Nikeza Ukuthula Ithuba: Izimbangela Zembangi Yezingane Nezisombululo

-Delile

• Uyini umbango wezelamani?
• Yini ebanga umbango wezelamani?
• Izibonelo zombango wezelamani
• Ungaziphatha kanjani izimpi
• Ukusiza ukuvumelana
• Ukufundwa okunconyiwe
• Ukuthatha

Sifaka imikhiqizo esicabanga ukuthi ilusizo kubafundi bethu. Uma uthenga ngezixhumanisi ezikuleli khasi, singathola ikhomishini encane. Nansi inqubo yethu.

Uma uthenga okuthile ngesixhumanisi kuleli khasi, singathola ikhomishini encane. Kusebenza kanjani lokhu.

Wonke umzali wezingane ezingaphezu kweyodwa uphupha enkulu uma kukhulunywa ngokukhulisa izingane zakwabo: Sibona izingane zethu zihlanganyela izingubo namathoyizi, zigqoke izingubo ezifanayo ezithombeni zeholide, futhi zivikelana kwabahlukumezi enkundleni yokudlala. Ngokuyisisekelo, silindele ukuthi babe ngama-BFF angokoqobo.

Iqiniso yilokhu, noma kunjalo: Uma ukhulisa izingane ezimbili noma ngaphezulu, ubhekene nobuntu nobuntu obuhlukile. Kuzoba khona ukuncintisana. Kuzoba nomona nentukuthelo. Kuzoba nezimpi, kanti ezinye zizoba khona okukhulu.

Ngakho-ke yini wena, njengomzali, ongayenza ukuhlwanyela imbewu ethile yokuthula? Nakhu konke odinga ukukwazi mayelana nemithombo yombango wezelamani - nokuthi ungazisiza kanjani izingane zakho ziziphathe njengabangani futhi zingafani nezitha ezifayo.

Uyini umbango wezelamani?

Umbango wabazalwane uchaza ukungqubuzana okuqhubekayo phakathi kwezingane ezikhuliswe emndenini owodwa. Kungenzeka phakathi kwezelamani ezihlobene negazi, izingane zakubo, ngisho nezingane zakubo zokutholwa noma zokutholwa. Kungathatha uhlobo lwe:

• ukulwa ngamazwi noma ngokomzimba
• ukubiza ngamagama
• ukuhilizisana nokuxabana
• ukuba semncintiswaneni oqhubekayo wokubhekelwa ngabazali
• ukuveza imizwa yomona

Kuyacindezela kumama noma kubaba, kepha kuyinto ejwayelekile ngokuphelele - sikuphonsela inselelo yokuthola umzali emhlabeni ongazange abhekane nakho!

Yini ebanga umbango wezelamani?

Masibe neqiniso: Kwesinye isikhathi uzizwa sengathi ukhetha ukulwa nomlingani wakho noma umlingani wakho, akunjalo? Impela uyakwenza! Uhlala nabo 24/7. Izibopho zomndeni eziboshwe kahle ziyinto enhle, kepha futhi zingazala inani lokucasuka elijwayelekile komunye nomunye.

Kwenzeka okufanayo phakathi kwezelamani, futhi ngoba ubhekene nabantu abancane abangakhuli kahle, lokho kucasulwa kungahlanganiswa nezinye izinto ezimbalwa:

