1 kwabangu 5 Abangane Bakho Ingabe Ukuthola Kinky - Ingabe Kufanele Nawe?

-Delile

• Ake sibuyele emuva okwesikhashana: Yini efanelekile njengekink?
• Ubulili be-Kinky bungasiza ngezindlela ezithile ezimangazayo
• Ukuqonda imibono engafanele yocansi kinky, imibono eyeqisayo, nezinganekwane
• Abesifazane banesithakazelo ku-kink, futhi
• Awukho "ukuhlanya" ukuzama i-BDSM
• Awudingi imishini eminingi kanokusho
• Ukugcina ukudlala ekamelweni kumnandi futhi kuphephile
• Konke kuqala ngokuvuma
• Amagama aphephile awawona amahlaya
• Cabanga (futhi ukhulume) "ngemikhawulo yakho enzima"
• Qiniseka ukuthi ubuhlungu buyathandeka - futhi ngaphandle kwemiphumela yezempilo
• Ukunakekelwa ngemuva kubaluleke kakhulu
• Khumbula: Ucansi lwe-Kinky yilokho ofuna ukuthi lube yikho

Ingxenye yabantu inesithakazelo ku-kink

Ukwabelana ngemininingwane esondelene kakhulu ngempilo yakho yezocansi kusengukungathengwa okukhulu. Kepha uma ungakwazi ukukhuluma ngakho nabangane bakho abaseduze, ngabe ukukhulisa ekamelweni kuzoba lula kangako?

Ukube bekungeyona eye-erotica ejwayelekile nezithombe zocansi ezithambile (sawubona, "Amashumi amahlanu ama-Shades of Grey"), kungenzeka ngabe awazi okuningi ngokuzama imingcele egumbini lokulala. Futhi uma bekungengenxa yezifundo ezingaziwa, kungenzeka sazi ukuthi bangaki abaseMelika abazamile - futhi uthande - ukushaya nokubophela phezulu.

Iqiniso ngukuthi okungenani abanye babangani bakho mhlawumbe bake bakuzama - futhi oyedwa kwabahlanu ukwenza kube yingxenye yokudlala kwabo okuvamile ekamelweni. Ngokusho kwalaba, abantu abangaphezu kwamaphesenti angama-22 abantu abadala abazibandakanya kwezocansi bahlanganyela ekulingiseni, kuyilapho abangaphezu kwamaphesenti angama-20 bezibophezele ekuboshweni nasekushayweni.

Mhlawumbe kumangalisa ngokwengeziwe? Olunye ucwaningo lwathola ukuthi cishe isigamu sabantu abangu-1,040 okwaxoxwa nabo babenentshisekelo ku-kink, noma ngabe babengenalo ithuba lokuyihlola. Futhi kukhona ucwaningo olukhulayo lokuthi ukuthola ulwazi lokulala ekamelweni kungaba nezinzuzo eziningi, zombili impilo yakho nobudlelwano bakho.

Ake sibuyele emuva okwesikhashana: Yini efanelekile njengekink?

Ngenkathi igama elithi kink lingenayo incazelo yezokwelapha noma yezobuchwepheshe, imvamisa yimuphi umkhuba wezocansi owela ngaphandle komhlangano - izenzo ezivame ukubhekwa njengokuthinta ngothando, inkulumo yothando, ukuqabulana, ukungena kwesitho sangasese sowesifazane, ukushaya indlwabu, nokuya ocansini ngomlomo. "I-Kink" uqobo ibhekisa kunoma yini eguqa kude ne "eqondile nencane," noma kunezigaba ezimbalwa eziwela ngaphansi kwesambulela sezocansi se-kinky:

• I-BDSM. Lapho abantu abaningi becabanga ngocansi lwe-kinky, bacabanga nge-BDSM, okuyisichazamazwi sezinhlamvu ezine esimele eziyisithupha izinto ezihlukile: Ubugqila, Isiyalo, Ukubusa, Ukuzithoba, ISadism, neMasochism. I-BDSM ifaka phakathi imisebenzi ehlukahlukene kakhulu, kusukela ekushayweni kwesigwedlo esilula nokudlala indima enkulu / yokuzithoba kumaqembu ezigqila nokudlala kobuhlungu.
• Ukucabanga nokulingisa. Enye yezinhlobo ezivame kakhulu zocansi lwe-kinky ifaka ukudala izimo ezicatshangelwe. Lokhu kungaba lula njengokukhuluma ngenganekwane embhedeni, kube yinkimbinkimbi njengokugqoka imvunulo noma ukulingisa izigcawu phambi kwabantu ongabazi.
• Ukulanda. Oyedwa kwabesilisa nabesifazane abane unentshisekelo ekudlaleni kwezingane, okuchazwa ngokuthi ukwelapha into engabulili obufanayo noma ingxenye yomzimba ngokocansi. Izisu ezivamile zifaka izinyawo nezicathulo, isikhumba noma injoloba, nokudlala inabukeni (yebo).
• I-Voyeurism noma i-exhibitionism. Ukubuka umuntu ekhumula noma ebuka izithandani zenza ucansi ngaphandle kokwazi kwazo kuyimicabango ejwayelekile ye-voyeur, ngenkathi ukuya ocansini endaweni esesidlangalaleni kungenye yezindlela zokubonisa. Kokubili kuvamile ngokumangazayo (futhi kinky) - amaphesenti ama-35 wabantu abadala abahlolisisiwe ayenesifiso se-voyeurism.
• Ubulili beqembu. Ama-Threesomes, amaqembu ezocansi, imibuthano yokuzijabulisa, nokuningi - iqembu lezocansi noma yisiphi isenzo esifaka ngaphezu kwabantu ababili. kanti amaphesenti ayi-18 amadoda abambe iqhaza ocansini lwamaqembu, kuyilapho amaphesenti aphakeme kakhulu aveza intshisekelo ngalo mbono.

