lwaba izigaba eziyisishiyagalombili zokukhula. Isigaba ngasinye sinengxabano eyingqayizivele nomphumela oyingqayizivele.

Isigaba esisodwa esinjalo - ukusondelana nokuqhelanisa - kukhombisa umzabalazo wabantu abasha abasha njengoba bezama ukwakha ubudlelwano obuseduze, nothando. Lesi yisigaba sesithupha sentuthuko, ngokusho kuka-Erikson.

Njengoba abantu bedlula kulezi zigaba, u-Erikson wayekholelwa ukuthi bathole amakhono azobasiza baphumelele ezigabeni ezizayo. Kodwa-ke, uma bengaba nenkinga yokuthola la makhono, bangazabalaza.

Esigabeni sokusondelana nokuzihlukanisa, ngokusho kuka-Erikson, impumelelo isho ukuba nobudlelwano obunempilo nobenelisayo. Ukwehluleka kusho ukubhekana nesizungu noma ukukhishwa inyumbazane.

Kusho ukuthini

Ngenkathi igama ukusondelana kungavusa imicabango yobudlelwano bezocansi, akuyona indlela u-Erikson abuchaze ngayo.

Ngokusho kwakhe, ukusondelana ubuhlobo obunothando banoma yiluphi uhlobo. Kudinga ukwabelana ngokwakho nabanye. Kungakusiza ukuthi wakhe ukuxhumana okujulile komuntu siqu.

Yebo, kwezinye izimo, lokhu kungaba ubuhlobo bothando. U-Erickson ukholelwe ukuthi lesi sigaba sokuthuthuka senzeka phakathi kweminyaka yobudala eyi-19 nengama-40 - okuyisikhathi lapho iningi labantu kungenzeka lifuna umlingani othandana naye impilo yonke.

Kodwa-ke, wayengacabangi ukuthi ezothando kwakuwukuphela komzamo wokwakha ukusondelana. Esikhundleni salokho, yisikhathi lapho abantu bekwazi ukwakha ubudlelwano obuzinzileyo, obugcwalisayo nabantu abangewona umndeni.

Labo ababengabangane bakho “abakhulu” esikoleni esiphakeme bangaba yizinto ezithandekayo kumbuthano wakho osondelene. Bangase bawe futhi babe abangane. Lesi yisikhathi lapho lokho kwehlukaniswa kuvame ukwenziwa.

Ukuhlukaniswa, ngakolunye uhlangothi, kungumzamo womuntu wokugwema ukusondelana. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi wesaba ukuzibophezela noma unqikaza ukuzivula ngendlela esondele kunoma ngubani.

Ukuzihlukanisa kungakuvimbela ekwakheni ubudlelwano obunempilo. Kungaba futhi umphumela wobudlelwano ohlukane, futhi kungaba umjikelezo wokuzilimaza.

Uma ulinyazwe ebuhlotsheni obuseduze, ungasaba ukusondelana ngokuzayo. Lokho kungaholela ekutheni ugweme ukuvulela abanye amathuba. Lokho-ke, kungadala isizungu - ekugcineni kube wedwa futhi nokucindezelwa.

Yini eholela ekusondelaneni noma ekuhlukanisweni?

Ukusondelana kuyisinqumo sokuzivulela abanye futhi wabelane ukuthi ungubani kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho ukuze wakhe ukuxhumana okuhlala njalo, okuqinile. Uma uzibeka lapho futhi ukubuyiswa kwethemba lokho, uba nobuhlobo obuseduze.

Uma leyo mizamo isolwa, noma wenqatshwa ngandlela thile, ungahoxa. Ukwesaba ukuxoshwa, ukwaliwa, noma ukulinyazwa kungaholela ekuzihlukaniseni nabanye.

Ekugcineni, lokhu kungaholela ekuzethembeni okuphansi, okungenza ukuthi ungabi namathuba amancane okuzama ukwakha ubudlelwano noma ubungani obusha.

