Ukuzikhuluma Okubi Kungase Kulimaze Impilo Yakho - Nansi Indlela Yokuyeka

-Delile

• Lenzani kahle izwi lakho langaphakathi?
• Ngemuva kwalokho iba yisikweletu kanjani?
• Ukuxoxa kuyilimaza kanjani impilo yakho?
• Ungakuqondisa kanjani kabusha ukuzikhulumela okungekuhle futhi ukwenze kube nempilo futhi kube okuhle?
• Buyekeza kwe-

Izwi lakho elingaphakathi linamandla amakhulu, kusho u-EthanKross, Ph.D., isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sokuhlola kanye nesazi sezinzwa, umsunguli we-Emotion & Self Control Lab e-University of Michigan, kanye nombhali we Ukuxoxa (Ithenge, $ 18, amazon.com). Kungakwenza ujabule futhi uphumelele - noma kungalimaza impilo yakho futhi kukwenze ukhule ngokushesha. Lapha, uchaza ukuthi ungamisa kanjani ukukhuluma kwakho okungalungile bese ukuguqula kube okuthile okuhle ngokwengeziwe.

Lenzani kahle izwi lakho langaphakathi?

"Ezingeni eliyisisekelo, silisebenzisela ukugcina imininingwane yolwazi emakhanda ethu. Uma bengingakucela ukuthi ubambe ngekhanda inombolo yocingo, uzobe usebenzisa izwi lakho langaphakathi ukwenza lokho. Iphinde isebenze njengohlelo lokusebenza lwesikhumbuzo: Umcabango womlomo uzofika ekhanda lakho mayelana nokuthile okufanele ukwenze. Izwi elingaphakathi lithathwa njengengxenye yesistimu yethu yememori yokusebenza yamazwi.

Kodwa ngivame ukubhekisela kuyo njengommese wengqondo we-Swiss Army ngoba ngaphezu kwenkumbulo, siyisebenzisela izinto eziningi, njengokudala nokuhlela. Singazilungiselela buthule lokho esizokusho ngaphambi kwesethulo esikhulu, isibonelo. Sivame nokuba ne-monologue yangaphakathi egijima ekhanda lethu ukuze sikwazi ukuqonda okuhlangenwe nakho. Kusisiza ukuthola incazelo ngezindlela ezakha ubuwena. Futhi sisebenzisa izwi lethu elingaphakathi ukuze siziqeqeshe futhi sithi, Nansi indlela ozosisingatha ngayo lesi simo. Ukuzinikeza inkulumo ekhulunywayo - lelo yizwi lakho langaphakathi emsebenzini. "

Ngemuva kwalokho iba yisikweletu kanjani?

"Kuyindida ukuthi lapho sizama ukusebenzisa izwi lethu langaphakathi ukubhekana nezinkinga noma ukwenza umqondo wesimo esingesihle, kuvame ukubuyela emuva. Lokho kungenxa yokuthi sithambekele ekugxileni kancane esimweni esiseduze, njengokuthi 'kungani lo muntu angithuka?' Futhi lokho kugcina kukhulisa ukunganaki.Omunye umcabango omubi uholela komunye, futhi masinyane siqhubekela phambili ekuhumeni, futhi sibambeke lapho.

Esinye isibonelo lapho siqala ukuzigxeka bese singena esithubeni sokucabanga ukuthi sibi kangakanani. Yilokhu engikubiza ngokuthi yingxoxo - uhlangothi olumnyama lwezwi lethu elingaphakathi. Ukuxoxa kuyinkinga enkulu. Kululaza ukusebenza kwethu emsebenzini, futhi kulimaza ubudlelwano bethu nomphakathi nempilo yethu. Futhi phakathi nalolu bhubhane, ukungaqiniseki nokulahlekelwa ukulawula sonke ebesikuzwa kuye kwabhebhethekisa ingxoxo. "

Ukuxoxa kuyilimaza kanjani impilo yakho?

"Kudlala indima ekwandiseni impendulo yethu yokucindezeleka, futhi lapho ukucindezeleka kuhlala kuphakeme kakhulu ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kubangela ukuguga emzimbeni. Lokho kungase kubangele izimo ezimbi njengezinkinga zokulala, isifo senhliziyo, ngisho nomdlavuza othile.

Okuthakazelisa kakhulu isayensi ekhombisa ukuthi ukuxoxa, ngendlela yokuxineka okungapheli, kungayithinta kanjani i-DNA yethu. Ubufakazi obuvelayo buveza ukuthi budlala indima ekuvuleni izakhi zofuzo ezibandakanyeka ekuvukeleni nasekucimeni izakhi zofuzo ezilwa namagciwane. Akugcini lapho, kepha ukucindezeleka okungapheli kungathinta nokuthi ama-telomeres ethu, izivalo ezisekugcineni kwama-chromosomes ethu, aqala kanjani ukunciphisa, okuhambisana nokuguga kwamangqamuzana. " Mude)

Ungakuqondisa kanjani kabusha ukuzikhulumela okungekuhle futhi ukwenze kube nempilo futhi kube okuhle?

"Ngenhlanhla, kunamathuluzi ahlukene esingawasebenzisa. Uma ubhekene nenkinga, thatha isinyathelo emuva futhi uhlele kabusha ngendlela oyibona ngayo. Njengoba kulula ukunikeza iseluleko kwabanye abantu, uma singakhuluma sodwa umuntu wesibili noma wesithathu, uyasidedisela kude nomzwelo futhi usivumele ukuba sibe nenhloso ethe xaxa. Ngakho-ke ekhanda lakho, khuluma wedwa usebenzisa igama lakho. Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi abantu abaningi abadumile bathe bayakwenza lokhu, njengoJennifer Lawrence noLeBron James. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi uma usebenzisa le nqubo, mancane amathuba okuba uhlengezele futhi ucabange ngendlela ehlakaniphile. I-psychology jujitsu. Ishintsha umbono wakho ukuze ukwazi ukuzinikeza iseluleko esingcono mayelana nendlela yokubhekana nezinkinga.

Futhi, beka ukuhleleka endaweni okuyo. Lapho sizwa ingxoxo, sizizwa sengathi asisalawuleki. Phinda uyithole ngokuqoqa ideski lakho noma usule itafula lakho lasekhishini. Ukuhlela isikhala sakho somzimba kukunikeza umqondo wokuhleleka kwengqondo.

Phumela ngaphandle. Ukuchitha isikhathi emvelweni kusiza ukugcwalisa ubuchopho bakho, okungasiza ekunciphiseni ukuxoxa. Thatha uhambo ngezindawo ezinamaqabunga, noma uhambe izintaba epaki. Uma ungakwazi ukuphuma endlini, bheka isithombe sendawo yemvelo — isayensi ithola ukuthi sinomphumela ofanayo. Futhi uthenge izitshalo. Ukufaka uhlaza esikhaleni sakho nakho kungasiza. "(Okuhlobene: Ungakusebenzisa Kanjani Ukuzikhulumela Okuhle Ngosuku Lwezempilo Yengqondo nangaphezulu)

Shape Magazine, ngoJuni 2021

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