Le ndlela eyizinyathelo ezi-5 izokusiza ukuthi uguqule amaphethini emizwa angasebenzi

-Delile

• Iyini indlela yeShift Stirrer, Ngokuqondile?
• Indlela Eyakhiwe Kanjani
• Okwenza Kukhetheke
• Okucatshangwa Abelaphi Nge-Shift I-stirrer Indlela
• Buyekeza kwe-

Ngabe ufuna ukungena ezweni lakho elingokomzwelo kancane ngo-2021? Abantu abaningi (ikakhulukazi labo abangakafiki ekwelashweni) banenkinga yokuthola imizwa nokukhomba ukuthi izinto ezithile zivelaphi. UTinamarie Clark - imodeli, umama, nombhali manje - ufuna ukukushintsha lokho.

UClark udale iShift Stirrer Method njengendlela yokufinyelela imizwa enzima nokunciphisa izinto ezibangela imizwa, futhi ngemuva kokuyisebenzisa uqobo amashumi amabili eminyaka, wayiphendula yaba yincwadi yokusebenza abelana ngayo nabantu.

Iyini indlela yeShift Stirrer, Ngokuqondile?

I-Shift Stirrer Method isebenzisa indlela kaClark yokucabanga ngezinyathelo ezinhlanu "ukuguqula amaphethini emicabango engemihle futhi ikhawulele izinkolelo zibe yilezo ezinikeza amandla." Inhloso yonke ukugqugquzela abesifazane ukuthi bazixhume ngokujule ngokwabo nakwabanye, kusho uClark.

Le ndlela iyatholakala ukuthi ithengiswe ngefomu yebhuku lokusebenza (kungaba ngedijithali noma ngokomzimba) - futhi yehlukaniswe yaba izigaba ezinhlanu ngokwazisa okusebenzisanayo. Nakhu okuyisisekelo, ukuhlukaniswa kwesinyathelo ngesinyathelo kwesu:

• Hlanganisa: Yazi ukuthi kukhona isiyaluyalu ngaphakathi kuwe futhi wakhe ukuzazi eduze kwakho. Khomba imizwa yakho bese uyabela amagama (uthukuthele, ucasukile, ukhathazekile, unamahloni, ucasukile, awunasineke, uzwela, uyazivikela, njll.).
• Hlala: Hlala nalokho okuzwayo futhi uqaphele ukuthi yini ezayo ngawe. Dala isikhala ukuze sibe nje. Zinike isikhathi ungenzi lutho. Khululeka lapho uzizwa ungakhululekile.
• Hlunga: Hlola ukuthi kwenzekani ngempela engqondweni nasemzimbeni wakho, nokuthi imiphi imicabango onayo mayelana nokwenzekile noma indlela ozizwa ngayo. Letha imicabango yokukhiqiza phambili uyeke amandla amabi. Yilapho uthatha ubunikazi ngokugcwele bokungasebenzi kahle okulethile endabeni. (Cabanga: ukuhlanekezelwa kwengqondo, ukulandisa okungelona iqiniso, imicabango esontekile - isihlungi, ubandlululo, noma umthwalo owulethayo kulwazi.)
• Yabelana: Yabelana ngendaba eshukumisayo futhi uhlunge ngokuxoxa indaba ethembekile. Kwembulwani ngesefa? UClark ukukhuthaza ukuthi ukhethe umuntu omthembayo ngempela lapho wabelana.
• Shift: Sungula ukuxhumeka kwangempela. Uma wabelana ngeqiniso lakho, uvula ingosi yamashifu. Thatha uhlu lwalokho okufundile kule nqubo. Bungaza okwenzile futhi uhloniphe umsebenzi ongenile kukho.

