Indlela Engabhekana Ngayo Nomama Onenkinga YeBipolar Owenqaba Ukwelashwa iminyaka engama-40

-Delile

• Isikhathi esiningi, awukwazi ukusho. Isikhathi esiningi, uyamamatheka ngesizotha futhi anyakaze usuku ngestoicism sokuzenzisa.
• Ukuthola ukucaciseleka
• Ukuthola ukuthula
• Ngibheke phambili, ndawonye

Isikhathi esiningi, awukwazi ukusho. Isikhathi esiningi, uyamamatheka ngesizotha futhi anyakaze usuku ngestoicism sokuzenzisa.

Yiso kuphela, eliqeqeshwe ngeminyaka yamaphathi ezinsuku zokuzalwa amoshekile, izindawo zokuthenga ezingaxakile, namabhizinisi amasha angalibona, lilungele ukuvela ngaphandle kwesixwayiso.

Kwesinye isikhathi kuyavela lapho ngikhohlwa ukuhlala ngizolile nokuqonda. Ukukhungatheka okwenziwayo kunezela onqenqemeni olubukhali ezwini lami. Ubuso bakhe buyashintsha. Umlomo wakhe, ofana nowami, ovele ujike ubheke phansi emakhoneni, ubonakala elele ngisho nangaphezulu. Amashiya akhe amnyama, ancanyana kusukela eminyakeni yokuklwebha ngokweqile, avuka akhe imigqa emide ezacile ebunzini lakhe. Izinyembezi ziqala ukwehla njengoba ebala zonke izizathu zokuthi ahlulekile njengomama.

"Ungajabula nje ukube bengingekho," uyamemeza ngenkathi eqoqa izinto ezibonakala zidingekile ukuphuma: ibhuku lezingoma zepiyano, inqwaba yezikweletu namarisidi, i-lip balm.

Ingqondo yami eneminyaka engu-7 ubudala iba nomqondo wokuphila ngaphandle kukaMama. Kuthiwani uma evele wahamba futhi engabuyi ekhaya, Ngiyacabanga. Ngize ngicabange impilo uma engafa. Kodwa-ke umuzwa ojwayelekile ungena usuka kokungazi kwami ​​njengenkungu ebandayo, emanzi: unecala.

Ngiyakhala, noma ngikwazi ukusho ukuthi kungokoqobo yini ngoba izinyembezi ezikhohlisayo zisebenze izikhathi eziningi kakhulu ukubona umehluko. "Umuhle mama," ngisho ngokuthula. "Ngiyakuthanda." Akangikholwa. Usapakisha: isithombe sengilazi esiqoqekayo, iphenti elingcolile elinqunywe ngesandla le-jean elilondolozwe ingadi. Kuzofanele ngizame kakhulu.

Lesi simo siqeda enye yezindlela ezimbili: ubaba ushiya umsebenzi "ukusingatha isimo," noma intelezi yami isebenza ngokwanele ukumthulisa. Ngalesi sikhathi, ubaba wami usindisiwe engxoxweni engathandeki nomphathi wakhe. Ngemuva kwemizuzu engamashumi amathathu, sihleli kusofa. Ngigqolozela ngaphandle kokukhuluma njengoba echaza ngokungacabangi isizathu esizwakalayo sokuthi usike umngani omkhulu wesonto eledlule empilweni yakhe.

Uthi: “Ungajabula nje ukube bengingekho lapha,” usho kanje. Amagama azungeza ekhanda lami, kepha ngiyamomotheka, ngivume ngekhanda futhi ngihlale ngibheka emehlweni.

Ukuthola ukucaciseleka

Umama akakaze atholakale ngokusemthethweni ene-bipolar disorder. Waya kubelaphi abaningana, kepha azizange zihlale isikhathi eside. Abanye abantu babiza ngokungafanele abantu abane-bipolar disorder ngokuthi "bahlanya," futhi umama wami akayona leyo nto. Abantu abanesifo sokuphazamiseka kwengqondo okuguquguqukayo badinga izidakamizwa, futhi ngokuqinisekile akazidingi, usho kanjalo. Umane nje ucindezelekile, usebenza ngokweqile, futhi ulwela ukugcina ubudlelwane namaphrojekthi amasha ephila. Ngezinsuku avuke ngazo embhedeni ngaphambi kwehora lesibili ntambama, uMama ngokudinwa uchaza ukuthi ukube ubaba ubesekhaya kakhulu, uma ebenomsebenzi omusha, uma ukulungiswa kwezindlu kungaze kwenziwe, ubengeke abe kanjena. Cishe ngiyamkholwa.

