Ngingomunye Weminyaka Eyinkulungwane Engalubeki Kuqala Ucansi - Akuyona Into Engalungile

-Delile

• Ngabe ubudlelwano bethu abusebenzi kahle? Impela ayizizwa ngaleyo ndlela
• Akuwona wonke umuntu odinga noma ngisho ufuna ukuya ocansini - futhi lokho kungalunga
• Noma ngabe yisiphi isizathu, khumbula ukuthi awuphukile, futhi ubudlelwano bakho abupheli
• Ngakho-ke izinkulungwane zeminyaka, asikho isidingo sokushiya phansi impilo engenabulili, edabukisayo

Ngiyawenqaba ngokuqinile umqondo wokuthi ngaphandle kocansi, abukho ukusondelana kwangempela.

Ukuvuma izono: Ngeqiniso angikhumbuli okokugcina lapho ngenza ucansi.

Kepha kubonakala sengathi angingedwa kulokhu, noma - ucwaningo lwakamuva lukhombisile ukuthi izinkulungwane zeminyaka, sekukonke, empeleni zinobulili obuncane kunezizukulwane ezedlule. Ngokuqondile, inani labantu ababika ukuthi abalingani abangahlangene nabo ocansini ngemuva kweminyaka yobudala be-18 liphindwe kabili ngeminyaka eyizinkulungwane kanye ne-iGen (amaphesenti ayi-15), uma kuqhathaniswa neGenX (amaphesenti ayisi-6).

I-Atlantic muva nje isungule lokhu "ukwehla kwamandla ezocansi," kusikisela ukuthi lokhu kwehla kwamanani okusondelana ngokomzimba okubikiwe kungaba nomthelela enjabulweni yethu.

Kufanele ngizibuze, nokho: Ngabe sishesha nje ukukhala i-alamu?

Umbuzo awusiwo ‘Ngabe uya ocansini noma cha?’ Umbuzo uthi ‘Ngabe wonke umuntu uzibandakanya nobudlelwano obenethezekile nenani lobulili ababa nalo?’ Izidingo zethu zingabantu ngabanye.

- UDkt Melissa Fabello

Kungumqondo obanjelwe isikhathi eside ukuthi ucansi luyinsika esemqoka yezempilo nempilo yengqondo, okukhulunywa ngayo ngamagama afanayo nento ebalulekile - njengokudla nokulala.

Kepha ingabe ukuqhathanisa okufanele ukwenziwa? Singaba yini nobudlelwano obunempilo, obugculisayo (nokuphila, ngalokho) ngaphandle kocansi, noma nokuncane kakhulu kwako?

“Yebo. Ngokungangabazeki, yebo, ”kuqinisekisa uDkt Melissa Fabello, isazi sezocansi nomcwaningi wezocansi. "Umbuzo awusiwo 'Ingabe uya ocansini noma cha?' Umbuzo uthi 'Ngabe wonke umuntu uzibandakanya ebudlelwaneni obenethezekile nenani lobulili ababa nalo?' Izidingo zethu zingabantu ngabanye."

Kwiqoqo elikhulayo labantu abakhetha ukungayi ocansini, umbono kaDkt Fabello lapha ungahle uzwakale. Njengengxenye yalelo qembu lezinkulungwane zeminyaka ezibeka phambili izimpilo zazo ngokuhlukile, nakanjani liyangenzela.

Mina nomlingani wami sinezizathu zethu ezihlukile zokungenzi ucansi lubaluleke ebuhlotsheni bethu - ukukhubazeka kwabo kukwenza kube buhlungu futhi kuqede amandla, futhi ne-libido yami ayiphezulu ngokwanele ukuyenza ijabulise njengezinye izici ezinenjongo empilweni yami.

Ngiyawenqaba ngokuqinile umqondo wokuthi ngaphandle kocansi, abukho ukusondelana kwangempela.

Lapho ngiqala ukuyeka ukuya ocansini, nganginesiqiniseko sokuthi ngabe kukhona okungahambi kahle ngami. Kepha ngemuva kokukhuluma nodokotela, wangibuza umbuzo obalulekile: Ngabe ngikwenzile funa ukwenza ucansi?

Ngokuzihlola okuthile kwangicacela ukuthi bekungabalulekanga kangako kimi.

Futhi kwavela ukuthi, bekungabalulekanga kangako kumlingani wami, futhi.

Ngabe ubudlelwano bethu abusebenzi kahle? Impela ayizizwa ngaleyo ndlela

Sibe ndawonye ngenjabulo iminyaka eyisikhombisa, iningi lalo elingazibandakanyi ocansini.

Ngike ngabuzwa, "Yini iphuzu-ke?" sengathi ubudlelwano buyizinkontileka zocansi kuphela - indlela yokufeza okuthile. Abanye bababaza, "Ngokuyinhloko nihlala ndawonye nje!"

Ngiyawenqaba ngokuqinile umqondo wokuthi ngaphandle kocansi, abukho ukusondelana kwangempela.