• Izinguquko ezinkulu empilweni. Ukuthuthela ekhaya elisha? Ngabe ulindele ingane entsha? Ukuthola isehlukaniso? Le micimbi icindezela abazali nezingane ngokufanayo, futhi izingane eziningi zikhipha ukukhathazeka nezinkathazo zazo kwelitshe eliseduze (okungukuthi, udadewabo omncane).
• Iminyaka nezigaba. Wake wabukela ingane encane ibeka phansi ingane yabo empofu, engalindele? Kunezigaba ezithile zokuthuthuka lapho umbango wezelamani ubi kakhulu, njengalapho izingane zombili zingaphansi kweminyaka engu-4 noma kunezikhala ezinkulu noma ezincane ikakhulukazi phakathi kwezelamani.
• Umona. Ingane yakho eneminyaka emithathu ubudala idwebe isithombe esihle enkulisa futhi wayincoma ngaso… manje ingane yakubo endala isongela ukusiklebhula. Kungani? Bazizwa benomona ngokunconywa.
• Umuntu ngamunye. Izingane zinokuthambekela kwemvelo kokuzihlukanisa, kufaka phakathi okuvela ezinganeni zakubo. Lokhu kungasusa imincintiswano ukubona ukuthi ngubani ongakha umbhoshongo omude, agijimise imoto eshesha kakhulu, noma adle ama-waffles amaningi. Kungabonakala njengokuncane kuwe, kepha kuzwakala kubaluleke kakhulu kubo.
• Ukuntuleka kwamakhono okusombulula izingxabano. Uma izingane zakho zihlala zikubona wena nozakwenu nilwa ngezwi elikhulu noma elinolaka, bangase balingise leyo ndlela yokuziphatha. Empeleni kungenzeka bangayazi enye indlela yokusingatha izingxabano zabo.
• Amandla omndeni. Uma ingane eyodwa inesifo esingelapheki noma izidingo ezikhethekile, yelashwa ngendlela ehlukile ngenxa yohlelo lokuzalwa, noma iqiniswe imikhuba emibi, ingalahla indlela wonke umuntu emndenini axhumana ngayo futhi aphathane ngayo.

Ngaphambi kokuthi uqale uzisole ngakho konke ukukhetha kokuphila okwenzile okudale ukuthi izingane zakho zizondane nsuku zonke, phefumula kakhulu. Izelamani zizolwa, noma ngabe ngaphandle kokuphazanyiswa kwakho.

Ukukhetha kwakho kungaba nomthelela noma kubhebhethekise umbango wezelamani okhona, kepha kungenzeka ukuthi awudalanga ngqo izingane zakho ukuthi zincintisane. Futhi, noma ngabe wenzani, awukwazi ukukuyeka ngokuphelele.

Lokho kusho, lapho kukhona isimilo sabazali esingakhuphula umbango wezelamani. Uma wenza noma ikuphi kokulandelayo (noma ungazi), ungahle uzibekele wena nezingane zakho - ukuthola ama-angst amaningi:

• hlala uncoma ingane eyodwa futhi ugxeke enye
• phikisana nezingane zakho ngokuncintisana
• nikeza izindima ezithile zomndeni (“uJulia ungungqondongqondo wezibalo, kanti uBenjamin ungumculi.”)
• ngokucacile unake kakhulu izidingo nezintshisekelo zengane eyodwa

Izibonelo zombango wezelamani

Ngabe ukubangisana kwezelamani empeleni kubukeka kanjani? Nazi izindlela ezimbalwa ezingenzeka ekhaya lakho.

1. Indodana yakho eneminyaka emithathu "ngephutha" ihleli kumfowabo wengane enezinyanga ezimbili ubudala ngenkathi ilele kumata wokudlala. Uma ubuza indodana yakho endala ukuthi kwenzekeni, ithi, “Angiyithandi ingane! Angisafuni ahlale lapha. ”
2. Umzuzu owodwa, amadodakazi enu aneminyaka emi-5 nengu-7 ubudala adlala ngokujabula nezitimela zawo, futhi ngomzuzu olandelayo bayamemeza ngokuthi ubani ozosunduza isitimela esiluhlaza ezungeza umzila. Ngesikhathi ufika egumbini labo lokulala, bayakhala futhi bayenqaba ukudlala ngomunye nomunye.
3. Ngemuva kokudla kwakusihlwa, izingane zakho ezintathu (ezineminyaka engu-6, 9, no-11) ziqala ukuphikisana ngokuthi yini okufanele ibukwe ku-TV ngaphambi kokulala. Akukho ukuvumelana; ingane ngayinye icabanga ukuthi ukukhetha kwayo kufanele "kunqobe."

Ungaziphatha kanjani izimpi

Ngokusho kukaNemours, lapho kuqubuka impi phakathi kwezingane zakho, kufanele uzame ukuphuma kuyo ngangokunokwenzeka. Izingane zakho ngeke zifunde ukuthi zingabonisana kanjani ngezingxabano zazo uma uhlala uphazamisa futhi udlala umenzi wokuthula.