Indlela Eyakhiwe Kanjani

UClark uzoba ngumuntu wokuqala ukukutshela ukuthi akayena umelaphi - kepha uthole indlela emsebenzelayo, futhi ufuna ukuhlanganyela nabanye lokho. Lokho okungenzeka akanakho iziqinisekiso akwenza nakho ngesipiliyoni sempilo, uthando, uzwelo, namandla ahlukile (okungukuthi, i-TBH, ongayizwa ngokushesha lapho uxoxa naye). Uma uke waba nobuso nobuso nomngane, udadewenu, noma umeluleki onawo lawo mandla "omphefumulo omdala" - umuntu okushiya uzizwa uthandwa futhi unikwe amandla - yilokho okufana ukuxhumana noClark. Ufana nomngane obone okuthile sh*t, onqobe okuningi, futhi udlulisela ukubekezela kuwe.

Ukukhula eSigabeni 8 sezindlu ePhiladelphia emndenini owawudla imbuya ngothi, uClark uchaza ukukhuliswa okunzima lapho kwakufanele "azivikele ngokomzwelo" ukuze aphile. Ingxenye yale ndlela ukufunda "ukubeka phansi inkemba bese ukhumula izikhali," esho.

Lapho uClark eqala umsebenzi wakhe wokumodela, waba nomzuzwana owakhuthaza le nqubo; waphelelwa umsebenzi ngemva kokuxabana nenye insizwa emodelayo futhi wabona ukuthi kufanele abone ukuthi yini ebangela ukuba alahlekelwe ukuphola kwakhe kalula kanjalo. Uthi unina wamkhuthaza ukuba abheke ngaphakathi, futhi izingcezu ezincane zale ndlela zaqala ukucwebezela. Ngokwenza eyakhe inguqulo yokunyakazisa, ukuhlala, ukusefa, ukwabelana, nokugudluza, wabhekana noshintsho lomuntu siqu. Lapho esekhulile, waqaphela ukuthi unokuthile okunamandla ayengabelana ngakho nabanye, futhi ngemva kokusebenza nomqeqeshi eminyakeni embalwa edlule, wanquma ukuthi wayengafuni ukukugcina kuye. Ngakho-ke, kwazalwa umqondo wencwadi yomsebenzi.

Okwenza Kukhetheke

Ngaphambi kokuba ngixoxe noClark, iqembu lakhe langinika ukufinyelela kwincwadi yokusebenza yeShift Stirrer Method. Futhi ukuthembeka ngokuphelele, bengingafuni ukukwenza. Hhayi ukuthi bengingajabuli ngokubhala, ukuhlola imizwa, noma ukucwaninga ngohlaka olusha lwezempilo yengqondo, kodwa i-ego yami nengqondo yawenqaba ngempela lo mbono. Kukhona ukugcizelelwa kule ndlela "ekuphatheni okubi kwakho," kanye nokuziphendulela ngalokho okungalungile okungenzeka ubambelele kukho. Kufanele umbe ezintweni ezingazizwa zikhulu kangako, futhi ukwenqaba kwami ​​okungazi lutho ngalo mkhuba ongathandeki kuboniswe ngokuzindela okukhulu.

Kepha lokho empeleni kuyingxenye yomlingo ekwenzeni lo msebenzi - futhi, ngokusho kukaClark, ukusabela okujwayelekile. "Ukuvumela ukuhlala nemizwa eluhlaza engapholisiwe kuyisenzo sesibindi," esho. "Akuwona umsebenzi olula lo." (Okuhlobene: Kungani Uzizwa Ngokwenyama Njenge-Shit Ngemuva Kokwelapha, Kuchazwa Ngezinzuzo Zempilo Yengqondo)

UClark ukhombisa umqondo wokususa izembatho zomzimba nge-Samurai vignette ngesikhathi sesinyathelo "sokuhlala" sendlela. "Amasosha ama-Samurai aqeqeshiwe ukuthi angalokothi abe sesikhundleni sokuhambisa," esho. "Kodwa bephuza itiye nabaholi bomphakathi wabo, bahlala endaweni ebizwa nge-seiza. Ngale ndlela, ama-Samurai awakwazi ukushesha adonse inkemba yawo; ahleli endaweni yokuzinikela, ngaphandle kokuzivikela."