Sihlanganyela efulethini nombhede, sikhulisa izingane ezimbili ezinoboya ndawonye, ​​sigonene futhi sibukele ithelevishini, sinikela ihlombe lokukhala, ukupheka isidlo sakusihlwa ndawonye, ​​sabelane ngemicabango nemizwa yethu ejulile, futhi sibhekane nezikhathi ezinzima nezimbi zokuphila ndawonye.

Ngangikhona ukubabamba lapho bezwa ukuthi ubaba wabo wabulawa ngumdlavuza.Babekhona ukungisiza ngesikhathi ngilulama ekuhlinzweni, besiza ekushintsheni amabhandeshi ami nokugeza izinwele zami. Ngeke ngibubize lobo budlelwano "obungenabo ukusondelana."

“Umqondo ngukuthi besingeke sithandane noma sikhulise izingane ngaphandle kocansi lwe- [cisgender, heterosexual]. Ngokunengqondo, siyazi ukuthi lokho bekungeke kuqhubekele phambili kusuka eqinisweni. Umbuzo uthi kungani siqhubeka nokwenza sengathi kunjalo. ”

- UDkt Melissa Fabello

Ngamanye amagama, singabalingani. "Ubulili" abuyona, futhi akukaze kube, isidingo kithi sokwakha impilo ezuzisayo neyesekayo ndawonye.

"Singabantu ngabanye abanezidingo zethu nenkululeko yokuzikhethela," kuchaza uDkt. "[Nokho] ngokwenhlalo, kusenengcindezi yokuthi abantu balandele indlela elula: ukushada babe nezingane."

“Umqondo ngukuthi besingeke sithandane noma sikhulise izingane ngaphandle kocansi lwe- [cisgender, heterosexual]. Ngokunengqondo, siyazi ukuthi lokho bekungeke kudlulele eqinisweni, ”kuqhubeka uDkt. "Umbuzo uthi kungani siqhubeka nokwenza sengathi kunjalo."

Mhlawumbe inkinga yangempela, akukhona ukuthi abantu abasha benza ucansi oluncane kangakanani, kepha ukweqisa ngokweqile kocansi kwasekuqaleni.

Umcabango wokuthi ucansi luyisidingo sempilo - kunokuba wenze umsebenzi onempilo ongawukhetha, enye yezindlela eziningi esingazithola - iphakamisa ukungasebenzi kahle lapho kungenzeka khona kungabi khona.

Beka enye indlela, ungathola uvithamini C wakho kusuka kuwolintshi, kodwa akudingeki. Uma ukhetha i-cantaloupe noma isengezo, amandla amaningi kuwe.

Uma ufuna ukwakha ukusondelana, ukushisa ama-calories, noma ukuzizwa usondelene nomlingani wakho, ukuya ocansini akuyona ukuphela kwendlela (futhi kungenzeka kungabi ngisho nayindlela engcono kakhulu kuwe!).

Akuwona wonke umuntu odinga noma ngisho ufuna ukuya ocansini - futhi lokho kungalunga

"Iqiniso ukuthi ukushayela ngezocansi okuphansi kuyinto ejwayelekile," kuqinisekisa uDkt. “Kujwayelekile ukuthi izinkanuko zobulili zigudluke phakathi nempilo yakho. Kuyinto evamile ukuba yi-asexual. Ukuntula isithakazelo kwezocansi akuyona inkinga. ”

Kepha uwazi kanjani umehluko phakathi kokungasebenzi kahle kwezocansi, i-asexuality, nokukhetha nje ukungakubeki eqhulwini?

UDkt. Fabello uthi kuqala ngokungena ngesimo sakho semizwa. "Ungu ukhathazekile ngayo? Uma ukhathazekile ngokushayela kwakho ucansi okuphansi (noma okungekho) ngoba kukulethela ukucindezeleka komuntu siqu, ngakho-ke kuyinto okufanele ukhathazeke ngayo ngoba ikwenza ungajabuli, ”kuchaza uDkt Fabello.

Ngenkathi ukungahambisani ngokocansi kungaba yisizathu esivumelekile sokuqeda ubudlelwano, ngisho nobudlelwano nama-libidos angafanelanisiwe akuwona nakanjani. Kungaba isikhathi nje sokuvumelana.

Kepha mhlawumbe uthola eminye imisebenzi yanelisa kakhulu. Mhlawumbe awuthandi ngisho nocansi. Mhlawumbe awuzizwa uthanda ukwenza isikhathi sayo njengamanje.

Mhlawumbe wena noma umlingani wakho ni -exexual, noma unesimo esingelapheki noma ukukhubazeka okwenza ucansi lube yinselele kakhulu ukuthi lungabaluleka. Mhlawumbe imiphumela emibi etholakala emithini ebucayi noma ekululameni ekuguleni yenze ucansi lungathandeki, okungenani isikhathi esithile.

“[Futhi] lo mbuzo kufanele ubhekwe ngaphandle kwe- impilo yobudlelwano. Umbuzo awuthi ‘Ngabe umlingani wakho ukhathazekile ngokungabi bikho kwakho kokuya ocansini?’ Lowo ngumehluko obalulekile, ”kuqhuba yena.