Ubulili be-Kinky bungasiza ngezindlela ezithile ezimangazayo

Yizwa isayensi kuqala: Ucansi lwe-Kinky lungakusiza uzizwe ungcono futhi uphile ngokwengqondo. Kutholwe ukuthi bobabili abasebenza ngokuzithoba nabazithobayo be-BDSM kwakungu:

• i-neurotic encane
• ngaphezulu extroverted
• kuvuleleke kakhulu kokuhlangenwe nakho okusha
• unembeza omkhulu
• ukuzwela okungaphansi kokulahlwa

Futhi babenenhlalakahle ephezulu yokuzithoba ngokuqhathaniswa neqembu elilawulayo. Lokhu kungasho izinto ezimbili: Ukuthi abantu abanezi zimfanelo bakhangwa ucansi lwe-kinky, noma ukuthi ucansi lwe-kinky lungakusiza ukuthi ukhule futhi uthole ukuzethemba. Kepha lokhu kungenzeka kakhulu, ikakhulukazi njengoba sicwaninga kabanzi ngemiphumela yocansi lwe-kinky.

Isibonelo, ngithole ukuthi imibhangqwana ebisebenza okuhle, evumayo ye-sadomasochistic (SM) inamazinga aphansi we-hormone eyingozi yokucindezela i-cortisol, futhi ibike nemizwa emikhulu yokusondelana nobudlelwano ngemuva kokwenza kwabo ucansi.

Futhi ucwaningo lokuqala lwedlanzana lama- “switch” (abantu abathatha indima eyahlukile abajwayele ukuyenza, njenge-dom eba yi-sub) bathola ukuthi ukuvumelana kwe-BDSM kunganciphisa ukukhathazeka ngokuletha ingqondo “ekugelezeni” ”Isimo sokwazi. Lokhu kuyefana nomuzwa abanye abawutholayo lapho behlangabezana "nomgijimi ophakeme," bahlanganyela ekwakheni ubuciko, noma bazijwayeze i-yoga.

Ukuqonda imibono engafanele yocansi kinky, imibono eyeqisayo, nezinganekwane

Akumangazi ukuthi njengoba singakhulumi ngocansi lwe-kinky, kunezinkolelo eziningi nemibono engalungile ezungezile. Ake sihlanze umoya ngezinkambiso ezimbalwa ezivamile zekink.

Abesifazane banesithakazelo ku-kink, futhi

Ngenkathi izinhlobo ezithile zocansi lwe-kinky zivame ukukhanga kakhulu ocansini olulodwa kunolunye - ngokwesibonelo, amadoda amaningi anentshisekelo ekudlaleni kwezinyawo zomntwana, kuyilapho abesifazane abaningi benesifiso sokuzwa ubuhlungu njengengxenye yocansi - bobabili abesilisa nabesifazane bafuna ukuhlola i-kink mayelana ngokulinganayo.

Awukho "ukuhlanya" ukuzama i-BDSM

Emithonjeni ejwayelekile, i-BDSM ivame ukuhlotshaniswa nokuhlukunyezwa nobudlova. Abanye odokotela bake babhekana nokushushiswa nokubandlululwa ngenxa yamakhinki abo. Kepha ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi umuntu ojwayelekile owenza ikink evumayo unempilo yezengqondo engaphezulu kwesilinganiso.

Awudingi imishini eminingi kanokusho

Isithombe se-dominatrix egqoke isikhumba esine-whip ehambisanayo ingahle ifinyelele engqondweni uma ucabanga ngocansi lwe-kinky. Kepha empeleni, konke okudingayo umcabango nomlingani ongumdlalo.