Ukuhlala ngomzwelo oshukumisayo, oshisayo, noma omubi ngaphandle kokusabela kuwumgomo wakhe ngalesi sigaba sendlela. "Kubeka inkemba phansi," kuchaza yena. "Ngiyazi ukuthi ingabhubhisa kanjani" inkemba ", nokuthi ukuziqhenya kwami ​​kungangena kangakanani ekuzameni ukungivikela - kodwa bengikhathele ukuhlanza [imiphumela] ekukhipheni inkemba ngokushesha okukhulu ngaso sonke isikhathi."

Uma ukuphinda usebenze ngokomzwelo kuyinto ozabalaza nayo noma uma uzithola usemaphethini aphindaphindiwe, lesi sinyathelo sendlela singaba usizo ngokukhethekile. "Sithatha izindaba zakudala, futhi siyazikopisha futhi sizinamathisele; sizifaka esimweni sethu samanje nobudlelwano," kusho uClark.

Isibonelo, uzithole esephethini eliphindaphindwayo nomngani wakhe ambiza ngokuthi "No-Show Chlo." Uchaze umngani wakhe (amthandayo) njengophaphathekile futhi ongafaki isikhathi noma umzamo wokumbona. Ekugcineni, waqaphela ukuthi wayengamthukuthelele u-Chloe - wayekhiphe injabulo yakhe ngaphandle, futhi wayenenkolelo elinganiselwe yokuthi uma lo mngane engabonakali, kusho ukuthi wayengamthandi. (Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Ukuthi Unobungane Obuyingozi)

Lapho esewenzile umsebenzi wokuhlala emizwelweni yakhe, ebuza ukuthi kungani ezizwa ngale ndlela, “wakhulula [uChloe] emsebenzini wakhe wokuba into ethile, wabe esemenza uzibuthe kimi ngokwengeziwe,” kuchaza uClark. "Kubuguqule kakhulu ubudlelwano bethu." Lokhu kwakuyiphethini ephindaphindiwe yemizwa yokuzizwa engafaneleki lapho ekhula ayeyifake ebudaleni engazi.

UClark wazifundisa ukubeka phansi inkemba futhi akhumule izikhali, futhi wabelane ngendlela yakhe yokwenza kanjalo nge-Shift Stirrer Method, ukuze noma ubani azizame ngokwakhe.

Okucatshangwa Abelaphi Nge-Shift I-stirrer Indlela

Sekukonke, leli phephabhuku liyisiqalo esihle somsebenzi othinta inhliziyo, kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJennifer Musselman, M.A., L.M.F.T., umsunguli we-The Musselman Institute for Leadership Insight & Marriage Therapy. Emhlabeni wezokwelapha, lokhu kufana nokufunda ama-ABC. “Kuyisinyathelo sokuqala esihle, esiyisisekelo sokuqwashisa noma ukuzithuthukisa, ikakhulukazi kulabo abangenzanga kakhulu ukuzithuthukisa komuntu siqu noma ukwelashwa,” usho kanje.

Ngokuvamile, abantu abaningi babi kakhulu ekuboneni nasekusebenziseni imizwa - ikakhulukazi engemihle, kusho u-Elizabeth Cohen, Ph.D., isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo somtholampilo esigxile ekwelashweni kokuziphatha nokuziphatha. Le ndlela yokushicilela, ukuzindla, nokuzitholela yona ilungile ngesikhathi se-COVID, futhi ikakhulukazi phakathi nezinsuku zasebusika ezifushane nezibandayo lapho abantu abaningi bevame ukuzizwa bebodwa, benesizungu, futhi becindezelekile, uyanezela.

U-Cohen uthi i-Shift Stirrer Method imkhumbuza "ngohlelo lokutakula i-AA," ngoba "uthatha uhlu lwansuku zonke lwalokho okwenzile, nokuthi ungase ufune ukushintsha kanjani," uyachaza. "Ubheka lokho abakubiza ngokuthi uhlamvu lwakho 'njengamaphutha' - igama elibi - bese uyakhombisa. Lokhu kuzibonakalisa kuhle impela, futhi ukuzwana nobungane [obhekene nabo] kuhle impela." Uphawula ukuthi lolu hlobo "lokwelashwa kokwamukela nokuzibophezela kuwukwelashwa okusekelwe ebufakazini kokukhathazeka nokudangala."