Azikho kulezi zinto ezethusa ngokwemvelo, inqobo nje uma zingathinti umuzwa wakho wokwaneliseka.

Noma ngabe yisiphi isizathu, khumbula ukuthi awuphukile, futhi ubudlelwano bakho abupheli

Ukungayi ocansini kuyisinqumo esifanele ongasenza.

Ukusondelana, ngemuva kwakho konke, ngokuqinisekile akukhawulelwe kwezocansi.

"Ukusondelana ngokomzwelo, ngokwesibonelo, ukuba sengozini esizizwa sifaka engozini nalabo esibathandayo noma esibathandayo, kuyindlela enamandla kakhulu yokusondelana," kusho uDkt. "[Kukhona futhi] 'ukulamba kwesikhumba,' okuchaza izinga lethu lesifiso sokuthinta izinkanuko, kufana nokuthi ibinzana elithi 'sex drive' lisebenza kanjani ukuchaza izinga lethu lesifiso sobulili."

"Ukulamba kwesikhumba kusuthiswa ngokuthinta okungekhona okobulili obucacile - njengokubambana ngezandla, ukugonana, nokugona," kuqhubeka uDkt. "Futhi lolu hlobo lokusondelana ngokomzimba luhlotshaniswa ne-oxytocin, i-hormone esenza sizizwe siphephile futhi silondekile nabanye abantu."

Lezi zombili izindlela ezivumelekile zokusondelana, futhi zingaba namazinga ahlukahlukene okubaluleka kuye ngomuntu.

Ngenkathi ukungahambisani ngokocansi kungaba yisizathu esivumelekile sokuqeda ubudlelwano, ngisho nobudlelwano nama-libidos angafanelanisiwe akuwona nakanjani. Kungaba nje isikhathi sokuvumelana.

“Ngabe ophathina bazimisele yini ukwenza ucansi oluningi noma oluncane ukuze bafinyelele kumuntu ojabulayo? Ngabe kungenzeka yini ukuthi labo abangashadile babe nezidingo ezinjalo? ” UDkt Fabello uyabuza.

Ngakho-ke izinkulungwane zeminyaka, asikho isidingo sokushiya phansi impilo engenabulili, edabukisayo

Ukuntuleka kwesifiso sobulili akuyona inkinga engokwemvelo, kepha ukucabanga ukuthi ucansi oluvamile luyadingeka empilweni ejabulisayo cishe kunjalo.

Kucatshangwa, uDkt. Fabello uphawula, ukuthi ekugcineni akusizi. "Impilo yobudlelwano iningi kakhulu maqondana nokuthi izidingo zabo bonke abantu ziyahlangatshezwa yini noma cha kunokuthi kucatshangwe ukuthi abantu bezocansi kufanele babe nabo," esho.

Esikhundleni sokukhathazeka ngokuthi ngabe izinkulungwane zeminyaka ziyasebenza yini noma cha, kungaba kuhle ukubuza ukuthi kungani sigcizelela kakhulu ezocansi kwasekuqaleni. Ingabe isithako esibaluleke kunazo zonke sokusondelana ngokomzwelo nokuphila kahle? Uma kunjalo, kusamele ngiqiniseke.

Kungenzeka yini ukuthi ukuhamba ngaphandle kocansi kumane nje kuyingxenye yokwehla nokugeleza kolwazi lwethu lomuntu?

Kubukeka silithathe kancane iqiniso lokuthi ngokwenza abantu bakholwe ukuthi ucansi luyinto ebalulekile empilweni, siphinde sibeke abantu ekutheni bakholelwe ukuthi abanakho ukusebenza futhi baphukile ngaphandle kwako - okungasho lutho.

Emehlweni kaDkt. Fabello, abukho futhi ubufakazi bokuthi lokhu kwehla kuyethusa futhi. “Noma nini lapho kwehla kakhulu noma kukhuphuka kunoma yimuphi umkhuba, abantu bayakhathazeka. Kodwa asikho isizathu sokukhathazeka, "kusho uDkt. Fabello.

Uyanezela: "Umhlaba osuzuzwe yizinkulungwane zeminyaka uhluke kakhulu kunabazali babo noma ugogo nomkhulu wabo." "Yebo, ukuthi bazulazula kanjani kulomhlaba kungabukeka kwehlukile."

Ngamanye amazwi, uma kungaphukile? Kungenzeka kungabi nalutho olungalungiswa.

USam Dylan Finch ungummeli ohamba phambili kwezempilo yengqondo ye-LGBTQ, njengoba esethole ukuqashelwa emhlabeni jikelele ngebhulogi yakhe, i-Let Queer Things Up!, Eyaqala ukusabalala ngo-2014. ubunikazi be-transgender, ukukhubazeka, ezombusazwe kanye nomthetho, nokunye okuningi. Ukuletha ubuchwepheshe bakhe obuhlangene kwezempilo yomphakathi nakwimidiya yedijithali, uSam njengamanje usebenza njengomhleli wezenhlalo eHealthline.