Kwakungekhona njalo ukudabuka nezinyembezi. Senze izinkumbulo eziningi ezimangalisayo. Ngaleso sikhathi, ngangingaqondi ukuthi izikhathi zakhe zokuzenzela, ukukhiqiza, nokuhleka kwamathumbu empeleni kwakuyingxenye yokugula, futhi. Angiqondanga ukuthi ukugcwalisa inqola yokuthenga ngezingubo ezintsha namaswidi "ngoba" kwakuyifulegi elibomvu. Ngonwele olusendle, sake sachitha usuku lwesikole sidiliza udonga lwegumbi lokudlela ngoba indlu yayidinga ukukhanya okungokwemvelo. Engikukhumbulayo njengezikhathi ezinhle kakhulu empeleni bekuyizizathu zokukhathazeka njengezikhathi zokuphendula. Isifo se-bipolar sinezimpunga eziningi.

UMelvin McInnis, MD, umphenyi oyinhloko nomqondisi wesayensi weHeinz C. Prechter Bipolar Research Fund, uthi yingakho echithe iminyaka engama-25 edlule efunda lesi sifo.

"Ububanzi nokujula kwemizwelo yomuntu ebonakaliswe kulokhu kugula kujulile," esho.

Ngaphambi kokufika eNyuvesi yaseMichigan ngo-2004, uMcInnis wachitha iminyaka ezama ukuthola isakhi sofuzo sokufuna ukubophezeleka. Lokho kwehluleka kwamholela ekutheni aqale ucwaningo olude mayelana nesifo se-bipolar ukuthuthukisa isithombe esicacile nesibanzi ngalesi sifo.

Emndenini wami, kwakungakaze kube khona isithombe esicacile. Izimo zomama zikamama bezingabonakali zinobuntu ngokwanele ukuba kuvunyelwe ukuvakashelwa okuphuthumayo kudokotela wezifo zengqondo. Isikhathi sakhe sokucindezeleka, ayevame ukusho njengokucindezeleka kwempilo ejwayelekile, asikaze sibonakale siphansi ngokwanele.

Leyo yinto ene-bipolar disorder: Kuyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu kunohlu lokuhlola lwezimpawu ongazithola ku-inthanethi ukuthola ukuxilongwa okunembile ngamaphesenti ayi-100. Kudinga ukuvakashelwa kaningi esikhathini eside ukukhombisa indlela yokuziphatha. Asikaze sifike lapho. Wayengabukeki noma enze njengabalingiswa abasangene obabona kuma-movie. Ngakho-ke akumele abe nayo, akunjalo?

Naphezu kwayo yonke imibuzo engaphenduliwe, ucwaningo lwazi izinto ezimbalwa mayelana ne-bipolar disorder.

• Ithinta cishe amaphesenti ama-2.6 wabantu base-U.S.
• Kudinga ukuxilongwa ngomtholampilo, okudinga ukuvakashelwa okuningi kokubuka.
• Lesi sifo.
• Imvamisa ikhula ngesikhathi sobusha noma ebudaleni.
• Alikho ikhambi, kepha kunezindlela eziningi zokwelashwa ezitholakalayo.
• zeziguli ezinesifo sokuphazamiseka kwengqondo okuguquguqukayo ekuqaleni zitholwa ngokungafanele.

Eminyakeni eminingana kanye nodokotela oyedwa kamuva, ngafunda amathuba okuba nesifo sikamama sokuphazamiseka kwengqondo okuguquguqukayo. Vele, umelaphi wami ubengenakusho ngokusobala ukuthi akakaze ahlangane naye, kepha uthi okungaba khona "kungenzeka kakhulu." Kwaba ngasikhathi sinye ukukhululeka nomunye umthwalo. Nginezimpendulo, kepha bazizwa bephuze kakhulu ukuthi bangasho lutho. Izimpilo zethu ngabe zehluke kanjani ukube lokhu kutholakala - yize bekungekho emthethweni - kungafika ngokushesha?