Lokhu kunikeza "indlela evumayo yokusiza abantu ukuthi bathole ukuqonda maqondana nezindlela eziqhubekayo zobudlelwano bokuphikisana (noma i-CCRP)," kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Forrest Talley, Ph.D., umsunguli we-Invictus Psychological Services eFolsom, CA. I-CCRP ngumqondo osetshenziselwa ukucabanga nokuhlaziya izindlela zobudlelwano bomuntu eziphindaphindayo (ngokwamagama kaClark, lokhu empeleni kuyindlela yokuziphatha "yokukopisha nokunamathisela"). U-Talley uphinde wathi wahlabeka umxhwele lapho eqala ukufunda iphephabhuku lika-Clark ngoba "ugxile ekucabangeni okuqondisiwe (ekhetha ukungqubuzana bese eyivumela ukuba idlule engqondweni njengokungathi ifilimu), ehambisana nezinyathelo ezihlelwe ngokucacile zokuzihlola."

"Konke lokhu kungishaya njengeseluleko esihle kakhulu," kusho uTalley. "Ngaphezu kwalokho, okubhaliwe kucacile futhi kufushane ngokunengqondo futhi amaphepha okusebenzela anikeza imibono eshukumisa ingqondo."

Nakuba bobathathu abelaphi bevuma umbono wencwadi yokusebenzela ye-SSM njengesinyathelo sokuqala, bonke bayavuma ukuthi kufanele uqhubeke ngokuqapha uma uhlangabezane nokuhlukumezeka. “Kuno-T omkhulu no-T omncane,” kuchaza uMusselman. "IBig T ifana nokudlwengulwa, impi, njll. Le ncwadi yokusebenza ingaphinda ihlukumeze umuntu oneBig T. Iphinde ibeke icala kumfundi, kube sengathi zonke izinkolelo zakhe, imizwa yakhe, bese kuba nezinkolelo ezingumphumela wazo zingamanga. Lokho kuyalimaza kakhulu 'Kuncane' [njengezinkinga zezimali noma ezingokomthetho, isehlukaniso noma ukuhlukana okubuhlungu, njll.] kungase kwembulwe kahle kule ncwadi, futhi lokho kuhle. Kodwa-ke, wenzani ngakho?"

UCohen unikeza into efanayo ethi "njengomelaphi osebenza ngokuhlukumezeka, sivumela abantu bangene kokungasebenzi nokuthi bafuna ukulungisa ini, kepha sihlala sibabeka kulokho abakwenzayo kahle," kuchaza yena. "Ngaleyo ndlela, lokhu akubophekile ngokwanele, futhi [kulabo abake babhekana nokuhlukumezeka], ngingakhuthaza uhlobo oluthile lokucabanga ukuthi usukhule kangakanani."

Ngaleyo ndlela, uDkt. Talley ukholelwa ukuthi lena kungaba ibhuku lokusebenza elingumngane omuhle wokuqonda okwengeziwe - njengokwelashwa kwangempela, noma uhlelo oluhambisanayo.

Uma unolwazi lokwelashwa, ikakhulukazi ukwelashwa kokuziphatha kwengqondo, uMusselman uthi lokhu kuzozwakala kujwayelekile. Uma ungakakwenzi, "wonke umuntu kufanele aqale kwenye indawo," uyachaza, aqaphele ukuthi kubalulekile ukugcizelela ukuthi lokhu akuyona indawo yokwelashwa.

Ngokuya ngamajenali, lena inamandla amakhulu. Amandla, umcabango, nothando okulethwe nguClark kwenza indlela enhle kakhulu (yize inzima!), Futhi uma kuhlanganiswa nokwelashwa okuthile noma ukuholwa ngokomtholampilo, lokhu kungaguqula ngokuphelele ukwenza kwakho ngokomzwelo.

Buyekeza kwe-