Uhamba kanjani kusuka ekuhlukaniseni uye ekusondeleni?

U-Erikson wayekholelwa ukuthi ukuze baqhubeke nokuthuthuka njengomuntu ophilile, abantu badinga ukuqeda ngempumelelo isigaba ngasinye sentuthuko. Ngaphandle kwalokho, zizobambeka futhi zingakwazi ukuqedela izigaba ezizayo.

Kulesi sigaba sentuthuko, lokho kusho ukuthi udinga ukufunda ukuthi ungabuthuthukisa kanjani futhi ubugcine ubudlelwane obunempilo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, izigaba ezimbili ezisele zentuthuko zingaba sengozini.

Ukuzihlukanisa ngokuvamile kubangelwa ukwesaba ukwenqatshwa noma ukuxoshwa. Uma wesaba ukuthi uzokwenqatshwa phansi noma uxoshwe kude nomngani noma ongaba umlingani wezothando, ungakugwema ukuhlangana ngokuphelele.

Lokhu ekugcineni kungaholela ekutheni uvikele yonke imizamo yesikhathi esizayo yokwakha ubudlelwano.

Ukusuka ekuzihlukaniseni nize nisondelane kudinga ukuthi nimelane nokuthambekela kokugwema abanye futhi nigwebe imibuzo yobudlelwano enzima. Kufuna ukuthi uvuleke futhi uthembeke kuwe nakwabanye. Lokho kuvame ukuba nzima kubantu abajwayele ukuzihlukanisa.

Umelaphi angasiza kuleli phuzu. Bangakusiza uqonde izindlela zokuziphatha ezingavimbela ukusondelana, futhi zikusize ukuthi wakhe amasu wokuhamba usuke wedwa uye ebuhlotsheni obuseduze nobufezayo.

Kwenzekani uma ungaphathi ngempumelelo lesi sigaba sentuthuko?

U-Erikson wayekholelwa ukuthi ukungagcwalisi noma isiphi isigaba sentuthuko kuzoletha izinkinga ngokuzayo. Uma ungakwazanga ukuthuthukisa umuzwa oqinile wokuzazi (isigaba sesihlanu), ungaba nesikhathi esinzima sokwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo.

Izinkinga kulesi sigaba sokuthuthuka zingakuvimbela ekukhuliseni abantu noma amaphrojekthi "azoshiya uphawu lwakho" ezizukulwaneni ezizayo.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuhlukaniswa isikhathi eside kungalimaza ngaphezu kwempilo yakho yengqondo. kukhombisa ukuthi isizungu nokuzihlukanisa nabantu kungadala isifo senhliziyo.

Abanye abantu bangakwazi ukuba nobudlelwano, yize bengakhi izibopho eziqinile, ezisondelene. Kepha lokho kungahle kungaphumeleli ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Omunye uthole ukuthi abesifazane abangakwazanga ukuthuthukisa amakhono okusondelana aqinile kungenzeka ukuthi bahlukaniswe yimpilo.

Okubalulekile

Ubudlelwano obunempilo, obuphumelelayo bungumphumela wezinto eziningi zentuthuko - kufaka phakathi ukuba nomuzwa wokuthi ungubani.

Ukwakha lobo budlelwano futhi kuncike ekwazini ukuxhumana ngokukhululekile nangokwethembeka. Noma ngabe unikeza ukukhula kwakho kwifilosofi ka-Erikson noma cha, ubudlelwano obunempilo buzuzisa ngezizathu eziningi.

Uma ulwela ukwakha noma ukugcina ubudlelwano, umelaphi angakwazi ukukusiza.

Isazi sezempilo yengqondo esiqeqeshiwe singakusiza ukuthi usebenze ngokuthambekela kokuzehlukanisa. Futhi zingakusiza ukukulungiselela ngamathuluzi afanele ukwakha ubudlelwano obuhle, obuhlala isikhathi eside.