Ukuthola ukuthula

Ngangithukuthelele umama iminyaka eminingi. Ngize ngacabanga ukuthi ngiyamzonda ngokungisheshe ngikhule ngokushesha. Ngangingahlonyisiwe ngokomzwelo ukumduduza lapho elahlekelwa obunye ubungani, ukumqinisekisa ukuthi muhle futhi uyakufanelekela ukuthandwa, noma ngizifundise ukuxazulula umsebenzi we-quadratic.

Nginguthunjana ezinganeni zakwethu ezinhlanu. Isikhathi esiningi sempilo yami, kwakungabafowethu abathathu nje kuphela kimi. Sabhekana ngezindlela ezingafani. Ngibe necala elikhulu kakhulu. Omunye umelaphi wangitshela ukuthi kungenxa yokuthi kwakuyimi ngedwa omunye wesifazane endlini - abesifazane badinga ukunamathela ndawonye nakho konke lokho. Ngaphenya phakathi kokuzwa isidingo sokuba ingane yegolide engenzanga lutho olubi ukuba yintombazane efuna nje ukuba yingane futhi ingakhathazeki ngomthwalo wemfanelo. Ngineminyaka engu-18, ngathuthela esokeni lami-ke ngafunga ukuthi angisoze ngabheka emuva.

Umama manje uhlala kwesinye isimo nomyeni wakhe omusha. Kusukela lapho sixhume kabusha. Izingxoxo zethu zikhawulelwe ekuphawuleni ngenhlonipho ku-Facebook noma ngokushintshana ngemibhalo okunesizotha ngamaholide.

UMcInnis uthi abantu abanjengomama, abamelene nanoma yiziphi izingqinamba ezingaphezu kokushintshashintsha kwemizwelo, imvamisa kungenxa yenhlamba ezungeze lesi sifo. “Umbono oyiphutha omkhulu onesifo sokuphazamiseka kwengqondo okuguquguqukayo ukuthi abantu abanalesi sifo abasebenzi emphakathini. Ukuthi zigudluka ngokushesha phakathi kokucindezelwa nobuntu. Imvamisa lesi sifo sicasha ngaphansi, ”usho kanje.

Njengengane yomzali onesifo sokuphazamiseka kwengqondo okuguquguqukayo, uzwa imizwa ehlukahlukene: intukuthelo, ukudideka, intukuthelo, ukuzizwa unecala. Leyo mizwa ayipheli kalula, ngisho nangesikhathi. Kepha uma ngibheka emuva, ngiyabona ukuthi eminingi yaleyo mizwa isukela ekungakwazini ukumsiza. Ukuba lapho lapho ezizwa eyedwa, edidekile, esaba, futhi engalawuleki. Kuyisisindo akekho kithi obekuhlomele ukusithwala.

Ngibheke phambili, ndawonye

Yize singakaze sinikezwe ukuxilongwa okusemthethweni, ukwazi engikwaziyo manje kungivumela ukuthi ngibheke emuva ngombono ohlukile. Kungivumela ukuthi ngibe nesineke ngokwengeziwe lapho efona ngesikhathi sokucindezeleka. Kuyanginikeza amandla okumkhumbuza ngobumnene ukuthi enze enye i-aphoyintimenti yokwelashwa futhi ngiyeke ukuphinda recaping kabusha kwegceke lakhe. Ithemba lami ukuthi uzothola ukwelashwa okuzomvumela ukuthi angalwi kanzima nsuku zonke. Lokho kuzomkhulula ekuhluphekeni naphezulu.

Uhambo lwami lokuphulukisa lwathatha iminyaka eminingi. Angikwazi ukulindela ukuthi okwakhe kwenzeke ngobusuku obubodwa. Kodwa kulokhu, ngeke abe yedwa.

UCecilia Meis uyisibonelo umbhali ozimele nomhleli ukugxila kwezentuthuko yomuntu siqu, ezempilo, ezempilo, nezamabhizinisi. Uthole iziqu zakhe ze-bachelor's magazine journalism e-University of Missouri. Ngaphandle kokubhala, uthanda i-volleyball yesihlabathi futhi uzama izindawo zokudlela ezintsha. Ungamthumela ku-tweet ku- @CeciliaMeis.