Uma ujabulela izibungu ezithile noma ufuna ukuhlola umhlaba ngokuphelele, kukhona izitolo zalokho. Kodwa i-kink yokuzama ayicishe ibe yimishini enzima njengoba, ithi, ukudlala kuligi yakho ye-hockey yangakini. Awudingi ngisho nokuboshwa amehlo noma ozankosi uma ufuna ukudlala ngokuncishwa kwemizwa noma ngokuvinjelwa - uthayi noma isikhwama somcamelo singasebenza kuzona zombili izimo.

Ukugcina ukudlala ekamelweni kumnandi futhi kuphephile

Noma ucansi lwe-kinky lunezinzuzo eziningi, futhi noma kungaba yilokho wena nomlingani wakho enifuna kube yikho, kusenezinto ezimbalwa okufanele nizigcine engqondweni ukuze ukuhlola kwenu kube mnandi, kuphephe, futhi kube kuhle.

Konke kuqala ngokuvuma

Imvume enolwazi akuyona nje into eyenzeka ngaphambi kokuba ube nomlingani omusha, kuyinto okufanele yenzeke ngaphambi kwanoma isiphi isenzo socansi, ikakhulukazi uma uzama okuthile kinky okokuqala. Ukuxhumana kubaluleke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bezocansi obuphilile, kepha kubalulekile uma uhlola izindima ezivelele / ezithobayo noma ezingadala ubuhlungu.

Amagama aphephile awawona amahlaya

Ingxenye yefantasy yakho ingahle ibandakanye ukuvinjelwa noma ukumelana - okuvame kakhulu kunalokho ongakucabanga phakathi kwabesifazane. Ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi ungathi cha ezweni lakho lezinganekwane, kepha ube nendlela yokucaca ukuthi cha kumlingani wakho, sebenzisa igama eliphephile ovumelana ngalo ngaphambi kokuthola i-kinky. Imishwana ezenzakalelayo ongayisebenzisa yilezi ilambu elibomvu (ima) futhi ukukhanya okuluhlaza okotshani (Qhubeka).

Cabanga (futhi ukhulume) "ngemikhawulo yakho enzima"

Wonke umuntu unemikhawulo nemikhawulo ehlukene. Ngenkathi ukuvuleleka emisebenzini emisha yokulala kuhle, ukuvuleleka ngalokho ongafuni ukukuhlola (njengakuqala, kubalulekile) ngokulinganayo. Xoxa ngale "mikhawulo elukhuni" nomlingani wakho ngokukhululekile - asikho isizathu sokuba nehlazo.

Qiniseka ukuthi ubuhlungu buyathandeka - futhi ngaphandle kwemiphumela yezempilo

Ingxenye enkulu yezocansi ze-kinky ixuba ubuhlungu nenjabulo. Ngenkathi imibhangqwana eminingi idweba umugqa ngokushaya okulula noma ukushaya ngempama, labo abahlola ezinye izindlela - ezinjengobuhlungu besifuba nobomzimba - kufanele bazifundise ukuze bangenzi umonakalo omkhulu noma wesikhathi eside ezicutshini noma emithanjeni.

Ukunakekelwa ngemuva kubaluleke kakhulu

Noma ngabe benza ucansi olungeyona i-kinky, abesifazane bangathola i- "," okubandakanya izimpawu ezinjengokukhathazeka, ukucasuka, noma ukukhala ngaphandle kwesizathu. Ukubala lokhu ngokunakekelwa ngemuva, okubandakanya ukusondelana ngokomzwelo nokuxhumana, kubalulekile, ikakhulukazi kwi-BDSM.

Ngakho-ke musa ukulala nje ngemuva kocansi olunamandla. Ngena nomlingani wakho futhi uqiniseke ukuthi akulungile yini ngalokho okusanda kwehla.

Khumbula: Ucansi lwe-Kinky yilokho ofuna ukuthi lube yikho

UKink angabukeka ehluke kakhulu emibhangqwaneni ehlukene, futhi lokho kulungile impela. Ukuhlola i-kink akudingeki ukuthi iqale ngokuthenga isudi yomzimba wesikhumba kanye nesiswebhu. Kungaba lula njengokubona ukuthi kwenzekani lapho uphuma enkambisweni yakho yokulala ejwayelekile bese ungena ezweni elisha locansi.

Izisekelo eziyisisekelo zokuphumelela kocansi lwe-kinky ziyefana nezanoma ibuphi ubuhlobo obuqinile, besikhathi eside:

• ukuxhumana
• ukwethemba
• ukuqonda
• ukubekezela

Futhi manje njengoba wazi ukuthi kuvunyelwe yisayensi, ungavumeli ama-taboos akhiwe emphakathini angene endleleni yenjabulo yakho. Phuma uye ube nobubi.

USara Aswell ungumbhali ozimele ohlala eMissoula, eMontana, nomyeni wakhe namadodakazi akhe amabili. Ukubhala kwakhe kuvele ezincwadini ezibandakanya iThe New Yorker, McSweeney's, National Lampoon, neReductress. Ungamthinta ku Twitter.