Ngasikhathi sinye, izingane zakho zizofunda kuphela ukuthi zingalusingatha kanjani udweshu ngokufanele uma zibona ukuxazululwa kwezingxabano kusebenza (okusho ukuthi, zikufunda kuwe), kanti ezinye izingane zincane kakhulu ukuthi zingazulazula noma kunjalo. Nakhu ukuthi ungamodela kanjani ukuxazulula izingxabano ezibonelweni ezinikezwe esigabeni esedlule.

1. Gcina izinto zilula. Mhlawumbe ungathi, “Umfowenu uyingxenye yomndeni wethu, futhi sidinga ukunakekela abantu emndenini wethu.” Susa ingane yakho endala (noma ingane yakho) egumbini kuze kube yilapho ingane yakho eneminyaka emithathu izolile. Kamuva, ungahle uthande ukudambisa ukungazethembi kwendodana yakho endala ngokumnikeza ukunakekela komuntu ngamunye noma ukumkhuthaza ukuba akhulume ngazo zonke izinto ezimnandi athemba ukuzenza nomfowabo ongumntwana njengoba ekhula.
2. Ngesizathu esithile, isitimela esiluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka sithathwa ngokuthi "singcono," kepha asikwazi ukuba sezindaweni ezimbili ngasikhathi sinye. Amadodakazi akho anokukhetha: Bangabelana ngesitimela esiluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka noma basilahlekele. Yethula ngomoya ophansi lokhu kukhetha, bese ubanquma. Uma ukulwa kuqhubeka, vele uthathe isitimela esiluhlaza. Uma befika esivumelwaneni sokungabaza, bakhumbuze ukuthi noma yikuphi ukulwa okuqhubekayo kuzoholela konke zezitimela ezithatha “isikhathi sokuphuma.”
3. Ngalesi sikhathi, izingane zakho zingabamba iqhaza engxenyeni edala isisombululo yokuxazulula izingxabano. Mhlawumbe uthi, “Kubukeka sengathi anikwazi ukuvumelana ngokuthi yini enizoyibuka. Kufanele Mina khetha okuthile? ” Lapho bebhikisha, banikeze ithuba elilodwa lokuthi bazisebenzele ngokwabo (isb., Ukuhlukanisa isikhathi se-TV phakathi kwamapiki noma ukwabela umuntu ngamunye “ubusuku bokukhetha i-TV”). Asikho isivumelwano esinokuthula emizuzwini emi-5 esisho ukuthi akukho TV, isikhathi.

Intambo ejwayelekile kulezi zimo ukuthi wena, njengomzali, uthatha indima yokuba ngumeluleki we-sideline, hhayi onompempe enkundleni. Lapho ukhuthaza ukuxazululwa kwezingxabano phakathi kwezingane zakho, kubalulekile uku:

• gwema ukuthatha uhlangothi - ngaphandle kokuthi ubone ingane eyodwa ilimaza enye ngaphandle kokucasulwa, wonke umuntu obambe iqhaza kule mpi uthatha ezinye isabelo sokusolwa
• khuthaza isisombululo esizuzisa wonke umuntu, noma ngabe sifaka ukuvumelana okuthile
• setha imingcele, njengokungabizi amagama noma ukuthintana ngokomzimba ("Ungasho ukuthi uyahlanya, kodwa awukwazi ukushaya udadewenu.")
• fundisa ukuzwelana, ukhuthaze izingane zakho ukuba zizifake ezicathulweni zakwabo ("Khumbula ukuthi uPatrick wayengeke abelane nawe ngencwadi yakhe yokufaka imibala izolo? Kukuzwise kanjani lokho?")
• gwema ukudlala izintandokazi, njengoba izingane zizobona uma uhlala uyingane yakho encane noma ukholwa yinguqulo yengane yakho endala yendaba

Ukusiza ukuvumelana

Khumbula, mhlawumbe awuzange imbangela Umbango wezelamani phakathi kwezingane zakho - kepha ungahle uwenze ube mubi ngokwengeziwe. Ngokujabulisayo, kunezindlela ezimbalwa ezilula zokuqhakambisa ubuhlobo obuningi endlini yakho.

Awukwazi ukuyimisa ngokuphelele, kepha ukusebenzisa lezi zindlela zokukhulisa izingane kunganciphisa ukuthi izingane zakho zilwa kangaki.

• Khohlwa okwaziyo "ngokulunga." Uma zonke izingane zehlukile, ukuthi ungumzali kanjani zonke izingane kufanele zehluke, nazo. Ingane eyodwa ingadinga uhlobo olwehlukile lokunakwa, umthwalo wemfanelo, nesiyalo ukuze ichume kunenye.
• Beka kuqala isikhathi esisodwa. Nsuku zonke, zama ukunikela ngemizuzu embalwa ukuhlola ingane ngayinye yakho. Bese, masonto onke noma ngenyanga, zama ukuchitha “isikhathi sodwa” nenza umsebenzi owuthandayo ndawonye.
• Thuthukisa isiko leqembu emndenini wakho. Lapho abazali nezingane zakwethu besebenza njengeqembu elisebenzela izinhloso ezifanayo, amalungu ajwayele ukuzwana kangcono futhi angancintisani kakhulu.
• Nikeza wonke umuntu isikhala. Uma izingane zakho zihlanganyela ikamelo lokulala, khetha izindawo zasendlini lapho zingabuyela khona ngamunye ukuze zithole ikhefu komunye nomunye.
• Yethula imihlangano yomndeni. Leli yithuba elihle lawo wonke amalungu omndeni ukuthi afake izikhalazo, anikeze izixazululo, futhi asebenze ngezingxabano kude nokushisa okwamanje.

Ukufundwa okunconyiwe

Ufuna ukufunda kabanzi mayelana nombango wezelamani? Thenga lezi zincwadi online:

• "Izelamani Ngaphandle Kokuphikisana: Ungazisiza Kanjani Izingane Zakho Ziphile Ndawonye Ukuze Niphile Nani" ngu-Adele Faber no-Elaine Mazlish. Yabelana ngamathiphu awusizo okunciphisa inani lezingxabano ekhaya lakho nokwazisa amathalente nobuntu bengane ngayinye.
• "Umzali Onokuthula, Izelamani Ezijabule: Ungamisa Kanjani Ukulwa Futhi Ukhulise Abangane Ukuphila Konke" nguDkt Laura Markham. Yethula izindlela zokungasekeli ubungane bezelamani kuphela kepha iphinde isekele izidingo zezingane ngazinye.
• "Ngaphandle Kombango Wobuzalwane: Ungazisiza Kanjani Izingane Zakho Zibe Nokubambisana, Ukunakekela, Nokuhawukela" nguDkt. Peter Goldenthal. Izelamani zomntanakho zingontanga yazo yokuqala- ukufunda indlela yokuxazulula izingxabano ekhaya kusiza izingane zibe namakhono okubhekana kangcono ngaphandle kwekhaya, futhi.
• "Ukuqeda Ukuphikisana Kwabakwethu: Ukuhambisa Izingane Zakho Ukusuka Empini Kuya Ekuthuleni" nguSarah Hamaker. Uma ukhathele ngakho konke ukukhala, ukuhlekisa, ukulwa nokuxabana, le ncwadi ikukhombisa ukuthi ungayeka kanjani ukukhungatheka bese uqala ukusiza izingane zakho zizwane kangcono.
• "Izelamani: Ungasingatha Kanjani Ukuphikisana Kwabazalwane Ukwakha Izibopho Zokuphila Konke" nguLinda Blair. Njengoba umbango wezelamani ungenakugwenywa, lo mbhali uthi, kungani ungawuphenduli ube yinto eyakhayo? Ilungele abazali abacabanga ukuthi ukuhlupheka okuncane kudala isimilo.

Ukuthatha

Izingane zakho zizolwa. Mhlawumbe akulona iphutha lakho, kepha uma ukulwa kudlulela ngokweqile noma kuphazamisa ukuzwana kwasekhaya, sekuyisikhathi sokubheka ukuthi izingxabano zenziwa kanjani futhi zixazululwe kanjani emndenini wakho.

Ngokuvamile kunezindlela ezincane ongalungisa ngazo izindlela zakho zokuba ngumzali ukukhuthaza ukubambisana okungcono phakathi kwezingane zakho. Futhi uma udinga usizo olwengeziwe, ungathintana nodokotela wezingane noma owelapha imindeni ngamathiphu amaningi.